LSPurple01

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim R. Bader

(Inspired by the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi,
with a special-unauthorized-appearance by the character created by Gregg Sharp-howsit doing, Gregg?)

(Also inspired by some Web Cel Hentai Illustrations,
and a comment by T.H. Tiger wondering if these two characters could be brought together in a story...heheh!)

Well of Souls, Valhalla

Toltir, the ageless Cat-God of Mischief, found a sight that gave even him a moment of pause, a figure standing over the Pool of Mimir, and not one of the usual divine hosts who often came here to play with the Multiverse timelines.

To call her statuesque was an understatement...she was well over six feet in height and had a superbly feminine build, long legs and extremely busty, with long mist-brown hair that fell about her shoulders down to the small of her back, unquestionably a beauty, if one could overlook the presence of a pair of long, floppy rabbit-like ears that were sporting from the sides of her head. Her outfit-if such was worthy of being called that-looked like a cross between a Jester's outfit and a Playboy Bunny costume with large cut-outs that left generous portions of her ample anatomy on display, completely without shame and implying a highly sensual nature.

"Can I help you?" he asked of this strange looker, wondering if she were from one of the parallel dimensions where the Gods had even stranger pedigrees than was considered normal.

She turned and smiled at him, bright eyes laced with shimmering rainbow-colored irises, no discernable pupils, and glowing faintly from within with the hint of divine madness. At once Toltir placed her and gave a wholly involuntary shudder. KORNELIA! The Uxalian Goddess of Sexual Mischief, his counterpart on the Pocked Dimensional plane that she called home, and definitely one of the strangest Trickster Goddesses ever to walk on two legs, a lady whom even Coyote referred to as "Weird."

"Pardon me for asking," she said in a musically lilting voice, the hint of bells jingling about what passed for her "costume" as she took the shape-shifting Cat God in with a sensual smirk, "This is where people have bets to see who can have the most screwed up timeline, right?"

Toltir wanted to deny it. Uxalian deities were even too weird for his understanding, and this one was said to be enormously unpredictable, a notorious patron of Practical Jokers whose ribald standards of humor went beyond any question of taste right out to the event horizon of preposterous situations. Almost everything an Uxalian deity concerned himself or herself with revolved around standards of perversity and sexually explicit conduct guaranteed to violate the community standards of at least fifteen major pantheons. Even Dionysus thought these guys were too over-the-top to be invited to one of his parties! They had even been known to hijack other deities for their diverting little "romps" and considered almost nothing out of play in a sexual context (except for Pedophilia, which even Uxalians frowned on). The Notorious Madam Lao might as well be a Buddhist Nun for the way she stacked up against these guys. In other words they were nothing but trouble, and the smartest thing anyone could do would be to ignore them and hope that all of their worshippers would one day blissfully expire...

...Preferably within the next five minutes.

"Maybe," Toltiir replied, "Why do you want to know?"

"Oh nothing," Kornelia replied with a lilt that implied something awful was about to befall the mortals of a certain Universe, "I was just wondering...is it too late to give my entry?"

"Yes," Toltiir emphatically replied.

"Good," she said as if ignoring his disclaimer, turning back to the pool with an extended finger and saying, "So...what would happen if I were to do...this...to this particular timeline?"

The way she said that reminded Toltiir of a kid standing next to a sensitive piece of Washu-inspired hardware asking what would happen if they pushed a certain button...namely the button which they had just pushed, of course. He turned and watched the ripples emanate out from the affected timeline, and then, in the words of a certain Human named Sam whom Toltiir often liked to play around with, he murmured the line, "Oh boy..."

Royal Flagship, Oni Fleet, Entering the Sol System...

"There it is," said King Invader, ruler of the Oni, "Earth...once the homeworld to our race, now overrun by humans."

"I see, my King," replied Admiral Tagg as they approached a blue-and-orange orb, the third planetary body of a rather unimpressive looking solar system, "So this is our homeworld, told about in our legends. Not much to look at, is it?"

"Not really," Invader replied, "I've seen better looking prison worlds, but it matches the descriptions in our holy books, so that's good enough for me. It belongs to us, so we'll take it."

"Um...sire?" Admiral Fenn spoke up, "There might be a small problem about that. According to our records, the Earth is also listed as a Colony World of the Jurai..."

