A Swelling Rage

Chapter 1

The air around her had a strong bite to it. Cold pricks of icy wind seemed to cut through the wool of her coat as she made her way down the leaf covered lane. Normally she would have thought that it was a beautiful, idyllic scene, like something from a movie or the cover from a vintage record that her dad kept boxed in the garage.

The fall trees overhead were shaking their limbs and letting their brilliantly colored leaves fall to the ground in a graceful dance. The autumn sun above was casting it's golden rays through the foliage and turning the unusually cold fall day into something that was sprinkled with magic.

The scene triggered as stunning for only a moment in her mind before it was quickly pushed back with an onslaught of images that overtook her whole body. She stopped for a moment and clutched one of the fence posts to steady the racking anger that was rolling through her.

Breathe, Hermione. Just breathe.

The words ran over and over in her mind until she had calmed down enough to take another step closer to the office at the end of the lane. She contemplated just turning around and going back to her newly rented flat just so that she wouldn't have to face him. She didn't want to see him, didn't want to face what he had done to her, to them. But, that wasn't her. She was stronger than him and she had never turned away from something that scared her.

As she got to the door, she gathered her courage around her like a thick winter cloak and knocked on the door. It was only a few moments before a middle aged man came to the door, but to her it felt like an eternity as her heart was beating furiously in her chest.

The man, David Jacoby showed her through his offices, introducing her to his staff and telling her how they had taken the historic town home and renovated it to suit their working needs. She was sure that she nodded her head appropriately and answered when he asked her questions or her opinion. She even gave his secretary her coat and gloves when asked. Nothing he said however registered. She almost felt like she was in an increasingly heavy fog with each step that brought them closer to his office.

Hermione knew that he was sitting just beyond the door. He would probably be in one of his best suits, a black Tom Ford with a pale blue Brioni French-Cuffed dress shirt. He would be sitting there with his hand cuffed just under his chin and his pointer finger resting just on his lips. There would probably be a tumbler of the finest whiskey in his hand. She knew that his glass would have three ice cubes in it and that he had only taken a sip or two while he waited.

He would be put together and calm. His heart wouldn't be racing in his chest and he wouldn't be breaking out in a cold sweat. He would be perfectly composed and without flaw. He would be the personification of everything that she wasn't at this moment in time and she hated him for it.

"Are you ready to go in?" The lawyer asked as they stood in front of the door.

"Yes," was her quiet response as the door opened silently on it's hinges.

She took the seat that was offered to her without looking at the other man in the room. He was only a few inches away from her, close enough that if he were to stretch out his fingers, they would touch hers. She folded her hands in her lap so as not to be tempted. She yearned for him with every aching beat of her heart, but with every breath she took she hated him more.

She raised her head slowly and looked at Jacoby. He was obviously at odds with the situation. Like everyone, he wasn't surprised that the two of them were here, but there was also a part of him that had watched the Prophet and had believed that the couple seated before him had been completely in love.

A slight movement out of the corner of her eye caused her to turn her head and look at him. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as she took him in. He was still the same as he had always been. Cold gray eyes, noble cheekbones and haughty mouth. His body was still as strong, still hard and unbending. She had been right, he was wearing the Tom Ford but not the Brioni. In it's place was the snowy white Black Label Ralph Lauren that she had gotten him for his birthday the previous year. She doubted that he even realized which shirt it was.

She closed her eyes momentarily to shut out her emotions and turned back to the attorney.

"Can we make this quick? I have furniture being delivered tonight and I would like to be home to direct them?" Hermione wasn't sure if her tone came off as cold or weak, but she saw the man next to her grip the arms of his chairs so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Of course, Madame Malfoy, now..."

"Granger." She corrected the lawyer, softly. "My last name is Granger."

The attorneys intake of breath was audible throughout the room. She kept her eyes on her lap as he shuffled through his papers with a nervous energy.

"I understand that you don't wish to get anything. None of the money, houses or art, correct?" Jabocy asked, his eyes scanning over the documents in front of him.

"That is correct." She confirmed while the man beside her stiffened further.

"Mr. Malfoy would like for you to take the London house and the Chelsea cottage along with a monthly alimony payment."

"That is very generous of Mr. Malfoy, but like I stated in our previous meetings, I have no wish for it." She replied calmly.

"You're being unreasonable."

His voice cut through the armor that she had wound around herself. The terrible pressure in her chest increased as his voice seeped into her, opening the wounds in her heart to a wrenching degree. His tone was even, although bordering on the sharp edge of anger.

"Take the money and the houses, please." Lucius said with a strained voice, his penetrating eyes finally landing on her and bringing her anger and pain straight out of it's apparently poorly constructed cage.

"No. I don't want anything but to be free of you." She said icily, even though her heart and mind warred within her.

"To be free of me? That's all you want of me?" He asked, his tone changing from his usual indifference to a fueled violence.

