A/N: Hey guys! So it's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep and since I wasn't feeling any inspiration for my chapter story, I decided I'd write a little one-shot. Or maybe a two-shot. Haven't really decided yet. Anyway, this is my first attempt at more of a humor story, so I'd love to know what you guys think. Much love to ya! Oh! Only 27 more days until I see Anthony and Adam in New York! WHEEEE!!! (I'm just a little excited) Okay. I'll shut up. Enjoy the story!
Disclaimer: The only thing I own that has to do with RENT is the DVD. That is all.
"I'm bored," Maureen Johnson announced loudly one afternoon while flipping through the channels on the T.V.
Her partner, Joanne Jefferson, looked up from the kitchen table where she was working on her most recent case. "What else is new?" Joanne wondered sarcastically. With all her energy, Maureen was bored after sitting still for only a minute.
Maureen jumped up from the couch and bounded over to Joanne. "Let's do something fun today," she said, her eyes gleaming with possibility.
Joanne thought for a moment. "We could go to an art museum," she suggested.
The gleam in Maureen's eyes immediately disappeared as they went into a roll. "I think you must have misunderstood me, Pookie. I said fun, not boring," she said with a laugh.
It was Joanne's turn to roll her eyes. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to take in a little culture," she informed her.
Maureen's eyes wandered around the kitchen until they landed on something that piqued her interest. "You know what else wouldn't kill me to take in?" she asked, a sly smile appearing on her face. "Tequila!"
Joanne let out a loud sigh. "I thought you wanted to do something fun."
"When is tequila not fun?" Maureen asked, scoffing. "Besides," she continued, her grin widening. "I know a game we can play with it," she said, looking at Joanne, her eyebrows waggling mysteriously.
An hour later, Maureen and Joanne arrived at their friends' Mark and Roger's loft. They arrived to find the boys, along with their other friends, Mimi, Collins, and Angel, all engaged in conversation, waiting for them.
"Okay, listen up, everyone," Maureen announced, barging in through the door without even a knock. When she noticed everyone was talking, she blew a brown curl out of her face in exasperation and continued.
"Pay attention to me," she whined, finally getting the group to look at her.
"That's better," she said, satisfied. "The name of the game is "Never Have I Ever'."
Roger's face crinkled into one of confusion. "How do you play?" he asked.
Maureen's hands flew to her hips as she jutted on out. "If you would let me talk for two seconds, I would tell you, Roger."
Roger rolled his eyes. "Looks like someone put her cranky pants on this morning," he said to Mark.
"More like her diva pants," Mark offered, snickering.
"Is there a difference?" Roger asked, raising an eyebrow.
Maureen had had enough. "Hey! Mimi, a little help here?" she asked, motioning toward the girl's boyfriend and his roommate.
Mimi took the hint and smacked both Roger and Mark in the shoulder.
"Thank you," Maureen said, a smirk on her face.
"You're welcome," Mimi said, settling back against Roger.
"Excuse me!" Roger exclaimed, moving away, causing Mimi to fall against the couch. "You just hit me."
"I'm sorry," Mimi said, pulling herself back up, "but you'll get over it. Us girls gotta stick together. Besides," she said, a sly smile forming on her face, "you didn't mind when I was smacking you around last night."
A loud laugh was emitted from Collins. "That's my boy!" he exclaimed, his deep voice booming.
"That was way more information than I needed to know," Joanne said as she shook her head.
The expression on Mark's face was one of utter pain. "You think it's bad hearing about it? Try living through it," he said, looking rather queasy.
"Oh, Mark," Mimi said, turning to him. "Were we really that loud?"
"I would have rather listened to Roger play Musetta's Waltz all night," he said seriously.
Angel grimaced. "That is bad," she said, sympathy for Mark evident in her voice.
"Tell me about it," Mark muttered, shaking his head violently, trying to expel all the graphic images that were starting to appear in his head.
Mimi reached over to pat Mark's hand comfortingly. "Don't worry, Marky. We'll try to keep it down next time."
"That's all I ask," Mark said gratefully.
"GUYS!" Maureen exclaimed, frustrated that the focus had shifted off her. "Can we please turn the attention back to me?"
"Diva pants," Roger muttered under his breath, but, of course, also loud enough for everyone to hear.
Maureen shot an evil look at him, but decided to ignore it. "As I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted," she said, glaring straight at Roger. "'Never Have I Ever' is easy. Everyone takes turns saying something they've never done. Anyone who has, has to take a shot," she said, digging through her oversized purse and producing a bottle of tequila along with seven shot glasses.
"How do you win?" Joanne asked.
