Sometimes, You Don't Hear the Bullet
Disclaimer:
As always, I own nothing.
Rating:
T
Genre:
Romance/Angst
Pairing:
Tibbs
Lyrics Used:
Coldplay - "Fix You"
When You Lose Something You Can't Replace
When you try your best, but, you don't succeed | When you get what you want, but, not what you need | When you feel so tired, but, you can't sleep | Stuck in reverse | And, the tears come streaming down your face | When you lose something you can't replace | When you love someone, but, it goes to waste | Could it be worse
Lights will guide you home | And ignite your bones | I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face | When you lose something you cannot replace | Tears stream down your face and I | Tears stream down your face | I promise you I will learn from my mistakes | Tears stream down your face and I
Lights will guide you home | And ignite your bones | I will try to fix you
Tony was running like a madman through the streets of DC – Gibbs hot on his heels – as they chased after their latest perp. The kid had just been spotted, shooting up his high school a few blocks away. Several students and faculty members had been seriously injured and a few had had even been killed. However, Tony and Gibbs had been so intent on catching the perp that they had forgotten one of the cardinal rules of foot chases. Always be aware of your surroundings. Neither of them ever heard the shot. But, Gibbs soon felt his blood run cold as the entire world seemed to freeze around him as he watched Tony fall to the ground. Snapping back to his senses, he called McGee and Ziva on the comms as he caught up to Tony – falling to his knees by the man's side. Ah, no! No, no! No! He thought to himself. This could not be happening, right now. It was Kate all over again. Only that it wasn't Kate. It was Tony. Tony DiNozzo. The frustratingly, maddeningly, charming smooth-talker that had unknowingly run off with Gibbs' heart. "Tony." Gibbs called out, cursing the way his voice trembled, slightly. "Tony!" He called out, louder, when he received no response. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he called for the ambulance on pure auto-pilot – his conscious mind consumed by the unconscious man that lay bleeding in his arms.
The medics had arrived shortly after Gibbs had placed the call and rather unceremoniously shoved Gibbs out of the way as they began assessing Tony's injuries. They barked orders back and forth between themselves – most of which Gibbs neither heard nor registered. As they loaded Tony into the back of the ambulance, however, Gibbs finally snapped to attention – making it abundantly clear that he would be riding with his senior field agent to the hospital. Fortunately, for Gibbs, these medics had worked with him enough times, before, to know well enough not to argue with the special agent when he set his foot down on something.
At the hospital, Gibbs was drawing the attention of the rest of his team as he paced around the waiting room. He was trying to be patient – tell himself that Tony would be all right and that DiNozzo was too stubborn to die – but, the fact of the matter was that he didn't honestly know. And, that was what was driving him crazy. Not knowing. The rest of the team was all just as worried about Tony was. Okay, maybe Gibbs worried more. But, that was only because he stood to lose more. Even if the other's didn't know it. But, they were also equally worried about their fearless leader. They'd never seen him so anxious. And, he appreciated their concern for him, but, his mind was more focused on DiNozzo.
"Good morning, Special Agent DiNozzo." The doctor greeted, offering a small strained smile that did not go unnoticed by the agent in the bed before her. "My name is Dr. Sharpe."
"Give it to me, straight, Doc." Tony groaned, struggling to sit up in the bed. "I can take it."
That's doubtful. The doctor thought to herself, steeling herself for the fall-out of the news she had for her patient. God, I always hate this part of the job. "Well, I have good news and I have bad news." She began, trying to keep her tone light for as long as she possibly could. "Which would you like, first?"
Uh-oh. Tony thought to himself, warily. That can't be good. "Good news, first, I guess." Tony replied, uncertainly.
The doctor heaved a mental sigh of relief as she spoke. "Well, the good news is that the bullet managed to miss your stomach and your bowels." Dr. Sharpe began, carefully.
"Aaaannnnddddd …" Tony drawled, not sure whether he really wanted to hear the bad news or not. " … What's the bad news?"
Sighing lightly, Dr. Sharpe set her clipboard down as she leaned, gently, against the bed rails on Tony's bed. "I'm so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this." She began, trying to break the news to her patient as gently as she possibly could. "I'm so sorry, Tony … But … I'm afraid the bullet shot through your uterus … We were forced to perform an emergency hysterectomy given that the damage was too severe to be repaired … I'm afraid your baby was also killed, instantly."
