A/N: My first attempt for both The 100 fandom and Clexa ship. Here's my take on what's gonna happen in season 3. Originally posted at ao3.| DISCLAIMER: As always, I do not own anything but my love for Clexa (and all the mistakes).


Clarke

I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face or breathed real air or floated in the water. None of us have. For three generations, the Ark has kept what's left of the human race alive, but now our home has landed back on Earth. And as it turned out, we are not the only survivors in this world.

After the fall of the Mountain, where 47 of my friends were held captured, the Sky people returned back home to the Ark to bury the dead, to tend the injured, to feed the living, to build a life, to survive the Earth. They held their head high as they stood above defeat, cheering as the dark cloud of smoke covered the mountain that once ruled the lands with their selfish attempt at survival.

And I, as the de facto leader of my people, mourned in victory.

Since we were expedited from the sky, I learned there is one rule that governs all life on Earth: kill or be killed. Everyone is out for their own, fighting for food, for shelter, for survival. There is barely comfort. There is rarely love. To the eyes of the grounders, we were foreigners who fell down from the sky to invade their lands. To the mountain people, we were the cure they need to escape Mount Weather that was both their home and prison.

I had to prove them both wrong.

We came in peace, yet blood were shed, countless of lives were sacrificed. The destruction of Tondc and the blood of hundreds who died along with it, the annihilation of the mountain people, and the death of the person I loved-all of it were in my hands, and they are bound to haunt me for the rest of my life.

When they opened the gate back into the Ark, when almost everyone were inside, when safety is finally at hand, I had to bid my goodbye. It was a sentence that I forced upon myself in order to forgive and forget. The decisions I made and their consequences, they were all inevitable. I know I had to be strong. But I need time. And space from everyone, even from myself.

I had to go.

So, I did.

I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face or breathed real air or floated in the water. But that was in the past. My name is Clarke, and Earth is now my home.


I walk the path I have never travelled before, avoiding everything that was familiar to me. I want not to be reminded of the past. I seek forgiveness in time, and time alone can help me attain it.

The beauty of nature that was foreign to my eyes overwhelmed me. The flora and fauna that I once seen only on the screens of the Ark were obviously not justified by the images. They had to be seen, heard, smelled, and felt. They had to be experience. And through their cradle I shall start my journey for inner peace.

As I traverse the woodlands, I meet a couple of birds, a deer and a creature that is larger than a boar. A bison, maybe. I walk for more than a couple of hours and fortunately, hunger has yet to find its way to me. I don't need to kill any of these animals, yet–that's what I am thankful. For all I know, I am one with them right now. Trudging through the forest as a lone creature who seeks not for a home rather a shelter within herself.

Snap.

My head instinctively turn to the source of the sound and I find another deer a couple of meters away to my left. It seems utterly normal if not for three extra ears on its head. At least it isn't bloody like the first one I–we–saw before. Thoughts of my friends flood in. Octavia, Monty, Jasper, Finn...

I rest against a huge tree and sigh with hands on my face. I mentally slapped myself. No, I refuse to think about the past. I am strong and I will to forget about them.

Get it together, Clarke.

As soon as I composed myself, I search for the five-eared deer I saw earlier. My eyes wander around yet there are no signs of the radiation-streaked creature. There is a clearing ahead but I know better than to open myself for any and every attack. I brought down a whole mountain. I'm sure as hell can survive on my own.

Taking a few more steps, I finally find my four-legged companion. The deer hop from a huge trunk of a tree to another. This creature is lucky it cannot feel any heartache. Ignorance is bliss, indeed. At some point, I envy it.

Without any warning, an arrow shot through the air and pierce the deer straight to its chest. It instantly drops dead, and I fall back. I crawl behind a tree and scan the area where the arrow comes from.

Perhaps, I am wrong to envy it after all.

A couple of seconds later, a man approaches the deer. I hold my breath as I watch him closely. He has a jet black animal skin for clothing unlike the shades of brown used by the tree people. It looks rather familiar, but something else catches my attention. He is limping. His right foot is heavily covered. Still, the man draws near his prey with confidence. There is no quiver on his back, no spare arrow either. His bow hangs around his arm across his chest. Surely, he isn't expecting an attack sometime soon.

The man kneels before the dead deer, closes his eyes as his hands lay on top of its heart. It might be a ritual of some sort. If so, it's something I haven't seen done by the tree people. Before he lifts the creature, the man examined it and suddenly glances toward my direction.

He glances toward my direction.

Gasping, I hide against the tree. I take the only dagger I brought with me when I left the camp. He is not that huge. I bet I could take him out if I try my best. I hold my breath as I wait for any signs of offense from the man. I am ready to counter him at all cost.

But nothing came.

I turn to the other side of the tree and glance to where the man was. It is a ridiculous act, I know. Of course he will no longer be there. At best, he is ready to attack from a distance, or from above, or right behind me at this very second. My assumptions are all wrong, however. The man is walking, limping his way to where the arrow was shot, with the deer on his shoulders.

Now, I have to question myself. Was I wrong? Did he not glance at my direction? Did he really fail to see me? Was I seeing things now?

I shake my head in disbelief. Maybe I am going crazy. Nevertheless, I decide to follow the man from a distance. If he has to catch a deer that big, I bet he has a tribe to bring it home to, or a family at least. As for the reason why I must stalk the guy, I have no idea. I am following my instinct and at this point, I don't see why I shouldn't.

A makeshift hut leaning against the biggest tree near the clearing is the man's destination. There is a bonfire in front of it. It seems funny how small the hut is. Perhaps he is alone, or it could be a mere stop over. Well. If I want answers, I have to watch him for some time. Then, I'll decide if he is a plausible enemy.

Not too bad for an amateur nomad, Clarke.


I must have fallen asleep while I am on watch because when I opened my eyes, the morning sun shines across the sky. Then I remember why I fell asleep on such hard, uneven terrain. The man. Quickly, I glance at the hut and luckily finds the man sitting outside. He seems to be attending to his injured foot. While my inner doctor wants to check if there is anything I could do with his right foot, my inner gluttonous Clarke protests. I am starving. And there is no way I am approaching the stranger and trade my skills for his food until I figure him out.

