Hi! So I decided to do a collection of oneshots since it seems that I'm going to be writing some more RLNT ff's. So, I present to you Angels In The Room! (A title of a song by Delta Goodrem). And I know some stuff may sound repetitive, but I really would rather not acknowledge the fact that these two characters met a horrible fate. The songs for this chapter is by Hana Pestle, and it's called Somebody Out There.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, so I don't own its characters, settings, etc. I also do not own the wonderful lyrics of the song. Those belong to Hana Pestle.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Please give me feedback in the reviews!
I. Somebody Out There
Song By: Hana Pestle
They always say, don't wait
That I should take the reins
Yet here I am today
Too afraid I'll get swept away
And I won't come back again
He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with one hand, the other curled around a warm cup of hot chocolate. Numbness spread through his body, and no matter how hard he tried to get warm by the fire, he felt unbearably cold. The gray, torn blanket wrapped around his thin frame did nothing to prevent the drafts from blowing through him, almost like a ghost. He let out a sigh and shivered, opening his eyes, staring at the yellow and orange flames flickering in front of him.
He didn't understand why he felt this way. He wanted to scream, rage, cry, hurl the mug in his hand to the wall… he wanted to lose control. But instead, he could only sit by the fire, tears unshed, and numb to almost all emotions. He didn't understand why he felt this way. The numbness had never consumed him before, and now, all that was left to feel was fear. Fear of losing another person in this blasted war, of what was happening to him, of the cold, of hurting someone, of dying, of everything.
Would he be able to move on, after losing the last person who was truly there for him? His best friend, the last of the other Marauders. Peter didn't count, the rat. No, it was only Sirius and James who made up the other Marauders, but now they were gone. Each killed for different reasons, but both killed for the same cause. And now, Moony was alone, without anyone there to share memories with. Without anyone to brighten his day with jokes and pranks. Without the two people who had meant the most to him. And now, he was supposed to grieve and move on, pretend like everything was okay. He had managed to do it when Prongs had died, so why couldn't he do it again?
There were people there for him. He knew that much. They had offered their sympathies, their comfort. The Weasley's had even offered to let him stay at their home, but he had declined. He didn't want to be around anyone right now. He didn't want to burden them with his sorrow, and he needed some time to grieve on his own. They would try to cheer him up, and truthfully, he didn't want to be happy again. What if he grew too close to someone else again? He was already too close to Harry. What if he got too close to the others too? And then, when one of them died, he would be broken again. He didn't want to take that chance.
"Remus, we know you're a werewolf."
A sandy-haired boy sat on his bed, his eyes wide open in shock. He looked at his friends, frowning, trying to see through their joke. It had to be a joke. There was no way they could possibly know. They hadn't even learned about werewolves in DADA! He let out a shaky laugh, and forced a smile.
"Nice one, James. If I'm a werewolf, then I suppose Sirius must be a dog!"
" 'S not a joke Remus! We're serious! We know you're a werewolf!" Sirius looked at Remus pointedly, his tone accusing. Remus looked at James, Peter, and Sirius, searching their eyes for some tell-tale sign that they were joking. But he was only met with seriousness. Reality hit him, and he leapt to his feet, glancing wildly around the room with wide eyes.
"T-there's no w-way." He whispered. They knew. They knew. They knew. The words repeated in his mind, and he panicked, rushing to the other side of his bed and dragging his trunk out from beneath his bed. He didn't look at them as he hurriedly threw clothes into his trunk. Tears started to form in his eyes, and they blurred his vision.
"Remus, what are you doing?" A soft voice came from behind him, and he felt a hand lightly grip his shoulder. He stopped throwing clothes into his trunk and turned around to see James looking at him, a strange look on his face. He hid his face in his hands, wanting to hide from the accusing looks he knew they all must be giving him.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't hate me! I know I shouldn't have kept it from you, but I just wanted friends. I didn't want to lose you, and I didn't want to be alone again. Dumbledore, he made me promise not to tell anyone. I'll move out, switch dorms, anything! But please, please don't tell anyone. This is all I ever wanted, and I know that I don't deserve it and…" he cried, but was interrupted by Sirius.
