A/N: I don't own any of the characters from Inception! Just a short series of oneshots about the team's drunk behavior. Enjoy!
Cobb is an angry drunk.
After a couple of beers, he is standing up on his chair and yelling at the world. His team surrounds him at the table, giggling at his outrageousness. He is currently screaming about totems and guns.
"Totems are completely useless! I mean, really. Look at what mine has done to me. It's ruined my whole fucking life and now I'm a poor, sad man with nothing in his life but dreams," Cobb says, his voice is slurred. He has another pint of beer in his hand.
"And guns! Guns are so fucking stupid! Why can't we strangle the projections? They're such twats, it's not enough to just shoot them," he argues, flailing his arms around. The beer sloshes out of his cup and onto the floor.
"God dammit… Eames, give me more beer," Cobb demands, holding his cup out to Eames for a refill.
"I don't think that's such a good idea. Another pint and you might go so far as to say that you hate Mal, darling," Eames laughs, keeping the beer away from Cobb.
"Ya know. Now that you mention it, Mal is such a bitch. I mean, I love her an' all, but seriously? Did she really have to go jump off a fucking ledge? If she were still here, I'd have sent her straight to a sikee- sike-ee-atric award," Cobb laughs as he tries to take the jug of beer from Eames, but fails.
"You mean a psychiatric ward?" Ariadne giggles.
"That's wha I said. A sike-ee-atric award. Jesus Ariadne, I'm not dumb," he slurs as his eyes flutter. His brain is beginning to fail him.
"You, man, need to get some sleep," Yusuf suggests.
"I'm fine, whattare you talkin' bout…" Cobb mutters. His eyelids are getting heavier and heavier by the second until finally, his eyes shut and he falls face first onto the table, sending everyone, even Arthur, into a fit of laughter.
"Hey, you know what would be really fun?" Arthur asks with a large grin across his face.
"Taking that stick out of your ass? Yeah, that would be nice," Eames suggests. Arthur scowls.
"I'm just saying…" Eames mutters.
"Just grab a pen…" Arthur says, rolling his eyes.
When he wakes up in the morning, Cobb finds himself sprawled across the table in the warehouse, lying on his belly. He has a massive headache.
"What the hell happened last night…" he mutters, clutching his forehead. He hears the doors slam as the team files into the warehouse.
"You guys… What happened last night?" Cobb asks them slowly.
"Pff! I mean. Good morning, Cobb. Sleep well?" Ariadne asks, stifling a laugh.
"What's so funny?" he asks, his eyes narrowing.
"Nothing! You may want to think about washing up though, darling," Eames says with an almost straight face. Yusuf, who is normally jolly, is smiling even more this morning. Not even Arthur can contain his laughter- he is smiling from ear to ear.
"Yeah, I will…" Cobb mutters as he retreats to the bathroom.
"Wait for it…" Eames whispers, counting down on his fingers. Suddenly, they hear a piercing scream coming from the bathroom. They all laugh wildly. Cobb storms out of the bathroom and they all have to contain their laughter.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Cobb screams, pointing to his face. As it would seem, after Cobb passed out, the team grabbed a handful of magic markers and doodled on his face. When he looked into the mirror in the bathroom, he saw his face covered in shades of pink and green. They had even given him a uni-brow and a sad excuse for a black eye. Eames had even written a message on his face.
"What? There's nothing wrong with your face," Eames said, covering his mouth to conceal his smile.
"This was your idea, wasn't it?" Cobb asked, his eyes narrowing again.
"Actually… It was Arthur's," Ariadne admits.
"Ariadne!" Arthur growls. She simply purses her lips and shrugs.
"Arthur thought of it?" Cobb asks in disbelief.
"That's right," Arthur says; ready to take his punishment, but Cobb's only response is a snide, "Huh."
"What do you mean, 'huh'?" Arthur asks.
"Nothing, nothing. Just didn't think it could be you…" Cobb mutters with a smile.
"What, you think I didn't do it?" Arthur asks, crossing his arms.
"Oh of course not! You're the most imaginative person I've ever met, it must have been you," Cobb says sarcastically. Everyone snickers, except for that is, Arthur.
"I'll have you know that I am completely capable of having fun! I am the epitome of fun!" he argues.
"Right, keep thinking that, love," Eames teases as Arthur storms off.
"Now that that's done, help me get this magic marker off of my face," Cobb orders.
"Mm… As much as we'd like to do that Cobb…" Ariadne began.
"We just wouldn't want to hurt poor Arthur by destroying his genius work," Eames finishes. Eames and Ariadne smile and leave to find Arthur, leaving Cobb with Yusuf.
"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to leave like the rest of them?" Cobb asks. Yusuf simply shrugs and runs off with the rest of them.
"Shit."