So, I venture back to where I was before I saw him. A small pond in the middle of the forest serves as an oasis for me. A deer is drinking on the other side of it. If I manage to make it there without running, or brushing through the bushes too loud, or stepping on a twig, or breathing, then I might have a chance for a hearty brunch.

Truly, stealth is one thing I lack. Lexa once made fun of–

I take deep breath It's as if something strike my chest at the thought of her. The Commander of the Tree people and the Keeper of the Coalition between the twelve clans: Lexa. I know our relationship was purely diplomatic after what transpired inside her tent the day she almost had Octavia killed. My emotions got the best of me and I pushed her to the limits. I knew she felt for those people who were dear to her. She even admitted that she cares for me. For me. A thought a quickly brushed off as soon as I heard. I might have broken through the walls of the great Commander of the land, and I declined her right then and there. No wonder she had those thick walls built. No one ever stays. Not for the leaders. Not for the reasons they seek.

My nonexistent prayer is answered by a low rummaging in the bush near me. I retrieve my dagger and prepare for an attack. But it is unnecessary for a small gray rabbit appears out of the grass. Its tiny black nose sniff around the area, possibly smelling the foreign scent that is mine. In space, there were no pets. We barely had enough oxygen to support more than one child per family. It is unfortunate for those who didn't make it back on Earth. There is so much in life than just breathing.

The rabbit hops its way to the rock a few meters away from me. Then I remember why I went here in the first place. I have to face a sad reality: I have to kill if I want to eat. Mustering enough courage to feed myself, I crouch and slowly come closer to my poor furry prey. I hold the dagger firmly in my right hand.

The living are hungry.

As I am ready to launch an attack, something else grabs the rabbit with its mouth. It's a four legged creature that looks similar to the panther we once killed, only smaller and it has a different color and patches. It is surprising, of course. I somehow feel lucky that it did not attack me instead. But that only fuels my hunger.

"Oh, come on!" I yell in frustration. The creature stops on its track, drops the rabbit and turns to my direction. It stares at me with its piercing yellow eyes, and I return the favor.

It's on.

I take a step closer to the creature. It displays its fangs as a sign of aggression. Its claws are ready to strike at any moment. Just come at me already. Truth be told, one must be careful what one wish for. On cue, the creature lunges and I double over to my left to avoid it. Recovering fast, it charges again and it catches my right arm. Its teeth pierces through my jacket and into my skin. Its claws scratching everything within its reach. "Fuck!" Not noticing the dagger falling off my hand, I try to shake the creature off but it wouldn't budge. Blood is dripping from my arm. This isn't good. I pick up the dagger with my left hand and plunge it on the creature's chest in time before it fully pins me down. Hurt, the creature steps away, seemingly howling in pain. Heart racing, I put pressure on my arm to lessen the bleeding. In a matter of seconds, the creature stops moving. So, I am triumphant against a middle-sized land creature with the use of dagger. Should I be proud?

After having the meal I have been longing for since yesterday, I walk toward my dead companion I left near the pond. He, too, was hungry. But in a battle between predators, he lost and that cost him his life.

"I would have shared the food with you if you didn't attack me, you know." I whisper to the lifeless creature. A bitter smile crept on my face. Even if it did not, there is no way for us to understand each other. Suddenly, I have the urge to come near its lifeless body. "I'm sorry it had to end that way."

The dead are gone.

A tear falls down from my eye. Countless of deaths flash in my mind. The amenable grounders in Tondc who were willing to die for their commander, and the mountain people who are only as powerful as electricity could take them. Their lives could have been spared. I could have spared them. Not everyone had to die. Those innocent children... No, they were anything but innocent. The Mountain Men had been bleeding grounders for generations and that gives those children an inherent fault against everyone outside their metal doors. I have to believe that or I might break down whenever I remember that day.

Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face. After composing myself, I bury the creature and return to my previous business.


Nothing pretty much changed during my two-day surveillance. The man has the same routine–chop woods in the morning, hunt until the sun almost set down, dinner and bedtime. Opposed to my assumptions, there was nobody with him. Not even visitors. He is alone in the middle of the forest, as I do.

Out of curiosity, I decide to take a peak inside his hut while he is away to hunt. As stealthily as possible, I approach his domain and pull the hard fabric that serves as its door. To my surprise, the hut is empty. Not even a sheet of fabric lies on the ground to serve as a mattress or something.

My heart skips a beat. It can't be good.

Before I could turn, I feel a blade pressing against my jugular. Shit, he got me.

"No se mweva." [Don't move.] The guy whispers. I am not an expert of Trigedasleng, but since what he said do not make any sense, I assume it isn't one. "Ke deseyas?" [What do you want?] I could feel the blade pressing deeper. "Abla!" [Speak!]

Swallowing hard, I try to say something. "I don't understand a thing you said... but I mean no harm." The man does not respond to my words so I try again. "Ai laik nou baga!" [I am no enemy!]

That does the trick since he put his spear down. I turn around to face him. As I do, he backs off a bit, throws the spear to the ground and sits down on a rock near his bonfire pit. A bow still hangs around his chest, a knife on his boot. I must stay on guard.

I watch him as he slowly remove the bandage off his right leg. His sudden lost of interest in me is curious. Did he not regard me as a threat? And why is his damn hut empty? Confusion hits me, but I couldn't ask him a question, not yet. Not when he has his almost black, seemingly burned right foot at my sight.

"Chit ste em?" [What is it?] I attempt to communicate with him despite my limited Trigedasleng vocabulary.

The man shakes his head. "I am sick."

My brows crease and my lips let a sigh escape upon hearing his reply. So, he do understand English!

"Can I take a look?"

"No," He set his foot down. "...there is nothing you can do, sky person."

And he is aware of where I came from. It's too fishy. "How did you-"

"I have been watching you." He said. As if I haven't got enough surprise for the day. "You were not that hard to notice."

"So, you did see me the day you shot that deer!" He nods.

Apparently, he has been watching me–us–since the day we landed on Earth. The Tree people and the Mountain Men were not the only ones aware and curious about us. We even drew grounders from different clans. This guy has his eyes lock on us until we destroyed Mount Weather. Perhaps everyone want that mountain destroyed for good. "I watch you walk down from the mountain." He look straight into my eyes. "You burn them down. You defeat it." There is something in his eyes that sort of lifts my spirit. It's as if he is looking up at me, thanking me for what I did. For the first time since that day, I sort of feel proud.