"The Jurai?" Invader frowned, "What about them?"

"It's just that...well...relations between our two Empires have been pretty quiet of late, and if we just move on down there and kick off the natives, it could present something of a diplomatic problem. It's true that this world is pretty far out beyond their normal territory, and they've probably even forgotten that it even existed, but if we make a showy display of force in taking the place over..."

"Hmm..." Invader mused, "I see your point. Maybe we ought to go about this through diplomacy. Tell you what, we'll challenge their champion to a duel, my daughter against the best their world has to offer, winner take all. How's that sound?"

"That could cover over the legal questions," Fenn admitted, "If they surrendered after losing, then no one could fault us for relocating their population..."

"But what if we lose, or what if they disagree?" Tagg asked, "Won't we be surrendering a tactical advantage?"

"Not if they get a good look at our fleet," Invader smiled, "I know how these humans think...make 'em believe you got the upper hand and they'll roll over to play nice with us. Now, the question is, where do we set down to issue our challenge?"

"That...could be a problem, Sir," Fenn admitted, "Earth doesn't have a single world government, they have many nations, each competing for supremacy. They do have a deliberative body, but it lacks any real political power..."

"Never mind all that," Invader sniffed, "Just give me a name and a location."

"Hmm..." Tagg frowned, "Well...the richest nation on the planet is ruled from a place called Washington, but it's full of politicians and lawyers..."

"UGH!" Invader shuddered, "Anyplace but that!"

"Well then," Fenn mused, "The most technologically advanced nation on their world is a set of Islands ruled from a place called Tokyo, but I hear they've recently had some bad investments and their economy is beginning to falter..."

"I don't need to talk to any freeloading deadweights," Invader scowled, "Give me another name."

"Well, then I won't even mention their largest country in the northern Hemisphere," Tagg replied, "The place is a total mess and falling apart from the inside. However, to the south is their most populous nation, technologically behind these others but with a strong central authority dedicated to keeping power for itself at any price. I believe they call their nation, 'The Middle Kingdom,' and if approached just right we could overwhelm their defenses before a single shot gets fired, then dictate terms for their surrender. That would give us a solid base of operations from which to confront the other countries..."

"Perfect," Invader smiled, "Make the arrangements, we'll land just after we do a little something to get their attention..."

Village of Joketsuzoku, the Nyanchiczu Province, Bayankallah Mountain Range...

Shampoo was just returning home from practice when she noticed something very unusual going on about her village. Foreign vehicles...cars, she believed they were called...were parked just outside of the walls surrounding Joketsuzoku, both military vehicles and government issue black imports. A number of uniformed soldiers stood at attention with those funny sticks that she once heard described as rifles held at the ready. Shampoo wondered what was amiss and as she came closer to see what was going on she heard some whispered snatches by their people...something about a challenge that needed to be met. She sincerely hoped that it would not mean that the Amazons were having troubles again with the local government of the region...

By the time she reached her house-or rather the hut that she shared with her great-grandmother-her nervous anxiety had increased to a fever pitch and she stood ready to go on the offense should it turn out that someone was threatening her people. But the guards just ignored her as she came up to the doorframe, pausing to regard the men who were wearing the very odd outfits..."Business Suits," she believed they called them. Definitely government people, and very high ranking.

However, when she looked inside the hut she was presented with a surprise that even her young and eventful life had not prepared her to handle, for there was some kind of a Monster sitting down having tea with her great grandmother. The man was enormous, a good ten stone at least and wearing some kind of tiger-
striped outfit. Aside from his green hair (which seemed perfectly normal to her understanding) he had a pair of horns atop his head, making him look like a demon, for all that he did not seem to be doing anything particularly demonic at the moment.

Facing off from him were those government people, and several Elders besides her great grandmother, the latter whom looked up upon seeing Shampoo approach to say, "Ah, there she is now. King Invader, meet my great granddaughter, Xian-Pu, who will be representing us in this contest."

"Pleased to meet you," the enormous giant nodded to Shampoo before turning back to the Elders, "So, she represents your planet. Is that agreed?"

