Another sad one for ya'll! I've wanted to do this one for a while but never got the time till now. It was originally suppose to be a songfic for 24 by Jem but it morphed away from that. I also listened to Einsamkeit nonstop writing this one too. The Germany and Prussia character song. Read the English lyrics, my goodness it's sad.
Enjoy the sad PruCan feels! Reviews are awesome!
Dear Diary…
Prussia hastily scrawled the heading across the top of one of the last pages in a very worn journal. He knew he probably shouldn't have taken the time to come here and right this, but he knew he had to. He was quite sure what was going to happen to him and there needed to be some sort of record of it. Looking around to the numerous already filled journals lining the walls of the large room he smiled, it would be a shame not to write down this moment. After all, he thought dipping his favorite old fashion pen into the ink well, authors don't let their books go unfinished.
This is mein last entry in the Great Prussia's diary.
Putting those words down on paper had almost the same effect on him as if he had said out loud. They were painful to realize, his head started reeling. How had this happened so fast? How had the end just snuck up on him like this? Prussia took a deep breath, he thought he would have forever but now it seemed like he was in the last few hours of his forever.
Mein Bosses have just informed me that I have been dissolved. That in a few hours I will cease to be the nation of Prussia. They expect me to just fade away, they don't know me do they? I'm awesome! Something like this won't scare me! True I won't be a nation anymore, but I am still more awesome then anyone!
Truth was that the feeling in the pit of his stomach was anything but awesome. He swallowed hard, there was fear, apprehension, a little nausea and regret all swirling around inside him. It was hard to decide which emotion was more prevalent. He gripped the edge of the desk hard as his heart began race with panic. Oh no, he thought, it's starting already. He shook his head, not yet, there were still things he needed to write down. Slowly he ran his fingers through his silver hair and took another breath, this one slightly more ragged.
As I am not sure what is going to happen to the Awesome me, I have something to tell mein little bruder Germany. Stay strong bruder, you'll recover from the war. One day you'll be powerful again, plus you'll eventually have some of my land! You sure you can handle the awesome? Of course you can! You're mein bruder, that makes you half as awesome! Oh and mein Gott lighten up!
Prussia smiled, his brother would be fine without him. The war had taken a lot out of him and Italy, that was true, but they would recover and Prussia was sure they would come back as strong as ever. The fact that he himself hadn't been so lucky as to come out of the war unscathed didn't matter. His brother could manage on his own just fine.
He went to dip his pen in to the well but his heart clenched painfully. Gripping his chest tightly, he tried to wait for it to pass. That can't be a good sign, he thought. What exactly did happen to a nation that had been dissolved? Rubbing as his heart trying to ease the pain, he set his pen to paper again. There were a few others he could address but only one other he needed to.
And now there is something very important I have to tell mein Awesome Birdie. Canada, you-
A huge spasm of pain ripped through Prussia as a wall clock in the hall started chiming. He struggled to breath and dropped his pen to the desk. It felt like his muscles were trying to rip themselves from his bones. He doubled over, wrapping his arms around his waist, gritting his teeth together. For a moment he wanted to scream but couldn't find his voice to make a sound. Taking large gasping breaths, he prayed it would be over soon. But he also hoped that this was just a symptom and not the end.
Finally the wall clock stopped and the pain ebbed away, leaving Prussia breathing hard. He slammed his fist on the desk, he didn't have very much time now. Anger filled him, how had it come to this? Why him? Why now? Glancing around the room at his journals made him angrier. All his life he had written down his true feelings instead of telling people. Realizing he had never said how much any of them truly meant to him he grabbed the pen roughly, it was never too late.
Birdie, I'll tell you myself.
Stay Awesome,
The Awesome Prussia
Slamming the journal closed, he jumped up and raced over to put it on the shelf with the others. He ran to the door and took one more look at his now complete collection. It figures he would waste some of his last few moments doing what he had wasted his whole life doing he thought bitterly, closing the door with a sharp snap.
The conference center wasn't far from where he was, he had run the distance several times before. It was no problem for a nation to do. As he ran he started to wheeze and the pain in his chest returned. Prussia shook his head and ran faster, he had to make it there. He had to make it to Canada, before it happened.