"Hey! Remus, stop! It's okay! We don't hate you!" Sirius exclaimed, smiling at Remus. "And stop hating yourself. Do all werewolves do that?"
"W-what?" Remus uncover his face, wiping away his tears with his hands. He looked up at Sirius, surprised. "You d-don't hate me?"
"No!" Peter squeaked from behind Sirius and James nodded in agreement.
"We could never hate you, Moony. You're our friend!"Sirius extended a hand to Remus. Reluctantly, the confused boy grasped it and stood up again, falling back on his bed.
"M-moony?" He glanced curiously at Sirius. "MOONY?"
"Yup! My new nickname for you!"
"Good one Siri." James smiled, sitting beside Remus on the bed. His expression turned serious again."When were you… you know, bitten?"
They were shocked to hear that their Remus was bitten at a young age. They had read up on werewolves in the library, and they knew that the transformations were extremely painful. And their Lupin, the quiet, shy, kind, and nice Lupin had to go through that. "And what do you mean by you didn't want to be alone again? Surely, you had friends like us."
"N-no. Once they knew, they would run away. And their mothers would tell them not to talk to me. Everyone hated me, and after a while, I just stopped trying. Which is why I didn't want any of you to know. I'd never hurt you! You have to know that I'd never hurt you! I just wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere." Remus spoke sadly, his eyes fixed on his hands. He felt the bed sink as Sirius sat down on his other side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.
"You have to let people in, Moony. Not everyone will hate you. Those kids were way beneath you anyways. You'll always have us, and we will never hate you, because you're our friend and a Marauder! And us Marauders stick together!" He smiled goofily, making Remus laugh. "I'm Sirius, Moony!"
"Sirius!" James groaned, whacking his friend on the head. "That joke is way overused!"
"You said that we'd stick together, Padfoot." He murmured, sighing again. "So why did you all leave? Why?"
Is somebody there?
Is somebody out there?
Is somebody there?
"Remus?"
He was leaning on the door frame, smiling faintly at the young lady with dull pink hair that had called his name. She stood from her chair quickly, knocking it down in the process and walked over to him, hugging him tightly. He stood shocked, unsure what to do, before hesitantly wrapping his arms around her. He clung to her tightly, afraid that if he let go, he would be alone again. He knew that he wanted to distance himself from everyone again, but holding her to him, he knew that he couldn't bear to let go of her. Of anybody. She was shaking against him, and he frowned, pulling back.
"Nymphadora, is everything all right?" he asked, concerned. Tears were rolling down her face, and she let out a choked sob.
"I'm fine, Remus." She assured him, wiping away her tears with her hand. She smiled sadly up at him. "I've been so worried about you. I'm just so glad to finally see you."
His heart clenched painfully, and he felt an unbearable longing to hold her again. She was worried… about him. He knew the Weasleys cared about him, that Harry and Hermione cared about him, that the rest of The Order (with the exception of Snape) cared about him. But hearing the words come from her, knowing that she cared meant so much more to him. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to question it. Not now, not when he needed someone there by his side. He smiled down at her, his brown eyes filled with warmth. "I'm glad to see you too, Nymphadora. I heard you've been in St. Mungo's. I apologize for not visiting you while you were there. How are you doing?"
"Don't call me Nymphadora. " She muttered, rolling her eyes. She grasped his hand and led him to the sitting room of the Burrow. She sat down on the sofa and pulled him down next to her, withdrawing her hand from his. "I'm fine. And it's ok. I mean, why would you want to see the person who killed your best friend anyways?"
She tried to say it casually, as if it was no big deal that she was blaming herself for Sirius' death when she clearly hadn't killed her cousin. But he could see through the act, and could see that she was hurting. He frowned at her, and clasped her hand in his again. "What do you mean? I clearly saw Bellatrix push Sirius through the veil, not you."
"Y-yeah, but I mean, I was fighting her before, wasn't I?" She looked confused, like she couldn't find the right words to say what she needed to. She tried to tug her hand out of his, but he held on even more tightly. "If… I hadn't let her knock me out, then maybe S-sirius would be here."