"It isn't about winning, silly Pookie," Maureen said, laughing slightly. "It's about who has done the stupidest stuff. And of course, who gets the drunkest!" she exclaimed with a squeal.
"Count me in," Collins announced, throwing his feet up on the coffee table made of milk crates. "I'm down for anything that has to do with alcohol."
"Yeah, it sounds fun," Angel said excitedly.
"Can I start?" Roger asked.
Maureen waved her hand at him. "Be my guest."
"Okay. Never have I ever," Roger began, turning his head slowly to look at his roommate. "...been dumped by a girl...for another girl," he finished, unable to hold back his snickering.
Mark's face immediately turned a very interesting shade of red. "Oh, come on! That's not fair!" he exclaimed loudly.
His exclamation warranted mutual reaction throughout the entire group: laughter.
"Will everyone please just SHUT UP?!" Mark yelled through all the laughter.
Roger was laughing the hardest of everyone. "I'm sorry, man. I couldn't not do that. It was too easy," he said, taking long, slow, deep breaths to keep himself from hyperventilating.
"Cheap shot, Rog. Cheap shot," Collins said, even though he, too, was in fact laughing.
"Well, I thought it was nicely played," Maureen said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Time to take a shot, Mark," Roger teased.
"Fine," Mark grumbled, pouring the alcohol into his glass. "But just remember, my dear roommate...karma's a bitch. Because, of course, this means that I get to go next."
Roger's jaw dropped. He would have never thought Mark had the balls to say something like that, and that worried him slightly. "Maureen!" he whined, looking at the unofficial referee to see if Mark's threat could hold up.
"Actually, Roger, technically he's right," she said, her voice showing genuine sympathy. "Rules say that whoever takes a shot gets to ask the next question."
Hearing that, Roger began to feel very uneasy and his face paled. "This isn't going to be pretty," Collins whispered to Angel, noticing the musician's reaction.
"Why do you say that?" Angel asked, intrigued.
"These guys have been friends for years. Mark's bound to have incriminating dirt on Roger that the rest of us don't know," he explained.
And by the evil look on Mark's face, it was safe to assume that Collins was correct in his observation. "Let's see..." Mark began, looking Roger dead in the eye. "Never have I ever...run naked through Tompkins Square Park."
"Mark!" Roger exclaimed. "It was the one time I lost a bet," he muttered, visibly embarrassed.
The rest of the group, however, found it hysterical. "Oh, my God. I would have paid big money to see that." Mimi said, laughing.
"You don't have big money," Angel reminded her teasingly.
"Shut up!" Mimi exclaimed, but still laughing, however, because it was definitely the truth.
Roger smiled at Mimi goofily, having gotten over his temporary embarrassment. "It's not like it would have been anything you hadn't seen before," he said, planting kiss on her forehead.
Mimi considered that for a moment. "This is true," she said, returning his gesture by pressing her lips against his.
"Ahem!" Collins's not-so-subtle throat clear interrupted the lovebirds before they got too carried away.
"Oh right," Roger said, finally pulling himself away from his girlfriend. He filled his shot glass and downed it. "Guess this means that it's my turn again," he said, looking triumphantly at Mark.
The grin that had been on Mark's face from successfully embarrassing Roger quickly faded as he thought about what his actions meant. By forcing Roger to take a drink, it meant that the musician could once again call the shots. Literally.
Roger laughed when he was the panicked look on his friend's face. "Quit worrying. I'll play fair. I won't purposefully name anything I know you've done."
Mark rolled his eyes as he muttered, "Yeah, I'm so sure."
Roger grinned and thought of a new question. "Never have I ever had sex with anything plastic," he said randomly.
It was no surprise to any of those present the Maureen grabbed the bottle of tequila, but what did come as a shock was the sight of Mark outstretching his hand to Maureen so she could give the bottle to him.
"Wait..." Roger trailed off, studying the blonde man carefully. "You have?" he asked curiously. When he received no response from Mark, he began laughing so hard that he fell off the couch. Once he regained his composure long enough to form coherent sentence, he climbed back on the couch to look at his roommate who was completely red.
"I'm sorry, Mark," Roger said honestly, even though he was laughing. "I really wasn't trying to get you, man. I was aiming for Maureen."
"When the hell did you do that?" Collins asked, staring dumbfounded at Mark.
"Oh no," Mark said hurriedly, waving his hands in front of his face. "We are not going there."
"I will!" Maureen exclaimed, always looking for little more attention. "This one time, when I was in art class-"
"Okay, that's enough," Joanne intervened quickly. "No need to explain."
Maureen pursed her lips together in her infamous pout. "Well, you guys wanted to hear Mark's story," she said, a little hurt.
"But we all expected it from you, honey." Angel said seriously as the others nodded their heads in agreement.
"Fine. Whatever," Maureen said, crossing her arms in anger. "But I'm asking a question since Marky's already had a turn."
Mark was more than willing to concede to her. Maybe that way he and Roger will end their cycle of torture. "Fair enough."
"Okay," she said with a satisfied smile. "Never have I ever..." she began, thinking of an appropriate question. "No wait. I have done that," she said, giggling.
She thought about it for a moment more. "And that. And-"
"Oh, for godssake, Maureen, ask a damn question." Roger barked impatiently.
"I'll go," Joanne volunteered. She figured it would be a while before Maureen thought of something the others would have done that she hadn't. "Never have I ever had sex in my parent's bedroom."
Collins, Maureen, and Roger each had to take a shot.
Roger looked between Maureen and Collins in confusion."What happens now that three of us had to take shots? Who asks the next question?" he asked Maureen.
"Well, we all know there's nothing that I haven't done," she said with a sly smile on her face, "and Roger, you've already gone, so my vote's for Collins."
Roger seemed satisfied with that reasoning and motioned for Collins to go.
"Okay, never have I ever dressed up in womens clothing," he said, sending a smirk at Angel.
"Talk about a cheap shot," Angel said, adjusting her wig as she threw back the shot Collins had filled for her.
Then, six heads turn to stare at Mark as he fills a glass. "Let's just say Roger's not the only one to have ever lost a bet," he said, throwing back a shot. "Do not ask," he warned.
Mark's statement, however, did not stop the comments from flying out of the gang's mouths.
"Did anyone take pictures?" Collins asked.
"By any chance were you wearing heels?" Mimi wanted to know.
"What about make-up?" Maureen asked, almost in tears.
"What color was the dress?" asked Joanne.
"I'll bet it was low cut, wasn't it?" Angel stated.
"I'm sure you looked ravishing, Mark," Collins said through bursts of laughter, patting Mark sympathetically on the shoulder.
"How did I not know about this?" Roger asked, looking strangely hurt.
"Angel, you go," Mark said, once again turning red and eager to move on.
She flashed him a huge grin."I thought you'd never ask. Hmm... Never have I ever known how to tango."
Mark and Joanne shared a knowing smile and they filled their glasses.
"Joanne, you can ask a question," Mark said, not wanting to have to endure the wrath of Roger anymore.
She was more than willing to come up with a question. "Never have I ever kissed a boy," she said with a laugh.
The tequila bottle made its way from Mimi, to Collins, to Angel, to Maureen, and even to Mark.
Once again, everyone could only just stare at him. "Jesus Christ, Mark! What aren't you telling us?" Roger exclaimed, trying his damnedest to surpress his laughter.
By this point, Mark wasn't even bothering to feel embarrassed. It just wasn't worth it. "Okay, so maybe I've lost more than one bet," he muttered, pushing his glasses up the bridge of nose.
"Take your shot, Marky!" Maureen exclaimed gleefully. Clearly, she was enjoying seeing Mark squirm.
Mark cooperated and drank the liquid. "You know," he said, looking at his friends thoughtfully. "I'm no good at this game. I've taken shots for practically every question so far."
"Or, if you really think about it, maybe you're too good at this game," Collins observed.
"Why don't you let me ask a question?" Mark asked, getting slightly fed up. "That way, it guarantees that I won't have to drink this round."
"Oh, no. No way. I haven't gone yet." Mimi spoke up, flashing Mark and evil grin.
Mark looked desperately at Maureen, who just shrugged her shoulders. "Girl's got a point, Mark," she said, looking at him sympathetically.
A loud groan emitted from the filmmaker as he threw his head back against the couch in frustration. Mimi, meanwhile, was excited to finally get her turn."Yay! Okay, let's see... " she began, turning to face Mark, who, from the look of the dancer's face, knew where it was heading."Never have I ever filmed a documentary."
"Now you're trying to pick on me!" Mark exclaimed incredulously.
"Easy on the conspiracy theories there, buddy," Collins said, laughing.
"Conspiracy theories!?" Mark shouted, jumping up from the couch. "'Never have I ever filmed a documentary?! Seriously?!" he asked, his arms failing in frustration.
"Maureen?" Mimi questioned, raising an eyebrow.
Maureen pretended to think for a moment, but an evil smirk was plastered across her face. "I'll allow it!" she announced joyously.
Mark could only shake his head as he poured himself yet another drink. "This is going to be a long afternoon," he said to himself before pouring the bitter liquid down his throat for the sixth, but from the looks of things, probably not the last, time that afternoon.
A/N: I'm thinking of writing a second part to this where we find out what affect all that alcohol has had on our favorite group of Bohemians. What do you think?