Neither noticed that the attorney had stepped out of the room or that the walls were now shimmering pale silver with a muffilato spell activated and assuring their privacy.

"Yes, Lucius. I just want to be free. I can't look at you without... I can't even stand to think about..." She cut herself off as the words were still too difficult to actually speak, so she did the only thing that she could do, she gathered her courage about her shut off her emotions and looked at him with emotionless eyes. "Just agree to the terms and let's be finished with this. We will both be better off."

He was in front of her in a flash, his body moving like a snake, lethal and ready to strike out at it's prey. His strong hands were beside her arms, gripping the sturdy leather of her chair, his skin close enough to cause the downy hairs that covered her flesh to stand on end. His scent, an intoxicating infusion of citrus, man and danger filled her senses as tears worked their way out from behind her eyes.

"You will never be free of me." His husky voice sounded in her ear as his pale, silken hair brushed over her collar bone and tops of her breasts. "Listen to me good, my darling. Every night that we are apart I will be thinking of you. I will be imagining you next to me, reaching out for me just as I have done every night since you've been gone. I'm as much a part of you as you are of me and when you have finally forgiven me for my sins, we can pick the pieces back up and start to rebuild."

His haunting words sank into her mind, searing her with their promise. She almost gave in and called the whole thing off she wanted him so badly, until the image of him that was forever burned in her mind made it's reappearance and showed his words as lies.

She said nothing and made no movements to acknowledge what he had said. She was completely silent even though her white towering rage was dying to make it's way out.

He backed up from her slowly and smoothed out his coat, his normal facade and elegance slowly slipping back into place. The only difference was his eyes. They still held the regret, shame, love and yearning that she had seen in him since everything fell apart on that night a month ago.

He walked slowly away from her to stand at the door.

"Take the houses and money, Hermione. It's not a request." He slipped silently out of the door, leaving only his scent to linger on her clothes and in her hair.

She knew that she only had a few moments to compose herself before Jacoby returned. She wiped the silent tears from her eyes that she hadn't known were falling and reigned her distraught emotions back in. She was strong and she could do this.

Breathe, Hermione. Just breathe.

When the attorney came back in and was again seated in his chair, she knew that she was the picture of a calm, level headed woman and not a woman who was falling apart in literally every sense of the word.

"Mr. Jacoby, I will acquiesce to the homes and the money." She agreed.

"That is wonderful. I know that Mr. Malfoy will be greatly pleased."

"I'm sure that he will be. However, as soon as the deeds and funds are signed over to me, I would like you to draw up a new contract and have the assets that Mr. Malfoy has given to me signed over to his son and heir, Draco Malfoy. They are Malfoy possessions and seeing as how when the divorce is final, I will no longer be a Malfoy, I would prefer that they stayed with the family."

If he was shocked, he had the tact and grace to not show it. "Of course, Ms. Granger."

In less than ten minutes the papers were signed and she was free. In her heart, though, she knew that she would never be free.

She collected her bag and coat as the attorney showed her out.

"I know it isn't my place to say anything, but isn't there something that can be done to heal the rift between the two of you?" Jacoby asked kindly, his brown eyes full of compassion for the woman standing in front of him.

"I appreciate your concern Mr. Jacoby. Lucius... Mr. Malfoy and I..." She took a deep breath and turned to go out the door, words continuing to escape her. "Thank you." She whispered and walked out into the night.

"I brought wine, cookies, ice cream and crisps. Pick your poison." Astoria Malfoy nee Greengrass said as Hermione sank down onto her new couch, feeling weary with every move she made.

She was tired, both emotionally and physically and Draco's wife being here was the last thing she wanted, even though she knew that Astoria meant well and was clearly concerned for her friend.

Astoria rolled her eyes and sighed heavily while reaching behind the sofa to pull out a bottle of Chase Vodka from her extremely rare Diamond Birkin that Hermione herself had helped Draco obtain at a Muggle auction. "The hard stuff it is, I suppose."

"I really don't think that this is a good idea tonight, Astoria." Hermione said, wrapping herself up tighter in the extremely soft white waffle blanket that she had stolen from the foot of her bed after the furniture movers had left.

"I think we should." Astoria said matter-of-factly as she poured them shots. "You need to get some of it out and I think you know that. So, you have two options. We can do this my way or Draco's way and I assure you, mine will be better."

"That depends on what Draco had in mind." Hermione mumbled under her breath as she swallowed the shot. The liquid burned down her throat and rested in her stomache, creating a slow numbness that seeped through her veins like a slowly killing fire. She held her glass out for another as the girl next to her smiled.

"So, what will you do now?" Astoria asked, her emerald eyes shining with sadness for her friend.

"Go back to work, get a dog, start saving for retirement." Hermione offered with a smirk, although the idea of a dog did appeal to her, maybe a Golden Retriever.

She caught the look in her friends eye and halted the speech she knew was coming with a fierce glare.