She looked away from his gaze and stared at a spot of dirt on the carpet. She could feel him looking at her, and she felt very unsettled. She hadn't meant to bring up Sirius' death, but the words had come tumbling out anyways. Remus wasn't the type of person to hold grudges against others, but she had killed his last best friend. She just wanted to know that he didn't hate her. She felt her eyes blur with tears again and she wiped them away angrily. She was stronger than this, she told herself, but they still formed. She felt his hand on the side of her face, turning it till his eyes met hers again.
"Nymphadora," he started, confused when she didn't even flinch at the name. She had a resigned look on her face, and he knew that she expected him to hate her. "I don't blame you for Sirius' death, and neither should you. Sirius, he knew what the risks were when he went. Besides, you were not the only one to fight Bellatrix. One of the others could have defeated her, but I don't see anyone else blaming themselves."
"But, Remus, your last friend…" she protested, her eyes searching his for some trace of a lie and finding nothing but the truth in them.
"Is with James and Lily right now, much happier there than he could have ever been here." He finished, leaving no room for argument. She sighed, realizing that she wouldn't win any arguments with him that day. Closing her eyes, she leaned on his shoulder, letting herself be lost in his warmth. She was glad that he wasn't mad at her, and that he was finally back.
"I've missed you." She whispered into his sweater, opening her eyes. "It's been so long since I've seen you… I wanted to stop by, but I wasn't sure you wanted to see me. I was really surprised when you came here tonight. I mean, I asked Molly if you would come to the Burrow any time soon, and she seemed to think that you wouldn't come back for a while longer. But now you're here…"
She trailed off, her eyes fixed on the wall. He nodded in agreement, staring at the wall too. "I didn't think I would be here today either. It's been… hard, but I have my duty to the Order. I can't let my personal problems take precedence over the Order's problems."
"You're too selfless for your own good, you know that?" she closed her eyes and sighed, missing the smile forming once again on his face. He looked down at her as she drifted off to sleep, gently stroking the back of her hand with his finger. She was lucky, he thought sadly, his eyes resting on her peaceful looking face. She was so unnaturally kind and people liked her for it. In a way, she reminded him of Lily, who was so caring, even towards the ones that didn't deserve it. Dora was like a light in the darkness, and she wouldn't share the same fate that his friends did. She had so many people there for her that he was sure that it could never happen. She had a life worth living, a normal life, and people liked her. He, on the other hand, he would welcome death if it came to his doorstep at the moment. He would be with the people who truly accepted him again. Here, he didn't belong. Not with these normal but wonderful people like her. No one would really miss him if he were to disappear anyways. There was nobody left to hold him to this world except her and Harry, and even they would realize sooner or later the monster he was inside and he would be alone again. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes as well, squeezing her hand lightly before drifting off to sleep as well.
One step, I'm out the door
A sea of faces looking for the shore
I haven't seen myself for days or more
Somehow forgot what I'm looking for
Never been gone so long before
He gripped his side tightly, drawing in a sharp breath. His eyes were closed tightly, and he struggled to hold back a scream of pain. He looked up at the door in front of him and raised his hand to knock, hesitantly. He wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in his bed and sleep, but there was an Order meeting tonight, and he had to come. He was needed, and he couldn't turn his back on the Order. Sleep would have to wait.
He was about to knock when he remembered that the Order would be in the center of the house, away from doors and windows, so they wouldn't hear him. He didn't have the strength to shout or yell, and he clearly could not apparate into the Burrow. He frowned, lowering his hand to the doorknob. He didn't want to feel like he was breaking and entering… they hadn't expected him, thinking that he was still with Greyback and his pack. But he had no other choice. With a heavy sigh, he trained his wand on the doorknob and whispered the unlocking charm. "Alohamora."
The door unlocked and he stowed his wand away in his pocket before entering the house. It was mostly silent, but he could hear the hum of hushed voices coming from a distance. Taking slow cautious steps, he walked towards the room, his footsteps loud to his ears. He supposed it was better that way. He wouldn't startle them then. He ignored the pounding in his head and gritted his teeth against the pain, refusing to allow it to get the better of him. He was doing his duty and he would not let the pain stop him. Finally reaching the door to the room, he twisted the handle and opened the door.
