MY END
"One lives in the hope of becoming a memory" - Antonio Porchia
Songs: The Rasmus - In The Shadows
Coldplay - Clocks
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of Stephenie Meyers characters, I just make them DANCE
A/N: Had this saved for a while…Always loved reading the fanfictions where Edward leaves and I was inspired...
After multitudes of goodbyes from Jacob, the rest of the pack and Emily, I had finally escaped and found myself back into the sanctuary of my beloved truck. Although, Jake was the only one still standing on the porch, as he eagerly waved to me. I laughed at the absurdity of him still sticking around in the rain but I still returned the goodbye with an awkward wave while using the other hand to strap myself in.
As I backed away from his gravel driveway and headed onwards the road, I could still see him watching me with his arms crossed over his chest through the rear mirror. I don't know why he was so worried; we both knew that Sam and Paul would already be waiting in the forests, outside my house as it was their turn to patrol. Good thing too, because I was starting to worry about Jake's health. He insisted on patrolling almost every night but I fought against him today. The purple circles had become more evident and when I went to see him and he'd practically slurred all his words which caused a round of chuckles and mockery on his part.
Overall it had been a great night, me and Emily had made snacks including nachos and homemade salsa, guacamole, baked some muffins and an apple pie to which we ate whilst playing different board games. Me winning in Scrabble which had them all grumpy as I was way ahead but before finishing the game, they all threw their letters at me causing erupts of laughter. Next game Jacob had decided to choose something that wasn't based on intellect on my part – his words not mind, we'd played monopoly and Seth ended up winning as he bought the best places causing us to all go bankrupt. We ended the game with the pack trying to teach me how to play poker, to my surprise I'd caught on quickly and before we could try out a proper game without Emily guiding me, I knew I had to get home to Charlie and cook for him so I promised we'd play tomorrow.
Jake had guided me outside and I didn't miss his fingertips placed lightly around my back as he directed me outside. As always, he'd placed a kiss to my cheek but this time, I'd unconsciously found myself inclining my head so that my lips would touch his but I restrained myself knowing my reasons behind the kiss would not be right.
He deserved better, he deserved a girl who wouldn't use him to feel alike she was moving on. A girl that would say she only loves him and would mean it. A girl that was sure of her love for him, and would never give it up for anything ... or anyone. A girl... That wasn't me.
No matter how much I wished I could be that girl, I knew I never would be. Even if...Edward... (flinch) did not exist in my world anymore. I was surprised with how the pain in my chest wasn't as great anymore when I thought of him but I knew better than to experiment on this while driving. As a distraction, I turned on the radio and no - it wasn't the one from my birthday because I'd ripped that one out and stashed it at the back of my wardrobe but thankfully got Jake to fix in a new one, without questioning my sanity.
Ramones' In the shadows slowly overwhelmed my truck and I increased the volume until it pulsed through my veins and thumped in my head, clouding the once darkening memories that had threatened to fill my mind. It had taken about three months until I began to listen to music again but instead of the classical shit I had liked before; I'd reverted to loud rock and some alternative and indie bands like Coldplay, Florence and the machine, Stars and Muse. Pop still annoyed the fuck out of me and that was NOT changing any time soon.
The changes could be explained with four months ago because when I jumped off that cliff, I knew I had died. I'd killed the old Bella who was all doom and gloom replacing her with fun, confident but 'take no one's shit' me. I'd even gone to the lengths of dyeing my hair a rich burgundy but still kept the make up to a minimum apart from when me, Emily and Leah went out. Occasionally, I would wear a dark red lipstick and minimum grey smoky eye shadow but only special occasions. Another thing that didn't change was me in heels. Last weekend, it was girls night and even though Emily had told me to put on her black strappy heels, I'd kindly declined and worn my black strapless dress that reached mid thigh but with my maroon converses. It was amusing to Leah and the rest of the pack but Emily did not think so. My reply to her was "deal with it".
