Dreams last so long

Even after you've gone.

Authors Comment: Greetings once again. I hope you are all faring well. I came up with the idea for this fic a few days ago now, really on the day it should have been published. Alas, it's a little late for that. Nevertheless, now is just as good a time as March 1, save only that I can neither pinch nor punch anyone. Probably a good thing. This particular chapter, and the whole story if that is what it turns into, was inspired buy Jewel's "You were meant for me", and should be read ideally listening to said song.

More importantly it's kinda AU, in that the game didn't finish the way we all know it should. Read on and sue me not, lest ye be destroyed. Not sure if this will get more attention than "A chasing the wind", which I haven't forgotten about.


Squall stood alone on the balcony. Behind him people were celebrating. The great witch had been killed. He had returned meaning into the life of so many others, but he knew that he would forever be missing something from his. He leant forward, resting his weight on Garden's strong stone. Alone, bathed in the light of the moon, he contrast the mass of festivities that was barely contained by the building. In the wake of victory he had been given everything. Everything but what he wanted most. Here, on this balcony, was as close as he felt he would get. But even here his silent request of the moon was met with a steady stillness, a soft denial, and a firm reprimand, as if he ask for more than Hyne would give.

"You know, Squall, I had thought that this war would have changed you" a soft female voice spoke, as it's owner slowly walked up behind him. As she lightly stepped up next to him, Quistis felt a strong sense of Deja vu. She had been here before, as had he. He was nearly as cold as ever, especially so this evening. Before, when they had both become SeeD's again, he had be looking for something he didn't know he needed. Now, it was as if he was chasing after the memory Dream. One that he had held once, but now refused to give it up. Quistis was not the answer back then, and she very much doubted she would be the answer now. But to leave Squall flail in his own head wouldn't have been right, if she was any kind of friend at all.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." His voice was low and firm, hard and soft at the same time. "I'm sorry Quistis, but I don't feel like abiding anyone's company tonight". His reply carried the weight, of someone who had taken time to consider his reply.

"Squall... why can't you be happy?" she said anxiously, "Tonight is a night to be celebrated. We are all trying our best to enjoy it! Zell... Zell almost choked on his hot dogs, Selphie even managed to get Irvine stupid hate off..."

"How can you say we should Celebrate?" he said keeping his eyes fixed on the moon. "When she isn't here. How could you even expect me to think about going back in there?"

"Squall, I know you loved Rinoa. But she wouldn't want you to remain in this state of Grief!"

"State of grief," Squall replied with a growl, "You, and the rest of Rin's so called friends were not complaining when that very same grief tore from Ultimecia here own Guardian Force. You were not Complaining when Griever turned on Tiamat at my behest. You were not complaining when that foul witch fell to 'End of Heart'! Why would you complain!? It gained it's power by her sacrifice. My Promise to her, that tore my heart and made it two."

"Squall..." Quistis replied slowley "She didn't leave you so that..."

"She didn't leave me. I abandoned her. I just let them take her. I should have gone after her, I should have..." Squall broke off from what he was about to say, turning his back to Quistis' face.

"You did go after her. It's not your fault, It's what she wanted. If you had gone after her, Ultimecia would have possessed her again. Not to mention what would have happened to Elone, to Laguna...!"

"Don't talk to me about him." Squall interjected "If he hadn't have lost control of his government and let them take her in the first place, none of this would have happened..." Squall suddenly stopped, and looked back to the moon, "But no... she would have still gone, she was terrified Quistis, Everything she said made sense, I've never seen her so forceful. I.. should have fought harder."

"You did fight, Squall! Then and later! They would have killed Laguna, you would have lost all the family you have left. Even if you had gotten to her, you would have had to kill her in the end, if she was possessed..."

"Did you ever know, my dear Quistis" said Squall, with the look of utmost despair on his face. "That I promised to do exactly that? I told her that I would be her knight no matter what. And when they took her from me in that field, I promised I would await her return. So no Quistis, I will not be consoled. She cannot be happy up there. It must be torture for her. Why should I be happy, what right to I have, when she is imprisoned thus!"

Quistis looked at Squall, He had fought so hard Rinoa. She had changed him. He hadn't cared before, now he would die a hundred times over for his friends. For Rinoa. He had fought like a dead man against Ultimecia. Now he lived like a dead man.

