The Underlying Problem is that I cannot Remember.

Chapter One.
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Danica was filled with regret, although she wasn t one to show it. She had no family left that she could remember, or at least remember fondly. She wrote for a local paper under the alias of James Sunderland and nobody she knew had any idea that she was that famous reporter from all the front-pager stories who I bet is a total hunk as her friend Candice had put it. Danica had a few friends/family members that were near-constantly in/out of mental hospitals , or rather, asylums. Asylum was the more accurate terminology in this case, as according to inside reports, the conditions of these practices were both inhumane and unsanitary. Supposedly patients were occasionally abused, and were given treatment without consent. Not to be stereotypical in her line of work, but Danica was going in for the big scoop, the story of all stories. The only problem was that asylums were generally locked up tighter than a sealed drum, and it was very difficult to get inside if you were not a patient or practitioner. Upon undertaking her mission of sorts, you could say that Danica had made a choice: she was abandoning all she had ever known and was donning a mantle that no sane person (who wasn t her) would ever undertake. She had chosen to get herself committed.

Doing this was a whole new type of dedication. Danica sat in the ambulance, she had caused a fight at the local pub to get here. She had read a textbook about different mental illnesses, and she was going to emulate at least one of them that she could remember. She had ensured that damage was done to her wrists, so hopefully she could pass for a self-harmer or something. The ambulance rocked to and fro, the motion irritating her stomach. There was one bulky looking orderly in the back with her, and a stringbean thin man was driving the ambulance. Small boxes of medical supplies rattled about, an IV was shaking on it s stand above her head, and the driver was apparently lighting up a cigar, as Danica could hear the lighter s top click shut. She continued to pretend to be unconscious, although the smell of smoke was making her want to open her eyes and shout at the man for smoking in an ambulance.

"Psychotic bitch had the fucking cajones to assault someone. Its pretty fuckin obvious where she s heading." the driver said, his voice reminiscent of someone who swallowed sandpaper and gargled with glass.

"It s where they all go, if you aren t sent there immediately, you end up there soon." the bulky orderly replied, his voice shrill and squeaky. Quite unfitting for a man of his size.

The ambulance came to a hard stop, making several boxes fall off of the shelves. Danica felt herself being lifted off of the gurney, and held in a standing position. She supposed the bulky orderly was holding her up, as the driver had looked far too scrawny to hold anything bigger than a dictionary up. She smelled something incredibly strong, and opened her eyes quickly before feeling the bulky orderly drop her faster than a 50 s housewife who saw a mouse on something she was holding.

"Upsy-daisy, psycho. Welcome to Hell incarnate, enjoy your stay!" the driver exclaimed, his tone more mocking than anything else.

Danica righted herself, shaking her head to clear it. She looked around, the two orderlies watching her like a hawk would watch it s prey. The building they had arrived at was very large, and very evil looking, if a building could be described as evil. It was very large, for a mental hospital , with a grey brick exterior that was dotted with the occasional window. Almost all of the windows were barred, and that was rather disturbing. If a place like this housed people who were so far gone that they had to be barred in like inmates, then god knows what the staff would have to be like.

"Come on, we haven t got all day, sweet cheeks."

The bulky orderly lightly shoved Danica, spurning her into action. She slowly walked with the two men to the large double doors leading into the asylum, taking note of all the dead/dying foliage around the grounds. Even the grass looked sickly. For a place of supposed healing, it was absolute shit at its job. Maybe they just couldn t hire a groundskeeper or something. If the inside of the building looked as bad as the outside did, Danica was going to have an easy time here. The bulky orderly held open the door for her and the driver.

"Thanks mister." Danica said. Hey, just because she was putting up the facade of being insane didn t mean she couldn t be polite about it!

The lobby of the building was very clean, and smelled of bleach. The floor was all white tiles, which were probably meticulously scrubbed every night. There was a quiet piece of classical music playing in the lobby, and a nurse sat behind a desk with a bouquet of yellow flowers on top of it. The nurse was very pretty, with her skin possessing a youthful pinkish hue. She probably wasn t a day over 25 (okay she probably was but there was no way that Danica was going to say that out loud.). Her nametag was a polished shade of grey, probably one of the 50 that were available. She looked up from either filing her nails, or glaring at a particularly visible freckle on her hand and put on a smile that would have made an ordinary woman s face rip in half at the sheer girth of it all.

"Hello and welcome to the Psikhoz Mental Institution, how can I help you?" she asked, her voice reminiscent of someone who was trying to be overtly cordial to an enemy. It also had a ridiculous seductive tone to it, like someone had blended her voice with Marilyn Monroe s, although the outcome wasn t very breathy.

"New inmat- er, patient." the bulky orderly replied, earning a nod from the nurse, whose nametag read "Catherine".