I tell the man it had to be done in order to get my friends back, among other things.

"You made peace with the Commander." I notice how his eyes look at me and turn away as soon as he mention Lexa. "Not just anyone can do such thing."

I shake my head. "Well, it's not like it lasted anyway."

"The Commander is wise. She will do anything for her people. That is what makes her a great leader." I couldn't hold back a grunt. "Do not think differently of her, sky person. I did mention that you made peace with the Commander."

"I know. I heard you the first time. But like I said–"

"No, you don't understand!" He speaks in a louder voice, but low enough not to qualify as a yell. "You made peace with her. Tu a eycho la pas el koman!" He says repeatedly as if I haven't grasp the very essence of what he is saying. "You, komo a ti mismo nou komo un heda de suu skai puweblo." [You, as a person not as a leader of your people.] He continues. With his foreign tongue, I doubt I ever will.

When he finally realize that our conversation is not going anywhere, the man huffs and wraps a bandage back around his foot. "ii pense ke la skai hente es intele." [and I thought sky people are smart.]

"Hey, I'm sorry I don't understand your language, okay?" I offer to help him, but he refuses.

"You should be glad. You are showered by luck, sky person."

I swear, this man can only speak in a cryptic manner. As soon as his foot is set, he stands up and grabs his spear. He makes his way out of the area.

"Hey, where are you going?" I ask.

He eyes me sharply. "I will not sit here and make a fool of myself with an empty stomach."


Truly, an environment can influence a person. Had I grew up on Earth, I'm guessing I will be half as good as the grounder I am with right now. He moves as if he is one with nature despite his right foot's incapacity. I try to keep up but whenever I come near him, he turns to my direction and shot me a piercing look. Well, I get the idea. I am too loud for his preys. I did meet a couple of possible meals during my journey, you know. I guess I still have a lot to learn about Earth.

"You never told me your name." We walk back to his hut after catching a panther. Silence answers me. "I am–"

The man points his knife to my chest to hush me. "Do not speak of your name." He scans the area before he moves closer. "The trees have ears."

He acts as if we are not alone in the forest. That sends goosebumps to my body. The man has better senses that I do. I wonder what else he is not telling me. We both take a couple of steps before his voice erupts again.

"I know who you are, sky person. Even among my people, you are now a legend."

As it turns out, the news of the mountain's fall spread faster than I anticipated. Everyone are now aware of what the sky people have done, and what else we might be capable of. They have high regard on us. And after what happened between the grounders and my people however, they are afraid that whoever defeated Mount Weather might just be the one to replace them. Simply put, they see us as a threat. Heaven knows we are not ready for another war. Should it happen, I doubt if we can survive again.

"I do not mean to cause you anxiety, sky person. As I have said a hundred times before, you made peace with the Commander. That is more than enough reason to put your mind at ease."

"How can it? She betrayed my people. She betrayed me."

"Yes, you! You finally acknowledged it. You see, nobody expected for you to survive the mountain. No one did. For years, we were enslaved by the power that they possess. We were all dubious that you will get out of there alive. But the sky people did, and that was because of you. You made peace with the Commander in time of war. Your survival is more than enough reason for her to seek you out."

"Seek me out?" I notice how his expression changes. Like a space walker who realized he is running out of oxygen, the man steps back and keeps himself from saying anything further. "What do you mean 'seek me out'?"

But he no longer explain.

"I have to go back. If my people are in danger, I need to be with them."

"They are not in danger, sky person. I thought I just established that."

"How can you tell? Why do you know so much?" Anxiety gets the best of me. I pull my dagger out and presses it against his neck. "Who are you?"


The man in the woods–that's what his people refer to him. A man who defeated a pauna, was celebrated as a hero and later banished because he refuse to slash his own mother who committed a crime. Not everyone on the ground are lucky to survive. Due to high radiation exposure, some are born with defects and their people see them as a stain in their makeshift society. His sister was one of them. His mother resented the idea of sending her daughter alone in the woods, and she was punished for disobeying their chief. They couldn't banish their healer, so they thought one slash per person were enough to send a message.

The Coastal Tribe, known to the Tree people as Kostgeda. They live far south of Tondc, even farther than the Boat people of the East lead by a chieftain named Luna. Their language, Paneyo, is way different from Trigedasleng. They do understand English though–everyone does. It is a tactic they use against the Mountain Men, to listen carefully and speak differently. The Kostales, or the Coastal people, are quite similar to the Trikru. The only difference is what they fill their stomach with. As years pass, travelers from the south ventured up, leaving the southernmost part of the land and bringing along thousands of spices that were only seen in their previous grounds. Southerners joined the Coastal Tribe and together they owned the land of Ornia.

"I'm still waiting for your name, man of the woods."

The man looks up at the sky, seemingly contemplating. "Enko. I was once called as Enko. It has been too long since anyone ever called me by that name, so much that I, myself, forgot about it."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. Now, listen," He lifts his jet black overdress and hands it over to me. "You need to take this. My people will recognize it as soon as–"

"Wait, your people? What do you mean?"

"At some point, you will meet them, sky person. And believe me when I say they don't take foreigners lightly. This will be your protection." I still have questions in mind, but I accept the cloth. "That cape is made of mono's [pauna] skin. Having that only means one thing: you defeated the man in the woods, the man who killed the mono. I was exiled by my people. Nevertheless, I was well respected prior to the incident that lead to my banishment. They have high regard to those who can do extraordinary things, sky person. Wear it and you will earn respect from them."

"Why do I need to do this? You said so yourself, even among your people, I am a legend. Why do I need to hide behind an exiled man's cape?"

A smirk flashes on Enko's face. "...because you abandoned your people to hide from yourself, did you not, sky person?"


To have a sibling is not only rare back in the Ark–it is prohibited. There was a rule that only one child is allow per family. I can only imagine how special Octavia is for Bellamy. Her existence is a miracle and their relationship is perhaps the most special among everyone in the Ark. Hearing about Enko's story reminds me of them. I will never understand it. Little by little, however, I am starting to get the idea. It's really simple and can be described in one word: family.

