A/N: First ever entry into this fandom. Hope everyone can constructively criticize or express an opinion of any kind really. On with the show!
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Ten Hearts Kyousuke Kousaka Has Broken
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The first time Kyousuke Kousaka ever broke a heart, it was his mother Yoshino's. When she held him in her arms and looked into his eyes after several hours of labor starting just before ten pm and bringing him into the world just after one the next morning, even as he finished squalling and nuzzled into her chest, she couldn't help but feel her heart simultaneously break and overflow with joy and love for her precious little boy. Kirino, while always more accomplished, outgoing and in most conventional senses was the more perfect of the two siblings, Kyousuke has always in his own quietly unassuming way been at the center of his mother's heart ever since he broke it the day he was born. Just like Kirino for their father if one were going to make comparisons. (But that's a story for another day)
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The second time he breaks a heart, it is the heart of a small brown haired girl who would evolve into a fiery tempered orange haired model of a girl. Kirino had always looked up to and adored him: her cool big brother, her beloved Onii-chan. It was not a single moment, but rather a series of seemingly minor but increasingly hurtful cruelties that she doesn't really begin to understand until years later of having seen and observed other types of siblings and their bonds in action to compare that really broke her heart.
The first time he didn't want to share a bath.
The first time he didn't want to talk about his day with her.
The first time he chooses his friend the plain boring girl over her.
The first time he left her behind.
The first time he chooses his own interests over supporting hers.
The first time he went to a different school that morning without even saying goodbye.
The first time he didn't speak to her all day.
The first time she realized that he didn't know (or really care for that matter) about anything she was doing with her own life.
Each individually would've been bad enough by themselves, but combined with his near criminal apathy toward the world at large and generally pleasant if withdrawn demeanor, it all came together to make him the cruelest tormentor she could possibly have: one that would simply look blankly at her and honestly not even understand what they were doing to her soul. She likes to think that she managed to harden herself towards him and his attitude by losing herself in running, in modeling, in her social life. Until she found eroge, she had trouble believing it even on the really good days. But then she had the misfortune of having him discover her secret otaku hobbies and begin life counseling her. And while sometimes, when no one else can possibly see or hear her except for kami, she thanks the cosmos for giving her back some semblance of the brother she had once loved so much. But he has broken her heart once before. And despite the taped together pieces and patched over parts, it has never fully healed. And so she lives in nightmarish constantly changing state of simultaneously loving her brother and fearing her love of her brother, knowing that at any time he could just as easily break her heart a second time whether he means to or not.
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The third heart he really breaks is Manami Tamuras'. It's okay though, because she doesn't begrudge him that. She doesn't care that the first time he sat beside the quiet introverted plain glasses wearing girl and extended his hand in friendship when everyone else looked straight through her, she lost her heart to him. She doesn't care that while he considers her a member of his family, he never takes that to its logical conclusion despite her own family all but putting a neon sign up advertising their approval and her own clumsy attempts at indirectly broaching the subject with him all meet with a blank wall of such condensed oblivious that despite having such an enormous crush on him, she sometimes questions its legitimacy. Because she knows in her own mind that sometimes, when the person is good and pure enough, even having your heart broken by them is not truly a loss. Just as when a beautiful sunset shines through your window before the sun disappears into night again, sometimes simply being a witness to such warmth and brightness is beautiful enough in and of itself. Still...despite all that, it doesn't stop it from hurting every time she wakes up simply as his good friend and goes to bed each night in the same state.
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One may not think as much to glance at his gruff tough cop exterior, but Daisuke Kousaka can have a soft heart underneath that stoic policeman's gaze. Which is why it hurt so much more when he watched his son bit by bit lose the brightness that his little sister Kirino managed to maintain and even cultivate. He doesn't know how to relate to his children as anything but a stern father however. Much like his father and his father before him and his father before him in that respect. He tries to let his beloved Yoshino keep a handle on their emotional lives for the most part, but it still doesn't stop that small pang he feels every time he sees Kyousuke cruising along when before he would've been rocketing into the sky, a bright shining star of a young and happy boy. To see a light begin to shine before dimming is often a sign that it is close to burning out. He knows this just as he knows the sky is blue, the sun will rise the next day and he will love his wife. And Kyousuke hasn't quite reached that final stage. Yet. But…that also doesn't mean he won't. And that's what breaks Daisuke's heart most of all. That sad surety that one day, whether it is by becoming hikikomori or by simply fading through the cracks of life once he goes out into the world on his own; he knows he will one day lose his only son. Not to any act of nature or to another human being, but to Kyousuke himself.