What exactly was going to happen he didn't know. If the pain that had become a constant was any indication, it wasn't going to good. He could feel the cold night air stinging his face as he tried to pick up his pace. He didn't want to fade away, to disappear as a footnote in the pages of history. His heart skipped a beat causing him to falter in his running. He gripped at his chest again. Would he just die? Like a human?
Prussia glanced up to the sky, he prayed Fritz wasn't looking down on him right at the moment. The last thing Prussia wanted was to disappoint him even though he was already gone and had been for a while now. Maybe he would be joining him soon. Prussia let out a small laugh between the wheezes, did nations go to heaven or to hell for all the pain and war they caused?
As the conference center finally came into view, Prussia found himself wondering what would the others do if he did just fade away. Would they "bury" him? He hoped they would be kind enough to leave him with some sort of mark on the world. Something so that people would know he had existed. Slowing down when he reached the doors he took a calming breath. Who would lay a flower on his life?
Although he felt the strong urge to race through the halls to the room he needed to get to so desperately, Prussia decided it was best not to run. Given the fact that he wasn't even scheduled to be here in the first place, it was probably best not to raise unwanted alarms. His didn't have the time to be stopped and asked questions anyway, the pain in his chest was getting stronger. Prussia picked up his head and began his usual strut down the hallway, even though it took just about all the strength he had left.
Passing through the halls, he saw many nations that he knew and would miss if he faded. They passed him and waved or smiled, none of them realizing anything was wrong. Prussia wanted it that way, he was trying his best to keep up this front he always had. There were only two people who had seen it come down and it was going to stay that way. He acted normally, messing around briefly with France and Spain, making fun of Austria and flirting in a light best friend manner with Hungary. At least he could give them that, one last good memory.
Finally he turned down an empty hallway and took a ragged breath. The pain had gotten much worse and he was sure he didn't have much longer. Straighten up as best he could using the wall to brace himself, he began to make his way to the room with the Canadian flag plague in the door. Why did it have to be all the way at the end, in a corner almost hidden away from the rest he thought tiredly. He prayed that Canada was actually in there, Prussia felt his heart tighten, for both their sakes.
Moments later, he gave three swifts knocks to the door and was relieved to hear a surprised gasp inside.
"Eh? Someone is actually knocking on my door?" a quiet voice said. Prussia heard a desk chair scrap against the floor, "Kumachu, you know, I believe that's a first!" he said excitedly. Prussia smiled as the door opened wide.
"How's it going…mein Awesome Birdie?" Prussia struggled. There was only a brief hint of disappointment on Canada's face before it lit up with a huge smile. The smile Prussia would definitely miss.
"Prussia! I didn't think you were scheduled to be here this time!" He thrilled, moving aside to welcome him in. Prussia limped in and over to the bed post, collapsing against it to steady himself. Canada closed the door and looked at him with concern. "You ok? You're not drunk are you?" He asked, stepping forward closer to him. Prussia shook his head, which he knew instantly was a mistake. It reeled with dizziness.
"Nein. Listen Birdie…" He breathed. Canada was in front of him, holding him at his waist with one hand while the other cupped the side of his face.
"I didn't think it was possible for you to get paler, what's going on Pru?" He asked gently. Prussia could see the fear start to rise in his eyes, he almost didn't have the heart to tell him.
"Something…to say… to you…" He wheezed. Canada's eye's grew wide.
"Seriously Prussia! Are you alright? What happened? Why are you shaking so badly?" He almost yelled. Prussia reached over with a free hand and wrapped his arm around Canada bringing him in close to him. It was a comforting feeling.
"You need…to listen…to me." Prussia coughed, he tasted something metallic bubble up from his stomach and he let it run from his mouth. Canada's grip got much tighter on him.
"That's blood! Prussia?!" He screamed. Prussia reached his hand up and pulled Canada in so that their forehead's touched. His vision was getting hazy but he could make out a single tear roll down Canada's face.
"Thank you…mein Awesome Birdie. Because of you…I vas never…alone." He whispered leaning in to give Canada a small kiss.
Then it happened.