The government men did not appear too happy about this arrangement, in fact Shampoo could swear that the eldest among them was positively sweating. This was very odd since the Summer heat had yet to be felt at this time and season, but it was clear that these men felt particularly humbled in the presence of demon.

"Understood," that elder man replied, mopping his brow, "So...if she wins...our champion...you promise to leave us alone and go about your ways?"

"We'll abide by a treaty that will last another thousand years, until the time for the next challenge," the giant Demon responded, "But if your champion loses, then the Earth becomes our world and you will have to be moved elsewhere. I trust your military got the message after the last time we had to make a point about it?"

"Lose?" Shampoo bridled at the very suggestion.

The government man seemed-if anything-even more nervous than before, and he turned to Cologne before murmuring softly, "We do hope that you know what you are doing, Elder. The fate of our country...our entire world...resting on the shoulders of this...girl...barely even out of diapers?"

"Xian-Pu is a very strong and capable warrior of the Nyanchiczu, Premiere," Cologne replied, "She may be young by your standards...barely sixteen, as a matter of fact, but I dare say that she is the very best of her generation, though a few here might dispute this," she gave a cross look at her fellow elders, all of whom looked away as it tacitly conceding the point.

That point made Shampoo understandably cautious. Elders never gave ground that easily, not unless they were confronted by something much too great for any ordinary warrior to handle.

"Fine, then it's settled," the Demon looked up at Shampoo, "This girl versus my daughter, the Princess Lum." He nodded his head and a shimmering form appeared in the space beside him.

"Nihao!" called a young girl roughly Shampoo's own apparent age, a girl with long green hair and horns wearing some sort of skimpy tiger-striped outfit...a two-piece with matching boots, who brightly and cheerfully waved in Shampoo's direction.

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo replied, wondering just what she had been "volunteered" into doing by her Elders.

"Xian-Pu," her great-grandmother's voice snapped her back out of a more critical study of this green haired stranger, "You have been chosen by the Elders to represent our village, all of China and-dare I say-the planet Earth itself in a contest that will be held tomorrow between yourself and the Princess Lum of the Oni Empire. Do you stand ready to meet this challenge?"

Shampoo turned and looked at the other girl then smiled, "This one is always ready to do battle, Elders. If you wish me to fight this one, then I will stand as a proud Amazon to meet all challenges, as you allow it."

"Cocky, aren't you?" the green haired beauty smiled back, "This will be a most interesting match, Father."

"Yes," Invader replied, "But it won't be a contest of arms, or even a fight. The terms of your challenge will be far simpler than that, if you truly believe that you can best my daughter," he smiled in a way that might have chilled an ogre.

Shampoo blinked her eyes and said, "Rules?" wondering just what it was that she had gotten herself into, and why this felt like a dramatic turning point in her life, one definitely for the strange as the girl before her kept smiling in a curiously knowing manner...

One Month Later...

"Oh man, I am starving!" said a pigtailed redheaded girl as she trudged along bearing a heavy knapsack over her back, "Can't we stop and find something to eat?"

The panda beside her growled in double affirmative, one with his mouth, the other with his belly.

"Is not to worry, Sirs," their tour guide assured them, "We stop in at simple rustic village and ask for a meal and some hot water. Place is called Nyanchiczu...which mean Warrior Women, though village itself is called Joketsuzoku."

The panda's ears perked up. Now...why did those names sound so familiar...?

"Whatever," the redhead said as they marked through the open gates, past ancient looking walls that no doubt had been constructed around the village to keep out local bandits, "Uh...hey, does this place look deserted to you or...?"

"No, is up ahead!" the guide pointed to the center of town, where-sure enough-
-a gathering of people could be seen in what appeared-at a distance-to be some sort of festival in progress, "Oh Sirs, you is very lucky! They having once-a-year tribal Contest to pick best warrior! Now you see how good is Amazons of China..."

"Amazons?" the redhead blinked, "Hey...there's some kind of a match going on...looks like a fight on that log between that girl and some...guy?"

"Eh?" the guide paused in mid-step, "Is very strange...Amazons usually fight other Amazons on challenge log...where men come from? No look like men of village..."

The panda only briefly studied the girl on the challenge log, frowning as if trying to place her, but then his nose took over and steered his muzzle towards a certain table heavily laid down with a literal feast, right out in the open and ripe for the taking.

