It was a perfectly
clear day. It wasn't too hot and there was a nice breeze blowing. The smell of
cherry blossoms in the air made it particular ably enjoyable to be outside. It
was the perfect day to go hunting. Unfortunately, he was not the only one to come
to that conclusion. The hunter himself was being hunted, but what else was new.
Ataru Moroboshi was used to being on the run, in fact it could be said, this is
when he was most happy.
A few miles a way.
"This is the
place, man," a rather strange looking youth said.
"Are you sure?
Looks like another burg to me. We should ask around to make sure?"
"ARE YOU
DOUBTIN' THE BOARD, MAN. Ain't you got no faith. After we unjumbled the letters
and read 'em in the mirror, they spelled TOMOBIKI. If you want to ask, go
ahead."
There were twelve in the group. They were all male. It looked as
though the bunch was comprised of a number of nationalities and races, but it
was difficult to be sure. Several had shaven heads. The others hair were green,
or purple, or any multitude of colors in any multitude of shapes and styles. As
varied as the color of their hair was, their clothes were comprised of but one
color, black. Some had tattoos all over their bodies, while others appeared to
be wearing make up (ex. black lipstick). Each had all manner of things metal
pierced through out their bodies. A
young black man in the group, with bright purple hair, looking not unlike a
young Dennis Rodman approached a group of girls walking home from school.
"Hey, you chicks
know an Ataru Moroboshi? Spill it!" he said in English with a slight
British accent. As the girls were Japanese, and considering what the man said
wasn't exactly the Queen's English, the girls had some trouble comprehending.
The name Ataru Moroboshi however, required no comprehension, merely action. The
girls took off as if their very lives were in peril, screaming bloody murder
the entire way.
"Yeeaaaahhhh,
didya' see that shit? Just his name, man, and they freak! This is the place,
man, no doubtin' it. To... mo… biki," he drew out the last word for
effect.
"No shit man.
You see dose bitches take off? Dis is HIS town."
"Now, we just
got to find him"
"Don't sweat
it man. We are the chosen, The Twelve Unholy Apostles. We're fated to run inta
da guy," and just as the young American Caucasian completed his sentence,
the guy did appear. "Wha's that sound dude?" The group had no time to
think about it, as two of their members were floored by the blur. Without
breaking step, it deftly vaulted over the remainder of the group, laughing all
the way. All the Twelve Unholy Apostles saw was a cloud of dust, the blur had
left in its wake. " Whooahhh, dudes, what beast from Hell was that?"
"Stand still
devil, and face Heaven's Wrath," came a voice from the direction the blur
had come. "Moroboshi, Lum will surely dump you this time. Come back and
accept punishment and I'll make your end quick," came Mendou's voice. He
was dressed in his usual white suit, waving his sword like a mad man. The 12 Unholy
let him pass without a word.
"Didya hear?
He said Moroboshi. He was after Moroboshi. That thing that creamed you
guys...it was HIM. You lucky bastards." The two that were knocked over by
Ataru, were looked upon with awe by the rest of the group. They had been
touched. Their broken ribs and collar bone… a gift from HIM.
"Is he
gone?" came a voice from behind. The group turned around to see a rather
nondescript young Japanese man, sporting the most wicked of grins.
"If ya mean
the geek with slicked back hair, then yeah," fortunately (or was it fate),
there was a Japanese national in the group. The 12 Unholy stared at the man
before them, unsure. Upon hearing that Mendou had been lost once again, Ataru
Moroboshi laughed a laugh that only he was capable of. One that shook men to
their very soul's and was the herald of Chaos. The 12 instantly fell to the
ground, the strength gone from their legs.
"Whooooah...that
laugh. Evil man...way evil."
"Tell me about
it... I think I wet myself."
"I *KNOW* I
wet myself."
"I wish I had
just wet myself."
"Its HIM, man.
The guy who holds all of Tomobiki in terror. The CANCER. The JINX. The most
LECHEROUS BEING in the universe. The spawn of the Devil himself… ATARU
MOROBOSHI, THE HARBINGER. On yer knees man!" came the Japanese member.
"You know... I
prefer the title most sensual being in the universe," replied Ataru.
"These guys are weird even by my book," Ataru thought to himself and
went to leave.
"Wait man!
WAIT! We've come to serve! We twelve are the CHOSEN. We all got the same email
message. It said the time was NOW, THE END NIGH," said the oldest member
of the lot, who looked not unlike Bill Gates.
" I'm sorry.
My English isn't very good," Ataru said in Japanese with a hand to his ear
and shaking his head. This wasn't entirely true. Sure, his English grades were
lousy, but that is because he slept in class and saw no point to participating,
but there were far too many English-speaking babes out there not to know
English. In fact he knew a number of languages or a least necessary *key
phrases*. Once again he turned to leave, but a katana swung at his head stopped
him. As per script, he caught it between his hands, inches from his face.
"Now we have
you devil. Face Lum's divine retribution," Mendou preached. The Japanese
member of the 12 Unholy served as translator.
"What's a
Lum?"
