Rippled Reflection
By: Veledore
Disclaimer: Gundam Wings and its characters are not my own, and unlike many other people I don't wish them to be. Their immense popularity would be too much for me to handle and I think that I would only ruin their characters.
Author's Note: To anyone who cares, I started to work on this story when I was in seventh grade and stopped writing about a quarter of the story's length while I was still at that age. A year and three quarters later I found it in my pile of discarded works and decided to finish it. So, I want to apologize in advance if the transition is bumpy, everyone knows how far almost two years can advance your writing skills, the beginning might not be as good as the end. Please give it a chance though; I enjoyed writing it for you. I can only hope that you like it as well.
-Veledore
* indicates thought
~ indicates flashback
* * *
A girl startlingly looked up. *Where am I?* she wondered looking about the room she was sitting in. She sat on the carpeted floor of an old living room heavily furnished with Victorian-like furniture. The walls were laid with wallpaper, which were imprinted with roses of red shades. In fact, the whole room seemed to hold a tint of red in it. Giant pictures of people at banquets and occasional portraits littered the walls. At the north wall a large brick fireplace stood majestically. All of the room's beauty and splendor was hidden under a heavy coat of dust and cobwebs.
She closed her eyes and mentally went over her reasons for being where she was. She tried pulling the memories from their resting-place in her mind, however she couldn't quite grasp them. They seemed to slip away before she got the chance to see them. She tried recalling the more basic questions like who she was, where she came from, and things of that sort. However, she panicked when she realized that she couldn't remember any of it. It had all erased itself from her mind.
The girl stood up and carefully observed each of the pictures taking in each detail as greedily as a child eating a delicious treat. She walked in the next room still observing the lavish paintings when something caught her eye. Turning she looked around the room she had entered. This room was decorated in the same fashion as the last one with Victorian style furniture and many paintings hanging on walls with the same design as the last room. A large mahogany desk stood in front of the north barrier. She walked over to it and ran her fingers over the top creating lines in the heavily laid dust. She suddenly felt dizzy and grasped the edge of the desk trying to steady her self when an image came to her mind. It was like some type of memory trying to work its way into her conscious self, but all she received was a picture. She saw a large shape slumped over the desk. It was a man, she recalled. He was writing something and had his head propped on his other hand with a tired expression on his face. The face… she thought trying to grasp more of the image He's so familiar… She looked over at what had caught her eye earlier. There, in the corner, an old grand piano stood. The girl walked over to it and placed her fingers on the keys. Once again the dizzy feeling came to her trying to awaken a sleeping memory and she had to sit down on the stool to regain her balance. When her vision stopped spinning she placed her fingers once again on the keys of the piano. She pushed the key on to the far left letting the majestic low sound fill the room. Then, reaching to the other side of the piano, she pressed one of the other keys letting the sweet high sound weave through the atmosphere. The memory came then, as the last of the note penetrated the silence.
~The young girl looked at the man towering above her. Her eyes filled with innocence and a look of wanting to please the man who sat next to her on the stool. She watched as his hands worked their way slowly up the piano demonstrating the scale that he wanted her to mimic. After he was finished, she tried. But, her hands being too small and so uncoordinated, the sound she made merely created a banging noise on the instrument. Taking her hands down and setting them on her lap, she looked down not wanting to meet the eyes she felt would hold disappointment. The man placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to meet eyes of faith. He smiled and banged on the keys mimicking her last attempt to play and motioning for her to join him. The small girl grinned and together she and the man banged at the keys creating their own unique sound.~
The girl looked up not noticing the tears rolling down her cheek. She knew the man in her memory. And she knew her purpose for being where she was. She stood up and began searching for what she knew was there.
She walked through room after room each the same, yet all holding different atmospheres. Some were happy as if they were only used for festive events, and some held a depressing air as if it had witnessed pain and loss of innocence. The girl tried to stay away from the depressing room.
Quietly she crept through the slumbering mansion careful not to make too much of a disturbance. She stopped in front of an ancient looking French mirror and observed her appearance for the first time. What she saw was definitely familiar. She was wearing a white sundress though it was ragged and frayed as though it had been worn for some time now. She had a slim figure and looked as though she hadn't eaten in weeks. Her sandy brown hair was worn down except for two braids that were pulled back and tied together. Ocean blue eyes stared back at her. It was her eyes that scared her. They looked lost and alone. *This can't be me she thought I look so different.* The thought startled her. She didn't know what she looked like before. But, looking back at the reflection she felt a difference in her eyes that she knew wasn't there to start with.
She turned away from the mirror and headed up an illustrious wooded staircase, which led to a musty old room. She felt herself getting excited because she knew what she was looking for was in here. She tiptoed over to the large bed and knelt down. Picking up the covers at the bottom she felt around under the bed coughing when occasional puffs of dust were swept out from under the bed. Her hand knocked into a box and she pulled it out. It was an old shoebox. Sitting on the bed, she carefully took off the top and took out the contents inside. There were piles upon piles of old letters, most torn and frayed. The girl carefully flipped through each one until she found the one that she was looking for. The ink was smudged in many places, but it was still readable.
Dear Mother,
Since the assassination of the former colony leader Heero Yuy, I fear the worse for the Sanc Kingdom and their respectable representatives. Though the terrible tragedy, there is good news. The queen of the Sanc Kingdom delivered the extremely anticipated baby last night. It was a baby girl. A fine addition I must say along with their son. They've named her Relena after the queen. A great banquet was held for the king in honor of his new offspring. I attended the banquet and was pulled aside by the king. He too was disturbed by the news of Heero Yuy's assassination. He requested that should anything happen to his family, that I would take their daughter and guard her with my life. Of course I agreed. But, his words disturbed me greatly. I can only hope that this will not end in war. The king's son Millardo will be sent to an academy soon. Hopefully, he will be out of danger's way.
Love,
Your son
The girl set that letter aside and pulled out another one. She had a feeling that these were important.
Dear Mother,
I'll have to be quick. I'm afraid the worst has happened. The Alliance has raided the Sanc Kingdom. They destroyed everything including the king and his wife. Luckily his son was at the academy and his daughter was away visiting her grandmother. I will keep my promise and am due to go pick up the young princess tomorrow.
Love,
Your son
The girl set this letter down as well with the other and looked in the shoebox again. She pulled out a picture from the bottom and felt victorious as she found what she had been looking for. In her hand was a small picture of the same man and little girl as was in her memory. She turned the photo over and tried reading the horribly smudged ink.
Your new granddaughter, Relena Daralin and your son, she couldn't read the first name because it was too smudged (A.N.: Well, they never said what her father's first name was in the series!) but the last name read Daralin as well. The girl turned the photo and looked at the picture once again. The man was sitting on a park bench with the little girl sitting happily beside him. The girl suddenly realized who she was looking at. "Daddy," she whispered softly into the darkness. And the little girl beside her father was herself: Relena Daralin.
Once again the tears returned, but Relena didn't take any heed to their presence. She stared at the picture longer hoping that it would awaken more memories of her mysterious past. It didn't, and Relena soon stood up wanting to get out of her grandmother's home before darkness settled in. She slipped the two letters and the picture in the pocket of her dress and started for the door. On her way out, she saw her reflection again in one of the mirrors. I guess it wouldn't hurt to put something else on, she thought walking back into her grandmother's room and toward the closet door she had noticed earlier. She quickly change into another white sundress similar to the one she had on before, transferred the picture and letters into the new dress, then walked out of the house.
Relena walked outside and into the oncoming twilight. She had no idea where she was going, she decided to let her feet take her wherever they wanted to go. She walked all night through many towns and cities. She didn't really notice she was passing through any of them until she came to one particular city. While walking along the lit sidewalk she accidentally bumped into someone. "Sorry…" she mumbled and raised her eyes to look at the person who she bumped into. She found herself staring into very familiar and surprised looking Prussian colored eyes. She noticed his dark brown tousle of hair and the aura of danger surrounding him.