"No, Astoria." She said vehemently, her tone stinging like a whip making contact with sensitive flesh.

"I just don't understand and neither does Draco." Astoria said, her eyes searching Hermione's face, hoping to see the answers that the couple were keeping tight lipped about."Why are the two of you getting a divorce? What has happened between the two of you that you can't work it out?"

Unbidden, the image rushed forth again, but with it was also the rest of the picture. A petite witch with shining golden hair and the famous Malfoy diamonds dripping against her throat. She could still hear the mumured voices from that night, smell the beeswax that the elves had used on the wooden banister and more importantly, the excitement that she had felt as she rushed through the doors of the manor, eagerly searching out her husband. She could even remember the vase of lilies on the hall table that she had stared at to keep the burning tears from falling down her cheeks as reality set in.

Sensing Astoria's sharp eyes on her, she remembered the promise that she had made to herself. No one would ever know, they would never know the whole story no matter how much they cared about her and her about them. Their pity would break her and crush what little pride she had left. She wouldn't be able to handle it if that was gone too.

"We just weren't meant to be." She said, her tone attempting to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. "End of story."

"Hermione..."

"Don't, Astoria." Her denial was harsh and she knew it as a flash of hurt crossed her friend's face. "Look. Just give me some time. Let me sort things out in my head and then we can talk."

Her friend nodded her head in agreement even though Hermione could tell that Astoria wasn't ready for the conversation to over. With a defeated sigh, Astoria stood up and picked up her bag. "Ok, Hermione. When you're ready, I'll be here. So is Draco."

Astoria gave her a quick hug and slipped out of the flat, a tender and comforting look her goodbye.

Hermione looked around her flat and hated it. It lacked the warmth of the manor. The walls were bare and the furniture the run of the hill tan suede. There were no nick knacks resting peacefully on the shelves, no pictures adorning the end tables. Even her books were packed away in a box that was shoved into the back of one of the closets. She didn't want any memories out on display to torture her with what had been.

She took another shot and stood up, suddenly feeling chocked and suffocated by the walls surrounding her. She slipped on a pair of boots over her yoga pants and the soft fleece that Astoria had given her a few years before. She contemplated on where to go, but decided to just walk and see where it took her.

It was cold out, but it didn't penetrate her. She was painfully numb. The wounds on her heart were too deep, too raw and bleeding to allow anything else to touch her. All she felt was her pain and the boiling rage under her skin.

Her new neighbors nodded to her as they finished walking their dogs or coming in from work, but she was oblivious. Her thoughts were centered on her life.

People had always been confused about her decision to start a relationship with Lucius Malfoy. How could they not? He had been a Death Eater, had hated anyone that lacked pure blood and had on many occasions tried to harm not only her, but her friends as well. But none of that mattered when she finally got to know him.

It had started out slowly. They would meet occasionally at a Ministry party or fundraiser. They would make some small talk, catch up on the hello, how do you do's? and then go off on their merry way without a second thought of the other. With each chance meeting though, there was a promise of at the least conversation and at the most friendship. They didn't really meet on a personal basis until one afternoon in the park outside of the Ministy.

The ground had been slightly damp so she had transfigured one of the napkins in her take out bag into a proper blanket. After finishing her meal, a chicken ranch sandwich and apple crisps, she had spread her legs out to enjoy the feel of the warm spring sun seeping into her skin. Lucius had walked by as she was leaning back on her elbows and when she had looked up, his face had been all she had seen.

A light conversation about a new piece of legislation had turned into a coffee and tea invitation. Tea had turned into lunch a week later where the topic changed to personal interests and passions. Watercress sandwiches turned into dinner in London not too long after that where the center of conversation had turned to the futureand before she knew it they were in the Swiss Alps to celebrate the Christmas holiday and she came home with a proposal she hadn't been able to refuse.

She had fallen helplessly in love with Lucius Malfoy in less than a year and became his wife in less than two. She was happy, they were happy and she thought she had finally found her forever, with him of all people. They weren't ideal and definitely didn't fit into any mold that society would like, but they were true to themselves and true to each other, for a time until it all fell apart.

Breathe, Hermione. Just breathe.

Diamonds dripping with light from the candles on the table.

Leaving her coat on the floor in her excitement, for once not caring that the elves were going to pick it up later after her.

His blonde head tilted to the side with his lips sampling the golden flesh.

A searing pain began a journey that radiated out from her stomache, burning its way up her chest and finally stinging her eyes making it impossible for her to think, move or function.

Breathe, Hermione. Just breathe.

She didn't breathe, she ran, as the memories threatened to take hold of her completely, burying her and suffocating her under their weight. Tears blurred her vision as she slipped in between people trying to make their way home from work or after dinner drinks. Briefcases were slammed into her elbows as the people around her shouted at her to slow down or pay attention to where she was going. She didn't care though, all she could think about was running away from it all. Then she fell, arse over elbows, right into the arms of Theodore Nott.