"Looks like some kind of a contest," the pigtailed girl said as they approached the rim of the milling crowd of colorfully dressed women, "Geez, all those guys trying to pick a fight with that one girl? That don't look fair-WHOOPS! Spoke too soon! Man...that guy is gonna hurt in the morning! That girl's got some serious strength! What do you say to that, Pop...POP?"

She turned to see the Panda bearing down on the table of food, and at once she felt a sense of acute irritation, "Can't you think with something besides your stomach for once? And what's the idea about running off and leaving me to starve to death? Don't hog it all to your..."

No sooner had the panda reached out to pluck a succulent fruit in order to gobble it up then a bolt of lightning lanced out and struck the ground directly before him, causing the panda's fur to go wild in all directions.

"POP!" the redhead cried in alarm, at once discarding her heavy backpack.

"Is this your Panda?" an irritable voice demanded, causing Ranma to turn and look up at the incredible sight of a floating...girl? A floating girl with green hair and wearing a tiger-striped bikini? And scowling at her in a most annoyed manner.

"Hah?" the redhead asked in confusion.

"I said, is that your panda trying to eat my Darling's prize?" the green haired girl demanded.

"Darling?" the redhead repeated.

All at once the purple haired girl on the Challenge Log called something out in Chinese, which Ranma could not follow. To her amazement the green haired girl replied in the same tongue, then turned and scowled back in the redhead's direction.

At once the purple haired girl vaulted off the log and landed near to where Ranma was standing, gesturing with one of the spherical Bonbori maces that she carried and angrily said something that sounded accusatory in Ranma's direction.

"Darling asks why you let your panda run around wild where he can eat her Prize food," the green haired girl translated, "Doesn't your animal know any manners?"

"Oh...him?" Ranma began to relax, "Pop doesn't got no manners to speak of, not like me. My name's Saotome Ranma, and I'm just visiting your village. Um...hey, did I interrupt anything important?"

"That all depends," said another voice, and at this Ranma almost jumped out of her skin, for there was a shrunken mummy of a figure leaning on a wooden staff and eyeing the redhead in a MOST peculiar manner, "You are Japanese tourists paying your respects to our humble village?"

"That is right, Honored Elder," bowed the Jusenkyo guide, as if the shrunken figure were a person of great importance, "Honored Customers come to Jusenkyo to find legendary fighting grounds of Amazons, no wait to hear full story..."

"Ah," the ancient, withered old Mummy replied, "I see...that explains the peculiar aura that I've been sensing. Perfume, please fetch some hot water for our guests, let us see what they look like in their true forms."

"True forms?" the green haired girl looked puzzled and repeated the words in Chinese to her purple haired companion.

The purple haired girl got very round eyed and stared back at the redhead, but before she could say anything a brown haired girl in a black-and-red Cheosang came back bearing a hot tea kettle by its wooden handle. At a nod from her Elder she poured its contents over Ranma.

"ACK!" Ranma yelped, "It's HOT! TOO HOT!"

"AIYAA!" the purple haired girl exclaimed upon seeing the girl be transformed into a handsome man before her eyes.

"You said it, Darling," the green haired girl replied with an instantly speculative expression, "Could he be the one?"

"The one what?" Ranma asked as he shook off his system-shock reaction to the boiling hot water.

"Never mind," the old Mummy said a bit too quickly, not quite managing to hide a slight smile that appeared upon her lips, "Young man...Saotome Ranma, I believe you called yourself?"

"That's my name," Ranma replied, "What about it?"

"We are having a very special contest this year to determine who is the greatest warrior in all of China," the old woman replied, "I can sense that you have a powerful fighting aura...would you be interested in competing?"

"A contest?" Ranma straightened up, "Sure...but who do I fight?"

"My Great-granddaughter, Xian-Pu," the old woman replied, "And the strongest man who can best her will win great renown all throughout China. Are you such a man, young One?"

"Ah-!" the Guide seemed as though he were about to say something, but a stern look from the old woman silenced him before he had a chance to voice his objections.

"Sure I'm interested," Ranma said, "But...I don't fight girls...not even cute ones."