The voices died and an awkward silence filled the air. Every head was turned towards him, and he could feel himself wobble slightly where he stood. He reached a hand out and gripped the door frame, leaning against it. He forced a smile on his face, hoping that it was convincing enough, as he could see the worried glances the others were directing at him. "Sorry, I know this was unexpected. I hope I'm not too late."
His voice sounded hoarse to his own ears and he smiled sheepishly at the others. After Dumbledore reassured him that his tardiness could be overlooked and that it was nice to see him again, he made his way towards the only available seat left. Next to Dora. He let go of the doorframe and took a deep breath to steady himself before walking to the chair. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit him, and he stopped in his tracks. He had a sudden urge to retch but he swallowed and closed his hands into fists, trying to keep himself steady. He had to do this; he couldn't let himself be weak. "Remus?"
Nymphadora had gotten up and taken a step towards him, a worried look on her face. He wrenched his eyes shut as another wave of nausea hit him. "Remus, are you alright?"
"I'm fine Nymphadora." He managed to whisper, even managing a smile. He knew that he wasn't very convincing, and even as this thought ran through his head, the pain that he had been holding back let loose. It flowed through him like a flood, and he let out a silent scream, falling to the ground. Black spots filled his vision and he felt the unbearable need to close his eyes. Dora's figure filled his vision, a panicked expression on her face. He could hear her calling his name repeatedly, and he managed a small smile before everything turned to black.
"Do you think he'll be okay, Molly?"
A small familiar voice that could only belong to Dora whispered. He couldn't make out the response, but the tight grip on his hand loosened a little. He wrapped his fingers around the warm hand and squeezed lightly, trying to reassure Dora that he was okay. He struggled to open his eyes, and after a few minutes of trying unsuccessfully, he managed to wrench his eyes open. Instinctively, his head turned to his right and his golden-brown eyes settled on her.
"Remus!" She leapt out of her chair and hugged him tightly, only pulling away when he winced slightly in pain. He managed a weak smile for her and then turned his head to the other occupant in the room who was smiling at the two of them.
"Remus, dear, how are you feeling?" asked, concerned. He knew that if he didn't answer her soon, she would start fussing over him. And while he appreciated her kindness and her care, he would rather not be fussed over and pampered like a child.
"I'm fine, Molly. Thank you. How long have I been out?" He glanced toward the window, seeing only the blackness of night. Surely he couldn't have blacked out for too long. A look at Molly and Tonks told him the opposite.
"You were out since yesterday evening, Remus." Dora frowned, and he found himself thinking that she should be smiling instead. Her smile was so infectious, and beautiful, and…
"Oh." He responded quickly, trying to reverse the direction of his thoughts. "Sorry if I caused you any inconvenience. I didn't mean to… you know…"
He trailed off and smiled sheepishly at the two of them. Quickly reassuring him that he caused no inconvenience, Molly left to fix him something to eat, leaving only Tonks and him in the room. He pushed himself up until he was sitting and turned to face Tonks. She was frowning at him, and the tips of her hair were turning red. He raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why she was looking at him that way.
"You knew you weren't feeling well." She spoke, her tone accusing. It was more of a statement than a question. He nodded, confused as to why she seemed so angry. He had just lost consciousness, nothing serious.
"Yet you still came to the Order meeting. Why?" She glared pointedly at him, her gaze demanding. He didn't flinch, calmly looking back at her.
"I was just doing my duty to the Order. I think everyone would have wanted an update on Greyback and his pack." He spoke softly, his lips barely moving. "I don't see why…"
"This isn't about what everyone wanted Remus. This is about you. You were injured and tired, but you still came, even though you were feeling unwell." She interrupted him, leaping to her feet once again. She paced agitatedly around the room, avoiding his eyes. Finally, she stopped to stand by the window, leaning forehead against the cool glass.
