*Author's Note*
This story was written after the subject of "butt confession" of was brought up in a conversation with Bridget Regan at Space City Comic Con in July. She said she thought it was theoretically possible, though she hadn't thought of it and would like to see how I would do it. So this is for Bridget and I really hope you like it. (I swear I did not mean for it to be this long, but I had this story just pooling in my brain and if I didn't get it out, I was going to die.)
Kahlan had been quiet for days, something the others had expected, but for one of them, the silence was maddening. He had told her everything that had happened and now, he wondered if it was the right thing to do. She spent a day with her sister before they headed out and he could only imagine what she had shared. The possibilities filled his mind. As they walked down a narrow path and his eyes focused on her figure several paces before, he began imagining what was going through her mind.
The night he shared with the other woman, the body of Kahlan, but the heart and mind of no one he knew, had been filled with pleasures he had never known. The memory lingered with him as he closed his eyes each night, making him question if she spent time trying to remember. She had been skilled in a way he couldn't imagine and he longed for it to happen again. Would she allow him to be close to her again?
"We should set up camp, it will be dark soon," Zedd said cheerfully, almost as though he was clueless as to what was happening around him. "Cara, catch us something to eat, will you? I'm starving!"
"I'll gather firewood," Kahlan volunteered, speaking for the fifth time of the day.
Stepping forward, Richard gave a smile and offered her his hand. "Would you like some help?" Nodding, the brunette smiled back and they walked together into the trees. Silence followed them through the trees and it was driving him insane. She didn't appear to be upset, only lost in thought. "Are you all right?" he asked after several minutes of gathering.
"Yes, I am fine." Coming to a stop, she turned and met his eyes in confusion. "Why do you ask?"
"You haven't said very much lately."
"I know, I'm sorry. I have found it difficult to quiet my mind."
Taking a step closer, he tried to read her expression, wishing he knew how she felt. "What are you thinking about?"
"I think you know," she answered softly. "Richard, I-"
His lips were upon hers within a breath as his firewood fell to the ground. Wrapping her in his arms, he pulled her close and held her firmly. The warmth between them burned hotter than a fire and neither wanted it to end. Her arms circled around his neck and just as quickly her fingers pushed into his hair. Her magic flowed to the surface, dancing just beneath her skin. She didn't pull back as it began to boil, needing to feel close to someone. She had felt lost since her return to their world and in this moment, she had never felt anything more comforting.
The hold he had on her began to tighten and suddenly she felt herself overcome with sadness. Breaking their kiss, she turned her head, but instead of pulling away, she lowered her arms and circled his waist. Hugging herself to him, she sucked in one ragged breath after another, hoping to stop her tears. His heart was racing, pounding against her ear and though the urge to look up at him was strong, she was too afraid meet his eyes.
"What's wrong?"
Shaking her head, he found it impossible to hide her tears and just as easily as she pushed into his arms, she moved away. Wiping her cheeks, she swallowed back a soft cry, knowing that it would give her away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"Why not? Kahlan we don't have to fight this any longer."
"How can you say that? You know what I could do to you! If I had stayed close to you for another breath, you could have been lost!"
Richard brushed his fingers through his hair, pushing it from his face as he took three steps toward her. "You would never hurt me. You didn't-"
"What?! When we laid together days ago? Richard, I- It wasn't me."
"I know," he whispered, barely audible. "Spirits, I know, but I can't erase what I did. You can be angry at me for all of time, but I cannot undo it. I can't change what happened."
Continuing to stare into the darkness, Kahlan found her breath. "No, you can't. We can never be together, Richard."
"Don't say that. You can't give up-"
"If I don't end this now, this will be the least of the pain. You've already had me, there is nothing more."
Without hesitation, Richard reached out for her. Taking hold, he spun her around to face him, keeping his fingers tightly wrapped around her arms. "No, Ka-"
"Let me go," she said through a whisper as she pulled back, trying to escape his grasp. "Richard, let go."
Holding still, he kept his eyes on her. "I can't. If I let go right now, your mind will turn into your enemy. I won't let this hurt you. Kahlan, you don't understand how much I wish I could go back to that night. I don't want to relive it, but stop myself. I thought it was you and I was foolish. I know the woman that you are and the man I was that night, he's not someone I want you to know."
Confused, she tilted her head, almost bringing a smile to his lips at her typical response. "I don't understand."
