This came to mind when listening to Britney Spears (ft. Sabi) Beautiful (Drop Dead). Interesting song. ;-) Who hasn't thought about almost naked Jedi, mischievous padawans, and an attack by the Separatists that binds this all together? Also meant to be a sequel to Warning: Salesbeing Alert.
Disclaimer: You know it by now...
Two Jedi Padawans decide to hide their respective Masters' clothes one night to see (or spy) and judge who had the better-looking master. Of course, said padawans did not count for a certain enemy attack at such a late hour of the night…
If this backfired, she could always blame Ahsoka for starting it.
"Don't you dare think about tossing me all alone to Master Anakin's and Luminara's collective wrath, Barriss!" Or not. Ahsoka was a friend, was alive, and besides, she couldn't say that Ahsoka thought this up herself. Not after an interesting conversation they had one night, late in the cafeteria…
"Are all the clones like brothers to you?" Barriss asked pointedly. Ahsoka blushed and refused to answer the question. "Thought so."
"Yeah, well it's hard when they have the best looking bodies in the entire galaxy! They've got so much hotness wrapped up in them, they could fill an entire spread in Cosmo."
"… Ahsoka, since when do you read Cosmo?"
"…"
"… Fine. Since when do you read it without me?"
"I didn't think you'd be interested in that sort of stuff!" Ahsoka defended.
"Ahsokaaaaa…" Barriss sighed, trying to sway her friend.
"Fine. I've got a couple issues stashed away with me here. Come over right after we're done eating, and we can start looking through them together."
"Yes!" Barriss smiled at her friend. "Hey, when it comes to bodies, who do you think would beat the other? Jedi versus clones?" Ahsoka leaned in closer, looking curious.
"Where is this coming from?"
"Well, clones… possibly Cody," Barriss amended, ignoring Ahsoka's wink, "have amazingly built bodies, but male Jedi also have pretty wicked looking bodies."
"Who in particular are you thinking of?" Ahsoka asked, her mind obviously elsewhere, probably going through all the male Jedi she's ever known. There were quite a few studs, amazing examples of masculine males among the Jedi. Made more than a few young Jedi ladies silently mourn that they couldn't be attached. At least looking wasn't forbidden.
"Your master for one… " Barriss trailed off at Ahsoka's shocked look. "You do realize that I've known Anakin longer than you have, right?" Ahsoka raised an eyebrow – or the closest thing she had to one – at her.
"Not in that way, I hope."
"NO!" Her brow raised higher. "Just… we were both padawans before the war began. On a mission we were on together, on Ansion, I had to heal him. He has a good build, a very lovely looking body."
"So… Anakin looks good, huh."
"You mean you've never seen him with his shirt off?"
"No. He refuses to let me see him undressed, frankly. Says it would be weird and awkward and stuff."
"Hmmm. That's strange." Barriss shrugged. Why Anakin would be shy about his body around his padawan… unless it was that parent thing. Luminara had been that way around her for a while after being brought together as a Master-Padawan team. Months later, she explained that as a master to a padawan, she didn't want to be unprofessional to her own padawan. Barriss could relate. She never wanted her master to catch her reading girly magazines. That would be embarrassing beyond belief.
"Hmmmm…" Ahsoka's eyes were gleaming a particularly predatory gleam, something that caused Barriss to shudder. This could not be good. "Want to make a bet?"
"On what?"
"On whose master is hotter."
"WHAT?!"
"Okay, okay!" Ahsoka backtracked quickly. "No bets! What if we were to play a prank on them instead?"
"On both of them?!" Barriss hissed. "Luminara will kill me!"
"Come on! We get to compare whose master is better-looking. Besides, you've actually seen both of our masters relatively naked, I'm sure, which is an unfair advantage." Ahsoka stabbed a piece of protein onto her fork to emphasize that point.
"Fine," Barriss sighed in defeat. "How many articles of clothing are we talking about here? Luminara isn't happy if she has to go out without certain essentials of clothing."