As for myself, my friends became my family. The Coastal person is right about one thing, I abandoned them. Technically, I am not the leader of the Ark. In that sense, I believe I deserve to be selfish at some point. I have the right to choose myself. I wonder how Lexa truly see herself. Gifted? Cursed? She had been leading her people at such young age. Was Costia the only decision she made for herself?

"Are you listening?" My thoughts are interrupted by Enko's cold voice. I stare at him blankly, completely unaware of whatever he just said. "You need to kill me before you go."

"What? No! I'm not doing that." Panic run through me. Another death. Another blood on my hands. "I can't.." I stand up and start to walk away from him.

"I am sick, sky person. If you don't kill me, my illness will."

"Then let it be!"

"My blood is poisoned. Soon both of my feet, my legs, will be useless. The curse will move up slowly until it consumes me completely. I will lay helpless on the ground alive. The animals will fight over my body, and I will be a witness to that until one of them eventually end my life." Tears stream down his face. It is unusual to see a man cry, but their tears meant even greater pain when they show it. "To kill oneself is the greatest dishonor a man can ever have. Please do not let me do it."


While most people beg for their lives to be spared, this man is imploring me to end it. I know I did it before with Atom, and I saved Finn from such fate. Maybe dying isn't so bad as people thought it is. For a tormented soul, it is gift. Just this once, I think I am ready not to think less of myself by granting a dying man's wish.

Before sunrise, he says, the ritual should be done, and I, on the other hand, should be on my way. Honestly, I am scared. I haven't realized how frightening it is to wander alone. I was too occupied by my thoughts that I actually forgot about myself, where I will go, who I will meet, what I would do. But there is so much in this world, a great deal of surprises lie beyond the horizon. I am barely taking my first few steps into discovering what the people of the Ark had been missing all along.

Enko rubs the panther meat with a pinch of something from a small jar in his belt bag. I watch him closely as he does the same to the rest before he roasts it by the bonfire. As the smoke from the burning meat reaches my senses, my stomach responds. It smells foreign to me, mouthwateringly foreign.

"It smells so good."

He barely glances at me as he respond. "Spices from my land."

From his pocket, he retrieves a small jar and tosses it over to my direction. Seeds, more seeds, chilies, more chilies and something that looks like cinnamon. I am about to open it but Enko stops me midway. "Save your sense." He says. Curious, the Kostales are.

I was right. Whatever he put in the meat made it taste so much better.

And spicy.

More spicy.

Too spicy.

Fuck.

Next thing I know, my mouth feels like burning. "H-hot!"

Instead of sympathizing with me, my companion is sniggering. No, he is laughing, actually. I may tear up any moment now.

"You got my cut." He points at the meat I am holding. "This one is yours. I put less seasoning on it."

Hastily, I pick up a small container of water and pour as much liquid as I could. "You're saying that... just now?! My... mouth is... in flames!" I say in between gulps.

"Calm down, sky person. It won't go away that easy. You'll just waste water."

I ignore him and continue soothing my battered taste buds instead. I am too busy to even notice him leave. When I finally calm down, my eyes dart toward the meat that he mentioned was supposed to be mine. Out of hunger, I decide to try it once more. If I am not starving, this thing could rot for all I care.

Moments later, Enko return with a container in his hands. He extends his arm and offer me the drink.

I eye him skeptically. "What is it this time?"

"Milk. Cure for your burning tongue."

I smell the container and that confirms his words. For someone who barely knows me, this man is too kind.

"Thanks." I whisper.

"Save it 'til after you're done eating. You don't want food this good to spoil."

I merely shrug. Then I realize that it would be his last meal. He is sharing a taste of his home in the middle of nowhere with a complete stranger and he doesn't mind. He must have lived quite a life out here alone. When I ask him why his hut is empty, he has one answer: it's a trap. It is built to trick any passerby, and only the foolish will fall for it. To save my bruised ego, Enko said he meant for me to believe that he lives there. He says my arrival is timely, and that only amplifies his belief that I am more than just some girl who fell from the sky.

You're born for this.

A familiar voice sounds inside my head. Just like me. I refuse to think that I am anything but someone like the Commander. She leads with insurmountable wisdom and perhaps an infinite amount of courage. They believe that her spirit is one and the same. For generations, she lives and dies, and finds another vessel to continue serving her people. She is born for it. I don't think I can ever live that way. But Enko is right. I fell from the sky. Everything changed since then. Maybe, just maybe, I was born for something more.


As the dawn approaches, Enko leads the way to his burial site. Apparently, he has everything already prepared: a grave near a cliff overlooking a vast river that runs down toward his village, surrounded by beautiful flowers of the coming spring. I can barely see anything. He had the whole scene explained to me through his memory.

"Are you sure about this?" I had to ask.

"Yes."

The sound of crickets echoes throughout the place. Enko chooses to lay down beside the pit so it would be easy for me afterwards. A pain shot through my chest. I know it is harder to save a life than to take one. But to take it to save the person? It would be my third, and I still have yet to get the hang of it. Perhaps, I never will.

A thought comes into my mind. "Wait, what if I take you to the ark? My mother is a doctor. We have resources and equipments that your village do not. We may be able to cure you!"

"Do not falter now, sky person."

"No, you don't understand. We brought reapers back. If we can cure you, then you'll have a better chance at life."

His head moved from left to right. "I have lived, and now I wish to die. Please, sky person. Grant me my wish."

My eyes moistens. We stare at each other for a moment before I nod in defeat. He hands me his knife, gives mine a bit of squeeze, and lay down near the pit. I kneel before him. A soft smile curves on his lips.

"Tell me, sky person, are the stars as beautiful as they look from here?"

I never thought about the idea until he asks. The stars. I look up and realize how they shine beautifully from afar. Up in space, you could see a vast pile of rock, in what appears to be flames, speeding toward a certain direction. Sometimes Earth. But that's it. They basically look just the same.

"In a matter of perspective, yes. They are just a huge pile of rocks, really. From a distance, however, they emit something that makes them shimmer. Makes them look beautiful. Makes them extraordinary."

"Thank you." His voice breaking. "It is... my honor to die in you h-hands, Clarke of the Sky People."

