The American Story
"Mr. America?"
"Yeah, Sealand?"
"Tell me about how you became a nation."
This was the 8th time the small boy had asked him this month.
"Really dude, again?"
"C'mon! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"
"Fine. But I'm gonna make it really long and boring this time!"
"You can't make anything boring, Mr. America!"
"Whateves man. Well, it kinda began like this..."
Little Alfred was just a small child living in a country that was probably England. He was too young to have known. His parents were on the lower end of the nobility scale, they were just wealthy enough to afford food for themselves and their only son. The village they lived in was the one closest to the King's castle. Not a whole lot happened in their village. But one day, the peasants stormed the castle in revolt for something the King had done. (he had been too young to remember) His father was forced to go and defend the castle from the villagers. He was killed during that revolt. Not long after, his mother fell into a major depression and Alfred was the one that had to go to the town to keep watch over the villagers to warn the castle of any signs of a revolt (his father's former job). One day, a particularly long one in his memory, Alfred went home only to find his house so quiet you could hear dust fall. He searched his home and found his mother, stabbed in the throat by what appeared to be her own knife. He was still only about 8, but he knew a suicide when he saw one.
Alfred knew that if he stayed someone would surely find her and make him stay with some poor peasants. So he put on his cleanest clothes, pack some essential items, and went out into the woods to find himself a place to live.
After a while, e knew he wouldn't last much longer. He was practically begging death to take him when a man happened to walk in his path.
"My, what are you doing here?" the man said,
"I'm surviving."Was his only reply
"Well, why don't you come with me and we can help you out a little."
Alfred went with this man who he later found out was named Arthur yet called England.
Arthur fed Alfred the most delicious food and explained to him that England is a country and that is exactly what Arthur was. He also explained the Alfred was part of a huge hunk of land out in the middle of the ocean. This scared Alfred a little, but he got used to the idea.
Arthur later took Alfred to this land he said was himself. Arthur told him how the ideas of the people in this land would be Alfred's ideas as well. And how if the land here and people here all died or if the economy got horribly bad, he would die as well. Alfred got more used to the ideas as he grew up. Then one day, when he was about 16, Arthur just... left...
He knew that England was still out there. He made Alfred pay him ridiculous amounts of money for abiding by his rules. He never even came to visit Alfred, or write him a damn letter! Alfred got sick of how England was treating him very quickly, and he soon started fighting back.
Alfred wrote his own constitution and he declared his independence from England. He'd already basically been independent anyways, the way England had just left him. The still fought though. England just wouldn't let him leave. Finally though, at the battle of Yorktown, Alfred got England to let him be a Country. It was glorious to be free from the King and be able to elect his own leaders.
"...and that's how I became a country."he finished
"But, what about how you got to be who you are today? How did you get so big, with 50 states and all?"
"Really? You want me to tell you everything? With the civil war and all?"
"Totally!"
"Kay dude, but you will owe me for this. After I won my independence..."
He started to feel like he didn't have enough land. So he got the midwest away from the European countries, and he gained more states. After that, he bought Louisiana from Spain and France (crazy deal) Then he got Oregon from England and Russia (scary dude) Then he fought a crazy war with Mexico over California and Texas. It was amazing after he got Texas. He could finally see. He felt like he was complete. But crazy things were going on in his country. There was a major dispute which almost killed him.
It was weird. Alfred woke up one morning, just like any other, and he walked into the bathroom to check his face for anything.(a hero can't have blemishes) And when he looked in the mirror, he saw himself, standing behind himself. That was really weird. He turned around and got punched in the face by himself.
"Why are ya tryin to ruin me, asshole?" This weird version of himself said
"I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" Alfred asked
"I been tellin ya fur years, yet you ain't e'en noticed."he snickered
"I, I don't understand."
"Whate'er. Im just here to tell ya that my name's the Confederate States of America. And from now on, you'll just be the Union."he said
Once Confederate stopped talking, he took Alfred's glasses off of his face and put them on his own.
"I believe Texas is mine now."he finished.
Then Confederate just walked off.
Alfred felt horrible the entire time the civil war was going on. He was just fighting himself. He would honestly have loved to talk to Confederate and share some beers as bros, but he just wouldn't have any of that. Alfred almost died several times, but it was no contest as to whether he would win or not.
It was horrible to watch Confederate fall though. He went down screaming, to the very end. Once he died, Alfred just walked through the battlefield to retrieve his glasses. The effects of Confederate were so horrible that it scarred Alfred for years afterwards with nasty comments and rude remarks.
After that war though, his growth as a country was nothing. He simply added the others to his list of states.
"...The end. So there, how was that story, bro?"
"It was sad and happy at the same time!" Sealand exclaimed
"Well, glad ya liked it!"
"So, how do you think I can become a county?"
"Sigh... You can't dude. You're too small."
"Awww. C'mon!"
Alfred just walked away.