"Well, they wouldn't be entirely naked," Ahsoka argued. "Let's take at the very least their shirts and pants and skirt-thingy. That way they're baring enough so we can take notes and do a decent comparison without too much embarrassment to either of them."
"You might have to remind both of them of that when we are stuck with monitor duty," Barriss grumbled. "I hope this is worth it."
Barriss was now hidden across the hallway from where their rooms were located, side by side. They had their own corridor apart from the others leading to various areas of the ship, with a 'fresher ending their hallway less than seven meters from where she stood now. During the night, both Jedi would get up, go to the 'fresher, and walk up and down the hallway to relax themselves. They'd even occasionally meet and chat a little. This time, however, would make their nightly trip interesting.
"Did you do it?" Ahsoka must have snuck over while she hadn't been looking.
"Yes," she sighed, still looking at the doors. "I hid her gear with my things. Minus the headdress, she is in her night wear."
"I hid Anakin's wear with my things as well, while he was taking a shower. He was actually okay with me seeing his legs as he went over to his bunk."
"Ah. Okay." Barriss blinked; it was still hard to believe that Anakin had gotten less proud about his body.
"So," Ahsoka grinned at Barriss, "let the judging begin."
"We'll have a while to wait, though," Barriss pointed out. "They're resting now. It'll be a few hours before they're roused."
Suddenly, the alarm klaxons went off, startling the two padawans. Barriss accidentally backed into Ahsoka, who yelped and fell into the wall. Both tumbled to the floor.
"Ow! Barriss!" Ahsoka whined.
"I'm sorry!" Barriss exclaimed, springing up to stand again. "I didn't expect to hear that. We must be under attack!"
"Gee, you think?" Ahsoka snarked back, still on the floor. "Help me up, would you?" Just then, they heard the doors slide open. They froze before looking in that direction.
"Force, we're getting attacked at this hour?" Anakin grumbled.
"Why is it I can't find my – oh, good, Barriss," Luminara began.
"AH!" Anakin yelped. "Ahsoka, Barriss, what are you two doing out right now?" The two could not respond, tongue-tied due to the scene before them.
All Barriss could think was, Anakin has definitely matured since Ansion. His height, already impressive to begin with, was made even more impressive with the way the accumulated muscle sharpened certain angles of his body. His frame was well structured, a testament to how much he worked out. His chest was broad and well defined, his abs tightly packed together. His legs appeared tight and firm. All in all, a very athletic and handsome man. The only article of clothing he wore was his undershorts.
Luminara, on the other hand, had the body of a well-endowed woman; one that Ahsoka and Barriss both wished their teenage hormones would aid them in achieving. She had her hair out (startled enough apparently to forget her headdress), a jet black waterfall that hung down to about her mid-back. Her tight leggings accentuated her thighs and legs, also athletically trim and toned. Her sports bra left her midsection open to full view, in all its toned and curved glory.
There was no question good-looking Jedi existed, as these two fine examples attested to. They existed just as surely as Ahsoka and Barriss competed against each other in their sparring practices. To see your own master almost (almost) completely naked, compared to your best friend's master, well it became less of a game and more of an embarrassment on the level of… of…
Seeing your parents make out.
"Skywalker, do you know what's going –" Luminara was turning towards Anakin, who was still looking at Ahsoka and Barriss, dumbstruck. " – on." The Jedi Master was essentially frozen in place, taking the view in.
"Huh? What do you –" Anakin turned to look at her and likewise did a double take. " – mean." Ahsoka and Barriss both were fortunate enough to avoid his questioning gaze, now turned to the other Jedi. They decided that they should leave the two Jedi frozen where they stood, and began to creep towards the open end of the corridor. That's when the comlink on Barriss's wrist began to beep, subsequently startling the two Jedi Masters out of their shocked staring match to stare at the two escapees. Sighing, Barriss switched on the comm. "Yes?"