I turn down on him as I pull his knife off his neck. I couldn't help the tears from my eyes.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." I whisper as he closes his eyes, blood rushing from the wound inflicted by his own knife. By me.

His smile widens. He takes his last breathe and mouth the words, "Pas, por fin." [Peace, at last.]


Lexa

Victory.

It is one word that is almost synonymous to my name. Not that I ask for it, rather it is expected from me. As the Commander of Trigeda and the Keeper of the Coalition between the twelve clans, I have the responsibility to guard the peace by ensuring that the alliance last. It can only be attained by making wise and brave decisions that will eventually lead into victory.

Even if it means defeat for myself.

Hodnes laik kwelnes [Love is weakness]

Clarke once called me a liar. And she had every right to do so. Everything she said about Gustus, and Costia, and those two hundred and fifty people who died in Tondc, they were all true. I felt for them. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself not to feel anything, it is utterly impossible, for even if my spirit is immortal, I am a human. All the lives we have lost in all the wars we have been through, I grieved for them. I mourned for each innocent soul sacrificed in the name of victory. The pain of a thousand deaths stabs my heart and breaks it whenever I stop for a moment and feel. Each soul takes a part of it, and I'm afraid there might be too little of it left. Not enough to be taken once I hear of Clarke's death.

Costia paid the price for my loving someone. What the Queen of Azgeda did to her broke me for quite a time. The hard part? I was not allowed to mourn for it. Not in front of my constituents, or my people, or even alone. Not yet. We do not mourn the dead until the war is over. Nevertheless, the excruciating pain was always present, tugging my heart at every occasion. I saw her face everywhere. Even in waking moments, I experienced nightmare.

But the Commander had to be strong for she had a war to win.

And I did.

I won by losing love.

I did it once, and I am frightened that I might have done it again.


We are what we are

Wishing upon a starlight has been a custom passed from generations to another. It is a practice that merely accentuates a hopeful soul and nothing more. A leader cannot simply place the fate of her people in the hands of a falling star. That has been my belief since the war that wiped the face of the planet. So, when a star fell from the sky that one night, I did not ask for victories or any grandeurs. I thought of something simple, something personal for I have no faith that it will make any difference.

"Stop me from wishing." I whispered to the air.

The morning after, my scouts brought the news of a ship that fell from the sky. The very second I heard it, my heart skipped a beat. Something happened inside of me. I was anxious. In a sense, it was as if my spirit wanted to leap out of my body, like I was supposed to be somewhere else. As usual, I shrugged the idea and ordered some of my men to spy instead. Soon, I was hearing about people from the sky, and their weapons that were similar to the ones used by mountain men. Fearing an attack from the so called sky people, I let three hundred of my warriors, lead by my mentor Anya, to deal with the invaders and attack while they were still vulnerable. I could not risk my people. One indestructible mountain was more than enough.

As I was away from Tondc and the location of the first sky ship, fate brought two of the sky people to me. One of them claims to offer peace with us while the other merely seeks the city of light for his own selfish reasons. I must admit, one of them, Kane if I was not mistaken, had an admirable devotion to his people. I, however, knew better than to make a deal with those newfound invaders.

War was all I could offer.

I gathered a good number of my troops to join the battle between Trikru and Skaikru. Battling our new enemies seemed more like sailing uncharted waters. But they lack in number, and that was one of our advantages. We were prepared to launch an attack by first light, yet I did not ordered it. Inexplicably, I was waiting for something–that much was unusual for as a leader, I am ruthless. I do not wait, instead I ambush. Later I understood that short unbecoming of me. A sky person approached our camp and everything changed after that.


Hodnes laik uf [Love is strength]

Seeing someone for the first time no longer cause me any surprise. No matter what they look like, or where they come from, or why they need to meet me, I had the same reaction toward the person: resent. I have lived long enough in this life to meet everyone I needed to. All the rest were not worth my time. Then she entered–battle marks all over her clothes, scars on her skin. Her golden locks were a mess yet she walked with grace. She was probably unaware of it, but I surely was not. It was the first time we met, indeed. For me, however, a stranger, she was anything but.

Her name was Clarke of the Sky People.

As the days passed, I did not notice how I was spending quite an amount of time with the sky person. Slowly and inconspicuously, I was letting her in–or it was more like, I was letting myself out. The point was, I grew fonder of the sky person each day and it was not just her beauty, or her skin. It was the way she lead her people, the way she made decisions. Clarke and I were similar yet totally distinct from one another. Unlike me, she lead with her heart, with passion enough to push herself beyond her limits. Her pure heart was her weapon, and same was bound to break my own.

In our society, comfort is a privilege. And even as the Commander, it would not come to me too easy. Being with Clarke, however, set my mind at ease. There was, to myself, an irrational contentment seeing her around me, hearing her blurts, seeing her worried, feeling her anxiety. As long as she was within my grounds, I could give her security. For the first time in what seemed to be an eternity, I was granting myself a momentary bliss.

I understood her when she declined me. I remembered how I indirectly forced her to kill the person she loved not too long ago to lift the morale of my people. That, in fact, was the spark of my revolution against myself. I took things lightly against Clarke, protected her and regarded her as my equal. I knew the possibilities yet I allowed things to happen.

She was truly my beautiful disaster.

Never have I expected to hear from the mountain people, more so to received an offer from them. The mountain that enslaved thousands of my people, created monsters out of them and turn them against their own; the mountain that used and killed humans for their own perpetuity; the mountain that was gifted with knowledge and power beyond everyone outside their metal doors. After almost a hundred of years, they offered to free all of my people, end the abductions for good. The Trikru can walk out of the mountain unharmed. We do not fear death, rather we face it like an old friend. My warriors would rather die than turn away like cowards.

But I am the Commander.

I have the responsibility to make decisions that are for the best interest of my people. I am willing to sacrifice a few to save hundreds of lives. That is how a Commander of twelve clans should think. Victory stands on the back of sacrifice. For that, I had to carry the burden of leaving the other half of my soul to die in the hands of the monsters that we feared for so long. Such act will mark the end of the nightmares for everyone else.

And the start of my own.


"Mounin houm, heda!" [Welcome back, Commander!]