Tony's entire world seemed to screech to a halt before crashing down around him. He couldn't even begin to try to even breathe. He couldn't even process what he'd just been told. I was … I was … pregnant?! He thought to himself, in horrified shock and awe. He couldn't believe he'd had the one thing he'd wanted more than anything in his life and it had been stolen from him before he'd ever even known he'd had it.
The doctor had watched Tony's body language change, drastically, when she'd delivered the news of his baby's death. She'd expected a drastic change, but, there was something in the man's non-verbal reaction that she didn't quite recognize. She processed the look over in her mind as horrified realization dawned on her face. "Oh God…" She muttered, in pure shock, leaning against the side of the bed, as she gently laid her hand over Tony's as he clutched at the sheet in mental anguish. "Oh God … You didn't … You didn't know, did you?" She gasped, breathlessly.
"No." Tony managed to choke out around the lump in his throat. "No – I – I didn't." He choked and stammered. "Oh God!" He sobbed, feeling the metaphorical dam bursting. "I didn't know!"
"Oh my God." Dr. Sharpe replied, quietly. "Tony, I can't even begin to express how sorry I am." And, just when I thought my job couldn't get any shittier. She thought to herself, aching for the pain her patient must have been in.
"How far?" Tony muttered, brokenly, unsure of why he was even asking this question. He didn't see how any good could come of it.
"I'm-I'm sorry?" Dr. Sharpe stuttered, suspecting that she knew what Tony had meant just not wanting to be right.
"How far along was I?" Tony demanded, impatiently. He hated having to prolong this torment.
Dr. Sharpe sighed, reluctantly. She knew that answering the question wouldn't change anything. But, maybe Tony needed to know to find some sort of closure. "About eight weeks." She replied, quietly, as another sob exploded from Tony's chest. "Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked, desperate to do whatever she could to comfort her patient. "Is there anyone I can call? Anyone you want with you, right now?"
Tony didn't even have to think about his answer. "Gi … Gibbs." He choked out. "Agent Gibbs." He added, knowing that – if anyone could understand what he was going through – it was Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The doctor merely nodded, silently, before taking off in search for Agent Gibbs.
Gibbs immediately halted his pacing as he heard the doctor enter the waiting room. "Agent Gibbs?" She called out, in search of the person that Tony had requested to have with him in his recovery room.
"That's me!" Gibbs replied, eagerly. "I'm Agent Gibbs." He added, desperate to hear the news of Tony's condition.
"My name is Dr. Sharpe." The doctor replied, by way of introduction. "I'll be overseeing Agent DiNozzo's care while he's here."
"Why the hell has this been taking so damn long?!" Gibbs demanded, harshly. Truthfully, he hadn't meant to be so harsh toward the young doctor. He was just scared for his senior field agent and reacted to that fear with anger. Which – if her body language was anything to go by – the doctor seemed to understand.
"I apologize for the wait, Agent Gibbs." The doctor replied, ever the consummate professional. "There were some unanticipated injuries." She began, carefully.
"What kind of 'unanticipated injuries'?" Gibbs demanded, worriedly.
"The bullet fortunately missed all of Tony's primary organs – the liver, the kidneys, the stomach, the bowel, etc …" The doctor elaborated, dreading where she was going, next. "However, the bullet did manage to do extensive damage to Tony's uterus." The horrified look on Gibbs' face spoke volumes as he allowed to the doctor to finish. "Our trauma surgeons tried to reconstruct the damaged organ … Unfortunately, the uterus was too far gone … We were forced to remove the uterus, entirely." She replied, reluctantly. "I'm so sorry, but … But, the baby didn't make it."
Gibbs and the team all stared at the doctor in horror. It was no secret that Tony had been able to conceive and carry a child. But, none of them had known that was pregnant. "The … The baby?" Gibbs questioned, quietly.
"There's more …" The doctor conceded. "But, I feel that Tony should be the one to tell you, himself." She added, gesturing for Gibbs to follow her. "He's asked to see you." She finished as Gibbs numbly followed behind the young doctor until she led him to Tony's recovery room.
"Did you know Tony was pregnant?" Ziva turned to Abby, questioningly, after Gibbs and the doctor had left.
"No, I had no idea!" The young forensic scientist replied, just as shell-shocked as the rest of her friends.
"I woulda thought – if anyone woulda known – it woulda been Gibbs." McGee replied, staring at the doors that Gibbs and the doctor had passed through mere moments ago. "But, he looked just as shocked as we are.