"Generals, we have a problem!" Gree's voice was pierced by a full backdrop of blaster fire and screams. Great. "A Separatist strike team has latched onto the cargo hold of our ship, and are trying to take over the ship!"
"Where are they headed?" Luminara asked, appearing to have gotten over her initial embarrassment.
"Our guess is to the bridge."
"How many battalions?" Anakin was next to demand.
"One, but General, they're all droid commandos." Ahsoka and Barriss looked at each other with concern. This was not good. Droid commandos were too effectively programmed to be taken out in a single swoop. This would entail a lot of one-on-one dueling.
"Okay. Commander Gree, fall back to the hallway and secure that entire corridor. We'll be down there immediately." Luminara turned towards her quarters and palmed open the door.
"Make sure that Rex knows and that he's down there as well," Anakin added.
"Yes, sir!" The lightsaber smacked into Luminara's hand, effectively ending their short conversation. Anakin followed suit, calling his lightsaber as she grabbed her belt and gauntlets. After seeing her affix her various other items onto her person, he grabbed his belt and other glove.
"So how should we split up?" Ahsoka tentatively asked.
"You padawans will stay with the clones guarding the corridor. Anakin and I will enter into the cargo bay to take care of the main problem. The ship needs to be detached. Afterwards, we'll make sure to have the entire ship swept for any remaining droids before moving from our current position."
"Good idea," Anakin began. "By the way, where's your headdress?" he asked. She turned to him.
"I can't find it for some reason," she ground out, looking embarrassed. "For some reason, my clothes have disappeared."
"Mine too." He gestured towards his chest, then downwards. "Kind of weird, isn't it, that this happens at the same time?"
"That's just what I was thinking." The pair turned towards their guilty young ones. The glares on their faces were so powerful, Barriss was sure Ahsoka and she were melting from the inside out. "I don't suppose either of you would like to confess to this incident?"
"I'm sorry," Barriss began.
"It was just a bet," Ahsoka muttered. Now, the glares got even fiercer, if possible.
"A bet?" Luminara asked sharply.
"What kind of bet?" Anakin asked.
"To see which one of you was hotter," both padawans quickly blurted out. The two Jedi in charge appeared flabbergasted. Anakin was the first to recover.
"Well, I guess that means that I win!" he smirked.
"I beg to differ," Luminara sniffed. "I have the winning proportions."
"While that may be true," Anakin conceded, "I have the superior muscle."
"I am more flexible."
"Please." He deliberately leaned as to tower over her. "My muscle is practically sculpted onto me."
"While that may be true," she likewise conceded, unmoved by his display of dominance, "I can bend into positions that you could only dream of doing."
"Guys, guys!" Ahsoka shouted frantically. Barriss could only watch as this played out, her speech utterly cut off and face turning a deeper shade of yellow. "Please! Can we get to the cargo hold already?"
"Fine," Anakin said, still leaning over Luminara. His smirk never left his face. "I bet I'll win by the number of droids I get, too."
"Don't push your luck." She curled her lip and stepped closer in response. His face was mere inches above her face; her chin even closer to his chest. "I know how you appreciate the overt display of force. My pile will be ten times bigger than yours."
"Please," he snorted. "You're too slow to even taste my dust."
"You're also the slow learner. Slow to beat the slowest! Ahsoka can go faster than you at twice the rate, and that was after you gave her one lesson. One lesson!" She stood on her tiptoes until her nose was directly in front of his own. "And guess who gave her the helpful advice?"
"Alright then!" He said, his face flushing with excitement. "Let's go then!"
"Yes! Let's!" She said, turning on her heel to head on out of the hallway, Anakin hot on her heels. The two padawans were alone in the now deserted hallway. They looked at each other. Ahsoka then withdrew her recording tube from underneath her short tabard.
"Good thing I thought to switch it on right after we were confronted," she said.
"Yeah," Barriss rolled her eyes. "It's not like we'll be blasted any more than we already are. Our punishments will probably be dredged from the pits of Corellian hell."