"Are you so sure about this?" the green haired girl eyed the arrogant boy with a hint of mischief, "Darling is the greatest warrior in all of China...she even bested me in a game of Tag..."

"On third try," said the brown haired girl, who smiled pleasantly at her uncomprehending purple-haired fellow tribesperson.

"I think we can make this interesting enough for you to manage," Cologne smiled softly, "You don't actually have to hit Xian-Pu in order to win, you just need to stay on the Challenge Log and not be dislodged by her. Agreed?"

"Well...sure...that sounds all right," Ranma said, scratching the back of his head and wondering what could be wrong about such a reasonable arrangement, "If that's all right with you, that is..."

"Hmph," the purple haired girl smiled, clearly not understanding the words but fully grasping the gist of the matter, confidence plain in her stance and bearing.

Cologne could only roll her eyes. You would think by now her great-
granddaughter would learn not to be so cocky, but no...history seemed certain to repeat itself once more, in which case she could do little more than thank the Gods for what seemed like a Heaven's sent blessing...

Three Months Later, Nerima, Japan

Two young girls dressed in kimonos and carrying umbrellas led the way as a redheaded girl and a soggy panda trudged along behind them carrying heavy loads on both their backs.

"How much farther is it to this place of your friend is it, Honored Father?" asked the purple-haired girl, who had done much to improve her Japanese after a month of studious training.

The panda lifted a sign that said, "Almost there," in hastily written letters, which same began to wash off his sign the moment the rain hit them.

The green haired girl smirked and leaned towards her companion, saying, "I wonder what these Tendo girls will be like, Darling. Do you think one of them could be a powerful enough warrior to be willing to challenge us both to a match?"

"Let's hope so, for the sake of our arrangement," Shampoo responded, not bothering to add that she was rather hoping to get a good match, but did not hold much hope of meeting a warrior who could equal the prowess of their mutual husband.

"Why me?" Ranma asked of no one in particular, her spirits not particularly cheered at meeting yet another of her father's 'Marital Arrangements' in person. Finding out that she had been engaged to another girl before she was even old enough to walk was enough to make Ranma seriously contemplate shaving her head and joining a Buddhist monastery. Who knew how many times her "Pop" had scammed some guy into pledging his daughter's hand in marriage...as if the two wildcats leading the way here were not more of a handful than any sane man would care to handle!

And all because the old woman had snookered him but good! Fighting Shampoo had proven to be surprisingly easy once he was freed form the obligation of having to actually hit her. He had seen an opening and booted her off the log in as gentle a manner as he could have managed once tiring her out by constantly avoiding those heavy maces she preferred to carry. Having defeated the girl, he naturally thought this would mark him as a Man among Men in the eyes of everyone, including his father, but who could have anticipated the crazy laws these people lived by? Having the girl he had just beaten get up and kiss him on the mouth had been a stunning climax to the whole matter...but that was just the beginning of the list of surprises which were in store for the much-beset Ranma.

The second surprise was finding out that he had just been declared a husband, and that Princess Lum would be included in the package. "Wo Ai Ni" had turned out to be a rude translation for, "You've just been suckered but good, Baby!" And that was when he had learned the full story of how his two new brides had chanced to become such an item...

It had all begun several months ago when the Oni had come to Earth seeking to take over the planet. For reasons unknown to anyone but themselves, they had selected China upon whom they made a rather impressive demonstration, first declaring their intentions to take over, then waiting for the inevitable military reaction.

A plane of glass now stood on the edge of Beijing in the place of the Red Army's Seventh Division, (the one which had so recently been used to "Crackdown" on a dissident movement in the Tianamen Square). An entire army had been wiped out as though the hand of a god had stretched down from the heavens to utterly obliterate them. That got the government's attention, and when the Oni had addressed them through representatives once again, this time they were met by a far more polite greeting.

Hearing that the Oni intended to take over the Earth unless the planet fielded a champion who could defeat the Princess Lum in battle, the government had scrambled to find someone who might be willing (IE, stupid) enough to "volunteer" for such a challenge. The greatest warriors and mightiest men known to the government were all considered, but then someone had remembered the backwater village where a tribe of women warriors resided and had suggested recruiting one of their lot to represent all of China. The exact reasoning behind this eluded Ranma entirely, but for matters of argument, the task had fallen to Shampoo, who had become the representative of all China.