"How could Tony be pregnant and not tell us?!" Abby wondered, slightly hurt that her dear friend would hide something so life-changing as a baby from them.
"I do not know, Abby." Ziva sighed. "I do not know."
After the doctor had left Tony and himself alone in the recovery room, Gibbs began to pace, anxiously, as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair – racking his brain for just what to say to Tony. He couldn't believe that his senior field agent would be so reckless. He also couldn't believe that Tony would hide something like a pregnancy from him. There were so many questions that he just didn't have the answers to. "Why?!" Gibbs demanded, harshly. "Why would you pull a stupid-ass stunt like this?! Why would you knowingly put your own child in danger?! Why-"
"I didn't." Tony muttered, so quietly that Gibbs almost didn't hear him.
"Bullshit!" Gibbs spat, rounding on his heel to face him. "Bullshit, Tony! You knew you were pregnant and you still went into that pursuit-"
"I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW, GIBBS!" Tony roared, finally unable to hold it in, any longer. "I didn't know." He repeated, notably quieter.
Gibbs just stared at his SFA in pure and utter shock. He'd never heard Tony raise his voice to him in such a manner. The look on his face and the sheer, raw, emotion in his reaction told Gibbs that Tony was telling the truth. He really hadn't know that he'd been pregnant. That realization stabbed through his chest painfully. He couldn't believe he'd been so insensitive. Tony had just suffered the pain of losing a child – a pain that Gibbs, himself, knew all too well – and, here, he was basically accusing Tony of killing his own unborn baby. Furious with himself, he slapped the back of his own head harder than he'd ever slapped anyone. Fucking bastard. He thought to himself, angrily, as he calmly and carefully approached Tony's bedside. Reaching out, he laid a tentative hand over Tony's – fighting like hell to hold back the wince as Tony jerked away as if he'd been bitten. Sighing heavily, Gibbs replied. "Tony, I … I don't even know how to begin to tell you how sorry I am." Listening to the older man, Tony knew he was being sincere. And, he appreciated the rare violation of rule number six. "That was completely uncalled for and I was a complete and utter bastard to assume that you would do something so reckless."
"You know me, Gibbs." Tony replied, desperately. "You know that – if I had known that I was pregnant, I would have told you and I would have stayed the hell out of a situation like that pursuit." He reasoned, frustratedly. "I would never knowingly do anything to jeopardize my own child!"
"I know." Gibbs breathed, gently. "I know you wouldn't. And, I should have given you the benefit of the doubt – let you explain your side."
A moment of tense silence stretched between the two agents before Tony spoke again – his voice scarcely above a whisper. "Two months."
Gibbs nearly had to strain to hear the broken whisper and when he had, he couldn't quite understand what Tony'd meant by it. "I'm sorry?"
"I was two months pregnant." Tony repeated, his voice slightly louder. "That is, before that fucking monster stole my baby from me!"
Gibbs ached to comfort his senior field agent in whatever way possible. He hated seeing the man that he loved in such agony. Finally, he carefully a hand out to Tony's shoulder – relieve when the younger man leaned into him – as he wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulder, leaning against the side of the bed to support the awkward position. "Don't worry, Tony." Gibbs assured the younger man, gently. "We're gonna nail the bastard."
Tony appreciated the sentiment. Nailing his shooter to the wall might not bring his child back. But, it would help Tony sleep better, at night, to know that the bastard wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else. "Thanks Gibbs."
Nodding, silently, another realization hit Gibbs. "Tony … Do you want me to call Mark for you?" He asked. Gibbs knew that Mark Strahm was Tony's life partner and the father of the child that Tony had just lost. "I think he-"
"He doesn't need to know." Tony muttered, bitterly. "We broke up a week ago."
"What?" Gibbs was dumbfounded. "What happened?"
"Pretty simple, really." Tony replied, numbly. "I wanted kids … He didn't."
Gibbs nodded, in understanding. He knew that argument far too well. "I'm sorry, Tony."
"I just never expected to go through somethin' like this alone." Tony muttered, his voice full of the despair that he'd felt since he'd learned that the child that he'd never known he'd had was dead.
"You are not alone, Tony." Gibbs replied, fervently. "You never have to be alone, Tony … Not as long as I'm still around."
Author's Note:
Well, I hope you've all enjoyed this opening chapter. Next chapter, we get to see Gibbs lose his shit in the interrogation! Should be fun! Don't forget to drop me a review!
~Skye Coulson
