A/N- Hey hey. So, I hate clove. But the ferocity that is Cato intrigues me... I played by the rules this time(I didn't deviate from the original story line, just...added to it) and I shall really just explain Cato's life after winning the Games. Okay, I lied. I did change it and reversed the winners. Bleh.
The cold dank walls were the only thing I could see. Pain, was all I could remember. Pain, and lots of it. Pain when I saw Clove's face light up in the sky, Pain as I watched The girl from 12 get ripped the shreds, Pain when the Capitol wanted nothing to do with me or my broken spirit. I became just about as useful as a broken toy.
Of course, the Capitol needed some place to put me. That's how I ended here, in the basement of one of their most exclusive mental hospitals. Hah. I won the Games and ended up in the loony bin. What Clarissa would think of me. Clarissa, if you're wondering, is my wife. Not my wife by choice, though. Every victor needs a happily ever after, right? So the Capitol gave me one. They gave me a beautiful wife and a beautiful son. I gave them my sanity. Or more like, they took it from me.
I could feel it slipping from each night, as I regretted every decision I had ever made back in the arena. I wished I had spared that girl at the fires life. I wish I hadn't killed all the people I had. More than that, I wish I had died first. Some nights I sit in my stuffy cell and imagine I am dead. There is absolutely nothing but calm. Soothing darkness envelopes my fingers, one by one. It eats my scarred arms and covers my chest. Finally, my whole head is submerged in peaceful death. I imagine it's like drowning, without the need for oxygen. Air isn;t nessacary(sp?) now. Nothing is.
Then, of course, I remember. I remember how painfully I alive I am. I've tried so many times to just stock up on the meds they give me and gulp them down in one lethal dose. It never works, though. They always manage to keep my goddamn head above water.
I'm dreaming. Tonight, my head is filled with Rue. It's a different tribute every time I close my eyes. These are the dreams I hate, because these are the dreams I can't ever wake up from. I'm paralyzed, forced into stillness by the sleeping drugs I take. Rue sings, her voice now her own, but the voice of Katniss Everdeen, the girl with eyes like a storm.
She sings, pleading with me for her life. In my dream I scream, telling the tiny girl it wasn't me, but Glimmer's counterpart. Rue shakes her head, tears falling down her youthful face. Blood appears out of nowhere and she falls into my arms, begging me to save her.
After what seemed like an eternity, I am allowed to move again. I stretch, pulling one arm forwards and the other back, twisting my neck in undesirable positions. The steady "clack clack" of a nurses footsteps comes, always on time. As the wretched woman places a grey tray with orange pills and small pancakes on my floor, she speak. I haven't heard the voice of another human being in just over a year, and I am overcome by the urge to cry at the sound.
"You have a visitor." Her voice isn't smooth or milky like they way I remember a woman's voice to be. Her voice is hard and nasely. "Your voice is ugly." Instead of replying in the hurt tone I remember Clarissa speaking to me in whenever I told her I wanted to leave the life I had, the nurse just shoots me a look of discontent.
I walk up the stairs, shaking so hard I can barely breathe. I'm not excited nor nervous, I'm just over-stimulated. The light is so bright I feel as If, at any moment, I will go blind. Not like I can see anything in my hole anyways. A familiar, heart shaped face greets me at the top of the winding staircase. "Oh, Cato." Clarissa smiles, and pulls me into a hug. The warmth of another human body against mine pulled me in closer to her. I didn't breathe, or move. I just stood there for as long as Claire could bear it. "Daniel is here." Whatever knees I had a moment ago were jelly now, and I wanted to lunge towards my son.
Daniel stood there, a spitting image of his mother. You never would have known he shared half his genes with a blonde. Daniel had thick black waves and eyes bluer than..Peeta Mellark's. He was tall and wiry, but attractive nonetheless. I walk towards him, but I feel arms hold me back. The same animal urge I had years ago builds up in my core, making me hate myself. "He's not here to see you, he's here to calm you down." Clarissa is trembling, almost with fear, as she tells me this. It slowly sinks in that I am about to hear something I do not want to hear.
"I-I need you to sign these." She shoves a packet of papers into my hands, and places a pan on top. I know what they are even before I read them. Now I understand why Daniel is here. I think of how thankful I am for him, because if my son wasn't here, I'd surely be screaming and writhing on the floor. Divorce, divorce, divorce. The words circle in my head as I numbly sign my name. As soon as I'm done, I walk blindly down to my cell.
Katniss Everdeen invades my thoughts, and I remember a night before training, just one night, a night we weren't thinking clearly. She would never remember it, but I did.
Next chapter will have some Cato/Katniss.