"Relena?" He asked questioningly. She looked alarmingly at him again. Though he looked familiar, she couldn't bring herself to remember anything about him. After a moment of silence, the young man bent his head and ran away. Relena gazed wonderingly after him. *Heero?* she thought. The name came from nowhere. She felt disappointed only a name had come and nothing else. She watched the spot where he ran off long after he left, then shrugging and turning, she continued walking to her unknown destination.
The next morning Relena found herself in front of a large mansion similar to the one she had just left. She felt that something or someone was in there, and she needed to see that someone/something. Walking in, she once again let her feet take over and guide her through the building. She halted fleetingly in front of a large office before continuing through the doorway and beginning her search of the room. It was spacey with a high ceiling. A salmon rug covered the floor, and one large mahogany desk stood in front double-spread classic French windows. A man sitting behind the desk looked up as she walked in. "Uhr, excuse me miss, can I help you?" the man asked Relena with confusion. Relena ignored him and kept looking around the room. "Um…miss? Can I help you?" The man pushed a button signaling his secretary. "Security please," he said to the responding secretary.
"Right away," was the secretary's reply. A few minutes later a tall woman with short-cropped black hair and bangs covering half of her face walked in.
"You called?" she asked looking at where the still observing Relena stood looking out the window. The officer however could only see the back of Relena's head. The man behind the desk signaled for the officer the escort the intruder out of the office. The officer walked over and placed a hand on Relena's shoulder. "Excuse me miss…" she began and then gasped as Relena turned to face her. "Relena?!" She asked astonishedly. Relena gave her a puzzled look. She closed her eyes and knitted her brows together in concentration.
"Noin…" Relena responded feeling once again displeased at only being able to draw a name from her memory. Noin looked down on her with a surprised look.
"You don't remember me?" she asked feeling confused.
"I remember your name," Relena said and once again let her eyes wander around the room. "Please tell me, do you know if I am familiar with this place?"
Noin gave her a quizzical look, then responded slowly by saying, "Yes, you worked here in this office as the Vice Foreign Minister. You can't remember that?"
Relena frowned again and shook her head. She heard Noin whisper a soft, "Amnesia?" under her breath as she continued her scrutinous appraisal. "A few weeks ago, you were forced to retire due to a rapidly deteriorating health, I hadn't heard from you since you came to my office to give me a more personal farewell.
An image flashed across Relena's mind, Noin was standing in an office much like this one. Relena saw her self reaching out to the Italian woman and embracing her as a silver stream dribbled down the side of her face. It was over then, and Relena sighed. I never get more than a glimpse. I want to know who I was-who I am, but I just can't grasp anything…
"Relena, did you hear me?" Noin asked startling Relena out of her reverie.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that. Would you care to repeat?" Relena asked with automatic politeness. She was suddenly very astute in noticing small details about her self.
"I asked if you wouldn't mind coming along with me so that we can try and find some answers together," Noin restated extending her hand to Relena.
Relena did not hesitate taking the hand and let herself be led through the corridors into a brilliantly vibrant main hall, then out a set of gold trimmed double doors to a parking lot on the right lined with expensive, sleek cars-all of them drab colors like black, gray, or stone blue. They reached Noin's no-different black model and Relena climbed in with an ease that shocked her. *Maybe I've ridden with this woman often.* She concluded and buckled her seatbelt, leaning back into the soft leather seats.
The open road stretched before them and Relena rapaciously took in the site of rolling green hills to the left littered with mighty trees and sprinkles of red, yellow, and orange wildflowers. To the right, Relena was swept away in a magnificent view of a sparkling bay filled with green-blue waters and reflecting the dazzling brightness of the afternoon sun.
All along the way Noin questioned her, what was the last thing she remembered? Where was she? How did she get here? Relena answered her questions with a practiced patience like that of a mother's. Noin was quite surprised to find that Relena had walked all the way from her grandmother's mansion and asked if she recollected coming all that way. "No," Relena had replied, "I was sort of in a daze. My mind was trying to sort through a flood of feelings-and at the same time trying to break through this block in my mind. Besides, I was also hungry and had to focus on finding something to eat."
Noin looked at her uneasily for a moment before turning her attention back to the road. "Are you hungry now?" she asked.
"No, thank you though. I remember stopping at a quaint little café before I met you. I think I surprised them with my appearance (do I really look so haggard?) but they served me anyway because I had a lot of credits," Relena responded.
Laughing, Noin said, "I see you haven't forgotten that quick sense of humor you always possessed," before they pulled into another parking lot; this one stationed before a building connected to many others. "My quarters," Noin said bowing dramatically before Relena when she got out of the car. Giggling, Relena followed Noin through a tangled mess of stairways and hallways finally ending in front of a peach colored door with the numbers 532 engraved on a small plaque and nailed to the door.
Noin briefly rummaged through a wallet filled with cards before she selected the correct key card and swiped it through the slot to the right. A small beep was heard, and Relena followed Noin through the doorway into a charming living room glowing with the warmth of cleverly placed touch- lights accentuating paintings hung on the wall. An olive green couch was placed before the wall to Relena's right and a matching loveseat against the wall to the right of the couch. An oak entertainment center held her TV, supported the base of a stereo, and maintained the speakers, which were placed on top. A maroon rug gave the room an exotic feel.
"I'll be right back, make yourself at home," Noin told Relena shedding the heavy overcoat layer of her uniform and draping it over the edge of the couch, then walked down a passage to the left leaving Relena to herself.
* * *
"She can't remembering anything," Noin told the doctor on the other line of the vid-phone perched on a dresser ten minutes later. "She can only recall suddenly being in her grandmother's mansion, and has just faded in and out of existence after that."
"Hmn," the doctor murmured before coming to a conclusion. "I think Ms. Daralin's body did the only thing it could when faced with such an overwhelming amount of stress. I have had cases of patients who force a mental block to protect their selves from reality. Considering Ms. Daralin's unconventional lifestyle-a world-renowned peace-speaker (especially at such a young age), just recovering from being at the brunt of a war and feeling guilt for unintentionally almost causing another one, and most importantly trying to recuperate from serious health regressions. The answer is clear, she simply pushed it all away to give her physical body a chance to catch up with lost stamina."
His reasoning satisfied Noin and she thanked him for his time. "Is there anything I can do now?" Noin asked.
"You can make sure she gets a chance to relax and redeem her well being. As for her memories, those she will have to find on her own," was the doctor's reply.
"And she will get better soon?" Noin asked cautiously.
"I couldn't tell you how long it will take-that will be up to Ms. Daralin. But, I would keep my eye on her if I were you, she is very unstable at this stage and is liable to do anything."
Thanking him again (and also taking his hint) she hurriedly closed the circuit and proceeded to the living room were she let out a dismayed groan. The door stood ajar, and on the couch a piece of paper waited ominously.
Noin read the scrawling handwriting of Relena over three times before taking action.
Dear Noin,
Thank you so much for all of your generous hospitality. I was certainly blessed to have found and forged a friendship with such a person as you. Take care, and don't worry about me, I will be fine. I simply have a few loose ends I need to tie up. You will hear from me again.
Until then,
Relena
*She couldn't have gotten very far,* Noin told herself mostly as just a comforting thought, and for the rest of the night she searched. But Relena had disappeared without a trace; a restless apparition searching to fill a missing part of her soul. Noin finally gave up when her clock reached the midnight mark. She silently sent her best to Relena and hoped beyond everything that she would find the peace she sought.
* * *
Relena suddenly found herself in a park, the laughter of children danced in her ears as did the creaks and squeaks of unoiled chains suspending the plastic seats of the swings. A small playground adorned with a tall slide, a row of swings, a half sphere-like jungle gym, and a myriad of benches lay ahead of her and she made her way to it. Children always had a spot in her heart she found as she smiled and watched two little girls-one of four years and the other a bit older-totter around the jungle gym. Beyond the park lay a green field with trees forming a thick border. A few of the older youth had gathered in the field and were tossing a Frisbee about.
