"I'm surrounded by idiots." I thought as my Calculus teacher droned on and on about y equals the square root of whatever. None of it mattered. High School was nothing but a prison that I was bound to escape soon.

I felt an arm tap my shoulder, and looked to see Ollie trying to discreetly pass a note to me – the keyword here being try. Ollie was still just as much of an idiot as he always was, but at least he and Andy managed to grow a little less insufferable over the years.

I quickly snatched the note before the teacher could notice, and opened it.

Louise,

I heard a certain visitor is making a comeback soon. You sure you're prepared to handle it?

- Jessica

"Visitor?" I muttered under my breath, wondering what the hell my fire-headed friend was talking about. Just as I was conjuring up possibilities, the bell rang and I begrudgingly leapt out of my seat and headed off towards my locker. Jessica approached a few seconds later.

"So do you know who it is?" Jessica asked, her face just as neutral as it always is.

"No," I replied, feeling slightly annoyed. I closed my locker and swung my backpack over my shoulder. "But I am intrigued. Is it anyone I should care about?"

This time Jessica smiled. Huh. A facial expression. Now I'm interested!

"Oh, an old enemy hath returned!" Old enemy? Hmm… That's a pretty big list.

"Old enemy? How old? There's Harley, Mr. Frond, Andy, Jamie, that old guy who roller-skates past us in the purple speedo on the way to school, Millie…"

"Louise it's – wait. When did you and Andy become enemies?"

"Oh, I stole his -."

"Never mind. I don't want to know. It's Logan." I froze. Oh, now that was a name I was not expecting to hear again.

Logan Barry Bush was the bane of my existence. Somehow, over the years, he'd managed to get under my skin worse than Millie. Luckily for me he skipped town to become a motivational speaker after ordering The King of Happiness's aka The Deuce of Diamonds aka The Prince of Persuasion's online webinar on motivational speaking. Freaking idiot didn't want to go to college and assumed he'd get big like those people who do the Ted Talks, but he failed, and his failure was glorious. I spent many hours a night just basking in his utter failure whenever he decided to do a live-stream on Yahoogled+ or host an online webinar. He had no idea how to motivate people beyond screaming at them; I loved it!

But that hilarious failure unfortunately put him back at square one – back in town and back near my ears. Crap! He's the LAST person I want to deal with right now!

"Ugh!" I huffed as Jessica and I walked to the restaurant. She started working here afterschool with me after Tina left to become a porn director in New York after hitting it big when she got her Erotic Friend Fiction published, and Gene started sound tracking Kevin James produced movies and humorous commercials. The restaurant was still just as empty as always, with a few scattered customers along with Teddy and Mort. Mort had long since abandoned his toupee, and Teddy had gotten gastric bypass surgery, so he mainly came in to talk to Dad.

"Hey Louise! Hey Jessica!" Teddy said as we entered. "You ladies having a good day so far?"

Jessica nodded, and I halfheartedly pulled my lips back into a smirk. Just then, mom walked in, and set a burger down at the booth in the back of the restaurant. I couldn't see who was seated back there, but I sure as hell could smell their cologne. It was one of those disgusting brands frat guys wore because they thought it could help them get laid – or stupid high school dropouts who thought it made them seem cool.

"Oh Louise! Your old friend Logan is here! Oh my, you're a big boy now, aren't you?" Mom said, and I felt my blood begin to boil. Who the hell does he think he is?! What is he doing here?! "Louise! Remember him! Oh, look at him! Why don't you come over here and take one of those, uh, those self-I things? You can post it on your Insta-Twit, or something."

My legs moved before my brain could stop them, and before I knew it I was at his booth, staring into the face of the Devil himself.

He looked just as awful as he usually did. His blue eyes were sunken and bloodshot, and his blond hair was ragged. He had grown bangs since then, and he pushed them haphazardly out of his eyes. He had some slight stubble grazing his pasty cheeks, and when I approached he looked up to meet my gaze. I saw a brief glimpse of recognition, but no fear. Has he forgotten what he did to me?

"Louise?" he said, smiling slightly. I could see his eyes begin to cloud over with… lust. Ugh! He's such a guy. "Is that you? I hardly recognized you."

"Hello Logan," I hissed, and his eyes widened in surprise. "What a surprise to see you here! Did you bring any large luggage?"

"Luggage? Why would I need -?"

"Because you must've in order to carry your huge balls here!" Logan jumped, and I slammed my hands down on his table.

"But Lou-boo -!"

"LOU-BOO? WHAT KIND OF HALF-BAKED, DUMBASS NICKNAME IS THAT?!"

"Okay Louise! That's enough!" Mom yelled, and she pulled me away. Logan continued to look dumbfounded, and I mentally cursed his existence again. I could hear Jessica snickering from the kitchen, and I shot her a glare as Mom pulled me down to the basement. "Louise, what's your problem?"

"He's my problem!" I spat. "Why did you allow him in here? You KNOW he's my nemesis!"

"Louise! Okay! Stop it! You're acting like a nutcase!" Oh, nutcase? Was she high? "Logan is a nice boy, and you will be nice to him as long as he is here, young lady!"

"No I will not be – wait! What do you mean as long as he's here?" As soon as I said that, mom got that goofy little smile on her face like she usually does when she thinks she's done something great. Oh no! She didn't! She couldn't have!

"Well, when Logan came into the restaurant…"

"Yeah…"

"He mentioned that he didn't have a place to stay…"

"No!"

"So I offered him Gene's room in exchange for helping around here!"

"AHHHHHHHH!" No! No! This couldn't be happening! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"

"HEY! LOUISE! Calm down! This will be fun! You'll be little roommates!"

"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO ME! NOOOO!" Her! This was her fault! I swear, I'm going to -.

"Okay! Bobby! She's got the tomatoes, Bobby! I'm going to need some help!"