"That night, had it truly been you I laid with, I- I thought it was my one chance to show you how I felt. I wanted you to feel my love for you and I desperately wanted to feel yours. "He smiled for a moment and the way it reached his eyes told her he was not thinking of the other woman, but the one before him. "I wanted you, not someone with your body. I wanted to love you because- Kahlan, I now know what it feels like to want to be with someone and not for the pleasure, but to show and prove my love. That night, as pleasurable as it was, thinking I was with you, it pains me now to have been with one more person before you." Releasing his hold on her, he took a step back and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. "I cannot take back what I did with her and I am sorry I hurt you, but I need you to know that was not my intention. I only wanted you to know how much I loved you."
Her heart was racing, pounding so hard, she feared she would watch it rip from her chest and fall to the ground. She could see the truth in his eyes, but the pain was strong and it matched her own. Forcing back the urge to rush into his embrace, she blinked out a fresh set of tears and hugged herself for comfort. "I- I am sorry, Richard. I shouldn't have..." Turning around, she closed her eyes, knowing she could not say what was on her mind if she was looking at him. "I thought I was jealous and I am. I keep imagining you with another woman, but what I see is not a woman who looks like me. I can't keep the images from my mind and all they do is make me want to cry. I know that it is wrong and I have no right to be upset, but I-"
"You have the right, Kahlan. I betrayed you in every way and what I did, it destroys everything we've built. How can you believe that I love you when I spent the night with someone else?"
"You thought it was me," she countered softly, keeping her position.
"That isn't an excuse. I should have known and better than that and I should never have agreed to lay with you when you lost your magic. I never want you to believe or think I want less of you. I can never explain in a way that you will understand, but I love you, all of you and without your magic, you are not the same woman."
"My magic is a danger to you. Richard-"
"Your magic has made you who you are and who you are is- You are the most wonderful and kind woman I have ever known. Kahlan, you are more than you realize and more than any man can show you." Taking a step back, he looked to the ground, "I'm sure you know that from others before."
Turning her head, she looked at him through the corner of her eye. "Others?"
"The man or men you were with before we met."
"I-" Turning around, she straightened her back and pushed back her shoulders. She seemed embarrassed, though she tried to hide it. "I have never... I have laid with no men."
Confused, Richard tilted his head and stepped forward. "None?" She shook her head and he found himself fighting a laugh. "I'm sorry, I just assumed... The way you kiss, I..." He let his words drift off as her cheeks grew red. "I'm sorry."
Running her hands over the front of her skirt, she took in a deep breath, hoping that it would give her the courage to ask, "What was she like? The other me, I mean..."
Richard studied her for a moment, wondering if he should tell her and what it would do to her to know. "Different from what I imagined you would be." He was going to elaborate, but she seemed pleased with his reply, bringing him to add, "It was quicker than I would like others to know."
She chuckled, music to his ears as he watched her tears slow. "Would you mind if I asked one more question?"
"You can ask me anything."
"Was it, she, better than those you were with before?"
"Yes," he answered swiftly and honestly. "I have never felt that way about anyone before. I wasn't trying to please myself and I- I had never wanted anything more than what I thought I had that night. I thought that I was- If I had truly been with you, it would have been the greatest night of my life."
"I wouldn't be so sure," she said with a grin, doing her best to ease the tension between them. "I may not be as pleasing as you hope."
Her words brought out a gasp as his heart raced and hair stood on end. "You underestimate yourself."
Moving forward, she stepped in close, letting her breasts push against his chest. "I don't think I am. I may be very unfortunate."
"Kahlan... I- Trust me?" he said through heated and heavy breaths.
There was no hesitation before her nod and just as quickly, he cupped her cheeks in his hands and leaned forward. Bringing her as close as possible, he kissed her the way he had always wanted and the way he had the woman who looked like her only nights before. She returned the action in full, a welcome surprise to him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Their kiss deepened quickly and before either of them realized, he had her back pressed against the bark of an old oak.
She could feel him against her, his arousal, and it fueled her fire of desire. Pushing forward, she found herself trying to help his need. Her action didn't go unnoticed, bringing Richard to lift her from the ground and use his body to hold her up. Letting his lips trail from hers to her jaw, he nipped and sucked his way down her neck. The soft moans she released encouraged him onward, granting him the permission to continue.