Every muscle he had froze and he instantly stiffened up, letting go of both Canada and the bedpost. He crashed to the floor painfully, convulsing. Canada was by his side in an instant, screaming his name trying to hold him steady. Prussia couldn't hear him but he could make out that he was opening his mouth and he could also make out that he was crying fairly hard. He wanted to comfort him but he was in too much pain. It was an interesting experience having nationhood ripped from him, he didn't think it was going to be quite so literal. It did truly feel like he very being was being ripped to shreds. He reached up and gripped Canada's jacket hard, Canada wrapping his hand in his.
After what seemed like several hours but had really only been five or so minutes, he stopped convulsing. He went limp and his breathing got shallower. For a moment, he let himself lay still on the ground not saying a word, despite the sobs he could barely hear from Canada. This was it, it would be over in a few seconds and he had one more thing he had to say. His hand gripped Canada's tighter. Prussia let himself smile, staring kindly up to Canada.
"Ich…Ich liebe dich…mein awesome Canada." He whispered, his hand falling beside him as he went completely still, letting his eyes close.
Now this was unexpected Prussia thought. Somehow he found himself hovering over the scene, he could clearly see himself lying on the floor and could see Canada frantically rip off his jacket and tie checking his neck for a pulse. Obviously he didn't have one because he watched Canada freeze and then shake him screaming out his name. If he still had a heart beating in his chest, it would have broke it. Canada threw himself on to his chest and began to cry.
"Please Prussia, you're the one…who never let me feel alone…I need you more…get back here…please…" He moaned in grief.
Prussia grew angry, he would give anything to be back with him. He didn't care if he was Prussia anymore or not, Canada needed him and that was all he cared about. He didn't want to fade away, he wanted to be on earth. He didn't care as what, he just wanted to go back. He clenched his fist and prayed to the God he was now closer to then ever. Human, nation he didn't care, he just wanted to be sent back!
"I can't give you forever but I can give you a little more time. Thank you for all you did as Prussia." A voice came in reply. He whipped his head around, if he wasn't mistaken he could have sworn the voice was a bit like Fritz's. No one was there but he felt himself being pushed back down to the floor.
It took a few moments but he finally stirred making Canada whip his head up to look at him with surprise.
"Prussia? Are you ok? What was that?!" He yelled helping him sit up.
"Nein, I'm not Prussia zhe nation anymore. I vas dissolved a few moments ago." He said. Canada drew back slightly.
"Who…who are you then?" He asked. The former Prussian searched his brain for a few moments for an answer, then he heard a small voice tell him. He nodded, so this was his new life.
"I am human, my name is Gilbert now." He replied. The name sounded weird to him, but he supposed he would have to get used to it. He looked up to Canada who still looked apprehensive.
"Human? Does…does that mean one day you will really…" He whispered. He pressed his hand against Gilbert's chest, where his heart was. Gilbert thought back to what the voice had told him and nodded.
"One day but not today mein Birdie. Please don't worry!" he said flashing him up a huge smile. Canada bit his lip for a moment and then threw his arms around Gilbert's neck, sobbing into his neck. Gilbert hugged him back, it was bittersweet and he knew it.
Forty years later…
Standing at freshly dug grave with a single flower in his hand, Canada was surrounded by the other nations. Everyone was quiet and most were crying. This was the first time they had had to bury one of their own. Well, he hadn't really been one of them at the end but he had been for most of his life. Canada glanced behind him, Germany was trying hard not to cry, France was leaning onto England unable to hide his tears and even America wiped away a tear furiously. Turning back to the grave, Canada briefly looked up to the sky. A couple of birds caught his attention and he wished that he could be them for a moment. To not have to do what he knew he had to.
He took a step forward and cleared his throat.
"Gil," He said almost stumbling over the nickname that had taken him so long to get used to, "Even though your hair grew more silver, the laugh lines on your face got deeper and your name may have changed but to me you were always and will always be the Awesome Prussia. Thank…you…" He choked, taking in a quick breath, wiping away a tear. "Thank you for never leaving me alone, I'll always have you." He cried.
He bent down and laid the single blue poppy flower down on his grave.
"Je t'aime mon Awesome Prussia." He whispered.