She chose an unoccupied bench for she didn't know what to say should someone approach her and watched the children. Minutes went by and she relaxed letting the sun work it's magic into her skin. Before long she had dozed off-her head lolled over to the size. Abruptly, a sudden weight plopped into her lap and she jumped with a start-her aquamarine eyes snapped open. One of the two girls she had seen earlier was sitting in her lap and grinning and showing a pearly row of baby teeth. Her skin was soft and glowing and her blonde curly locks were pulled up at the sides of her head in a pig-tailed fashion. She had beautiful sky blue eyes.
"Abby, get off of her," a high-pitched irritated voice said. The other older girl with similar golden blonde hair and shining blue eyes stomped up and pulled the little girl off Relena's lap. "I'm sorry miss, my little sister is only four; she's practically a baby! She doesn't know any better…" Upon a closer inspection of Relena's profile her eyes lit in first surprise, then delight. "I know you!" she established excitedly. "You're the princess lady everyone talked about! I saw you on TV!" she jumped about Relena now in ecstasy. "I saw that pretty pink dress you wore, I told mommy I wanted one just like it. And your pretty crown, it was so sparkly!" the little girl's eyes implored Relena to tell her that she was correct, that she was, in fact, meeting the lady on the TV with her dream dress.
Relena felt torn, she could be who the little girl thought she was (certainly the splendor of her former office and her grandmother's mansion informed her that money was something which could be used for frivolous things like dresses and such). But how impossible it seemed that every other person on the earth could know who she was; every one except her. Instead of responding with a solid answer Relena put on a radiant smile and asked, "How old are you?"
"Six, but I'll be seven soon. My birthday is next month. Do you want to come to my birthday party?" she innocently asked.
Again Relena smiled, this time with pure warmth at the innocuous question and answered, "But, I don't even know your name!"
Teeming with joy the girl answered, "Emily Dower. Do you want me to spell it for you? I can," she notified Relena.
"Go ahead," Relena encouraged.
Taking a deep, dramatic breath Emily started. "E-M-I-L-Y, D-O-W-E-R."
"Wow, I'm so impressed!" Relena gushed fueling the girl's pride. "You are such a smart girl."
A faint call reached their ears. "That's my mommy, we have to go. Come on Abby!" Emily told Relena. She grasped her sister's hand then turned to leave, but rushed back to Relena squeezing her waist in a hug, then standing tiptoed, placed a kiss on Relena's cheek. Mimicking her sister, the younger girl enfolded Relena in her own small arms and climbed up on the bench to reach Relena's cheek and plant her own kiss. Because she had to pause and climb on the bench taking a lot of time, Emily impatiently tugged on her sister's arm. "Come on Abby, we're gonna get in trouble for not coming and mommy won't give us any ice cream!" Together hand-in-hand, the two little girl's scampered off and Relena's mouth strained at the edges as her smile could not be removed.
~Wind rushed passed her face and her body was thrown back as gravity took its toll. The thrill of being so high released in the form of a squeal. She clutched the ropes on either side of her body tightly as hands at her back pushed forward again and she released yet another giggle as the forward- back motion of the swing went even further up in the air. Craning her tiny head over her shoulder she laughed along with the brown-haired man behind her…~
Relena blinked. The memory had come not forcefully as the others had, but gracefully. The smile playing with her lips suggested that it had been a happy memory as well. *I had such a loving father-even if he wasn't my own,* she thought contently stroking the picture inside her pocket. *I wonder where he is? Perhaps my feet will take me to him next.* The thought made her feel almost as giddy as the young girl had been. *Yes, take me to him. Take me to my daddy…* she thought and the urge to walked seized her yet again.
This time she gladly complied practically skipping in excitement knowing in her heart that this man would be the one to unlock her past. It was a dim promise of truth and being loved, but the distant light was becoming stronger each second. *I'm coming daddy…*
* * *
One week passed, then two. Relena walked farther than she had through the entire ordeal. No more memories would present themselves; not even an image. Her psyche remained stubbornly silent, but it no longer mattered to Relena because she had a purpose and with time she was confident everything would present itself.
The last night of walking it began to rain. It was just a light drizzle at first; Relena had actually enjoyed it. But, the drops became pellets and stung like ice when the temperature dropped. Luckily, she was already in a town, so she slipped into a local hotel and checked in.
Her room was plain-it had stark white walls with virtually no pictures and a teal colored comforter covering the twin bed. A desk and a TV stood against the wall opposite of the bed, but Relena wasn't interested in it. Apprehension clung heavily to the air, so thick she felt she could choke on it. The feeling wasn't unpleasant-she felt just like a child on Christmas Eve waiting in their bed for the first ray of light to shine over the horizon and mark the birth of Christmas Day. Soaked to the bone, Relena decided a shower was in order. She couldn't remember the last time she had one and hoped the tepid water would calm her.
However, while in the shower, the feeling only intensified. Coming out of the shower and stepping back into her clothes and sat nervously on the edge of the bed drumming her fingers along the side of her thighs. Outside the rain beat mercilessly on the pavement creating a continuously thunderous roll. Her heart suddenly sped because she realized that this feeling had happened twice before-the first was when she realized her purpose for being in her grandmother's mansion, and the second when she paused in the doorway of her former office. *He must be here!* she thought excitedly and leapt to the window pacing before it.
Not able to take the suspense any longer, she threw the door open and raced into the torrent of down-pouring precipitation. Not bothering to walk, she ran and skipped up the sidewalks, through the streets, and down the alleys knowing for a fact that she had never before felt either so happy, nor so free. Oh blissful ignorance.
Her path twisted left and turned onto a dirt road muddy from the mixture of rainwater. She was dizzy with the scent of rain as it dripped from the leaves of dark baleful trees. She was so wrapped in her rapture that she didn't notice the sudden dip in ambience nor did she regard the shadows closely woven together reaching for her ankles. She walked past rusted wrought iron bars and didn't notice their contorted shape, bent with the heavy air of mourning. Stone after stone passed her and suddenly she became mindful. *I should be quieter, he might be here paying his respects to someone who was dear to him,* she thought and silenced her steps. *But I am sure that he will be happy to see me,* she told herself and quickened her pace.
She turned once more and continued down a row of tombstones. The rain had soaked her clear to the bone, and beat down her already limp hair. Well, so much for washing it, she humorously considered. Gooseflesh covered every inch of her skin, but an inner warmth burned so divinely that she didn't even notice. She unexpectedly stopped and the feeling of expectancy ceased. Crossing her arms she put on a smile and looked around. *Silly feet,* she thought. *He isn't here, he must be somewhere close by though.* Gingerly she took a few steps forward to check the row in front glancing back often just in case he walked up behind her. Not finding any signs of life, she turned around and checked the row behind.
*He's probably coming, I should wait for him,* she thought and stood a few more minutes. Becoming uncomfortable with the relentless rain (a faint rumble of thunder and a small flash of lightning had started to occur) she decided she would sit and wait. *It's not as though I need to worry about ruining this dress,* she thought fingering the tattered splotched material. Hitching the dress so she could bend easily, she swerved and lowered herself. The tombstone to her left caught and held her attention.
*Oh no,* she thought with dread stuck in her half-crouch. Her eyes could not focus, her vision fuzzed at the edges. She broke into violent and unrelenting shivers. Her breath didn't come out in regular rhythmic draws, but in quick sharp puffs. A knot lodged in her throat. Her heart wrenched.