The people of Tondc cheer upon seeing us. Their brothers and sisters now embrace freedom for good. There is no guarantee that the mountain will cease taking lives. One thing is certain though: they will no longer feed from my people. I will not allow it. After today, I am more than ready to end the war with the mountain. In due time, once my freed warriors recover, we will prepare for the battle of our lives.

While most of my people celebrate as they tend to their brothers and sisters, I choose to stay inside, hidden from the festivity that they currently enjoy. For now, the war is over. I can finally face grief, the ones we have lost–the one I have lost.

"Heda," Indra, the chief of Tondc, whispers from beside my throne.

It is not atypical for one of my best and most trusted constituent to join me in my solace. It is curious nonetheless. Perhaps, inside she is grieving for the lost of her newfound second. The promise that Octavia had shown is miraculous for someone who was born in space and locked up in a cage for all her life. We may have truly lost just a few, and I'm afraid they are the most remarkable.

"Chit ste em, Indra?" [What is it, Indra?]

The warrior swallows whatever it is she wants to say. "Nothing, Heda. Forgive me."

"If you would like to join the celebration, then do so. I do not wish to keep you from it."

Indra shakes her head as she stares blankly into oblivion. I know my people better than to be fooled by lies. My chief is keeping a secret but I trust it is not something I have to worry about. I stand from the throne and walk toward my makeshift chiffonier.

"Leave anyway. I would like to have some for myself." The warrior nod once without turning to my direction and heads to the exit.

Alone, at last.

No, I am no longer used to being alone. In the past few days, I have... had Clarke with me. In this very room, we talked, we planned, we fought, we made peace. Perhaps, the connection that we had, even if it came mostly from my part, was short-lived so the pain would not be as tremendous as it should be. That's where fate is wrong. The pain is already overwhelming, and it is currently devouring what little I have left inside of me.

I am dying.

Upon the falling star, I wished to stop wishing. When I met Clarke, I knew the star did not fail me. For Clarke was the star. She was the answer to my wish. And her existence alone was enough reason for me to stop wishing. I finally met the one my spirit longed for all these years. She was hiding up beyond the sky, far into space, away from my grasp.

And now she is gone because of me.

I lift my head to keep the tears from falling. What have I done? It has never happen to me before. Meeting my spirit's other half and losing it even before we unite. I can never forgive myself for this. Love is not weakness, it is strength, and I am coward for turning away from it. I am strong and now I am broken. I can lead my people, but now there is nothing left for me. Nothing to look forward to. The day I have been anticipating had long gone. The fault is not in the stars, it is entirely my own. And I will live with it for the rest of my life.

"Heda! Heda!" A voice outside is trying to reach my room. I could hear one of my guards and Indra halting the young warrior. I need to be alone. There is, however, no longer an I. Now, this life is for my people.

"Teik em ge." [Let him pass.] I order.

A young, battle scarred warrior hurries down the stairs and into the room. Indra and two more of my guards follow him. He is panting heavily. He must have been traveling.

"Shish op." [Speak.]

"Maun-de," [The Mountain,] He starts. The chief of Tondc catches my eye. "...don slip daun. Maungedakru ste daun." [...have fallen. The mountain men are dead.]

It takes me quite some time before I fully perceive what the warrior is trying to say. My eyes dart from the news bearer to Indra who, herself, is baffled by the revelation. If the mountain is defeated, then it means...

"Chit hashta skaikru?" [What about the sky people?] I ask. I swallow subtly as I walk closer to him, trying to hide any emotion that could burst any moment.

"Emo laik gyon au gon ark. [They are going back to the ark.] Most of them are wounded, but they managed to get out of there alive."

My eyes pass Indra's and settle away, into some still figure on the other side of the room. "Mochof, gona. Yu beda glong osir kru op nau." [Thank you, warrior. You should join our people now.]

The warrior complies and leaves the room without another word. I turn away from my companions to hide the tears that fall from my eyes. My chest heaves heavily as I try to comprehend the situation. The outcome is contradictory to what I expected.

The mountain had fallen.

The sky people succeeded.

More importantly, Clarke is not dead.

Hopefully.

What am I thinking? I left her there with absolutely certainty that she will die trying. I underestimated the sky people. I underestimated Clarke.

I feared that I might never see her again in this life.

Now, I am frightened that I might.

A couple of footsteps fade out of the room. Without looking I know only Indra is left with me. I bow my head down as I try to calm myself. While I revel in their triumph, I must prepare myself for the consequence of my decision.

I face Indra after I collect myself, only to see the tears at the verge of falling from the chief's eyes. She is staring at the floor with her jaw clenched.

"Indra," If I am strong, they, too, shall be. "Is there anything you wish to say to me?"

A deep breath and my constituent speaks. "The Reapers, Heda. Nyko said they have little time left before we could lose them entirely."

The realization hits me. The alliance of the sky and tree people was grounded on the recovery of the our warriors turned into Reapers by the mountain men. Without the knowledge and equipment of the sky people, we are completely helpless.

"How many are they?"

"We have captured a total of eleven, Heda."

A sigh escapes my lips. "How many prisoners were released?"

Stiffly, Indra faces me. The chief knows where the conversation is leading to. We have been through the same road before. Countless of times, in fact.

"About two hundred."

Rescuing two hundred and losing eleven. In the past, it would be a fair bargain with fate. So long as we can gain more than we lost, it is victory. That is our way. For a mindful leader, that suffices.

"It is still victory, is it not?" She nods slightly. My companion stands firmly in attention, accepting the end of our conversation.

I do not doubt her courage. It is apparent in everything that she does. Although she do not falter, in her eyes, I notice something familiar. For years of my leadership, I have seen thousands of faces. What I have in front of me is not a chief nor warrior, rather a person who longs for someone so dearly.


Due to the reconstruction of Tondc, there are small amount of resources left for the feast. Nevertheless, the Trikru celebrates the occasion even in littlest ways. As I roam around the village, I see people feeding mouths and healing wounds. They have never ending gratitude for the Commander that dealt for their safe home coming and death sentence for the sky people.