Covering the tops of her breasts with his mouth, he began wishing her corset would disappear and reveal more of her to him. The thought brought him to pull back with a heavy gasp. Bringing his forehead to hers, he leaned forward, needing the contact as he struggled to find his breath and calm his urge to throw her to the ground. Kahlan did nothing to help as she continued to brush her lips against his.
After a soft moan escaped him, she dropped her legs from his hips and quickly found her footing. Her mind spun, begging her to keep still, but she had felt his desire, his need, and she wanted to do something.
To his extreme surprise, she knelt down and with skillful fingers, unlaced his pants. "Kahlan," he panted as he stilled her hands with his, "you don't have-"
"I know," she whispered as she moved her hand over him.
His eyes slid closed, his mind fighting the desire within him. If he allowed her to continue, it would change things between them and the action she appeared to be about to do would bring her more pain. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he brought his left hand to her face and lifted her chin so their eyes met. "You don't want to do this."
"I don't?" The words left her mouth in a playful tone, one he had never heard and it excited him further. He watched her tongue trace over her lips, removing all thoughts from his mind. Her eyes were dark, calling out to him in a way that pulled him forward and with her hand wrapped around his length, he could do nothing but pant.
The moment her mouth wrapped around him, he stumbled. Reaching out, Richard pushed his right hand against the oak and stabilized himself. She seemed not to notice, taking him in as he moved and with ease. Her movement was skilled and breathtaking. Fighting to keep his eyes open, he pushed back her hair, giving him full view of her.
He began to lose control and when she gave no sign of stopping he tightened his hold on her hair. "I'm not going to be able to hold on much-" She pulled back and before his next gasp, he let go. The Mother Confessor watched in silence, keeping her eyes on his face as she waited for the rush to fall. "Spirits... What- I-"
Standing, she brushed her hands over her skirt. "We should head back, they'll notice-"
Grabbing her arm, he held her still, keeping her from walking back to the firewood they had collected. "They can wait a few more moments. Spirits Kahlan, what was that?"
"I may not have laid with a man before, but that doesn't mean I do not know how to please them."
He could hear the mix of emotions in her voice. She was embarrassed and upset, there was a pride and passion, but her face showed none of it. "That's not what I meant. Kahlan, why would you do that?"
"You needed it," she said simply, pretending that it had been nothing out of the ordinary. She had their friend in mind, Cara, who would show or hold no emotion after having done such a thing and the Mother Confessor was doing her best to be the same.
Shaking his head, he let her go and fixed his pants. "This could have been dealt with after a few minutes alone in the dark," he said quietly. The words embarrassed him, but he thought it was only fair to join her. "Why did you do that?"
"That is the closest I can be to you; to that night you spent with her."
"We didn't- you- She did not do that. Spirits, no one has ever done that."
Confused, Kahlan took a step toward him, being sure to keep her voice down. "You said you've-"
"I've been with other women, yes, but I've never... They have never used their..."
Her mind spun in so many different directions she thought she was going to be sick. She felt more embarrassed, but there was something more. She felt proud thinking that though she was not his first, she was able to give him something no other woman had. The thought made her wish that she had done more, given him everything possible.
"Kahlan," he said suddenly, breaking her vicious trail of thoughts, "why did you do it when you knew it would hurt you?" She was about to deny her pain when he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "My feelings for you would not have changed. They will not change. You don't have- We do not need to have that."
Moving back, she took several steps away and smiled sadly. "It's what you want. Why else would- We cannot deny what our bodies need. It's our nature to want physical contact. We can never do this again and anything we felt or feel for each other, it can't be. I will take a mate and you will marry. We can only be who we are."
There was nothing he could say that would change her mind in this moment. Standing still, he watched her pick up the small pieces of tree and leave him standing alone in the dark.
The roles had turned as they headed out the next morning. He remained silent, lost in his thoughts as he followed behind two of the others. Cara walked at his side, keeping her eyes on him and the road ahead. She knew the events of the night before and it took more of her strength than she'd admit to not speak her mind on the matter. From the expression on his face, she was almost certain he thought many of the same things.
The blonde knew the Seeker had not slept, having watched the woman he loved for most of the night. The other woman was more than surprised by what she had seen between the couple, but she knew it wouldn't be long before it destroyed their group.
"How much do you know?" Richard asked her quietly, being sure their conversation would stay between them alone. His friend rolled her eyes before glancing at his, answering his question. "I know you don't approve-"
"She doesn't approve," she told him sternly. "I think you're an idiot."