1 Here Lies the Late Vice Foreign Minster Daralin
May God Rest His Soul
"No," she cried pitifully the sorrow erupting from the very essence of her soul. Her body buckled from the staggering pain and bitter tears flowed in rivers down the contours of her face. *Why did he have to go? What did he do? He wasn't a bad man, he was good. He was a good father!* "Daddy!" she wailed leaning against the ice-cold surface of the hard headstone. The sobs jerked themselves loose from her esophagus, which became raw.
The world closed itself in on her and Relena suddenly felt very much alone. Shadows danced around her agonizing body laughing at her pain. One shadow in particular, which had earlier dropped from a nearby tree, sauntered toward her, but Relena couldn't focus enough to move out of its way. Blackness overtook her mind detaching her subconscious from the ache of fatigue and she gladly relented letting it pull her away from her nightmare.
Without warning something heavy and warm was placed about her shoulders and she felt herself being drawn towards another warmth. Gathering the remaining supply of strength left in her body she clutched the figure and braced herself when memories flooded into her mind.
~A small object hurtled through the air. Relena was still ignorant to its true potential, but she knew that it was far too dangerous to simply be ignored. Dread and shock filled her body even before the first of the flames licked the air. "Father!!" she had cried and ran to the blazing building adrenaline mixed with fear and regret pushing her along…~
~"I'm not your real father," his breath was labored and the words gave him trouble.
"You're delirious father, you need to rest. We're taking you to a hospital, you're going to be alright. Do you hear me? Father!" she cried shaking his shoulders trying to get him to wake…~
~A skillfully crafted mahogany casket covered under a mountain of bouquets was lowered into the dirt hole. Relena squeezed her handful of dirt letting pent up feelings of anguish release themselves in the action and threw the dirt into the hole. A trail of silver tears ran down her cheeks…~
~"Did your father…tell you anything before he left?" the blonde woman standing before her asked fearfully.
"No," Relena replied absently fiddling with the flower arrangement in the vase. Inside denial flowed through her veins and her cheeks burned with her lie.
"Relena I have something that I need to tell you," the woman began in a chocked voice.
"No!" Relena cried passionately and embraced the woman clinging to her and to all that was familiar. "You are my real mother! There was never been any other, you always will be!"…~
Coughing and shaking, Relena pulled away. Many more memories filled that empty void, and her past unraveled itself. So many emotions coursed through her body that she couldn't discern them, they meshed together in one great mass leaving her a shivering bundle of confusion.
Her vision cleared, though a few tears still clung to her eyes. She wiped them away and sat in contemplative silence. It had been five years since her father's death and she thought her peace had been made. But this trial had torn open the still healing wound and the pain tore at her heart.
The body next to her didn't move, didn't even twitch. Its presence was so familiar, she didn't even have to strain to pull the memory from her newly collected horde. "Heero," she murmured looking up to meet his Prussian gaze.
His face showed concern mingled with anticipation. He obviously was alarmed by her behavior, but Relena could tell that he didn't know how to help. Trained all his life to be a killing machine he couldn't have had a clue what to do. A long time ago, when she had frantically searched for him, the quiet gentle soldier, Trowa, had given her Heero's words when Trowa felt like giving up. They were words which she could never imagine coming from Heero's lips. "You should live your life by your emotions and act accordingly." Surprised, Relena had asked Trowa if that was Heero's actual account, but the silent man had already wandered away.
Here was the proof before her though; he didn't know what to do; yet he still had come. "Have you been following me Heero?" she asked teasingly trying to lighten the intense mood.
Still holding her gaze, he replied, "Yeah."
"Why?" she asked not breaking eye contact.
"You didn't look well the last time you bumped into me," was his monotonous answer.
Willing to take the risk she inquired, "Why does it matter if I look well or not? As I (very happily) recall, I am not the Vice Foreign Minister any longer."
"Because," was the only answer he provided and Relena knew she would just have to be satisfied with it.
Standing she beckoned for him to join her by her side and he rose readily. Threading her arm through his she pulled him closer so that they were side by side in front of her father's grave. Once again the tears came and Relena let them flow freely. Beside her Heero was tense from her previous tender action, and her now sudden mood-swing. "Did you ever have a father?" she asked him in a steady voice.
"No," he replied.
"No father-figure of any type?" she asked.
"There was Odin," he suggested hesitantly.
Relieved with her new chance she asked, "Where is Odin now?"
She saw a nerve jump in Heero's jaw. His head bent a slight bit lower and Relena knew she had struck a nerve. "The same place as your father I suppose," he replied.
Tightening her embrace on him she let a few moments of reflective silence pass, she then said, "My father was a good man, Heero. You would have liked him I think."
Giving her a curious look, he tentatively offered, "I'm sure you would have appreciated Odin. He shared your beliefs."
She smiled. *Father,* she silently sent the message, *Only you could give me such a chance as this. I will help him, mark my words. Thank you.*
* * *
It was a beautiful summer day; one moth after Heero had found her by her father's grave, and two weeks since the secretive warrior had agreed to join the Preventors. All the former Gundam pilots had concurred; a simple glance in Heero's eyes told them that he had no interest in upholding the Preventors policy for a peaceful life. His gaze always held her in their icy depths.
After taking two weeks to recover from the backlash of near starvation, Relena had returned to her position as Vice Foreign Minister to the relief of everyone.
"That man was awful," Noin had told Relena a day after she had settled back into her office. "He pounced on every beautiful celebrity who happened to bat their eyes his way, and he didn't he know what he was saying during his speeches! His secretary had to write them for him!" the Italian woman ranted while Relena chuckled. "You laugh now, but had you spent five minutes working for him, you would be furious too!"
Relena shook her head. "Noin, some people just aren't cut out to handle such a stressful job. I don't blame him; sometimes the power goes to your head. Why, just the other day my toilet wouldn't flush and do you know what I did? Instead of calling a plumber like any other rational person, I started to scream, 'I was queen of the world, now I order you to flush!' and do you know what it did?" Relena asked the laughing officer. "It overflowed!" Wanting to add more flavor to the humor, she added, "And you should have seen Heero's face when I came out. He was smirking, as a matter of fact, I think inside he was choking!"
Almost instantly a sly look overcame Noin's face. Everybody knew about Heero's current living conditions; because he had nowhere to stay, and not a credit to his name (he was making it a point not to reroute other's money for his own needs), Relena had offered him the extra room in her suite, and after several insistences, he had accepted. The nosy former pilot Duo made a point of bringing this point up every day-poor Heero was suffering.
Not wanting to add fuel to Heero's humbling fire, she changed the subject saying, "Noin, would you do me a special favor?"
Giving an understanding smile Noin said, "Of course, your majesty, Queen Relena of the Toilet Realm."
Rolling her eyes in mock exasperation Relena ignored the remark and went on. "I met a very special person while I was away, and I would like you to deliver this to her home."
Noin took the wrapped package Relena gave her and asked, "May I inquire about its contents?"
"Just a few accessories fit for a princess," was her elusive reply.
Noin looked at the name of the recipient. "Dower? I've never heard of them."
"No, I wouldn't have expected you to."
Relena acted as though she were suddenly very busy, and Noin took the hint to leave. After the older woman had left, she stood from her chair and stretched her cramped muscles. *Perhaps I'll go for another stroll on the beach today,* she thought as she looked down at the glorious site of a luminous bay. *I can visit to the spot where Heero washed ashore again.* The crashing waves and the salty sea air seemed very appealing as she eyed a large stack of papers on her desk.
Knowing that Heero would be both on the other side of her door and keen to the idea of a walk as she was she started for the door. *We'll take things nice and easy, Heero,* she thought. *I'll teach you how to love and you'll teach me to be strong.*
Nothing could be more perfect.
* * *
More than likely there will be a sequel to this following Heero and Relena's advancement with their relationship. It's only an idea though, and if you read my note above you know how I tend to procrastinate, so I can't promise anything soon. Let me know what you think though in the reviews. Thanks!
