Completely meant to be humorous, and an appreciation of stupid sexy Jacob. This will probably end up being three chapters long.


"Cullen! That paperwork for West Logistics better be done by 2 today!"

"Yes, boss." Edward Cullen responded promptly as his fingers began to fly over the keys. Not piano keys, he thought sullenly. Work had just started and already, his boss was asking for the impossible. It would take a normal employee more than a week to finish the paperwork for that specific company, as the company was extremely difficult to work with, but luckily Edward was no normal employee. He prepared most of paperwork well in advance of the due date and only had a few finishing changes as well as additions to make before the time it was due. There were a few incentives to finishing early, such as getting his boss to stop riding his back about it and start riding his d-

"Cullen!"

"Boss?" He looked up to see Jacob Black grinning down at him, one hand holding coffee and the other casually gripping the side of his cubicle.

"How's it going? Almost done? Or slacking off yet again?" Jacob took a sip of his coffee and drummed his fingers on Edward's desk. "Or maybe, you're being sullen again, Cullen." He gave Edward shit-eating grin, clearly thinking he was being hilarious.

"I'm almost done, actually. Can I help you with anything?" Not rising up to the tease, Edward lowered his lashes and continued typing. It was best not to rise to the bait. Besides, that was the best revenge for someone like Jacob.

Jacob pouted before internally giving up, "Nah, nothing else. Continue. Those papers better be on my desk by two sharp!"

"Of course, boss." Edward smiled to himself. Jacob sure was looking cute as usual. Full lips, nice cheeks, a teasing mouth that he wanted to sink into. Nothing out of the ordinary there. As Jacob turned, Edward noted his fine ass and paused in his typing to admire it but, as if on purpose, Jacob turned back. Edward immediately turned back to face his screen and resumed typing in order to look busy.

"Actually, Cullen, there is something. Bring me lunch." Nothing out of the ordinary here, either.

"I will, boss."

"Great!" Jacob grinned once more, turning around and finally leaving. Edward watched the beautiful ass walk away before stretching and getting up to seek his coworkers for a break, knowing that Jacob would not be back until after Edward brought him lunch.

"Good morning, Alice." His coworker, Alice, started smiling before even looking up, and replied. "Mornin', Edward! How're you today?"

"Fine. Boss being pushy as usual." He rolled his eyes as Alice grinned and latched onto his arm. They began walking towards the break room. Truth be told, Edward probably couldn't get through the day without his morning caffeine, no thanks to his boss.

"Ah! Wait, we have to stop by Bella's desk. She wanted to take her break with us today!" Alice directed Edward away from the direction of the break room, leaving him to frown in distaste from both the mention of Bella and the distance away from the break room and his beloved coffee.

Alice waved frantically as they neared Bella's desk. "Bella! Good morning!"

"Good morning, Alice! Edward!" Bella smiled at both of them. Alice then left Edward's side to latch onto Bella's arm, and they started walking towards the break room again.

Edward shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched a bit as they walked, slowing down so they would eventually walk in front of him. Bella and Alice chatted away, talking about who knows what. He didn't want to join in for a few reasons. Bella was pretty, although a normal, classic sort of pretty, and she was a nice girl. But, he did not want to get too involved with her because it was rather obvious she was attracted to him, and although it was a compliment he did not want her attention, nor did he want to give her any hope that he would return her feelings. Not to mention the weeks he would spend on the couch if he did do anything with her... which he would most definitely NOT do. Because the couch wasn't comfortable after the first day. And the teasing at work would stop being lighthearted. And he would probably have to pull overtime. And he wouldn't get a homemade breakfast anymore. And the couch really, really wasn't comfortable. Not preferable at all.

"Here." He was handed a steaming cup of coffee by Bella, who offered him a charming smile. Edward nodded back, murmuring his thanks as he held the cup with both hands, letting the warmth seep into his skin.

"So, how was your day so far, Edward?" Bella smiled at him warmly, eyes twinkling with a curiosity that wouldn't be satisfied with a one word answer.

"The usual." She'd have to make do with two, he thought. Watching her smile crumble a bit, he couldn't help but feel a bit bad, as well as a bit like bursting out into full blown laughter. He seemed like such a villain, he might as well wear a black cape. And horns. Or maybe a red brooch? That was really vampire-like, never mind. Gross.

He kept an eye on the clock as he sipped at his coffee, blowing at it every few seconds, thinking about other things he could have been blowing. Sadly, it wasn't even lunch time yet.

"Edward, do you suppose Bella and I could join you for lunch? We can try out that new place on the corner of Trafalgar Street!" Alice looked up at him excitedly. How could one say no to that?

"Sure." Lunch with Bella can't be too bad, right?