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Moments in Time
Part I
By: AW
© February 2013
It was the moment we fell into bed together.
The moment my life changed forever.
Alexis and Martha were gone; Alexis to her graduation all-nighter, and Martha to the Hamptons.
The night played out and we made love like there was no tomorrow. We made love with an abandon I had never felt.
'One and done'? Maybe this was it. Maybe this is what it was supposed to be like.
He had told me before that 'I was in nowhere relationships with men I didn't love.' Well here I was.
I wanted him; and I was pretty damned sure I loved him.
This had been going on for six months now.
We'd made it past the Meredith moment.
We'd made it past the 'Gates Valentine's Day' debacle.
And here we were, faced with the most horrific moment a parent can face.
Alexis was gone.
Taken from a late night college lecture.
He stared into my eyes trying to make me understand the love he held for his daughter. "They handed me a tiny bundle; a little person. She stared at me and a magical feeling overcame me. I knew it was love."
Where does that leave me? I thought.
I let my head fall and quickly came back up. Feeling a tear fall down my face with a sadness I felt for a child who was not even biologically mine.
Would he love any child we produced as he did Alexis: his first born.
Would he want to marry me and love me forever?
I let the selfish thoughts disappear. I had to think of Alexis.
I sighed and let my hand fall to my belly; it wasn't for sure, but I was three days late.
Now wasn't the time for this we had to think of Alexis: His first born.
He loved her more than anything; more than he loved me.
I smiled to myself; this child would not be a replacement; but maybe a chance to start over.
I walked up to Rick, trying to make everything look as normal as possible. "Rick I have to go check something with Lanie; I need to follow a lead. I'll be back."
He nodded distracted and off I went.
I exited the precinct and automatically went to my car.
I sat in the car and stared at my flat tummy. Was there a baby there for Rick?
I went to the drug store; paid my fifteen dollars and left for my favorite coffee shop,
So there I was inside the bathroom of the coffee shop squatting over the toilet holding the stick waiting for a sign.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone went off. I picked it up and looked at the call display showing me it was Lanie. "Beckett."
I listened, "Yes Lanie, I'll be right there."
I went to leave the washroom almost forgetting the reason I was there in the first place.
I picked up the stick and shoved it in my purse not even looking at the result and went and paid for a coffee and a bear claw before heading back to the precinct.
When I entered the precinct I made a bee-line right for the morgue.
I stood there unmoving in the doorway to Lanie's domain, finally she approached me. "Hey girl, what is up with you?"
I shook my head, breaking the spell. "Sorry?"
"Kate what is wrong?"
I handed her the bear claw, and pulled the test out of my purse.
She stared at me, "What is this?"
Lanie's mouth hung open. "Oh my god. You made little Castle babies."
And now it felt real to me.
I was pregnant with Rick Castle's baby.
I opened my mouth, "We need to find Alexis or he'll never forgive me."
Lanie shook her head, "Yes we do, but don't you think you have something to share with 'writer-boy'?"
I guess I did; I was carrying his second child; but I had to find his first born before anything else.
I let the tears fall, the fear encompassing me. "What if this isn't what he wants Lanie?"
She rose her eyebrows and stared at me, "Then that's too bad, 'cause this is what he got."
I almost laughed at how sure Lanie seemed to be. She handed me the test, gave me the coffee I'd gotten for Rick and off I went.
I entered the bullpen and handed Castle his coffee.
He nodded his thanks, silence encompassing him in the fear he had for his missing child. "Rick we have to talk."
He looked at me hopeful, "Did we get another lead?"
I shook my head no. "I've been up for 48 hours straight. It's not good for the baby; let's go home and get some sleep."
Rick shook his head, "Baby?"
I took his hand and led him out to my car.
We drove all the way back to the loft in silence.
As we were walking up the stairs, he turns me around. "When? How? We were careful; are you sure?"
I let another tear fall down my face, "I'm sorry."
He tilted my head up so I was staring him in the face. "Hey, Kate. I was just surprised." He paused, "When did you find out?"
I smiled, "Two hours ago in the coffee shop bathroom."
He gave me a watery smile. "Why didn't you tell me you thought you were pregnant? I could have been there for you."
"Until I checked my calendar, I wasn't even sure I was late."
He pulled me gently closer and gave me a kiss. We laid in the bed and Rick's hand slid down to my still flat stomach. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, and this baby; but I need to find Alexis."
I nodded and covered his hand with mine. "I know, and we will." I sighed, "But I'm exhausted and we both need sleep Castle."
He kissed the side of my head and we both fell into a fitful sleep.
[10 HOURS LATER – CASTLE LOFT]
I awoke as my alarm began blaring; warning me it was time to get up.
I smelled breakfast being made in the kitchen and slipped out of the room, my pajamas still covering my form.
I was about to make my way downstairs when I heard Rick phone go off.
It was Alexis. I phoned in a trace at the precinct then went to Rick's phone. "Where are you Alexis?"
She began babbling. "We were in France. Now I'm not sure." She took a breath; I stared at Alexis. "We'll get you Alexis."
Rick walked in as he heard Alexis scream and the phone went blank.
"Castle –"
"Where is she; and why didn't you call me when you heard my phone go off and you knew it was Alexis?"
"Rick I had to act fast."
He stared at me, hatred in his eyes. "That's my only daughter Kate!"
I glanced at him. "I know where she is."
Castle let his head fall to his hands. "We have to talk to Sara's parents and then we have to go get them."
All of a sudden reality came crashing down on me. "I can't fly Rick."
He shook his head, "What do you mean you can't fly? That's my daughter."
"I'm pregnant Rick."
"And that's my daughter, alone in France."
I shook my head unsure, "And this is your daughter or son as well."
Castle froze, "That child," He pointed at my belly. "Is not even alive yet; Alexis is."
I stared at him; I didn't want to have this discussion now. I drew in a deep breath and rubbed my hand over my stomach, making the decision. "Okay we'll get her back."
Castle nodded. "Thank you Kate."
I hadn't even checked with a doctor. I had no idea even how far along I was. I had no idea if it was dangerous to fly.
I had no idea if I would survive losing this baby; but I knew that Castle wouldn't survive losing his.
[END PART I]