"I was so scared, Remus." She sounded so broken and it scared him. The Nymphadora he knew always sounded so strong, so brave. But he reminded himself that she was still only human, and she had the right to feel this way, despite how strong she might sound. "I've never seen you look that way… not even after a horrible transformation. You looked like you were in so much pain, even though you were smiling. And then you were still and you looked… you looked almost lifeless."
The last word came out in a whisper, and she shivered. She struggled to push the memory from her mind. She turned back around to face him and walked back to her chair. Her hair was starting to turn brown, and she sank into the chair, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.
"I'm sorry." Remus spoke gently, reaching over to take her hand. He didn't realize that she would be that worried about him. Of course, they were friends, but he hadn't expected her to care that much about him. He supposed that after Sirius, he would just fade into the background and be forgotten. It had been that way the first time he had lost his friends, so it was a surprise to know that there still people who cared about him. "But I'm fine now. And while I appreciate it, you really shouldn't have worried about me. It's nothing an old werewolf can't handle."
Her head snapped up, and she glared at him once again. "You are not old, Remus Lupin, and I had every right to be worried about you! You came in looking as if you had died and come back to life!"
He laughed, the sound like music to her ears. "I really must have looked bad then. A consequence of living with a pack of feral werewolves."
She smiled softly at him, moving to hug him again. She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him, not wanting to let go. They stayed like that, even when Molly came back with a plate of food and a glass of water. Smiling at the two of them, she cleared her throat and watched as they both pulled away quickly, their faces flushed. She continued to smile at them, setting down the food and water on the bedside table. Without a word, she left the room, leaving the two alone again.
Is somebody there?
Is somebody out there?
Is somebody there?
I'm scared
He descended the staircase slowly and quietly, hoping not to wake anyone up. It was early in the morning, and while he knew that he shouldn't be out of bed yet due to the after-effects of the full moon, he was tired of staying cooped up in that stuffy room. The Weasleys had graciously offered him a place to stay at after the full moon, and too tired to protest, he had accepted.
He wasn't the only one staying at the Burrow. Dora, still worried about him, had also taken up Molly's offer to stay at the Burrow. The thought that she was staying for him left him confused. He didn't understand why she insisted on staying, even when he told her that he was feeling much better. She had so many other people that she could spend time with, yet she chose to spend the time with him. He wasn't exactly complaining, but he was still unsure about being around her before and after the full moons.
An endless amount of questions ran through his head. What if he hurt her? What if he turned her into a werewolf? What if he killed her? He had read that it was possible for werewolves to infect people while in their human form. What if he infected her? The questions scared him, and he didn't want to know the answers. And as much as he wanted her to keep her distance from him, he didn't want her to leave him alone. He was confused, and Nymphadora Tonks was the cause of his confusion.
He entered the kitchen and summoned an unused glass from the counter, catching it in his hand. After filling it with water, he sat down at the table, twirling his wand in his hand. What did she see in him? A destitute, old werewolf? He was a monster, yet she still tried to see the good in him. Yes, he had tried to do good things to balance out the evil that lay within him, but he was still a monster. A dangerous, filthy creature. He was still dangerous and evil, yet she still saw only the good in him.
A part of him wanted to let her be there for him, care about him… even love him, if she could. But the rational part of his brain told him that he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't trap her with his curse, make her an outcast. He had had his fair share of rejection, and he couldn't do that to her too. Even if she was willing to be with him, he couldn't let her. Not that she would love him anyways. She would probably realize that he was just a bloodthirsty monster and leave him.
Whether she knew it or not, that was his worst fear. While his boggart still took the form of the full moon, it was Dora and Harry leaving him that scared him the most. They were the two people he cared about the most right now, and he was afraid that they would reject him for what he was. He couldn't face rejection from them. He could take it from the shopkeepers and wizards in Diagon Alley. He could take it from Ministry officials. But he couldn't take it from the people he cared about the most. They were the reason that he was still here, still breathing right now. Without them, he would have lost the will to live and given in to the pain. He would be alone. Closing his eyes, he pictured their faces, the coldness in their eyes, the hate in their voice…
He could hear someone crying, and it took him a moment to realize that he was the one who was crying. He struggled to hold back the tears, but memories flooded through his mind, reminding him of all that he had lost. James, Sirius, Lily, his parents, most of the first Order, even Peter… was he doomed to suffer for eternity like this? It seemed like the moment everything seemed right again, it all turned back around leaving him broken. Drinking the last of the water, he rested his head on his arms, still sobbing quietly. He didn't care if he was stronger than this. Right now, nothing mattered anymore, nothing except the people that he had lost and the people that he had left.