-Veledore (veledore@hotmail.com)
By: Veledore
Disclaimer: Gundam Wings and its characters are not my own, and unlike many other people I don't wish them to be. Their immense popularity would be too much for me to handle and I think that I would only ruin their characters.
Author's Note: To anyone who cares, I started to work on this story when I was in seventh grade and stopped writing about a quarter of the story's length while I was still at that age. A year and three quarters later I found it in my pile of discarded works and decided to finish it. So, I want to apologize in advance if the transition is bumpy, everyone knows how far almost two years can advance your writing skills, the beginning might not be as good as the end. Please give it a chance though; I enjoyed writing it for you. I can only hope that you like it as well.
-Veledore
* indicates thought
~ indicates flashback
* * *
A girl startlingly looked up. *Where am I?* she wondered looking about the room she was sitting in. She sat on the carpeted floor of an old living room heavily furnished with Victorian-like furniture. The walls were laid with wallpaper, which were imprinted with roses of red shades. In fact, the whole room seemed to hold a tint of red in it. Giant pictures of people at banquets and occasional portraits littered the walls. At the north wall a large brick fireplace stood majestically. All of the room's beauty and splendor was hidden under a heavy coat of dust and cobwebs.
She closed her eyes and mentally went over her reasons for being where she was. She tried pulling the memories from their resting-place in her mind, however she couldn't quite grasp them. They seemed to slip away before she got the chance to see them. She tried recalling the more basic questions like who she was, where she came from, and things of that sort. However, she panicked when she realized that she couldn't remember any of it. It had all erased itself from her mind.
The girl stood up and carefully observed each of the pictures taking in each detail as greedily as a child eating a delicious treat. She walked in the next room still observing the lavish paintings when something caught her eye. Turning she looked around the room she had entered. This room was decorated in the same fashion as the last one with Victorian style furniture and many paintings hanging on walls with the same design as the last room. A large mahogany desk stood in front of the north barrier. She walked over to it and ran her fingers over the top creating lines in the heavily laid dust. She suddenly felt dizzy and grasped the edge of the desk trying to steady her self when an image came to her mind. It was like some type of memory trying to work its way into her conscious self, but all she received was a picture. She saw a large shape slumped over the desk. It was a man, she recalled. He was writing something and had his head propped on his other hand with a tired expression on his face. The face… she thought trying to grasp more of the image He's so familiar… She looked over at what had caught her eye earlier. There, in the corner, an old grand piano stood. The girl walked over to it and placed her fingers on the keys. Once again the dizzy feeling came to her trying to awaken a sleeping memory and she had to sit down on the stool to regain her balance. When her vision stopped spinning she placed her fingers once again on the keys of the piano. She pushed the key on to the far left letting the majestic low sound fill the room. Then, reaching to the other side of the piano, she pressed one of the other keys letting the sweet high sound weave through the atmosphere. The memory came then, as the last of the note penetrated the silence.
~The young girl looked at the man towering above her. Her eyes filled with innocence and a look of wanting to please the man who sat next to her on the stool. She watched as his hands worked their way slowly up the piano demonstrating the scale that he wanted her to mimic. After he was finished, she tried. But, her hands being too small and so uncoordinated, the sound she made merely created a banging noise on the instrument. Taking her hands down and setting them on her lap, she looked down not wanting to meet the eyes she felt would hold disappointment. The man placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to meet eyes of faith. He smiled and banged on the keys mimicking her last attempt to play and motioning for her to join him. The small girl grinned and together she and the man banged at the keys creating their own unique sound.~
The girl looked up not noticing the tears rolling down her cheek. She knew the man in her memory. And she knew her purpose for being where she was. She stood up and began searching for what she knew was there.
She walked through room after room each the same, yet all holding different atmospheres. Some were happy as if they were only used for festive events, and some held a depressing air as if it had witnessed pain and loss of innocence. The girl tried to stay away from the depressing room.
Quietly she crept through the slumbering mansion careful not to make too much of a disturbance. She stopped in front of an ancient looking French mirror and observed her appearance for the first time. What she saw was definitely familiar. She was wearing a white sundress though it was ragged and frayed as though it had been worn for some time now. She had a slim figure and looked as though she hadn't eaten in weeks. Her sandy brown hair was worn down except for two braids that were pulled back and tied together. Ocean blue eyes stared back at her. It was her eyes that scared her. They looked lost and alone. *This can't be me she thought I look so different.* The thought startled her. She didn't know what she looked like before. But, looking back at the reflection she felt a difference in her eyes that she knew wasn't there to start with.
She turned away from the mirror and headed up an illustrious wooded staircase, which led to a musty old room. She felt herself getting excited because she knew what she was looking for was in here. She tiptoed over to the large bed and knelt down. Picking up the covers at the bottom she felt around under the bed coughing when occasional puffs of dust were swept out from under the bed. Her hand knocked into a box and she pulled it out. It was an old shoebox. Sitting on the bed, she carefully took off the top and took out the contents inside. There were piles upon piles of old letters, most torn and frayed. The girl carefully flipped through each one until she found the one that she was looking for. The ink was smudged in many places, but it was still readable.
Dear Mother,
Since the assassination of the former colony leader Heero Yuy, I fear the worse for the Sanc Kingdom and their respectable representatives. Though the terrible tragedy, there is good news. The queen of the Sanc Kingdom delivered the extremely anticipated baby last night. It was a baby girl. A fine addition I must say along with their son. They've named her Relena after the queen. A great banquet was held for the king in honor of his new offspring. I attended the banquet and was pulled aside by the king. He too was disturbed by the news of Heero Yuy's assassination. He requested that should anything happen to his family, that I would take their daughter and guard her with my life. Of course I agreed. But, his words disturbed me greatly. I can only hope that this will not end in war. The king's son Millardo will be sent to an academy soon. Hopefully, he will be out of danger's way.
Love,
Your son
The girl set that letter aside and pulled out another one. She had a feeling that these were important.
Dear Mother,
I'll have to be quick. I'm afraid the worst has happened. The Alliance has raided the Sanc Kingdom. They destroyed everything including the king and his wife. Luckily his son was at the academy and his daughter was away visiting her grandmother. I will keep my promise and am due to go pick up the young princess tomorrow.
Love,
Your son
The girl set this letter down as well with the other and looked in the shoebox again. She pulled out a picture from the bottom and felt victorious as she found what she had been looking for. In her hand was a small picture of the same man and little girl as was in her memory. She turned the photo over and tried reading the horribly smudged ink.
Your new granddaughter, Relena Daralin and your son, she couldn't read the first name because it was too smudged (A.N.: Well, they never said what her father's first name was in the series!) but the last name read Daralin as well. The girl turned the photo and looked at the picture once again. The man was sitting on a park bench with the little girl sitting happily beside him. The girl suddenly realized who she was looking at. "Daddy," she whispered softly into the darkness. And the little girl beside her father was herself: Relena Daralin.
Once again the tears returned, but Relena didn't take any heed to their presence. She stared at the picture longer hoping that it would awaken more memories of her mysterious past. It didn't, and Relena soon stood up wanting to get out of her grandmother's home before darkness settled in. She slipped the two letters and the picture in the pocket of her dress and started for the door. On her way out, she saw her reflection again in one of the mirrors. I guess it wouldn't hurt to put something else on, she thought walking back into her grandmother's room and toward the closet door she had noticed earlier. She quickly change into another white sundress similar to the one she had on before, transferred the picture and letters into the new dress, then walked out of the house.
Relena walked outside and into the oncoming twilight. She had no idea where she was going, she decided to let her feet take her wherever they wanted to go. She walked all night through many towns and cities. She didn't really notice she was passing through any of them until she came to one particular city. While walking along the lit sidewalk she accidentally bumped into someone. "Sorry…" she mumbled and raised her eyes to look at the person who she bumped into. She found herself staring into very familiar and surprised looking Prussian colored eyes. She noticed his dark brown tousle of hair and the aura of danger surrounding him.