"So?" Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders, not even fazed at the idea. The Padawan really did reflect her Master more often than she'd admit. "At least we can say we lived through it. Plus, with the imminent attack, our punishment won't be nearly as terrible."
"We'll still get punished though," Barriss moaned.
"Come on, Barriss!" Ahsoka playfully hit Barriss's arm. "Where's your sense of adventure? Isn't it great to see your master unwind for once?"
"As long as it doesn't lead to any gross stuff." Barriss's nose wrinkled.
"It won't. Anakin is… well…" Ahsoka trailed off, flushing. Barriss raised an eyebrow at her.
"He's what?"
"Nevermind!" Ahsoka quickly said, montrals darkening. "Look, we're getting way too far behind them! We should catch up!" She then took off at such a pace that Barriss had to run to keep up with her.
"AHSOKA! WE WILL DISCUSS THIS LATER!" she shouted. At least everyone else was too busy fighting elsewhere to overhear their discussion.
As they neared the cargo hold area, the two padawans noticed two disturbing things: lack of commando droids and clone troopers. Upon arrival, Ahsoka and Barriss both realized why. The two somewhat clothed Jedi Generals were surrounded by clone troopers, blaster rifles pointed towards the ground, bodies relaxed. They were in no hurry to shoot at the droid commandos, and both padawans could understand. Said Jedi Generals were taking out the droid commandos with a zeal that even Ahsoka had to admit was more intense than usual. Maybe that meant she should embarrass her master more often. The running commentary was punctuated with Anakin's shouts and Luminara's footsteps.
"Guess what, Skywalker? I'm ahead of you."
"No, you aren't, Luminara!"
"Really? So the last five I got in a row are just imaginary?"
"I've been getting five in a row!"
"Just that one at the start! How long have you been battling that commando?"
Silence was his response.
"I knew it!" she laughed at him. Laughed. Luminara. Ahsoka glanced at Barriss who just shook her head, cheeks darkening further. Now that her adrenaline had worn off, she felt bad for embarrassing her one good friend this way. The clones remained captivated by the scene, as if this was new to them. Well – yeah, she hadn't pulled this trick before. She didn't care about Anakin's reaction (he consistently yelled at her already), but Luminara's… She actually liked the older woman, liked her apprentice, and hoped this wouldn't drive either of the two off.
"Rex, Gree!" She saw both clones and immediately dragged Barriss over to talk to them. "Hey, so what's the update?"
"The short of it is, Padawan," Gree began, "is that we have nothing to do thanks to your masters fighting the droids for us."
"Nothing except sit back and enjoy the show," Rex smirked. Ahsoka noticed her friend give Rex the evil eye.
"Hey!" he defended. "Nothing wrong in enjoying the efforts of our Jedi Generals in making sure we have no battle to fight."
"Or in seeing my Master Luminara almost naked," Barriss countered.
"Speaking of which," Gree suddenly interjected. "How did this occur? Don't say you don't know, because how else could something like this be pulled off?" Exchanging sheepish grins with each other, Ahsoka and Barriss took turns explaining the bet-turned-prank to the two commanding clones. When they finished, they knew they had to ask:
"Which Jedi is hotter?"
"Luminara, hands down," the two clones responded in unison, before chuckling. Ahsoka groaned in defeat.
"Come on!" she whined. "Don't you guys think that Anakin maybe could be hotter than Luminara?" Both guys stopped chuckling and stared at her with disbelieving looks.
"One, that's weird," Rex started.
"And two, Luminara's a woman. A very good-looking woman," Gree emphasized. Ahsoka saw Barriss's blush deepen further, causing her to chuckle. "Both of us? We like women."
"Then why don't you like us that way?" Ahsoka demanded, moving closer to Rex until she stood just in front of him. She pulled a pouty expression and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Kid, I may look, but," Rex leaned down to point his finger in her face, "Skywalker will kill me if I touch." She smirked back up at him.