Alone we're together
No matter the weather
You can't see and you won't see with your eyes closed
But you can see and you will see, just open your eyes
"Remus?"
He lifted his head from his arms and glanced towards the door, his eyes red. He froze as his gaze settled on her, and while he looked calm on the outside, he was panicking on the inside. He didn't want her to see him like this, and he smiled weakly at her, wiping away a few stray tears.
"Remus." Her voice was soft and tender, and she approached him slowly, taking a seat next to him."Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Nymphadora. Just remembering Lily, Padfoot, and Prongs." His finger played with a loose strand of string on the sleeve of his cardigan as he avoided her gaze. She grasped it in hers and pulled it towards her, placing her other hand on top of it.
"I know you feel like you're alone, but you're not." She whispered, looking at him earnestly. "You have the Weasleys, the others in the Order, Harry, and me. And remember that the loved ones you lost will always be in your heart. They will never truly leave you."
"You must have talked to Sirius. I believe he said the same thing to Harry when Harry helped him escape." He sighed, smiling, but the smile not reaching his eyes. His eyes had a faraway look in them, and his gaze rested on the table top. "They said they wouldn't leave me, but they did. How do I know that all of you won't leave me too?"
"Remus, look at me." He reluctantly did what she asked. "We won't leave you because of what you are. You should know that. None of us would ever leave you willingly, especially me. You're my best friend, and even more."
He frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"
"I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you." She muttered, gathering the courage to hold his gaze as she confessed her feelings to him. "I'm in love with you."
An awkward silence filled the air. He had expected her to say something along the lines of him being like an older brother to her, or a cousin, or something like that. Never had he thought that she would say that she was…in love… with him. A monster. He tensed as images of him biting Tonks and injuring her entered his mind.
"Remus, say something." She pleaded, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. His mouth went dry, and he closed his eyes, trying to form the words in his mind. It would be so easy to say the words. I love you. But every ounce of sense was screaming for him to reject her. She didn't realize what she was getting herself into. But he knew all the risks and dangers, and he would never forgive himself if he didn't let her know or give her the chance to change her mind.
"Nymphadora, you're mistaken." He whispered, fear building up inside of him. "You can't love a monster."
"I don't see a monster! I see a man. A sweet, kind, and caring, man!" She gripped his hand even more tightly, refusing to let him pull it away. She could see the indecision in his eyes turn to resignation, and it made her want to hold his hand even more tightly.
"Maybe, but a broken man nonetheless. A man without even a penny to his name." He replied slowly, trying to make her see the mistake that she was making.
"I don't need to be supported!"She retorted. "And lack of money won't make me stop loving you."
"I'm thirteen years older than you!" he shot back, his eyes pleading with her to stop. He wouldn't be able to take it if somewhere along the way, she changed her mind and left him, leaving him even more broken. Dora wasn't the type to do that, but still, he worried.
"It shouldn't matter, Remus. Age is just a number, nothing more."
"I could hurt you." He whispered softly, the frustration gone from his voice. "I could kill you, or turn you into a werewolf."
She felt tears start to form in her eyes and mentally berated herself for starting to cry in his presence again. But looking at him so… so broken… saddened her. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and the lost look on his face made her want to cry her heart out. "You would never hurt me. I know you wouldn't."
"But I could, Nymphadora, and I would never forgive myself if I did. You deserve much more than what I can give you, I know it. Please, rethink what you're asking for and change your mind." His hand traced invisible patterns on the table.
"It's Tonks." She spoke softly, releasing his other hand from her grip. She reached over and hugged him, holding onto him for a moment before letting go. She stood up, walking towards the door. Before exiting the kitchen, she turned back, smiling sadly at him. "And I've already thought about it Remus. A million times, even before you were sent to infiltrate Greyback's pack. And you wanted to know why my hair has been this disgusting brown color? Its because I knew that you would react this way, and its killing me. But I'm not going to give up. I love you, and even though you don't think you deserve it, I know that you do."