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The fifth heart he breaks is one of self-proclaimed utter blackness, that of the elusive and mysterious "Kuroneko." Better known to her younger sisters Hinata and Tamaki Gokou as Ruri-nii. At first, he was just the older brother of that annoying Meruru watching dolt that came to the IRL meeting. Then, he was the nii-san she had never realized some childish part of her had always wished would be the bigger sibling for her the way she'd been for her little sisters all her life. And then after that, he was an angel she wished to corrupt. A light she wished to illuminate her darkness. (A crush as her annoyingly straightforward little sister Hinata consistently and incorrectly calls it.) But never the less, she loses her heart and occasionally her mind to him. Especially when his eyes seem to wander elsewhere. (To the Meganekko, to Kirino…well, you get the idea.) It is petty and childish and seven different kinds of humiliating for Kyousuke, but she is the one who came up with the idea of a porn trap to drive a wedge between him and Manami like Kirino wanted. It backfired spectacularly and they both apologized for it, but not for the reasons he thought. He might've mistakenly believed that she herself (she can't speak for the brocon that calls itself Kirino) apologized because she was genuinely sorry to have played the trick. And she is. But mostly she is sorry because it caused pain and humiliation to the wrong person. If it had worked, she would not be an inch repentant and she knows it. But if he happens to have a misconception about it, well…who is she to correct the loving angel who broke her cold heart open?
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Heart six had felt itself tied tightly with Kirino Kousaka's and believed nothing could come between them come hell or high water. Ayase Aragaki never counted on Kirino being at the modeling shoot they first met at. But soon they were fast friends and soon became (for her at least) friends of the soul. Able to take anything the world did so long as they had each other. That changes when she discovers her friend, her fellow heart, her most precious person has lied to her about a hobby that leads down such a destructive path. She's angry at Kirino's deception, she's angry at Kirino's defense of it and most of all she's angry at the world; for giving her this friend that she is going to lose no matter what. But then something unexpected happens. Her brother, the mildly cute onii-san she met, confessed to being the reason Kirino got into her hobby. Admitted to the porn and the eroge and the general distastefulness of Kirino's chosen…material, was all on his head. And despite being so angry about the whole situation, she knows it is a lie. Because someone who gets into a hobby simply to please someone else, who doesn't come to love it like Kirino evidently has, simply doesn't defend it the way she did. But she wants her friend back even if that means accepting a part of her that was hidden and kept from her knowledge. So her heart breaks a bit as she vents all of her accumulated passions on a subject of her ire that doesn't deserve it nearly as much as she makes out. Don't get her wrong, he still toys with her heart afterward and is still a perverted siscon! But still, he wasn't like that. Not the kind of guy that would force her to break her own heart by lying to herself in order to get her heart back.
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The heart of Saori Makishima had always before belonged to her family and her elder sister. Then it had belonged to the very small group of friends her sister briefly included her in before cruelly letting it all crumble to the sands of time. Then it belonged to the two young girls with opposing tastes in manga who still managed to become good friends to each other and to her, her first outside that small nakama her sister had built years before. But she never thought she would have to worry about losing it to Kyousuke. Kyousuke the flowing tide. Kyousuke the gentle flame. Kyousuke the man she could see herself falling in love with. Like her in so many ways. Quiet, a voice of reason, often overlooked despite his contributions, allowed others to rely on him even as he was hesitant to do the same. But with one crucial difference. He believed in himself. Not the way Kirino did, not the way her sister did, not the way so many others seemed to. He never flaunted himself, didn't often seek reward, didn't seek excitement. But when those who trusted him needed him, he wouldn't back down. It was never about trying to do the right thing with him; it was simply about doing the right thing. So that's why, in a moment of self realization and recrimination, she has the epiphany that even if she does…like him that way…it will never come to be. She simply can't be the one to approach him, not when so many others like Kuroneko and Kirino want and need him so much. And so Kyousuke Kousaka breaks Saori's heart, without even realizing he had it in the first place.