The first day of the match it became apparent why none of the other men under consideration had been deemed "suitable" for this contest. Xian Pu had met her opponent in the open village square, expecting to have an easy time of it, only to learn-to her dismay-that her opponent could FLY, which made catching her a somewhat difficult proposition. Two times Shampoo faced the girl down and failed to reach her, but her determination had simply grown with her frustration. Being made to look like a fool before her people had led her to seek the council of her great grandmother, who had advised the girl of a surefire method by which she could equalize the odds of her challenge.

Having only seven days, and seven tries, to get it right, Shampoo was determined not to be thwarted a third time, and so-when her opponent had leaped into the air, as on days before this, Shampoo was ready to carry out her scheme and immediately started spinning in a circle, generating a wind through the use of twin fan-blade-shaped swords, which caused an immediate downdraft since she was using Amagiruken-like speeds. This time it was Lum who was surprised when a wind sucked her down to near ground level, easily within reach of Shampoo, who had abandoned her fan blades and made a leaping tackle, glomping onto her rival and bearing her back down to the earth, where she promptly pinned her arms and gained the leverage that she needed to touch the horns of the Princess.

The Oni had been satisfied that the affair was concluded honorably, and Princess Lum had stood her ground and grudgingly admitted her defeat. But then Shampoo-
-angered at having been twice before humiliated, surprised the crowd by moving forward and planting a kiss on the cheek of the Princess, which surprised Lum almost as much as it did her father, who misinterpreted the "Kiss of Death" as the "Kiss of Marriage," which effectively said-according to their cultural beliefs-"I take this woman for my wife."

Surprised by this declaration, Lum had decided to reciprocate, returning the kiss, but this time on the mouth. It was as much in need of saving face for her as for accepting the proposal, and Shampoo was no less stunned than any of her fellow Amazons, not having expected a foe to turn into a wife in such a spectacular manner.

Some debate had followed this in which the Elders, and King Invader, had hashed out what amounted to a kind of "Peace Treaty" with the Earth that also satisfied the government in Beijing (which had gained the Honor and Status of having saved the planet from invasion, a fact they intended to trumpet in the International community for many years to follow), and like that Shampoo's marriage to Lum was given official sanction.

There was, however, one small, inconvenient detail that tribal custom required, to say nothing of Oni tradition. In both societies it was perfectly lawful for a woman to marry another woman, but it was also expected that they would "Carry Forth the Seed" of their ancestors, which meant-in other words-that they needed to find a guy who could become their mutual husband. The government had seen this as yet another opportunity to further their own status, so they had promoted a challenge throughout the whole of China, calling for the best male warriors to answer the test of proving who would be worthy to become the husband of an Amazon and an Oni Princess.

And that was where Ranma had blindly stumbled into the picture, arriving on the very day when the challenge was in full swing and Shampoo had been finishing off her seven consecutive opponent. Maybe the girl had been tired and off her game, or maybe she just had not expected Ranma to be any different than those men whom she had just sent flying off to the horizon, either way, he was the "Lucky Beneficiary" of this challenge and had been hailed in China as a "Conquering Hero" (the government being quick to paper over the inconvenient fact that he was a Japanese boy and not a native of their country).

And now they were back in Japan, all because his father, Genma, had tried to weasel out of the whole affair, insisting that Ranma already was promised by a "prior commitment." That was the point where Ranma had truly believed his life had been accursed...not that he minded the attention the two girls paid to him all the time (actually, the constant sex was pretty draining, but he was starting to get used to having a couple of wives who were so energetic and...athletic). There was only one thing about the whole matter that really and truly annoyed him...other than the fact that nobody had ever bothered to ask his opinion in the entire matter...

That fact being that the Princess Lum-normally a very sweet tempered and considerate girl-had this tendency to fly off the handle for little things, and when she got mad she tended to generate several thousand volts of pure lightning. Shampoo had discovered this herself the hard way, and then passed the warning along to Ranma...not that it did much good in either case. It was just that he and Shampoo were getting really good at ducking from the lightning...

All at once they arrived at the gates to a walled compound that had a sign reading, "Tendo Dojo, challengers may present themselves at the side gate."

