Summary: "Amanda, do you know who I am?" I ask without really wanting to know the answer. Seeing her trying so hard to remember who I am breaks my heart. "My name is Olivia Benson," I try to keep my voice steady, "we work together at NYPD, special v-victims unit." It breaks./ "I'm s-sorry but I don't know who you are," her eyes look at me intensely. Now it's not my voice that breaks, but my heart. In a million pieces on the floor of this damned hospital.

Pairing: Amanda Rollins & Olivia Benson

Rating: M, just to be sure! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: SVU and it's characters.

Beta: Kristin Henkel (Kristin324 on fanfiction/ Sundancer24 on twitter)


Amanda's POV


I can taste the sweat on my upper lip as my eyes scan the hallway nervously. "Liv?" I whimper softly, afraid to alert the suspect. I take a step towards the only door that's left in this hall. Praying to god that the brunette, I entered the building with, is still alive after she got taken by the perp. Another step and I lean my back against the wall next to the door. "NYPD, drop your weapons," I yell making myself known to basically anyone in the building. I step into the doorway and aim my gun at nothing in particular. I spot a man at the other side of the room, he bends and picks Olivia up from the floor. I immediately aim my gun but can't get a clear shot.

"One step closer and I'll shoot her brains out," I can't help but shiver at the sound of his voice. If evil had a sound that would be it. I keep my gun up, thinking about how I'm going to get myself out of this one. His eyes tell me what he's feeling. He's scared, angry and feels trapped. Which basically, he is. I lower my weapon.

"Sir, my name is Amanda Rollins. I don't want to hurt you, it's not too late to change this situation around." I see him look at me and his brain starts to work. Thinking about every word I just spoke to him. This is the moment. Is he going to fall for it or is he going to flip. He lowers his eyes to the calm woman in his arms. So do I. She looks strong. Her beautiful brown hear falling softly on her shoulders, her piercing brown eyes caught mine intensely. Her eyes tell a whole different story. Fear, sadness and helplessness passed through her dark brown orbs. I can hear her whisper,

"Amanda," she's warning me to not do anything stupid. I would know that tone anywhere, she used it a lot on me before. I look back up and so does he. He's going to flip.

"Sir," I raise my weapon again, "Please," I take another step forward, "don't hurt her."

"Someone has to suffer, they deserved what they got. You have no clue what my wife and I have been through." In some weird way I understand where he's coming from. Unfortunately this is not the way. I need to get my partner out of this mess. For whatever reason; if he has to choose between me and her, it'll be me.

"You want someone to suffer the way you did, sir?" Confirming what he wants is a crucial step in getting the results I want.

"Yes," His voice is shaky and it confirms that he has a plan but he's most likely not going to pull it through.

"If you shoot her no one will suffer," I blurt out, locking eyes with the older woman on the floor. I can see that I hurt her but this is how it has to go. "She has no parents, no partner and no kids. She has nothing." I got his attention. "You want to make someone suffer? Take me," I see the woman on the floor shaking her head. The emotions I saw earlier have left and a burning fire has taken place. "Take me and make my mom and my sister suffer. My husband and my 4 month old son, make them suffer." I'm lying. My sister had set me up for murder years ago, my mom is god knows where and I have no husband and I sure as hell don't have a son. The woman on the floor still shaking her head. I'm the one who has no one. I'm the one no one will suffer over. Maybe that's why I'm doing this? Do I know if she has people in her life that will be hurt and saddened by her death?

"What the hell are you doing, Amanda" She speaks through gritted teeth.

"Take me," I put my gun on the floor and walk over to the man holding the brunette carefully with my hands up. "Let her go," almost in front of the man, "Please."

I see him looking down at my partner and looking up at me again. "She has no one?" He asks.

"That's correct, sir. No one," I can't look at her, not now. He lets the arms that's wrapped around the older woman go and immediately points his gun at me. "That's good," I speak with no fear what so ever, "really good," I turn around facing the other woman. His arm wraps around my shoulders and she's just standing there, looking at me with wide eyes. "Run, Liv," I let out a sigh of relief, "please run."

"You know I can't do that 'Manda," Why is this all so familiar? I recognize her but I don't know who she is. I know her name but I've never met her before.

"You want to watch me put a bullet through her skull?" The man obviously got his confidence back now he's sure his plan is going to work. He's going to make people suffer. At least that's what he thinks. I watch the brunette turn around and walk towards the only exit out of this room. Suddenly she ducks to the floor. "What the," I hear from behind me. I can feel his gun pushing against my temple and I know that Liv is diving for my weapon. I raise my arm and-

BANG.


Olivia's POV


I let my body sink in the chair that's been set up for me 3 months ago. I look over at the blonde that's laying in the hospital bed, frozen in time. A breathing tube coming out of her mouth and IV's hooked to her arms. The steady beeping of the machine lets me know she's still alive besides that you would think she's dead.

"Morning, 'Manda," She hasn't moved since the moment she got shot. Just last week the doctors told me that they weren't even sure if she was ever going to wake up. I promised the guys back at the precinct that I wouldn't give up on her and I won't. I get up and walk over to the sink that's located in the corner of her room and fill the watering-can. I water the flowers that she still gets from Fin and Nick every week.

