Chapter 1

He's Hopeless


He didn't know if he was dead or alive. Honestly he didn't care either way. He knew it was a matter of time before the alcohol sent him to his grave. He remembered the night before at his friends Noel's party. There were women and there were drinks. His two favorite things.

He knew he should have stopped after the first couple of cups, but it was making his problems fade away. He just let the alcohol consume him and enjoyed the party. The party he loved, but the aftermath he hated.

His vision was starting to come back to him, but it was a little fuzzy. He sat up slowly not to cause any sudden movements. It was only then that he realized two things. 1) He was alive and 2) He was at home in his bed. Except, he didn't remember getting there or leaving the party.

He looked over on his nightstand to look at his clock and it read 4:38 PM. Next to his clock their was a folded up note with painkillers and a water bottle on top of it. He took the painkillers and gulped his water down before reaching over to grab the folded note.

Toby,

I brought you home last night from Noel's party. You were a wreck last night and passed out on the front lawn. I told you not to get wild at this party and you promised you wouldn't, but of course you wouldn't listen to me. So, take a shower to wash the booze and women off of you because you have an appointment with Dr. Sullivan at 5:30.

~Caleb

"Thanks, Caleb." Toby mumbled sarcastically as he tossed the note back on the nightstand and flopped back down in his bed.

He was just starting to fall back asleep when his alarm clock went blaring off. He hit it to make it stop and tried to fall back asleep, but it went off again. He repeated the same action over and over again. Until, he realized that Caleb set his alarm clock to go off every minute. Toby sat up in bed and unplugged the alarm clock from the wall. He dragged himself out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a much needed shower.


His eyes watched the red clock as it went around in it's clockwise motion. His eyes scanned the colorful paintings adoring the cream walls. Dr. Sullivan's office was always had a warming feel about it. It made people think that whatever problems they're going through that it'll be okay. Except, Toby didn't believe any of it.

He's been coming to see Dr. Sullivan ever since he left home at the age of sixteen. Now, here he was at the young age of twenty-two and he was still coming to see her. Yep, he's given up hope a long time ago because even Toby thought he was a lost cause.

"Dr. Sullivan will be with you in a moment." The secretary said to Toby and he politely nodded his head in acknowledgement.

The secretary was young about, Toby's ago and it was no secret that she had a crush on him. She'd expressed her interests for him on more than one occasion, but she just wasn't his type. He didn't like the kind of girl that just threw herself at him. He only like that type when he was drunk, but he was sober he wanted to be the chaser and not the chased.

"Toby." He looked over and Dr. Sullivan was standing in her office doorway, waiting for him.

He stood up and nodded his head at the secretary before walking into her office. He sat down on his usually spot on the couch. And Dr. Sullivan take her seat across from him in her chair.

"Toby, how are you doing?"

He let out a deep sigh and leaned back into the couch."Well, I'm a little hungover and I'm still tired."

He watched her write something down on her notepad."I see. You're friend, Caleb, called me and told me all about you're wild night last night."

Toby chuckled and shook his head. Caleb would do something like that. He and Caleb had been friends since the day Toby moved to Rosewood six years ago. They'd been best friends ever since and Caleb always worried about his friend because he always saw Toby at his best and worse. But nobody's ever seen Toby at his absolute worse.

"Yeah, I'm sure he did. He's the one who scheduled this appointment that I don't even need."

"Toby, you've been saying that you don't need these sessions for the last six year, so why do you keep coming back?"

"I...I..." He didn't know why he kept coming back. Was it the fact that deep down he knew Dr. Sullivan really cared about him? Or was it that he was just desperate to buy some time before he went into another drunken episode.

"I'd like to try something new with you, Toby." Dr. Sullivan stood up and walked over to her desk. He watched her open up a drawer and pull out a piece of paper."I want you to go here."

"What is this?" He questioned as she handed him the piece of paper with an address written on it.

"That's the address to Rosewoods church. Every Saturday they have a group counseling meeting in the basement."

"No way. I'm not going to church on a Saturday night just listen to people whine about they're life and have some pastor read scriptures all night. No thank you." He threw the piece of paper onto the coffee table and Dr. Sullivan laughed at him before tossing the paper back in his lap.

"It's not like that, Toby. These people that go have some very deep rooted problems just like you and they just want to talk. And the group isn't run by a pastor, it's run by a volunteer, which happens to be a close friend of mine."

"I'm not so sure about this?" He said cautiously as he eyed the address skeptically.

"Trust me. Have I ever steered you wrong?" She asked and he shook his head and after a moment nodded his head to say he'll go."Plus, I think you'll get along great with Spencer."


Toby pulled his truck up outside of the Brew. He stepped out and walked inside. He was instantly hit with the smell of fresh coffee and delicious pastries. He looked over at the counter and smiled when he saw one of his best friends. Emily Fields.

"Hey, Em." He said as he approached the counter and Emily already had a smile on her face for him.

"Hey, Tobes. What can I get for you?"

"Just a black coffee and make it extra strong."

She laughed and walked over to the coffee maker." Late night of partying?"

"Yeah, you could say that." He chuckled as he paid for his coffee and slipped a pretty generous tip into Emily's tip jar. Se hated when he did that, but he just wanted to be a good friend to her like she's been to him.

"Here's your coffee. If you're staying around for a while, I have a break in five, then we can chat for a little while."

"Thanks, Em." He grabbed his coffee off the counter and made his way over to one of the vacant tables.

He glanced back over at his friend Emily, who already had a smile on her face for the next customer. That's why he liked Emily because she was always so nice and welcoming. They met when he came to Rosewood too when he transferred to Rosewood High. In highschool, Toby kept his head down and disappeared into the crowd. He wanted to be invisible because that's how he felt. He only had a handful of close friends that consisted of Emily, Caleb, and Ezra.

Emily became his friend when she jumped in when some guys were trying to mess with him. He could have taken them, but the fire in Emily's eyes said that she wasn't afraid to stick up for someone for a good reason. Toby had to admit that after a while he developed a little crush on Emily and then she revealed to him that she wasn't interested with guys. He was fine with it and then his feelings turned from a romantic feeling to more of a big brother.

"You have some explaining to do." Emily said as she approached Toby's table a few moments later with a coffee of her own in her hand.

"Explaining?" He questioned as she sat down across from him and she gave him a stern look.

"Caleb came in a little while earlier and told me all about your adventurous night."

Toby laughed and shook his head."I don't know why you're so surprised. You know I like to party and have fun."

"Yeah and sometimes you party too hard for the wrong reasons." Emily said and he bowed his head down in shame. He'd never told his friends about his past and didn't want to because it was too horrible. But they always knew that there was something that was eating away at their friend on the inside.

"Well, Dr. Sullivan told me to do something that might help." He pulled out the paper that Dr. Sullivan had given him few hours ago.

"This is the address for the church. Why is she sending you to a church on a Saturday?"

"Because I have group counseling tonight."