She left, and a few moments later, he faintly heard the front door slam shut and the crack that signaled apparition. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. She would change her mind, he knew it. Just a little more time, and she would see the truth. She would see that Remus John Lupin was nothing more than a monster.
Is somebody there?
Is somebody out there?
Is somebody there?
I'm scared
Somebody out there, somebody
He watched as she bowed her head and mumbled something to Molly before leaving the hospital wing. She didn't even cast a glance his way, and while his mind told him that it was a good thing that she was starting to move on, his heart ached at the thought. It was a selfish thought, to want her to keep on living this way just so that the monster inside of him could tear her heart out again and again. But it had to be done, no matter how much he didn't want to. He had to push away Dora for her own safety.
Yet seeing her look like this, look like he had when he had lost everyone he had ever loved… it was painful, to say the least. He had known that feeling of hopelessness, the loss of the will to push forward, the gaping hole inside… and now, he could see it in her. The dark brown locks that hung down to her shoulders now held a different meaning in his mind. It was evidence of the pain that he had caused her, and he knew without a doubt that he was to blame. He could turn it all back around, with just three or four simple words, but he refused to allow himself to say them. He loved her more than she could ever know, and that was why he had to push her away. Nymphadora was so young, and she had a life worth living for. So why did she want to waste it on something like him? All he would do was drag her down with him. He would thrust her into a life of rejection and shame, and she would surely hate him for the rest of her life. And he would deserve it.
"Molly." He spoke quietly, returning his gaze to Mrs. Weasley, who was at Bill's side, cleaning his wounds. She stopped what she was doing, and turned to face him. She remained silent, waiting for him to continue. "I'm going to take a walk around the grounds to see the damage. Let me know if Bill wakes up, alright?"
She nodded, offering a small smile, before turning her attention back to her son. He said a quick goodbye to the rest of the Weasley's and Fleur and made his way towards the doors to the hospital wing. Once he was in the corridors, he started to walk towards the courtyard nearby, knowing that he needed to get outside before giving into the grief.
Painful memories flooded through his mind as he walked. They were memories of his time at Hogwarts, with the Marauders, the transformations, the classes… some of the memories were pleasant but they reminded him of all that he had lost. And now, Dumbledore was killed, murdered by Snape. Dumbledore trusted Snape, he trusted Snape. Everyone had believed that Snape had truly switched to their side, but the man had fooled them all.
He walked down the last flight of steps, and turned the corner, expecting to find the courtyard empty. However, he stopped in his tracks, realizing that he wasn't the only one wanting to be alone. His eyes rested on Dora, who was seated on a bench. Her brown hair covered her face, but he could tell that she was crying from the way her body was shaking. He swallowed painfully, knowing that he was mostly the cause of her misery.
He watched as she gripped her wand in her hand and conjured a patronus, obviously remembering something that made her somewhat happy. He was surprised when a silvery creature leaped from her wand and circled around her, coming to a rest at her feet. There was no doubt in his mind as to what it was. Only a great shock or emotional upheaval could change a patronus, and it was rare that a patronus would change. The fact that it was a werewolf, that it was him shocked him greatly. He had known that she had feelings for him… or rather, that she believed that she had feelings for him. But the depth of those feelings hit him now, and he fought the urge to back away and run back inside.
"How long are you going to stand there?" Her hoarse whisper interrupted his thoughts and he started at the sound of her voice. She was looking at him, making no move to wipe the tear stains from her face. He felt waves of guilt wash over him, and he walked over to her, taking a seat next to her. Her patronus faded away and he saw her turn her head away from him in embarrassment.
"Nym-" he started, but she cut him off.
"I've been unfair to you." She started, her voice laced with sadness and pain. "I've always been told to consider others' feelings when I speak, but already, I've bloody trampled over yours. I should have just stopped at letting you know about my feelings. But instead, I constantly pestered you, even when you didn't want to have anything to do with me.