"Relena?" He asked questioningly. She looked alarmingly at him again. Though he looked familiar, she couldn't bring herself to remember anything about him. After a moment of silence, the young man bent his head and ran away. Relena gazed wonderingly after him. *Heero?* she thought. The name came from nowhere. She felt disappointed only a name had come and nothing else. She watched the spot where he ran off long after he left, then shrugging and turning, she continued walking to her unknown destination.
The next morning Relena found herself in front of a large mansion similar to the one she had just left. She felt that something or someone was in there, and she needed to see that someone/something. Walking in, she once again let her feet take over and guide her through the building. She halted fleetingly in front of a large office before continuing through the doorway and beginning her search of the room. It was spacey with a high ceiling. A salmon rug covered the floor, and one large mahogany desk stood in front double-spread classic French windows. A man sitting behind the desk looked up as she walked in. "Uhr, excuse me miss, can I help you?" the man asked Relena with confusion. Relena ignored him and kept looking around the room. "Um…miss? Can I help you?" The man pushed a button signaling his secretary. "Security please," he said to the responding secretary.
"Right away," was the secretary's reply. A few minutes later a tall woman with short-cropped black hair and bangs covering half of her face walked in.
"You called?" she asked looking at where the still observing Relena stood looking out the window. The officer however could only see the back of Relena's head. The man behind the desk signaled for the officer the escort the intruder out of the office. The officer walked over and placed a hand on Relena's shoulder. "Excuse me miss…" she began and then gasped as Relena turned to face her. "Relena?!" She asked astonishedly. Relena gave her a puzzled look. She closed her eyes and knitted her brows together in concentration.
"Noin…" Relena responded feeling once again displeased at only being able to draw a name from her memory. Noin looked down on her with a surprised look.
"You don't remember me?" she asked feeling confused.
"I remember your name," Relena said and once again let her eyes wander around the room. "Please tell me, do you know if I am familiar with this place?"
Noin gave her a quizzical look, then responded slowly by saying, "Yes, you worked here in this office as the Vice Foreign Minister. You can't remember that?"
Relena frowned again and shook her head. She heard Noin whisper a soft, "Amnesia?" under her breath as she continued her scrutinous appraisal. "A few weeks ago, you were forced to retire due to a rapidly deteriorating health, I hadn't heard from you since you came to my office to give me a more personal farewell.
An image flashed across Relena's mind, Noin was standing in an office much like this one. Relena saw her self reaching out to the Italian woman and embracing her as a silver stream dribbled down the side of her face. It was over then, and Relena sighed. I never get more than a glimpse. I want to know who I was-who I am, but I just can't grasp anything…
"Relena, did you hear me?" Noin asked startling Relena out of her reverie.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that. Would you care to repeat?" Relena asked with automatic politeness. She was suddenly very astute in noticing small details about her self.
"I asked if you wouldn't mind coming along with me so that we can try and find some answers together," Noin restated extending her hand to Relena.
Relena did not hesitate taking the hand and let herself be led through the corridors into a brilliantly vibrant main hall, then out a set of gold trimmed double doors to a parking lot on the right lined with expensive, sleek cars-all of them drab colors like black, gray, or stone blue. They reached Noin's no-different black model and Relena climbed in with an ease that shocked her. *Maybe I've ridden with this woman often.* She concluded and buckled her seatbelt, leaning back into the soft leather seats.
The open road stretched before them and Relena rapaciously took in the site of rolling green hills to the left littered with mighty trees and sprinkles of red, yellow, and orange wildflowers. To the right, Relena was swept away in a magnificent view of a sparkling bay filled with green-blue waters and reflecting the dazzling brightness of the afternoon sun.
All along the way Noin questioned her, what was the last thing she remembered? Where was she? How did she get here? Relena answered her questions with a practiced patience like that of a mother's. Noin was quite surprised to find that Relena had walked all the way from her grandmother's mansion and asked if she recollected coming all that way. "No," Relena had replied, "I was sort of in a daze. My mind was trying to sort through a flood of feelings-and at the same time trying to break through this block in my mind. Besides, I was also hungry and had to focus on finding something to eat."
Noin looked at her uneasily for a moment before turning her attention back to the road. "Are you hungry now?" she asked.
"No, thank you though. I remember stopping at a quaint little café before I met you. I think I surprised them with my appearance (do I really look so haggard?) but they served me anyway because I had a lot of credits," Relena responded.
Laughing, Noin said, "I see you haven't forgotten that quick sense of humor you always possessed," before they pulled into another parking lot; this one stationed before a building connected to many others. "My quarters," Noin said bowing dramatically before Relena when she got out of the car. Giggling, Relena followed Noin through a tangled mess of stairways and hallways finally ending in front of a peach colored door with the numbers 532 engraved on a small plaque and nailed to the door.
Noin briefly rummaged through a wallet filled with cards before she selected the correct key card and swiped it through the slot to the right. A small beep was heard, and Relena followed Noin through the doorway into a charming living room glowing with the warmth of cleverly placed touch- lights accentuating paintings hung on the wall. An olive green couch was placed before the wall to Relena's right and a matching loveseat against the wall to the right of the couch. An oak entertainment center held her TV, supported the base of a stereo, and maintained the speakers, which were placed on top. A maroon rug gave the room an exotic feel.
"I'll be right back, make yourself at home," Noin told Relena shedding the heavy overcoat layer of her uniform and draping it over the edge of the couch, then walked down a passage to the left leaving Relena to herself.
* * *
"She can't remembering anything," Noin told the doctor on the other line of the vid-phone perched on a dresser ten minutes later. "She can only recall suddenly being in her grandmother's mansion, and has just faded in and out of existence after that."
"Hmn," the doctor murmured before coming to a conclusion. "I think Ms. Daralin's body did the only thing it could when faced with such an overwhelming amount of stress. I have had cases of patients who force a mental block to protect their selves from reality. Considering Ms. Daralin's unconventional lifestyle-a world-renowned peace-speaker (especially at such a young age), just recovering from being at the brunt of a war and feeling guilt for unintentionally almost causing another one, and most importantly trying to recuperate from serious health regressions. The answer is clear, she simply pushed it all away to give her physical body a chance to catch up with lost stamina."
His reasoning satisfied Noin and she thanked him for his time. "Is there anything I can do now?" Noin asked.
"You can make sure she gets a chance to relax and redeem her well being. As for her memories, those she will have to find on her own," was the doctor's reply.
"And she will get better soon?" Noin asked cautiously.
"I couldn't tell you how long it will take-that will be up to Ms. Daralin. But, I would keep my eye on her if I were you, she is very unstable at this stage and is liable to do anything."
Thanking him again (and also taking his hint) she hurriedly closed the circuit and proceeded to the living room were she let out a dismayed groan. The door stood ajar, and on the couch a piece of paper waited ominously.
Noin read the scrawling handwriting of Relena over three times before taking action.
Dear Noin,
Thank you so much for all of your generous hospitality. I was certainly blessed to have found and forged a friendship with such a person as you. Take care, and don't worry about me, I will be fine. I simply have a few loose ends I need to tie up. You will hear from me again.
Until then,
Relena
*She couldn't have gotten very far,* Noin told herself mostly as just a comforting thought, and for the rest of the night she searched. But Relena had disappeared without a trace; a restless apparition searching to fill a missing part of her soul. Noin finally gave up when her clock reached the midnight mark. She silently sent her best to Relena and hoped beyond everything that she would find the peace she sought.
* * *
Relena suddenly found herself in a park, the laughter of children danced in her ears as did the creaks and squeaks of unoiled chains suspending the plastic seats of the swings. A small playground adorned with a tall slide, a row of swings, a half sphere-like jungle gym, and a myriad of benches lay ahead of her and she made her way to it. Children always had a spot in her heart she found as she smiled and watched two little girls-one of four years and the other a bit older-totter around the jungle gym. Beyond the park lay a green field with trees forming a thick border. A few of the older youth had gathered in the field and were tossing a Frisbee about.
