Disclaimer: BioWare owns Dragon Age: Origins (and Dragon Age: Origins Awakening) and related characters/settings. Some dialogues and settings were taken directly from the game(s) and modified to fit this story.
In History Lie Like Bones
Acts of injustice done
Between the setting and the rising sun
In history lie like bones, each one.
—W. H. Auden
'In History Lie Like Bones' is basically just a little idea inspired by the above W. H. Auden quote since Zevran's absence in Awakening annoyed me to no end. Despite the Origins epilogue in which Zevran elects to travel with the Warden to rebuild the Order, I think enough time (about a year, based on Oghren being a father) has passed for circumstances and priorities to change. This is my take on how they separated and why the Warden sought Zevran out once the darkspawn threat to Amaranthine had been settled.
I realize the Warden seems quite angst-ridden in this chapter, and while this won't always be the case, being the hero of a dark fantasy like Dragon Age can't be easy, and I feel it's desirable to humanize the usually iconic and stoic Warden. So I thought I'd try a mix of two philosophies: we are what we think (Buddha) vs. we are what we pretend to be (Vonnegut) and see how it goes.
Also, I picture the name Munyn being pronounced "myou-nin," though you're obviously free to pronounce it however you wish. Munyn is a slightly more feminine spelling (I think, anyway) of the Scandinavian name Munin, meaning "memory." I thought it was appropriate since she's struggling to cope with memories of her past.
In any case, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it :)
All You Wish For and All You've Seen
"I picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees, asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen"
—In the Sun by Joseph Arthur
----------------------------------
My Dear Zevran…
She stared at the parchment resting in her lap, empty save for the generic and ultimately meaningless address. The only progress in the past half hour had been from ink splatters that trickled across the page in ever changing patterns.
Frustrated, Munyn closed her eyes and allowed her head to drop into her hands. It seemed the important things—you were right, I'm sorry, and I love you—were no easier to write than they were to speak aloud, despite how relentlessly they'd plagued her thoughts since leaving Denerim.
She could scarcely believe the coronation ceremony had occurred less than a year ago. It seemed to her like the final battle against the darkspawn horde had taken place a lifetime ago… and perhaps, in a sense, it had. Her life, along with the lives of her companions, had seen a major upheaval in the months following victory over the Archdemon.
With the Blight ended and the throne occupied, many of her friends had elected to continue their travels independently. Alistair and Anora were, of course, engaged with their duties as King and Queen of Ferelden—an adventure in and of itself. Leliana was undertaking a pilgrimage to recover the Urn of Sacred Ashes, Wynne and Shale were embarking on a quest to restore Shale's mortality, Oghren, in keeping with his word to Felsi, was on his way to Lake Calenhad, and Sten had boarded a ship for his homeland before the celebrations had even truly ended, taking her Mabari war dog with him.
The pair of them had developed a remarkable bond during their travels, and though it pained her to part with the hound she'd shared half her life with, Munyn couldn't help but smile at how happy he seemed to be at the prospect of staying with the giant Qunari warrior.
As for Zevran… she ran an agitated hand through her hair. She had thought he would accompany her to help rebuild the Grey Wardens. In fact, he had been the one to suggest it.
"You know, it does occur to me that staying in one place is only going to invite the Crows to find me that much quicker. While fun, that might eventually get… complicated. You said earlier that you were planning on returning to the Grey Warden fold soon. Is that true?"
"That is indeed what I said."
"And would you be in favour of my remaining with you? I've grown rather fond you, you see. Sad, but true."
"I'd like you to stay. With me."
"Now that's a request that I would be hard-pressed to refuse. So I won't. Let the Crows come. It will make for fun times and interesting party talk, yes?"
Yet here she was, the so-called Hero of Ferelden, camped beside some eerily deserted road on her way to Vigil's Keep, without him. She pinched the bridge of her nose as her thoughts drifted back to their last encounter.
She entered their room, pleased to finally spend some time alone with him after a day at court. Talking strategy and budgets for the protection and recovery of Ferelden with Alistair and Eamon was hard enough without having to convince the nobles that, 'Yes, this will work,' and 'No, you won't always have to make do without luxury silks from Orlais.'
She grinned when she saw him standing by the window, his fair hair illuminated by light from the setting sun. Approaching him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, letting her cheek rest against his back.
"You were offered the position of Warden-Commander."
She felt, more than heard, the words rumble in his chest. Smile fading, she relaxed her embrace and lifted her head. Perhaps she had imagined the disapproval in his voice. But he did not turn to face her, instead continuing to gaze out over the busy streets of Denerim.
"Zevran, I—"
"And you have already agreed."
It wasn't a question, and Munyn struggled to understand its implications.
"I am the last remaining Grey Warden in all of Ferelden. I have a duty to—"
"Don't you dare!" he hissed, rounding on her. "I respect that you have a duty to the Wardens, but do not presume to tell me that is the only reason you have accepted this position."
"What do you expect me to say, Zevran?" she asked quietly.
That I abandoned my family to be murdered by a traitorous bastard? That I was quick to kill the man who saved my life even before fully realizing he was part of a Sloth Demon's nightmare? That I made decisions that cost the lives of countless good men and women? That maybe, just maybe, the good I can do as a Grey Warden might marginally atone for my failures?
Instead, all she said was, "That I enjoy being a Grey Warden and the responsibility that comes with it? I do."
Coward.
"Nothing." Anger seemingly dissipated, Zevran tossed his hands up in resignation. "I expect you to speak while saying nothing. What, you think I do not I recognize the evasions, the elusions?" he continued, seeing her about to protest. "We are not so unalike."
"It's not like that," she tried.
Only it was exactly like that. The last few months had been strained, to put it mildly. With all the idle time at the palace, guilt over past mistakes had wormed its way into her thoughts, eventually taking root and chipping away at her self-worth. And so she'd thrown herself into Warden business, hoping to forget the doubt that dogged her every step. Hoping to hide the unworthiness she felt each time Zevran whispered words of endearment in her ear.
She was supposed to be strong, immutable. And now—
"Commander?"
Munyn glanced up, startled out of her thoughts. Her guide—a nice enough woman who appeared relatively well-armed and well-trained in combat—was looking down at her.
"It's dawn," she gestured apologetically to the horizon, "and we've a ways to go, yet."
"So it is." Munyn smiled at the woman, a semblance of composure easily stealing over her features. The letter to Zevran would have to wait.
Rising with a yawn and a stretch, she crumpled the sorry piece of parchment and tossed it on the dying embers. Watching as a spark caught the dry paper, Munyn waited until it was entirely consumed by flame before grabbing her pack and falling into step beside her guide.
"Let's be on our way."
Story title, "In History Lie Like Bones," is taken from W. H. Auden's play, The Ascent of F6: A Tragedy in Two Acts.
Chapter title, "All You Wish for and All You've Seen," is from In the Sun, a song by Joseph Arthur.