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Another heart that never expects to give itself to him is the one that beats inside Kanako Kurusu. She wanted to be famous, to be adored by many. And maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when her parents expected her to be as insanely talented (emphasis slightly more on insane in Kanako's opinion) older sister Kanata. She practiced and practiced and attempted song after song until she was like a musical recording machine; able to memorize entire sheets of lyrics at a glance, predict the rhythms of songs and able to time her movements with the precision of a well trained dancer. She doesn't even really know Kyousuke all that well when meeting him as Ayase's manager. And it doesn't take her long afterward to piece together who he really is after seeing him the second time when she's now doing the Meruru song consistently for the show's live tours ever since Ayase tricked her into the lookalike competition the first time. (Don't ask, it's a long story.) But even when he was pretending to be her manager, he was patient. He was kind. And most of all, he was a dull sort of blunt. He wasn't razor sharp words hiding behind bright smiles, lead weights spoken with the feather touch of condescension, he simply…was. And in many ways it was what she wanted and needed. But then she attends his housewarming and sees that all his friends are female. And it breaks her heart. Not because she felt that strongly about him of course! But mostly because…Mostly because it means something that hadn't even fully rooted in her mind was forced to wither and die before it even had a chance to grow, let alone bloom.
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Kouhei Akagi never really lost his heart to Kyousuke the way he did to his own little sister Sena. But still, he considers Kyousuke a close friend despite their occasional sniping at each other. He knew Kyousuke and Manami when they were all a bit older, but still so very young. He knew Kyousuke back when he wasn't so…tired. And even if he's regained some of his fire, sometimes it hurts Kouhei to remember what Kyousuke once was even if Kyousuke himself seems to prefer to just forget about those days. His friend is still there, but he's worn. His once defined edges and corners have been eroded into a smooth circle of bland that while pleasant enough honestly isn't quite the same. Kouhei still enjoys Kyousuke's friendship and all, but sometimes…sometimes he really and truly misses his friend.
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But the heart Kyousuke Kousaka has been cruelest to and broken so much more consistently is his own. When he was young he tried being the outgoing, outplaying, outracing, outknowing sort of kid everyone figured him to be. And for a while he was. But then he meets and befriends Manami. And her relaxed approach to life made him reevaluate himself and question his own sense of purpose. Eventually, he decides he wants to be normal, to not stand out so much. The saying that comes to his mind when he makes that decision? "The nail which stands out is the one that gets hammered down." That is the first but far from the last time he will break his own heart. He sees a lot more than people give him credit for. He knows Manami thinks she loves him. He knows he is the reason his relationship with Kirino crumbled. He knows he is a disappointment to his father even if the old man never says as much. He knows all of these things and more besides. But in his own way he tries. He tries to be there for his sister the first time she decides to trust him with her hobby after his accidental discovery. He tries to get their father to accept it in his roundabout way. He tries to sacrifice his non-existent standing with her pretty friend Ayase so that they can make up. He tries to be there for Kuroneko and Saori, even if they never really need him nearly as much as his sister. But ultimately, his heart breaks each time he does. Because he knows he will do all of this for them. And ultimately he also knows that he will not do the same for himself unless backed into an absolute corner. That is why he throws himself into the happiness of others, but tries to help them find it outside him, outside his influence. Why he seeks closure from Kuroneko, not rekindling. Why he accepts Ayase's label of him as a liar, even when she admits to knowing the truth. Why he never seeks the hearts of any of the girls he knows and never will. Because ultimately, to reach for something like that would be too much risk for him. And after so many years of having softened and numbed himself to what used to be a painful and exhilarating life, now is sort of a placid lake where the pebbles tossed in by others are the only thing that disturb it and create ripples. But he is at the center of this self-made lake, aware that bit by bit he will inevitably drown in it. And that is what breaks his heart most of all. Not that he is friendless, but that he is directionless. Not that he is alone by circumstance, but by choice. And in the end, he knows he will betray himself no matter how long he attempts to stave or hold it off.
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A/N: So, um...yeah. Not really sure where some of that came from. But leave a review, a pm or some other sign of existence to let me know what you think. I can't know what you think unless you make your voice heard after all. :)