She chose an unoccupied bench for she didn't know what to say should someone approach her and watched the children. Minutes went by and she relaxed letting the sun work it's magic into her skin. Before long she had dozed off-her head lolled over to the size. Abruptly, a sudden weight plopped into her lap and she jumped with a start-her aquamarine eyes snapped open. One of the two girls she had seen earlier was sitting in her lap and grinning and showing a pearly row of baby teeth. Her skin was soft and glowing and her blonde curly locks were pulled up at the sides of her head in a pig-tailed fashion. She had beautiful sky blue eyes.
"Abby, get off of her," a high-pitched irritated voice said. The other older girl with similar golden blonde hair and shining blue eyes stomped up and pulled the little girl off Relena's lap. "I'm sorry miss, my little sister is only four; she's practically a baby! She doesn't know any better…" Upon a closer inspection of Relena's profile her eyes lit in first surprise, then delight. "I know you!" she established excitedly. "You're the princess lady everyone talked about! I saw you on TV!" she jumped about Relena now in ecstasy. "I saw that pretty pink dress you wore, I told mommy I wanted one just like it. And your pretty crown, it was so sparkly!" the little girl's eyes implored Relena to tell her that she was correct, that she was, in fact, meeting the lady on the TV with her dream dress.
Relena felt torn, she could be who the little girl thought she was (certainly the splendor of her former office and her grandmother's mansion informed her that money was something which could be used for frivolous things like dresses and such). But how impossible it seemed that every other person on the earth could know who she was; every one except her. Instead of responding with a solid answer Relena put on a radiant smile and asked, "How old are you?"
"Six, but I'll be seven soon. My birthday is next month. Do you want to come to my birthday party?" she innocently asked.
Again Relena smiled, this time with pure warmth at the innocuous question and answered, "But, I don't even know your name!"
Teeming with joy the girl answered, "Emily Dower. Do you want me to spell it for you? I can," she notified Relena.
"Go ahead," Relena encouraged.
Taking a deep, dramatic breath Emily started. "E-M-I-L-Y, D-O-W-E-R."
"Wow, I'm so impressed!" Relena gushed fueling the girl's pride. "You are such a smart girl."
A faint call reached their ears. "That's my mommy, we have to go. Come on Abby!" Emily told Relena. She grasped her sister's hand then turned to leave, but rushed back to Relena squeezing her waist in a hug, then standing tiptoed, placed a kiss on Relena's cheek. Mimicking her sister, the younger girl enfolded Relena in her own small arms and climbed up on the bench to reach Relena's cheek and plant her own kiss. Because she had to pause and climb on the bench taking a lot of time, Emily impatiently tugged on her sister's arm. "Come on Abby, we're gonna get in trouble for not coming and mommy won't give us any ice cream!" Together hand-in-hand, the two little girl's scampered off and Relena's mouth strained at the edges as her smile could not be removed.
~Wind rushed passed her face and her body was thrown back as gravity took its toll. The thrill of being so high released in the form of a squeal. She clutched the ropes on either side of her body tightly as hands at her back pushed forward again and she released yet another giggle as the forward- back motion of the swing went even further up in the air. Craning her tiny head over her shoulder she laughed along with the brown-haired man behind her…~
Relena blinked. The memory had come not forcefully as the others had, but gracefully. The smile playing with her lips suggested that it had been a happy memory as well. *I had such a loving father-even if he wasn't my own,* she thought contently stroking the picture inside her pocket. *I wonder where he is? Perhaps my feet will take me to him next.* The thought made her feel almost as giddy as the young girl had been. *Yes, take me to him. Take me to my daddy…* she thought and the urge to walked seized her yet again.
This time she gladly complied practically skipping in excitement knowing in her heart that this man would be the one to unlock her past. It was a dim promise of truth and being loved, but the distant light was becoming stronger each second. *I'm coming daddy…*
* * *
One week passed, then two. Relena walked farther than she had through the entire ordeal. No more memories would present themselves; not even an image. Her psyche remained stubbornly silent, but it no longer mattered to Relena because she had a purpose and with time she was confident everything would present itself.
The last night of walking it began to rain. It was just a light drizzle at first; Relena had actually enjoyed it. But, the drops became pellets and stung like ice when the temperature dropped. Luckily, she was already in a town, so she slipped into a local hotel and checked in.
Her room was plain-it had stark white walls with virtually no pictures and a teal colored comforter covering the twin bed. A desk and a TV stood against the wall opposite of the bed, but Relena wasn't interested in it. Apprehension clung heavily to the air, so thick she felt she could choke on it. The feeling wasn't unpleasant-she felt just like a child on Christmas Eve waiting in their bed for the first ray of light to shine over the horizon and mark the birth of Christmas Day. Soaked to the bone, Relena decided a shower was in order. She couldn't remember the last time she had one and hoped the tepid water would calm her.
However, while in the shower, the feeling only intensified. Coming out of the shower and stepping back into her clothes and sat nervously on the edge of the bed drumming her fingers along the side of her thighs. Outside the rain beat mercilessly on the pavement creating a continuously thunderous roll. Her heart suddenly sped because she realized that this feeling had happened twice before-the first was when she realized her purpose for being in her grandmother's mansion, and the second when she paused in the doorway of her former office. *He must be here!* she thought excitedly and leapt to the window pacing before it.
Not able to take the suspense any longer, she threw the door open and raced into the torrent of down-pouring precipitation. Not bothering to walk, she ran and skipped up the sidewalks, through the streets, and down the alleys knowing for a fact that she had never before felt either so happy, nor so free. Oh blissful ignorance.
Her path twisted left and turned onto a dirt road muddy from the mixture of rainwater. She was dizzy with the scent of rain as it dripped from the leaves of dark baleful trees. She was so wrapped in her rapture that she didn't notice the sudden dip in ambience nor did she regard the shadows closely woven together reaching for her ankles. She walked past rusted wrought iron bars and didn't notice their contorted shape, bent with the heavy air of mourning. Stone after stone passed her and suddenly she became mindful. *I should be quieter, he might be here paying his respects to someone who was dear to him,* she thought and silenced her steps. *But I am sure that he will be happy to see me,* she told herself and quickened her pace.
She turned once more and continued down a row of tombstones. The rain had soaked her clear to the bone, and beat down her already limp hair. Well, so much for washing it, she humorously considered. Gooseflesh covered every inch of her skin, but an inner warmth burned so divinely that she didn't even notice. She unexpectedly stopped and the feeling of expectancy ceased. Crossing her arms she put on a smile and looked around. *Silly feet,* she thought. *He isn't here, he must be somewhere close by though.* Gingerly she took a few steps forward to check the row in front glancing back often just in case he walked up behind her. Not finding any signs of life, she turned around and checked the row behind.
*He's probably coming, I should wait for him,* she thought and stood a few more minutes. Becoming uncomfortable with the relentless rain (a faint rumble of thunder and a small flash of lightning had started to occur) she decided she would sit and wait. *It's not as though I need to worry about ruining this dress,* she thought fingering the tattered splotched material. Hitching the dress so she could bend easily, she swerved and lowered herself. The tombstone to her left caught and held her attention.
*Oh no,* she thought with dread stuck in her half-crouch. Her eyes could not focus, her vision fuzzed at the edges. She broke into violent and unrelenting shivers. Her breath didn't come out in regular rhythmic draws, but in quick sharp puffs. A knot lodged in her throat. Her heart wrenched.