"We caught another perp today," I put the watering-can back underneath the sink,

"you would have loved this one. He was a real piece of work," I couldn't help but snigger at the thought of Amanda taking a crack at this guy. I know they don't know if she can hear me but if she could she would probably just want to talk about work. They weren't close, it wasn't until after the shooting that they had become close. It wasn't even Amanda's own choice to become close to me. I forced myself upon her, in a way. I have been coming here every day since the shooting. Maybe it was the guilt? She took a bullet for me, on purpose. She offered herself up to save me. It still, till this day, puzzles me as to why she would have done that. Now the blonde was laying here, in this stupid hospital bed, comatose for the past 3 months and counting. I walk over towards the chair and sit down. I take out my book that I've been reading to Amanda for the past week. I figured that if I'm going to be here in this room with her I could at least be pleasant company. Maybe hearing someone's voice will bring her back. Please, god, let her come back to us. I start reading the words but my mind is not fully with the book.

"You want to watch me put a bullet through her skull?" I can hear the bastard laugh. I turn around and walk towards the door when I spot Amanda's weapon on the floor a couple of feet away. I dive and before I can turn around I hear his gun go off. I turn and aim and shoot 3 rounds in his chest before he can even so much as blink. I get on my knees and crawl towards the blonde who's laying on the floor motionless. I see blood coming from the side of her head and I realize she's been hit. Placing my fingers on Amanda's wrist I feel a weak pulse. I reach for my radio, "Officer down, officer down. I repeat, OFFICER DOWN," I'm yelling. Where's the back-up they had requested. I take off my Kevlar vest and take of my shirt that I wear underneath that. The cold hits me but I don't care. I push my shirt against the side of 'Manda's head trying to control the bleeding. "Stay with me, sweetheart," I look in her eyes, looking for any response. "Look at me, Amanda, stay with me," She blinks, I smile at her as the tears roll down my face. "I'm here, you're going to be okay just stay with me." I hear her trying to say something and move my gaze towards her lips, trying to read what she's saying. It makes no sense so I focus on her eyes again. "It's okay, sweety. You don't have to say anything, you'll be alright." Her eyes roll in the back of her head and I stop breathing for a minute. "No, no, no," My brain feels fuzzy and my breathing is speeding up. I clutch my hands around her face. "Come back to me, Amanda, RIGHT NOW".

"Move, ma'am," I hear from behind me and one of the EMT's shoves me out of the way. I stand up and look at my hands who feel warm because of the blonde's blood all over them. I turn them around and there's no piece of skin left untouched by the red liquid. I look up and see 2 guys giving CPR to my blonde partner. I want to move but I can't, I'm frozen in time. Just like her.

The sound of sheets rustling wakes me from my daydream, or well, nightmare. I look up and feel a rush of adrenaline shoot through my body when I see Amanda moving her hand. She lifts it up to her mouth and when I realize she wants to take out the tube I come into action.

"Amanda, sweetheart," a lonely tear rolls down my cheek, "you have to wait, I'll call a nurse."
She turns her head towards me, her eyes seem disoriented but finally lock with mine. I let go of her hand and quickly run to her doorway yelling out for a nurse before rushing back to her bedside. "It's okay, sweety, just hold on the nurse will be here soon to help you."

"Will you look at that," Annie, the red-headed nurse walks into the room. "You woke up!" I can hear in her voice that she's just as surprised as I am. I watch the nurse walk over to the other side of the bed. "Amanda, can you look at me?" Amanda turns her head towards the nurse and again takes a while to focus her eyes on Annie. "I need you to stay calm so we can take out your breathing tube, do you understand? Just nod once if you do," Amanda slowly nods her head and I think I'm going to explode with joy. She seems to be understanding simple commands and actually takes in her surroundings. It was one of my greatest fears that when she would wake up she would have lost a lot of her abilities. The doctor warned us that that could happen but the fact that she could understand things was a great, great relief.

Annie was removing the breathing tube so I walked over to the sink and filled a cup with water and grabbed a straw from the shelf under the mirror. Glancing at myself I realized how exhausted I look. Between visiting Amanda, work and trying to maintain my relationship with Brian I didn't get much sleep. I tried to work as much as possible from home or from the hospital. Lately I've been spending more time at the hospital then at home simply because Brian is never there and when he is, we fight. We fight about all kinds of things. Mostly about the time I spent with Amanda. I shake my head trying to clear my mind before turning back around.

I look over to the bed and for the first time in 3 months I see the blonde without a breathing tube. She's rubbing her throat with her hand and I take this as my cue to walk up to her and hand her the cup with the straw. "Here, take small sips. It'll make your throat feel better." I feel Annie putting her hand on my shoulder and giving it a little squeeze.

"I'll notify the doctor, he'll probably come by a little later to run some tests on her," She whispers.

"'Kay, thank you Annie," I smile at her and look back at Amanda who's slowly taking some sips. "How you feeling, you alright?" I sit down next to her on the bed.

"Yeah, I guess I'm alright," she sighs and I can see the confusion on her face, "Just- Where am I and what happened?"

"Oh honey, you're in the hospital. You don't remember what happened?" It's not strange for people who suffered brain damage to not remember what happened but it still frightens me.

"N-no, should I?" Her voice sounds so fragile and hoarse.

"No, that's fine. It'll come back to you. What's the last thing you do remember?"

"I-I just accepted a job in- ah- New York?" It was more of a question then a statement. I felt like I just got hit by a train.

"Amanda, do you know who I am?" I ask without really wanting to know the answer. Seeing her trying so hard to remember who I am breaks my heart. "My name is Olivia Benson," I try to keep my voice steady, "we work together at NYPD, special v-victims unit." It breaks.

"I'm s-sorry but I don't know who you are," her eyes look at me intensely. Now it's not my voice that breaks, but my heart. In a million pieces on the floor of this damned hospital.


Thank you so much for reading! I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment to review. If you have any ideas of where you want to see this story go, let me know! I have a rough idea of what's going to happen but any input is welcome. Please, please, please let me know what you think!

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