"You know," she began, before feeling a smack on her shoulder. Eyes widening, she turned around to face the offender. "BARRISS!"
"Look, it's awkward enough to see our two masters flirting with each other. I can't stand seeing your flirting on top of that!" Ahsoka rolled her eyes.
"How many times do I have to tell you? He's not flirting with her!" She heard a snort from Rex and turned to glare at him.
"Kid, I know why you don't see it as flirting," Rex began, a knowing look on his face. "With those two, though, it's one of two things: either they're really embarrassed by what you did to them, or they're just now really competitive with each other."
"Or they're flirting," Gree added.
"They're not flirting!" Ahsoka insisted.
"They can't be flirting!" Barriss added. "It's against the Code!" Now Gree snorted.
"Barriss, while your master may adhere to the Code, Ahsoka's doesn't. Besides, if they want to relax and have some fun, so what? It has been a couple of stressful weeks…"
"Involving you two almost dying, Luminara being captured, and you two almost killed by brain worms," Rex helpfully supplied. "If this additional incident doesn't make those two more than friends, I don't know what will."
"Especially when you add up the times Anakin and Luminara spent together: leading the attack on the factory, rescuing you two, Anakin rescuing Luminara, both of them rescuing you guys…" Gree ticked off each instance on a finger.
"And now you two basically embarrass them both on a level previously unheard of," Rex finished. Ahsoka sighed, annoyed. She knew her master better than he thought she knew him. She now embarrassed him beyond belief, and now she had to defend him. Hopefully this would count in her favor when it came time for punishment.
"Rex," she began in her most serious voice possible. "I know you know what I know –"
"Good; when will you enlighten me?" Barriss interrupted, but Ahsoka ignored her.
"Because of this knowledge we both share," she emphasized, "there is no way he would flirt with –"
"Oh, Luminara!" Anakin called, having finally finished off his commando. Ahsoka had seen Luminara disappear into the open door leading to the cargo hold, and heard blaster fire before the humming of a lightsaber led to silence. "You better save some droids for me! If you don't –"
"Anakin, just get your ass over here!" Luminara yelled, with a damn-the-decorum tone. Barriss and Ahsoka both looked at each other, dumbstruck. Luminara could actually relax and call people by their first names? Unheard of! Rex and Gree shared surprised looks.
"Well," Rex sighed. "There goes my bet. I thought for sure he was going to make the first move." Gree nodded. Anakin paused where he stood, just to the side of the entrance. He saw Barriss and Ahsoka standing there, along with Rex and Gree. He winked at them, a huge grin on his face. Ahsoka felt her face heat up. Was this really happening?
"Only if it includes the one of the following adjectives: sexy, hot, or irresistible," he called back, obviously enjoying himself immensely.
"Anakin," she poked her head back out of entrance to glare right in his face, "if you don't get your sexy ass over here now, it will be dragged over here!" Despite her gritted tone, her facial coloring seemed to darken, especially across her cheeks. Was that a blush on Luminara's face?
"As tempting as that is…" Anakin mused. Ignoring the subsequent death glare in his direction, he followed her going back through the entrance. Not wanting to miss this, Ahsoka bounded after them with the other three hot on her heels.
"You're still recording this, right?" Barriss hissed.
"Yeah, yeah," Ahsoka said distractedly. "Don't worry, it's still recording, and I'm keeping an eye on it. We'll be able to watch it all the way through once we're done."
"Good." Ahsoka noticed a small smile appear on Barriss's face, and grinned back. This was one prank she wanted definite proof of its existence, even faced with imminent punishment. She doubted that she'd remember this fully, and even doubt that it had happened. Proof was needed of their two masters completely embarrassed while being, dare she say it, flirtatious? The smile became a smirk, lifting the corner of her mouth. She could have been wrong this entire time. Now it didn't matter. She had the blackmail to remind him of this for a long time.