1 Here Lies the Late Vice Foreign Minster Daralin
May God Rest His Soul
"No," she cried pitifully the sorrow erupting from the very essence of her soul. Her body buckled from the staggering pain and bitter tears flowed in rivers down the contours of her face. *Why did he have to go? What did he do? He wasn't a bad man, he was good. He was a good father!* "Daddy!" she wailed leaning against the ice-cold surface of the hard headstone. The sobs jerked themselves loose from her esophagus, which became raw.
The world closed itself in on her and Relena suddenly felt very much alone. Shadows danced around her agonizing body laughing at her pain. One shadow in particular, which had earlier dropped from a nearby tree, sauntered toward her, but Relena couldn't focus enough to move out of its way. Blackness overtook her mind detaching her subconscious from the ache of fatigue and she gladly relented letting it pull her away from her nightmare.
Without warning something heavy and warm was placed about her shoulders and she felt herself being drawn towards another warmth. Gathering the remaining supply of strength left in her body she clutched the figure and braced herself when memories flooded into her mind.
~A small object hurtled through the air. Relena was still ignorant to its true potential, but she knew that it was far too dangerous to simply be ignored. Dread and shock filled her body even before the first of the flames licked the air. "Father!!" she had cried and ran to the blazing building adrenaline mixed with fear and regret pushing her along…~
~"I'm not your real father," his breath was labored and the words gave him trouble.
"You're delirious father, you need to rest. We're taking you to a hospital, you're going to be alright. Do you hear me? Father!" she cried shaking his shoulders trying to get him to wake…~
~A skillfully crafted mahogany casket covered under a mountain of bouquets was lowered into the dirt hole. Relena squeezed her handful of dirt letting pent up feelings of anguish release themselves in the action and threw the dirt into the hole. A trail of silver tears ran down her cheeks…~
~"Did your father…tell you anything before he left?" the blonde woman standing before her asked fearfully.
"No," Relena replied absently fiddling with the flower arrangement in the vase. Inside denial flowed through her veins and her cheeks burned with her lie.
"Relena I have something that I need to tell you," the woman began in a chocked voice.
"No!" Relena cried passionately and embraced the woman clinging to her and to all that was familiar. "You are my real mother! There was never been any other, you always will be!"…~
Coughing and shaking, Relena pulled away. Many more memories filled that empty void, and her past unraveled itself. So many emotions coursed through her body that she couldn't discern them, they meshed together in one great mass leaving her a shivering bundle of confusion.
Her vision cleared, though a few tears still clung to her eyes. She wiped them away and sat in contemplative silence. It had been five years since her father's death and she thought her peace had been made. But this trial had torn open the still healing wound and the pain tore at her heart.
The body next to her didn't move, didn't even twitch. Its presence was so familiar, she didn't even have to strain to pull the memory from her newly collected horde. "Heero," she murmured looking up to meet his Prussian gaze.
His face showed concern mingled with anticipation. He obviously was alarmed by her behavior, but Relena could tell that he didn't know how to help. Trained all his life to be a killing machine he couldn't have had a clue what to do. A long time ago, when she had frantically searched for him, the quiet gentle soldier, Trowa, had given her Heero's words when Trowa felt like giving up. They were words which she could never imagine coming from Heero's lips. "You should live your life by your emotions and act accordingly." Surprised, Relena had asked Trowa if that was Heero's actual account, but the silent man had already wandered away.
Here was the proof before her though; he didn't know what to do; yet he still had come. "Have you been following me Heero?" she asked teasingly trying to lighten the intense mood.
Still holding her gaze, he replied, "Yeah."
"Why?" she asked not breaking eye contact.
"You didn't look well the last time you bumped into me," was his monotonous answer.
Willing to take the risk she inquired, "Why does it matter if I look well or not? As I (very happily) recall, I am not the Vice Foreign Minister any longer."
"Because," was the only answer he provided and Relena knew she would just have to be satisfied with it.
Standing she beckoned for him to join her by her side and he rose readily. Threading her arm through his she pulled him closer so that they were side by side in front of her father's grave. Once again the tears came and Relena let them flow freely. Beside her Heero was tense from her previous tender action, and her now sudden mood-swing. "Did you ever have a father?" she asked him in a steady voice.
"No," he replied.
"No father-figure of any type?" she asked.
"There was Odin," he suggested hesitantly.
Relieved with her new chance she asked, "Where is Odin now?"
She saw a nerve jump in Heero's jaw. His head bent a slight bit lower and Relena knew she had struck a nerve. "The same place as your father I suppose," he replied.
Tightening her embrace on him she let a few moments of reflective silence pass, she then said, "My father was a good man, Heero. You would have liked him I think."
Giving her a curious look, he tentatively offered, "I'm sure you would have appreciated Odin. He shared your beliefs."
She smiled. *Father,* she silently sent the message, *Only you could give me such a chance as this. I will help him, mark my words. Thank you.*
* * *
It was a beautiful summer day; one moth after Heero had found her by her father's grave, and two weeks since the secretive warrior had agreed to join the Preventors. All the former Gundam pilots had concurred; a simple glance in Heero's eyes told them that he had no interest in upholding the Preventors policy for a peaceful life. His gaze always held her in their icy depths.
After taking two weeks to recover from the backlash of near starvation, Relena had returned to her position as Vice Foreign Minister to the relief of everyone.
"That man was awful," Noin had told Relena a day after she had settled back into her office. "He pounced on every beautiful celebrity who happened to bat their eyes his way, and he didn't he know what he was saying during his speeches! His secretary had to write them for him!" the Italian woman ranted while Relena chuckled. "You laugh now, but had you spent five minutes working for him, you would be furious too!"
Relena shook her head. "Noin, some people just aren't cut out to handle such a stressful job. I don't blame him; sometimes the power goes to your head. Why, just the other day my toilet wouldn't flush and do you know what I did? Instead of calling a plumber like any other rational person, I started to scream, 'I was queen of the world, now I order you to flush!' and do you know what it did?" Relena asked the laughing officer. "It overflowed!" Wanting to add more flavor to the humor, she added, "And you should have seen Heero's face when I came out. He was smirking, as a matter of fact, I think inside he was choking!"
Almost instantly a sly look overcame Noin's face. Everybody knew about Heero's current living conditions; because he had nowhere to stay, and not a credit to his name (he was making it a point not to reroute other's money for his own needs), Relena had offered him the extra room in her suite, and after several insistences, he had accepted. The nosy former pilot Duo made a point of bringing this point up every day-poor Heero was suffering.
Not wanting to add fuel to Heero's humbling fire, she changed the subject saying, "Noin, would you do me a special favor?"
Giving an understanding smile Noin said, "Of course, your majesty, Queen Relena of the Toilet Realm."
Rolling her eyes in mock exasperation Relena ignored the remark and went on. "I met a very special person while I was away, and I would like you to deliver this to her home."
Noin took the wrapped package Relena gave her and asked, "May I inquire about its contents?"
"Just a few accessories fit for a princess," was her elusive reply.
Noin looked at the name of the recipient. "Dower? I've never heard of them."
"No, I wouldn't have expected you to."
Relena acted as though she were suddenly very busy, and Noin took the hint to leave. After the older woman had left, she stood from her chair and stretched her cramped muscles. *Perhaps I'll go for another stroll on the beach today,* she thought as she looked down at the glorious site of a luminous bay. *I can visit to the spot where Heero washed ashore again.* The crashing waves and the salty sea air seemed very appealing as she eyed a large stack of papers on her desk.
Knowing that Heero would be both on the other side of her door and keen to the idea of a walk as she was she started for the door. *We'll take things nice and easy, Heero,* she thought. *I'll teach you how to love and you'll teach me to be strong.*
Nothing could be more perfect.
* * *
More than likely there will be a sequel to this following Heero and Relena's advancement with their relationship. It's only an idea though, and if you read my note above you know how I tend to procrastinate, so I can't promise anything soon. Let me know what you think though in the reviews. Thanks!
-Veledore (veledore@hotmail.com)
