I want something. I want something. What do I want?
I want them. I want her. I want purpose.
But He has them. He has her. He has purpose.
Why must I be the one everyone ignores? Why do I have to be the one they fall back on for support, and then leave when the whim strikes them? I am sick of doing what is right and prudent. I am sick of being unbiased. I am sick of being me.
I want to change, but I don't know how. I want to be the one who has the attention, the witty remarks, the popularity. But I don't know how. I guess I don't have the looks. I want to be the one who is callous and uncaring! I want to hurt the ones who really matter for the gratification of popularity. I want to hurt a good friend and then act like everything is fine between us. I want to hurt!
I know it is sick and selfish, but I am so sick of being the one who is hurt. The one who is ignored! I never want to be on the receiving end again. And if hurting is what it takes, I sure as hell will do it. Never again will I try and understand. I am going to piss off whoever gets in my way. And laugh.
I will have them. I will have her. So what else matters? The rest of the world can hang.
GOD!
I am killing myself inside!
