I awaken with a start. It has only been a week since I've been back in 12. Memories rush into my brain, filling it with grief and terror and longing for all I've lost. I clutch the pale blue blankets in my cold, white hands. That's right. My life has no meaning anymore. Prim is dead. Gale is gone. Nobody I love seems to want to be around me anymore. I am alone most days now. What use is there to even get out of bed? Dr. Aurelius says I need to find meaning to be happy again. But what meaning can there be? Dark days, ashy visions melding into one another. I've seen Peeta a few times. Not often but sometimes. With Sae. She comes more often than not and he will tag along. I guess it's only when he has nothing better to do.

I slowly sit up, trying not to wake the cat. Buttercup is very alert and wakes easily. We haven't exactly become friends, but we don't despise each other so much anymore. I almost feel bad for throwing that pillow at him when he showed up a week or so ago.

My sluggish movements are quickly replaced by terror when I hear a sound in my hallway. Snow? Is it him?

No, I think to myself. Snow is dead. Along with Prim and Finnick and others I care about. Cared… I remind myself. Past tense. They are gone and never coming back.

But, now is not the time for pondering what tense I should use. There is movement in my house, and it could be anything. I creep along the creaky, wooden floor, grabbing the axe I chop my wood with as I sneak out the bedroom door. I learned quickly that I feel safest sleeping with my bedroom door open, since then I don't have to make noise opening it if an intruder is to come into my dwelling.

Grasping the axe in my right hand, I try to make out in the shadows of early morning what is exactly in my home. I hear no growls or sneers. It can't be an animal. A ghost? Yes, I'm sure Prim would love to come haunt me for all eternity. I failed her. I failed everyone.

Flashbacks begin to overtake me. My body wracks with tremors, not of physical ailment but mental. When will I ever escape this constant torture? These times I wish I'd died in the first games?

I feel a soft, but firm hand on my shoulder as I go down to the floor.

Oh, god. I'm going to die. I have no use of my body and someone is in my house. I'm going to die.

I scream as my body shakes and quivers, and I fall flat on my back. Someone is on top of me. Someone is going to strangle me.

"Shhh," I hear. "Shh, Katniss, it's going to be alright. I'm here. You're safe. It's just me."

Peeta hovers over me in push-up position.

I find myself clinging to him. My arms wrapped around his neck like a vise. I inch back as I gain control, "I-I'm sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean to startle you. I could have triggered a moment for you…" I trail off.

Despite all Peeta has gone through and all the lies he was fed about me, he still manages to overcome that and care for me anyhow. As Haymitch once said, I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve him.

Just another debt I owe.

Peeta pulls back, even though I'm still glued to him, "It's alright, Katniss. You're safe. I'm safe. It's just another day." He looks off vacantly. Something is on his mind, and I suddenly need to know what it is.

"Peeta… Peeta tell me what's bothering you," I inquire cautiously, shifting so I can look him directly into his eyes. I still don't know why he's here before the sun has even risen, and I know that looking him directly in the eyes helps him to not go crazy. It's a way we share our souls with one another.

Peeta clasps my hand, "Katniss? Remember when you asked me to stay with you? On the train?" He always asks to make sure what he's remembering is real.

"Yes, Peeta, real." I say wondering where this is going.

Peeta again looks off, but I direct his face back towards mine gently, urging him to speak, "I was thinking that that time it made such a good arrangement that perhaps we could stay together again. It was a good arrangement, right?"

I smile softly, "Yes, Peeta, real. It was a wonderful arrangement. It calmed both of us when we needed it the most. It's a great idea."