Doubt
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Joh: Yeah, another one-shot!
Jessie: Yay!
Joh: This goes to you, Jessie, because you don't know how much I love you.
Jessie: Aww! -Hugs-
0o0o0
I pull the blanket closer around me as I stare through the T.V, not really watching the show. No, my mind was drifting. Drifting to a certain blue-haired topic.
It's a lot harder than people make it out to be. Love.
How do you know if you are in love? How can you tell? People have tried so hard to describe it, and yet…
My eyes narrow as I take in the sight of a man and woman declaring their love for each other on the screen.
It's not like that.
But maybe it's just harder for me to admit to my feelings because they're not real.
I don't know…
Horo.
For the past few months my feelings of friendship towards him have changed subtly. At first I passed it off as normal. But do you get flustered when your best friend brushes against you?
Every time he looks at me I get this insane urge to move closer to him. Feel him.
It's not right.
Horo is my best friend. Nothing more.
I'm not used to having friends so I've probably misinterpreted my feelings as love.
Someone once told me that when you're in love you can't stop thinking about that one person. When you're with that person you see only them. That you want to be as close as possible with that person.
I just don't know.
I hate doubt.
I throw the remote at the T.V, hitting the power button so that it turns off. My eyes drift up to the high ceiling as I flip over onto my back. I wish Horo Horo was here…
My shoulders slump as I pull a large pillow against my chest and bury my face into the fabric. It smells good.
Why is this so hard? I want him to know, but I can't tell him.
What am I saying? I'm not in love with him!
I don't know. I really don't know.
Jun said if you doubt your love for someone then you're not really in love. Did she mean this?
I don't know.
I stretch my hand out in front of me and study the long fingers. Is there anything I do know anymore? It feels like ever since I met that idiot I've lost more and more of myself while at the same time gaining something new of me.
I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not making sense.
If I did love him…and if I did tell him…what would he do?
Would he grin that stupid grin and tell me what I wanted to hear? Or would he shake his head and give me a strange look?
I want to know.
No…
I throw my pillow at the wall and clench my fists tightly.
"Ren?"
My throat tightens when I hear his voice accompanied by footsteps padding into the room.
"Ren? What's wrong this time?" he laughs, perching himself on the arm of the couch I'm lying on.
I choose to glare at him. "Nothing."
Our eyes meet, angry amber and calm blue.
"Really…" Horo whispers, tilting his head to the side.
I fight back a blush and avert my gaze.
"Well, if hat's all then…" he trails off and gets up to leave.
Without thinking I reach out to grab his hand. My eyes widen at this but I don't let go.
"Ren…?" Horo questions, turning to look me, puzzled.
"I…what are you looking at?" I snap, frowning.
"But…"
"Shut up!"
A smile formed on Horo's face. A smile. Like he knows something I don't. He nudges me to scoot over and curls up on the couch with his legs folded. Gently he pulls me onto his lap so that I was leaning against him, hearing his steady heartbeat.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know." He answers with a toothy grin.
I sigh and close my eyes. I don't know either.
0oo0o0o0
Joh: Ren is somewhat OOC
Jessie: That's okay baby.
J twins: -Hugs-
Review please!