"Probably some
local god or somethin'. Why else would this guy be talkin' about divine wraith
and stuff." Ten of the 12 Unholy went to restrain Mendou, whose English was
pretty good and he wasn't too proud to show it.
"Unhand me!
What are you hooligans doing? Do you know who that is?" pointing to Ataru,
"He is the devil incarnate. All of Tomobiki hate him!" ranted Mendou.
"As you...are no doubt tourists, you don't understand, but I assure you he
is PURE EVIL. Now stand aside, while I rid the world of this wraith." His
words fell on death ears. He was forced to his knees, disarmed and dragged
before Ataru. Those not holding Mendou prostrated themselves before Ataru. The
Japanese member spoke for the group.
"Oh Great
Spawn of the Mighty Satan, we, the 12 Unholy Apostles, have heeded your call.
We seek only to serve you in the coming apocalypse. Our legions are yours. What
would you have us do with this sheep?"
Ataru looked at the
group like they were insane, but he was used to being referred to as the source
of all evil and Mendou did look good on the ground like that. He was about to
reply when he heard the crackle of lightning not to far off. Time was short. He
prepared to take off once more. When he heard their suggestion.
"Why not send
one of yer minions to kill 'em and his whole damn family, that'll teach 'em not
to mess with ya and the armies of Hell," again the Japanese member
translated.
Ataru was running
out of time, she would be on him any second now. "Ahh.... IcallforthehoundofhelltosmiteMendouandhisentireclan,"
he shot out quickly but nonchalantly, not believing a word. He did a quick flip
over the group, a bolt of lightning from the clear blue sky just missing him.
Unfortunately Mendou didn't have the
devil's luck, instant crispy.
Ataru looked up to the empty sky, waving a
fist and laughing maniacally, "You'll have to do better than that. My girl
hunt continues... MuuWaaaHaaaaHaaaa." With that said, he was gone like the
wind.
"Didya see
that!!! The G-man tried to strike 'em down. Lightnin' don't come from a blue
sky!"
"Yeah, and he
missed!! The supposed perfect god of all creation missed, and hit his own
loser."
"Wait,
Master... If you're looking for girls, you can sleep with my girlfriend. She's
a good breeder!!"
"Moron, why
would he want your skank girl, when he could have my sisters."
"Your both
morons, the Master needs virgins. Your sisters ain't been virgins since they
were twelve and your girlfriend was never a virgin."
"Who cares
about that now! The Master can have all our girls or whomever he wants. We have
to find him."
"WHERE DID HE
GO!!!!" a voice from above shouted. The Unholy looked up to see the most
bitchin' girl any of them had ever seen. Wearing dead animal skins as a bikini
no less!!! The group spokesman stepped forward.
"W...who are
you l..looking for?"
"My HUSBAND,
Darling, Ataru Moroboshi, who do you think!" Lum replied. She then described her darling. The group dropped to
their knees again. "Huh?"
"Mistress,
your husband went that way," their translator pointed, and Lum prepared to
give chase. "Wait!!! What would have us do?"
"Ummm...Is
that Shutaro, could you see him home, and make sure he is taken care of. If you
all are Darling's friends, I'm sure he'll be in touch. After I'm through with
him," she finished with a feral grin an flew off. The 12 Unholy looked on
in awe.
"That is the
most...."
"Don't even
think it man, unless you want to fry. That was HIS girl."
"Betcha she's
a freak too."
"Oh, you know
it! After what she said, and the way she was dressed too!"
" Well, we got
our orders. Take the sheep home, and see to it he gets taken care of."
"I guess she
means, wait and see if Cerebus shows up, and then wait for further
orders."
"MAN, and
can't wait to see the hound. Check his wallet, see where he lives, so we can
dump 'im and watch the fireworks."
The group easily found the Mendou estate
and dropped him at the gate. They took up a secluded spot nearby and waited. Mendou
was found by some guards, and brought inside. Judging by his burned clothing
and his cursing of Moroboshi, it was easy enough to discern what had happened
to him. He was taken to his room and put to bed.
The evening passed
on to night without incident. The 12 Unholy Apostles continued to wait in
seclusion, but some were beginning to doubt, despite what they had seen earlier
that day. That is… until they heard a ghastly and thunderous howl, which was
joined by another and then a third.
Mendou woke up, startled by the noise he
heard coming from just outside his window. He turned to see three pairs of eyes
boring into him from outside his mirror. He was just about over his paralyzing
fear and was reaching for the emergency phone, when a fourth set eyes opened
with a hiss. It was within the blink of an eye that the giant head of a king
cobra snake crashed through the window of the scion of the richest family in
Japan. It was an equally quick move that dispatched him.
Despite the valiant and heroic efforts of
the Mendou Paramilitary Forces, they were no match for the guardian of the
gates of Hell. The Mendou clan would not see sunrise.
With all doubts
erased by a display of carnage of biblical proportion, the Unholy Apostles
looked up to the sky to see a shooting star pass overhead, an omen of the
coming of their Master for the world to see no doubt. After several mantras of
"We're not worthy" were finished The Unholy 12 returned to their
lives in industry, politics and entertainment to prepare the world for HIS
ascension.