"I'm sorry, Remus, I really am. Sorry that I embarrassed you in front of everyone inside, and sorry that I tried to force you to do something that you clearly don't want to do. It's just that you're the first man who doesn't…doesn't expect me to become their dream girl because of what I am. But it was never more than that I guess. Besides, I'm too immature, and clumsy, and stupid for anyone to love. I guess that explains why even the one person I thought would accept me for who I am doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and…"
He grasped her hand, and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his other arm around her, holding her to him. She trailed off, her voice disappearing, as he released her hand and brought his to her face to wipe away her tears. She glanced up at him, confused. What was he doing? She had thought that he wanted nothing to do with her, not after the incident in the hospital wing. "Remus, what…?"
"Stop, Dora. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's me who should be apologizing. For treating you so badly that you start to doubt yourself. You are perfect to me, not stupid or immature, though I must confess that you are a bit clumsy. But still, that's a good thing." He spoke softly, smiling at her. He watched as her eyes widened in surprise. "While I still stand by what I said before, I need you to know that I truly do love you. And that is why I cannot let anything happen between us."
"Dora… that's what my father calls me…" she muttered, unaware that he had heard her. The usual spark lit up in her eyes as she held his gaze defiantly. "You say you love me yet you hurt me… and I'm supposed to believe you?"
"No, you're not, but I really do love you. Can't you see? This," he gestured to the faded scars on his face. "is why we can't be together. I could bite you, and curse you with a life like mine. I could never do that to you, to anyone. It's a cursed life, Dora, a life that you would live anyways if we were to be together. You would regret it, believe me."
She turned back to face the courtyard again and conjured her patronus again, her hand shaking as she directed it to stand in front of him. "I love you, and that includes the werewolf too. I can handle rejection, Remus. I'm not always the most wanted person around, due to my freakish abilities and my clumsiness. I'm not completely helpless either. I'm a bloody Auror, and I know not to be around you when you transform. I understand that you're a werewolf at least once a month, but for the other days, you're human. You're you."
"But-" he started to object, but he was silenced as he saw her pain-filled eyes. He swallowed nervously, thinking over what she had said. She was right about not being helpless. He never believed she was, but the threat that he could pose to her… Yet even after he had broken her heart numerous times, she still wanted to be with him. No one had ever done that before, stick by him even after he had hurt them so horribly. He her to him, burying his face in her hair. The reality of her feelings for him was really setting in. She loved him. She truly loved him.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered into her ear, tears of his own sliding down his face and resting in her hair. "Dora, I'm so sorry for hurting you like this. I shouldn't have let my lycanthropy affect everything in my life, including my love for you. Please, please forgive me if you can. I'd understand if you won't."
"Will you please just give us a try then? Please?" She spoke softly, pulling back to look at him in the eyes. She could see the indecision in them slowly fade away and watched as he nodded, resting his hand on the side of her face. He smiled at her, and she let herself be lost in his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.
"I love you Nymphadora Tonks." He spoke softly, watching as she pulled back quickly to reprimand him for calling her by her first name. He laughed as she realized that he had managed to get her worked up enough so that her hair would change colors again. She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to stay angry with him, but soon burst into laughter as well. He pulled away from her and stood up, extending a hand to her. "Come on, Nymphadora. We should go see how Bill is doing. And I think we might make Molly a little happier if we let her know that we're together."
She accepted his hand and stood up as well, intertwining her fingers with his. She smiled before leading the way to the hospital wing with Remus following closely behind her. "Don't call me Nymphadora."
I just thought that I'd explain the format in case anyone was confused while reading. The bold words are the lyrics, and each section of the lyrics has one or two scenes below that corresponds with it. I don't put breaks between the end of scenes and lyrics, but I put breaks to separate more than one scene in a section. but yeah, that's mainly how I format my stories. I'm sorry if it's still confusing!
Thanks for reading, and any feedback would be appreciated. I hope you enjoyed it and I apologize for taking so long to update! I have midterms in a few days, so bear with me. I'll try and get at least one more chapter in for February, but no promises.
Thanks for all your reviews! They really make me happy!
BrokenWhispers11