"We can't help who we love, Cara."
"You can help who you lay with."
"I didn't-"
Shaking her head, she came to a stop and held him still. "I saw what you allowed to happen. You are a fool to think that it's as simple."
"I don't think it's simple, Cara. I know that it is not, but how could I change- I don't understand what happened." Looking ahead to the other two, who continued walking, he sighed, "One minute we were fighting and the next... She gave me pleasure I've never known to exist."
"Please," the blonde scoffed. "Spend a night with me and I will-"
"That's not what I meant. Not entirely. She liked it and almost as much as I. I have never seen her in that way."
"What do you mean?"
Watching Kahlan walk, he studied her carefully, making sure she wasn't able to hear them. "You know Kahlan. She doesn't allow herself to let go, to enjoy herself and last night... She has a passion I have never known. She was playful and for a moment... Cara, she let herself be free and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
"At least you enjoyed yourself," she said through a sigh. "You know what this is going to do to her."
"I can't let her go, Cara. I couldn't before last night, and now, the image I have of our life together is only stronger." Bringing his eyes to his friend's he smiled. "I love her and I know that it is unacceptable to each of you, but I no longer care. I am going to find a way for us to be together and she will know of my love."
"She knows, Richard." Cara's voice was surprisingly gentle, matching the unfamiliar expression on her face. "She wouldn't have done what she did if she didn't. That isn't typical of a Confessor."
"What?"
Fighting a smile, the blonde shook her head. "I can't believe she did that. Most women won't and she- She looked as though she had done it before." Richard gave her a sad nod, his mind racing through made up images of her with other men. "It is not something they teach young Confessor's. Perhaps, she heard about it through someone," she offered, hoping that it would ease his mind, but from his sour expression, she knew it hadn't. "I can ask-"
"No!" he half shouted, bringing the two ahead to stop and look back. Waving them onward, he kept his voice low and brought a smile to his face to convince the others to move on without delay. "She can't know we spoke about this."
"She's not an idiot, she will know."
"Please, Cara. I don't want to upset her."
"She's upset herself enough for the both of you." Stepping away from him, she hurried along the road, catching the brunette before he could stop her. "Richard's thinking about you."
"How much do you know?"
"Do the two of you share a brain?" she asked, hating to have to relive the beginning of her last conversation. "I saw you last night. More of him." Off of her friend's expression, the Mord'Sith sighed, "You're both mad, but you gave him something I've been offering for months."
Shaking her head, Kahlan attempted to move faster and put some distance between them, but Cara wouldn't let her. "I don't need a lecture. I know it can never happen again."
"Why not? You were in no danger of releasing your magic and he was very pleased."
"I cannot do it again. Cara I- I may not have released my magic, but if you saw us last night, you know what happened before. That was all I could give him and it will never be enough, not for both of us."
"Did you not enjoy it as well? You held him in your hand; your mouth, his body quaking where it stood because of your power..."
"It's not about power, Cara. I love him. Last night, that was all I could do to- I'm sorry, you don't want to hear about my feelings. I know how they bore you."
"I'm not talking about your feelings, I'm talking about pleasure. How did you know how to please him?"
Staring at the road ahead, she found it easier to talk. "When I was seventeen, I confessed a man... He told me stories of bedding women. I didn't have a lot of knowledge on the subject, but now... I never thought that I would use any of what he shared."
"Why did you choose that?"
"I'm not sure," she answered honestly, finding this side of her friend easy to talk to. "One minute my body was crying out for his and then, all I could think of was doing something to please him. I- I know he has experience with other women and I thought, at most, I would make him feel a little better."
"And your mouth just happen to fall on his-"
"You disapprove," she interrupted softly.
Shaking her head, Cara sighed, "No, I would have done the same, but you are a fool. He's never going stop thinking about it. He craves your mouth upon his-"
"Cara, please... You understand how it must be. Richard and I can never be together, not in the way he wants."
"From what I saw, he was not the only one who wanted more. He may never be inside you, but there are pleasure you both can provide."
"I can't risk his life."
Cara rolled her eyes, annoyed that the brunette didn't understand. "I'm not asking you to spread your legs and allow him entry. You can give him the same as last night and I assure you, he can please you before your magic is released."
"What do you mean?"