But Tondc is a small village. Even in the middle of festivity, everyone could hear the cries of the Reapers. They ignore the pain that are evident in every scream as I do. Instinctively, I head over to the direction of the bunk where Nyko keeps the Reapers. On time, the healer leaves the bunk and meets me outside.

"How are they doing?" I inquire.

The experienced healer avoids my eyes for a second before he answers. "Barely alive, Heda. I lost Peta once but I was able to bring him back from the dead the way..." A short pause. "...the sky person did. I'm afraid I cannot bring him back should it happen again. Not without the their equipments."

Should it happen to the sky people, Clarke will do anything to save them. Despite their number. Despite the obstacles. Despite their position. Every life matters.

"Please, Heda, call it." I shot him a questioning look. "Order for their deaths. That is the only way I know."

Our warriors are at home, yet I have to order all of them dead. Their families will think it is enough that they can bury their deaths in our grounds. I am certain of that. The lost of their lives are long accepted. But what if I give them life? What if I try to extend all measures possible? Should I go beyond my comfort zone, refute my wit and reach out? What would Clarke do?

"Beja, Heda."[Please, Commander.]

I close my eyes before I give a command. "Return to them, Nyko." He nods in defeat and slowly turns to the door. Before he disappears, I call him out. "Keep them alive for as long as you can. Help will come."

He stops at the threshold in acknowledgment of my instruction.

I hope I am doing the right thing.

"Bring me my horse." I say to the warrior behind me.

Perhaps, it is not the wisest decision I will make. It may somehow seem unbecoming of me. Nevertheless, I stand by words for there is one person that serves as an inspiration to it, someone I taught and learned from.

As a black stallion approaches, Indra comes rushing to my direction. "We need to bring warriors, Heda."

"Me, Indra, not we." I lazily look at her. "You need to stay with your people."

She shakes her head. "It is not safe to go there. The sky people could be furious. They are low in numbers and they lack training, but they defeated the Mountain Men. To walk into their lair alone is–"

"I made my decision." I cut her off, giving her my shof-op look. "Besides, I will not be alone. Ryder and Tahli will join me. And prepare eleven messengers, Indra. By the time I arrive, I need them to tell the other clans of our negotiation's outcome as soon as possible."

The warriors nod and step up into their horses. I lift my head high before I set out. I need them to understand that I know what I am doing. My fear lies not in dealing with the sky people, rather seeing a particular person who probably has cursed me to the ends of the world.


Our journey so far is quiet. For once, we travel without fear from the monsters of the mountain. There is an eerie silence of solemnity that is rare in our lands. So, this is what peace is like. Or should I say, almost peace. By now, all clans have heard the news of the mountain's fall. It is uncertain how they will make sense of it. I am hoping they do not take it the wrong way or the Coalition that I established; the Coalition that cost thousands of lives; the Coalition that took decades to be achieved, will be shaken or worse, will dissolve into nothing.

On our way to the Ark, we pass the first drop ship where I was a witness to Lincoln's return from death. I knew I could trust Clarke. I saw it in her spirit the first time I laid eyes on her. It is a shame I never trusted her to survive.

We stop at the sound approaching. Tahli aims his bow while Ryder gets off his horse, his sword at hand, to check the woods ahead of us. Abruptly, Lincoln appears from a distant tree with his weapons aiming at the taller warrior.

"Ryder?" He turns to my direction, mouth partly open in apparent surprise. "Heda."

I motion for Ryder to withdraw his weapon and he oblige. The former Trikru warrior does the same.

"You are going to the Ark."

"Yes."

Lincoln shakes his head as he glances at the far woods. "It's not safe yet." He warns. My two warrior companions look at each other, uncomfortable of the revelation. "The sky people are–"

"Lincoln!" A familiar voice echoes from the woods. Moments later, Octavia emerges from the same direction where Lincoln appeared. Judging by her look, and her firm grip on her sword, she is obviously not impressed by our–my–presence.

"What is she doing here?" She walks over to Lincoln. "What are you doing here?!" She looks straight into my eyes when she yells. Ryder draws his weapon and Tahli aims his bow at that very second.

"Hod op. Hon yu gon daun we." [Wait. Take your weapons away.]

"What do you want?"

"I wish to speak with your leader, Okteivia kom skaikru."

She grits her teeth. "You have no business here."

"Octavia..." Lincoln speaks as he restrains the young warrior.

"No! She ordered a retreat while my brother is still stuck inside the mountain, trying to set her warriors free! How dare you come here after sentencing us to death!"

Lincoln pulls Octavia away. "Hear them out, at least."

"You want to talk? Then go talk to the Chancellor, if you get there alive." The young warrior leaves as soon as she finish her rant. Of course, the sky people are furious. I can only imagine what they must be feeling. "Oh, and one more thing, Clarke is not here. She's gone."

She's gone.

The words echo inside my head. A sudden feeling of emptiness hits me. Clarke is gone. It must be a mistake. She cannot be gone. She is supposed to be mad at me, not gone. I open my mouth to take air in. It is too much. Clarke cannot be gone.

As soon as Octavia is out of sight, Lincoln speaks.

"Clarke left the moment we arrived here. Nobody knows where she is."

I release the breath I did not know I was holding, as if an imaginary sword was pulled out of my chest. The former tree person glances at me before he runs after the young warrior. I find it curious why they felt the need to tell me about Clarke. Am I that obvious? Perhaps not. They assume I would be looking for her since she is the sky person I regard as their leader, an equal and nothing more.

"Let us continue."

Ryder hops on his horse and follows us while Tahli takes point as he leads the way into the Ark. I could the latter's reluctance although he shows no signs of it. Ryder, on the other hand, was Clarke's guard for a time. He knew her–us–better than most.

I catch up with him a bit. "Mela op. [Heads up] You have nothing to fear from the sky people."

Tahli nods and maneuvers his horse, gaining pace. This is the courage I need to see from my people. It lifts my spirit, even if I know for certain what lies ahead of us.

When the Ark is finally within reach, we slow down and I take the lead. "I will enter their village alone. Both of you should stay from a distance."

"It is not safe, Heda." One of the warriors insists.

"No, of course it is not, Tahli." I get off the stallion and gaze into the Ark. "Do not draw your weapons."


