Why did this always happen. The dull ache that ran through him as he tried to reach his mother. The pain that he felt when he saw her eyes. Those sinfully expressive eyes so similar to his own, twisting with the pain of knowing what would happen in a few moments. He could hear the awful crumbling noise as the ground crumpled and her scream ringing through the air. In those last few moments on Vulcan before it was destroyed he swore he could hear a sickening splat - "SPOCK!"

Spock bolted upright on the bed and jerked back against the bedframe when he felt hands grip his shoulders. His eyes wide and alert with fear. He sobbed and threw a punch at the shadowy figure in his room. The unknown stranger grabbed his fist and pulled him into a bear hug, the grip almost crushed him but also provided a strange comforting feeling. He gazed up at whoever was pressing him against their chest. He quickly put on a emotionless mask when he saw it was none other than James T Kirk, The mask quickly dissolved though when Kirk gently said "Stop Spock I know what's been going on. You live across the hall from me, I've heard you scream every night since Vulcan." At this Spock felt himself flush. He was supposed to be the strong first officer of the Starship Enterprise not a child in need of comforting. He pushed himself away from the Captain's now loosened grip and resumed his usual all business stance and clasped shaking hands behind his back. "I can assure you there is nothing of importance occurring in my quarters at night perhaps you have heard these noises from another's quarters." he said curtly even though they both knew there were only their quarters on this level, "Yeah, maybe a problem in engineering." Kirk answered back just as icily. "Perhaps," Spock didn't back down from his counterparts gaze until it softened and Kirk sighed ,"I'm just worried about you Spock, I don't want you to kill yourself slowly over her death she loved you while she could and that's all that matters. Not what you could have or should have done because you did the only thing she could ever ask of you. You loved her, Vulcan logic be damned." He looked up and gave Spock a weary grin. "Take care of yourself Spock my door is always open to a friend." Spock's head jerked up at the word friend. Sure he and the Captain's relationship had improved significantly since the destruction of Vulcan but he would have never thought the Captain held him in the same proximity as he held Bones and Scotty. As Jim exited he turned around and gave Spock one last look filled with sorrow and pity for his First Officer- No not his commander, his friend. Spock sat down onto the bed, head in hands. He glanced at the door in agony why must he always long for the things he could never have! He flew at the wall and landed a punch, denting the steel. A loving father who cared his mother was dead! Smash! A home he was welcome to! Bang! A mother that was still alive! Thunk! A friend he could openly accept and be with! Bam! A fucking good life that didn't give him nightmares or make him cry when he thought about it for Godsake! "ROOOOAAAAAR!" he yelled as he gave the door a final blow and it went flying to the outside hall. A startled ensign jumped back in fear as Spock smashed through the wall. "S-sir?" she asked in shock " As you were ensign," He said regaining some of his composure "Are you sure Comman-" Scram!" Spock exclaimed his fragile patience cracked the ensign squeaked and scurried down the hall. Gently massaging the bridged of his nose he leaned against his ruined doorframe and sighed. He walked into his room and wrote down a note to himself to apologize to a certain ensign the next day before going across the hall and knocked on the door labeled CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS.