Here it is finally, another short story...
I'm sorry that i haven't written in ages but i have a few ideas so i will be putting more up soon.
Words, words, words. That's all they are. That's all I'm writing, that's all your reading. You don't know if there real. You don't know if it's even me that's writing them on this old torn up piece of paper. I'm alone and I'll admit… I'm scared. I've been here for six months, three weeks, four day and ten hours exactly. I miss everyone. I miss Cheryl, Lindsey, Declan, paddy and I miss Steven. I feel like I'm going crazy, like everything around me is evil. I feel inhuman, like I'm not myself anymore. I can't cope anymore… I can't cope with feeling scared all the time and having to look over my shoulder every 5 seconds. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. That's all I hear. Day in and day out. It's me tapping trying to forget all the bad things. It's like I'm trying to tick away time. The tapping relaxes me and helps me to feel calm but at the same time it drives me crazy. I hope I die in here. I hope that I never live get out. The outside would have changed so much since I've been in here that it wouldn't be home anymore. I don't even want to see it, I'm too scared because if it's all changed then so would of the people… the people like Steven. I try not to think of him too much because when I do, I just break down. I can't take it in here, I want to go home. What if Steven has found someone else? What if he has moved on? He probably hates me and I understand that but I couldn't have just let Cheryl get sent down for what she did. She was just trying to protect me and she wouldn't have survived in a place like this anyway. I hope that they are all happy; I hope that I haven't caused too much pain. I miss them but I can't think of it because it is slowly eating away at me and I know that I won't live for much longer. I tried to end it the other day. I tried to hang myself in my cell. I was staring at a picture of everyone that I love. A guard caught me just in time and know they are keeping a close eye on me. Why can't they just leave me alone? Why can they just let me end the suffering? All I'm doing is wasting their time… their space. I have bruises and cuts all over my face…my body. The guys in here just don't like me. I'm scared. I don't want it to happen again. I act all hard but it amounts to nothing. I'm useless. Waiting is the worst kind of torture…that's what I find. Waiting for days for your mum to buy you that thing you have always wanted but why don't you try waiting thirty years because that's worse, that's way worse. It thought that I was going to be fine in here but I'm not, I try to act brave but my fake smile is starting to wear off now. I'm freaking out, I can't live anymore... I'm so sorry everyone but I'm going to have to go. Ending my life would be much easier on me and you. I'm a monster, a dangerous monster and I can't live knowing that I'm hurting you. I'm sat in this room day in and day out. I'm stuck here in this cold, thick, condensed air struggling to breath. I want out. I don't want to be here. Ill finally admit it… I'm scared. All I have left are the memories and I will hold on to those forever…even in death.
reviews? i just want to know what you guys think about it all...