I notice how the sky people starts to panic in my presence. As I walk closer, more guards man their gates, their weapons aiming at me. Slurs come from all direction. Animosity is evident in their faces. I wonder if Clarke hates me just as much, or even more. Probably more. There was something in her eyes that night. Those unspoken tears, they pleaded to my spirit.

It takes several minutes before they open the gate. As they do, Abby awaits behind it. She has a crutch on her right arm, her right leg is injured. Nevertheless, her face contorts into her most frightening–a mother who lost her child.

"You have the nerve to come here." She starts. Sky people gather near the place. Familiar faces like Kane and Bellamy stands behind their chancellor. "What do you want?" She yells.

"I have come to make you an offer, Abby of the Sky People."

"It's Chancellor." Her tone is full of authority. I forgot that in the eyes of the sky people, she is their leader. Clarke was only in command for the past war. "...and you have nothing that we desire."

Kane looks down, seemingly uncomfortable of the conversation. Others continue to badmouth my people–me–on the background.

With confidence, I respond to her. "You are in my land."

"How dare you–"

"Abby," Kane interrupts. "Please, why don't we take this talk inside?" He continues, gesturing toward the Ark.

The Chancellor eyes me sharply, seemingly battling with herself before she agrees with the man. I knew this would happen. The sky people will probably loathe me but they are smart. Besides, they have not seen the best of me–or worst for that matter.

I have never been inside the sky people's abode. I knew they have technology similar to the mountain men. What I did not expect is that they might actually have had better up in space. They managed to survive almost a century living in a ship–this ship. I wonder what else humans used to have.

"After you, Heda." Kane welcomes me inside a room where Abby already awaits.

It feels strange meeting the sky people without Clarke. I still regard her as their leader even if her presence is nowhere. If it wasn't for her, things might have progressed in another way. I wouldn't say it would have ended differently. It's just... Clarke is different. She represents the sky people with her heart. She is the sky people. She is everything.

My brief pondering is interrupted by the voice of one angry chancellor. Apparently, she and Kane are having a hushed argument while I float away with my thoughts.

Nice move, Lexa. By all means, have your head in the clouds while standing alone in the middle of enemy territory where everyone is most likely plotting the finest method to end your life.

I compose myself, pretending to be fully aware of my surroundings.

"She did not just deceived our people, Kane. She betrayed Clarke! I thought we had our best chances because the two of them were working together. And she just–"

"The Reapers," It is my turn to interrupt the Chancellor. The words from her lips, of a hurting mother, are too accurate to ignore. "...our people," I correct myself. "...soon their lives will meet the same fate as their fallen brothers whom our healers failed to revive all these years."

The chancellor's expression softens to some degree. I know she is keeping her alpha stature. Nevertheless, she is still a healer. Saving lives is only natural for her.

"I'm afraid their lives is on your hands, Commander. If you did not betrayed us in the first place, we would have saved them. But you picked your selfish interest over–" Kane places his hand on the woman's shoulder. Clearly, the chancellor is becoming quite emotional. I know that face. She worries about her daughter.

"Tell me, chancellor, would you not choose the same for your people? To save yours and spare them from further bloodshed? To be able to walk back home unharmed?"

Her expression changes. "Of course I would have," Her gaze turns to away from us. "But Clarke will definitely not. She would think of you, of your people, of everyone." The room becomes silent for a moment. "She would have been a better leader than me, than you, than any of us! But she put her trust on the wrong people, and now she is gone because of the burdens that she carried to save her friends, her family. It's all too much for a child!"

"I agree. Clarke is born to be a leader. But I no longer see her as a child. She outgre–"

"Don't you dare speak of my daughter!" Abby aims to move closer but her injury stops her midway. Kane comes to her rescue.

I understand her lament. It is only natural for a mother to feel the need to protect her child, to take as much pain as they could just to give them comfort, just to give them life. I cannot fight with a mother's sorrow. It is the greatest grief of all.

But Clarke is not dead. She wanders away only to forget the pain. As a born leader, I believe she will come back in time. There is no reason to grieve.

"Then let me finish my proposal instead." I walk closer to the two sky people. "You can have this land including a mile long radius, bordering Tondc, free of fear from my people. In exchange, you will heal the Reapers."

Kane purses his lips while the other squints in boiling disagreement. "I worry that as the victor over the mountain men, the Coalition might see you as a new threat. I cannot promise you peace with the rest of the eleven clans, but you can expect no aggression from your nearest neighbor. That should be enough for your people to heal and build your lives down here on Earth."

"Wait, are you saying that the eleven clans will attack us?" Distressed, the man asks.

"I said no such thing. Given the current basic law of the lands, however, it is likely–only if they see you as a threat. I do not intend to cause you panic. But leader to leader, I believe you should be aware of the possibilities."

"...and if we refuse your offer?" The chancellor challenges. It is not an option, I would like to say to her. I need to be careful with my words though. They are aggravated enough. I have to think of something that the chancellor cannot resist.

"I can find Clarke. I–my people know these lands far better than any sky person. I can make sure that she is safe until her return, should she wish for it. But that's... only if you agree."

Lie.

I would personally do it even if the sky people disagree. I will find Clarke to the ends of the world if that's what it would take to see her again in this life. I know I hit the right spot when the chancellor's face softens.

"I can give you time to decide, Chancellor. I do hope you can make up your mind before the Reapers take their last breath."


A/N: And she writes again. I know. I have unfinished stories here. I am aware of how much I owe my fellow readers, and I apologize for that.

I have read quite a number of awesome Clexa fics and I applaud each and everyone who took time (and still continues) to write them. You guys saved me after 2x15 (and 2x16, fine). The 100 universe is, in my opinion, greatly created and I am too enchanted by it to read any AU fanfics. Also, my ship is canon so I see no reason to read those-no offense to all AU clexa writers out there. Just for this ship, I am sticking with the series' plot.

The Coastal Tribe (Kostgeda) and the Coastal People (Kostales) are all made up, obviously. I thought they would be situated somewhere in California (Hence, Ornia). Their language, Paneyo-if you haven't noticed yet-is actually Spanish (from Es-panyo-l). I thought it would make sense since many from the East uses it (correct me if I am wrong, I am not from US).

Also, I am aware that my Trigedasleng is not perfect. I am still learning the language.