Danica took care in maintaining a quiet facade around this woman, getting the feeling that she shouldn t ever be anything around this woman but polite and respectful. Otherwise, it was a trip to the solitary cells or something.

"Take her to the changing room, then my superior, Dr. Fritz s office. Actually, I ll take her to the office. You just worry about the changing room." Catherine ordered, her voice getting a bit more enthusiastic sounding at the talk of this Doctor Fritz .

The stringbean-thin ambulance driver grabbed Danica s wrist, and lead her to a very small locker room just down the hall to the left of the reception desk. He opened the door and quite literally shoved her in.

"Ah, fucking fuck me!" Danica quietly exclaimed, tripping over a small wooden bench that was nailed to the floor.

There were rows and rows of small lockers, not unlike those found in a gym s locker room, lining the walls. Some were empty and others were filled to the brim, and the one Danica went for had a peeling label on it that said Sarah . There was a pair of dingy black sweatpants inside, and a large grey T-shirt inside. Danica shrugged, after all, it could be much worse. She could be expected to prance about in the nude! So scandalous! She quickly changed into the now a hand-me-down outfit, and was surprised that it fit her so well. Sarah must have been of similar size and shape compared to Danica. The clothes smelled good, go Danica guessed that the laundry was done regularly, at least. She put her clothes into the small locker, and trotted back into the lobby. Catherine had gotten up from her desk, and was waiting for Danica by the changing room door.

"Now darlin , there s something I ask that you keep in mind while you re here: these other people are very dangerous, much like yourself. Be careful with what you say and who you identify with." Catherine stated, lightly bapping Danica on the nose.

Danica nodded, and followed Catherine to her apparent superior s office. The door bore a copper plate, with just a tinge of green around the edges. The inscription read:

"DR. FRIEDRICH FRITZ, MD.

PROUD MEMBER OF STAFF SINCE-

The date gad become worn and was no longer visible. Well, shit. This guy had credentials, and Danica wasn t about to fuck with this guy. Catherine lightly rapped on his door with her knuckles, and upon hearing a quiet Come in. , led Danica into Dr. Fritz s office.

It was a large office, with bookshelves lining one wall and framed certificates lining another. A large plant sat in the corner of the room, it s leaves yellowing. The doctor himself was reclining in an office chair behind a large oak desk, with intricate designs carved into it.

"Thank you Catherine, that will be all from here. I think I can handle her for now." Dr. Fritz said softly, jerking his head towards Danica without directly speaking to her.

Catherine gave him a curt nod, and left the room quickly. Danica took a seat in a rather uncomfortable wooden chair, with several squeaks from the chair marking her attempts to get comfortable.

"So Ms .whatever your name is, welcome to the shithole that is Psikhoz Mental Institution. I will not sugarcoat this, we are not here to be your friends. We are here to help you, and that does not include coddling. Catherine and I have seen your file, and have already opted for your treatment. Your consent is not required here. Now that you re inside this building, you are here to stay until we release you. Bear in mind that the last time we released someone was a long, long time ago." Dr. Fritz said, his voice hardly audible. He was quite quiet, rather fitting for a man of his short stature. He was quite short, actually, and Danica had at least 5 inches over him. His hair was so dark that it appeared blue in the light, save for a grey hair here and there.

"So, I don t-"

"No. You misunderstand already. You are here until we say. You may not leave. You must ask permission for everything. No ifs, ands, or buts. I am now pushing a button under my desk that summons the orderlies. In exactly one minute, they will be leading you to your room. You will comply with any and all treatments." Dr. Fritz cut off Danica, glaring at her from behind his now opaque glasses.

Danica shuddered in her seat, she was actually feeling afraid of him! She could hardly believe it herself, that a large lady like her would be afraid of such a little shrimp. She stood up from her chair rather aggressively, accidentally knocking it over. She looked up at Dr. Fritz, and saw him slamming his face into the large desk that he sat at. He ruffled his hair and tilted his glasses, making himself appear to have been hit.

"You motherf-

Two short yet strong orderlies burst through the door, one of them grabbing Danica and the other jabbing something into her arm. She could feel her muscles relaxing, her limbs turning to metaphorical jelly. She shook her head and tried to struggle a bit, but it was to no avail. The orderly was holding her incredibly tightly.

"Take the patient to her room, please boys." Dr. Fritz commanded, righting himself in his chair.

The orderlies were having no problem lugging Danica around. They lifted her around like a farmer could haul around a sack of potatoes. Danica s vision was beginning to blur a bit around the edges, her thoughts becoming cloudy. She could see vague outlines of other people that they passed, but she wasn t at all interested in them at the time. The orderlies dragged her down a long hallway, before throwing her into a moderately sized room, with one bed and one window. They slammed the door behind her, although Danica didn t hear the lock click.

Whatever they had given her was really strong stuff. Danica crawled to the small bed and flopped down on it, not even bothering to pull the blanket on top of herself. She passed out then and there.