"Is there anyway of getting her back?" Quistis said, after a long pause. You rescued her from space once..."

"Don't you think i've thought of that?" Squall snapped. "Sorry Quistis, No. It seems as if I have been cut off from her be her own hand. She had them take the Ragnarock remember? It was the last ship of it's kind, and it accompanied her to her fate. Even if they were to make another it took hundreds of years of gathering the required amounts of fuel just to run that thing."

Quistis hung her head, there was no way she could have known the fuel requirements for such a vessel. A silence hung between them for a long time. The Moon watched.

"There is something I haven't told you." Squall said at last. "When I defeated Ultimecia, I got lost in the compression. I wandered for a long while. Eventually I found myself at the Orphanage. I saw Ultimecia. I saw her pass her powers onto Edea. I witnessed, even influenced the creation of SeeD. But even after that I wandered. I walked into infinity, and when I came out, I was lying in a bed of flowers. In that same place she was taken from me. She saved me, Quistis. I'm sure of it. But I'm powerless to help her. Even if I could, She would not accept it. Did you know that she said she no longer wished to be with me?

"Squall, she was just trying to..."

"I know what she was doing. Yet, when I think back to the flowers... I know she loves me, Quistis. There has to be someway of getting her back..." Squall's frame shuddered, as if releasing sorrow it could no longer contain. Quistis did not want to see him shed a single tear, yet the pain she felt now, emanating from his body, was too much for her to witness. She fled.

The party was well over when Squall stalked back to his dorm. His dreams had been getting worse. But they were sweet. Images of Rinoa falling into his arms after he releases her from her prison, draping her body over his as the fumes which were meant to contain her rejoice at their own release. When he slept, she would stay with him for hours. In the Dream they left the memorial behind, favouring instead the garden with the flowers. Where he made his Promise. At that point in the dream he would be reminded then: That this was not. It was a dream, both in form and in desire, and try as he might, he could never get it back. It was at that point in his nightmare, that it seemed that all the sorrow, fear, and regret which his mortal frame could not contain during his waking hours poured into him. He would fall down on his knees, and let it wash over him, all the while crying light.

He knew full well that it was Griever's powers which gave him such nocturnal visions. He had been juctioned to him ever since he ripped him from Ultimecia. This grief was his prize. A pale reminder of what could have been. A dream. A fantasy. And he would cling to it even if it was the last Dream he ever owned. Griever would not let him forget. He would allow him to experience joy and sorrow to their fullest. Even without Griever his Dream would die hard. No. it was gone, even now, seemingly so soon. But it was not. It had been ages. Griever had kept the pain raw. But tonight: Tonight was special. It was her Birthday. Tonight he would sacrifice the breif pleasure of his dreams transient company. He would Unjuction Greiver and allow himself to hope. Griever allowed him power. Power to dream of her. Power to feel the pain he condemned upon himself. Power to drive himself to sorrow unimagined by normal man. But Hope was something different.

"Rinoa" Squall wispered, looking at the moon. Hoping that she too, could see it. "I promised I would wait. I promised to leave you to your fate. We used to argue, all the time, late into the night about the tiniest little thing. And I loved you all the more in the morning. But I promised to let you have this one. But... I cannot wait for wise Death to judge between us. Forgive me, but tonight I have felt hope, something which I thought was stolen from me long ago. Is it wrong for me to wish you back? Now that what you feared is gone? Everything, Rinoa, all your reasons, all that we came to odds with. Too long have I played your gaoler. I am your knight, and I think I have at last found a way to free you from your tower. The moon herself will shed tears for Griever. For me. For Us. And she will bring you back to me. Heaven forgive me."

Squall waited up all night, like he and Rin had done so many times before. When he was awake, hope seemed almost as real as his sorrow. He knew this to was an illusion. He knew to condemn the world to another Lunar Cry, it should have to share his pain. But Dreams last so long.

A.C.P.S: My apologies for those who did not enjoy that. Hopefully there are some lighter moments to be reflected upon as we attempt to drag Squall out of the pit the Griever dug for him. I think Squall plays the tragic Hero almost has good as he plays the reluctant one. Flames welcome, I've always wondered what cooked awesome tastes like. Might even be as good as toasted cheese.