"Well," Lum mused, "This looks like the place."

"Hai," Shampoo nodded, turning to look at Ranma before saying, "Husband...perhaps we should enter first and explain things. Shampoo no think it a good idea if people inside see panda until after we ask for hot water."

"Uh...sure," Ranma replied, "No problem."

His two randy wives smiled at one another, then Lum reached out and pushed the gates to one side, Shampoo pushing the other. Together they approached the house while Ranma and her panda-father waited on the streets until they were invited forward. They were greeted at the door by a tall dark haired man with an odd mustache and a young girl with short-cropped brown hair beside him, each of them looking understandably perplexed at the sight of three girls and a somewhat soggy panda.

"Um...excuse me," the man said, "Have we met?"

The panda just held up a sign, which read, "It's me, old friend...I'm Saotome Genma."

"Genma!" the man broke out into a broad smile then pushed his way past Lum and Shampoo, coming up to embrace the panda, "It's good to see you again, old friend, but...what's with the costume? You almost smell like a wet panda...maybe you should ask Kasumi to show you to a bath...and this must be Ranma...good to meet you, Son, it's seemed like ages."

"Uh...wait a minute," Ranma tried to caution, "There's something I've gotta tell you first-urk!"

All at once the tall man hugged Ranma to his bosom and wept, "Oh, how I have longed for this day! Now at last one of my little girls can get married...uh...huh?"

He started to move his hands over Ranma's body, trying to confirm the shocking discovery he had just made. As he was coming to the slow and stunning realization of his critical error, the short haired girl at the door was saying, "So...you two traveled all the way here with Ranma from China?"

"Hai," Shampoo smiled, "Come all way from homeland with Airen. Is this Tendo home of great Warrior?"

"One strong enough to challenge even our husband?" Lum seconded.

"Warrior," the brown haired girl had a moment to blink, then she said, "Oh, you must mean Akane. Yo, Sis! Got some live ones here for you!"

"Huh?" said a black haired girl who was wearing a martial arts gi, much as had Ranma at the village, "Who are you guys?"

At that moment Soun Tendo chose to collapse onto the ground, fainting dead away as his dreams of uniting the families vanished before his very eyes like a puff of smoke (or a curse of Jusenkyo).

"Daddy!" both of the Tendo girls cried out together, rushing past the other two girls to come to the side of their fallen father.

"Oh my," said a third Tendo sister, who appeared at the doorway, "Did something happen to father?"

"You!" the dark haired growled as she looked up at the redhead, "What did you do to my Dad?"

"Nothing," the redhead replied, "He fondled me, you got a problem with that?"

"Akane, calm down," the short-haired girl remarked, "Daddy just fainted...see? He doesn't even have a mark on him. Hmmm..." she straightened up and studied the redhead, then stuck out a finger to touch Ranma in the breast.

A crackle of electricity struck the ground a short distance away and a very stern-voiced Lum growled softly, "Don't touch our husband...not unless you want to taste my lightning."

"W-W-What was that?" Akane asked, her hair standing on end.

"Husband?" Nabiki repeated, looking at the redhead.

"They mean me," Ranma sighed, "I'm Saotome Ranma...sorry about this..."

To Be Continued?

Comments/Criticisms/Cutting Remarks about Tax Cheats: shadowmane

So...Ranma is married to both Lum and Shampoo here...but who else might get included in the mix? Depends on if anyone is brave (IE: Crazy) enough to challenge the pair of Takahashi Twin Terrors who stand ready to "Test" the worth of any who think they are brave enough for an Amazon marriage. And do I smell a scent of Lemon in the works here? If this should be continued (always possible) you can bet that Lum and Shampoo will be on the town doing Ranma until he's pooped, then switching off with his female half for a loving threesome...and anyone else want to take odds about Akane or Ukyo getting a little of that action?

Sorry if this mild diversion from my regular writing might not be your cup of tea. I wrote it on impulse, and I thought it might amuse those who have compared Lum and Shampoo in the past, both being cut from the same cloth by their mutual creator. I recently saw some Hentai pictures that paired these two and wondered if I could make a story about this. I hope you did find this little romp to your liking, I think it has potential. In the meantime, stay tuned for my other impending fanfics! Be there!

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