Everything had changed for me from that moment my body crashed into the icy cold water, including my view of the world. When I'd leapt of the edge, adrenaline had coursed through my veins but when hitting the water, my fear had set in and as I sank to the bottom, I remember the feeling of helplessness and fatigue, not even considering trying to save myself – I didn't seem worth saving at the moment. I mean, what would my death do to the world – just losing me wouldn't change anything. At that moment I'd given up and became content with staying in the water as I saw the hallucination of my lost beloved. In my mind, I had decided that it was my time to go and be at peace..
It had been my end but my whole perspective had changed when I woke up from the catatonic slumber and broke from the darkness when looking up to Jacob's worried face. Being woken up created conflicting emotions. I did not know if I was relieved to be alive or disappointed that I'd continue living with the ache in my chest. It got worst when Jake told me of Harry's heart attack and how he'd died. Thinking about this again, provoked the guilt that consumed me but had blurred with time.
Before I could drive myself to insanity with my whirling thoughts, a clunk sound coming from the back of my truck caused me to gasp and when the truck jumped and then dropped, jolting me in my seat. If I hadn't put on my seatbelt, I would've probably bumped my head onto the glass.
My breathing had accelerated so I placed a hand to my chest from the shock, feeling how my heartbeat was so fast and I could hear the thumping in my ears. Fear began to creep up on me with the eerie silence in the atmosphere. It also didn't help with the fact that I was unaware of the lurking creatures behind the endlessness of the crowded trees.
My mind began to wheel fast, telling me I needed to run, goosebumps formed on my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stand up in attention. My eyes diverted to both sides in search of anything that could clue me in to the source of the sound but all I saw was blank darkness. With a shaky, trembling fingers, I reached for the handle in painfully slow fashion but the whispered creak sounded really loud, torturing my ear drums in the compact space of the truck. Carefully, I slid out of my seat and out of the truck, my eyes still warily searching my surrounding but not capturing anything out of the ordinary.
Come on Bella, dine with wolves and make out with a vampire but this is what scares you?
My conscience mocked me so I jutted out my chin bravely and hopped out of the truck, ignoring the loud voice in my mind that warned me this was a bad idea.
Abort! Abort! Abort! But me being the Sherlock Holmes wannabe continued on to search the origin of the noise. Air deflated my lungs in relief when seeing that it had just been a flat tire – probably I bumped into a jagged rock. Leaning down, I inspected the minor damage but I knew I'd have to change the tire, especially with the chief of Police as my father where safety was the first priority. Placing my hands on my knees, I released a shaky chuckle over my paranoia and stood up to get the spare but froze when I was met with shadowed silhouette, casually perched on the roof of my truck.
Even in the dim light from the moon, I could still make out the unruly bright red waves, untamed with a life of its own, whipping around in the breeze which suddenly ran down my spine and I stood there struck with fear as I stared at my fate before me. Her bright scarlet eyes mocked at me and I knew she was waiting for me to begin to run but it seemed my legs couldn't move so I remained immobilised.
Eerie silence crackled in the air between us and the only sound was my heavy breaths which I knew were numbered now with her presence.
"Hello dear Isabella" she purred her greeting in her childlike voice but the underlying menace could easily be detected. Guess she was tired of waiting for me to make a move and run.
"Victoria" my voice was gruff, scratching at my throat as it escaped my lips in a hoarse whisper in the cold night.
With ease, she hopped off the high surface planting her feet in front of me. Her defined features were now more vivid as she stood closer to me. Her blood-red eyes were more menacing up close as she stared me down with a sadistic smirk. "Glad you remember", it was stranger how light her voice was in contrast of her character. Looking at her, I found she was dressed in low-cut denim jeans, a green short sleeved top and matching black boots. If someone saw her they'd think she's just another person (excluding the eyes of course).
"Where's dear Edward?" she asked innocently and then narrowed her eyes, so I was guessing she caught on to my unintentional wince. Where did he have to affect me in such a way? I'd give anything to simply forget about him and get on with my life but that had proven to be impossible.
Jutting out my jaw, hoping to maintain the calm mask, "I don't know" was my clever answer. Thankfully, the hoarseness of my voice wasn't so transparent as I tried my best to act indifferent by crossing my arms over my chest. She giggled lightly then began to circle me as if stalking her prey which was exactly the truth.
Suddenly, she chuckled in glee, clearly enjoying this too much, "You don't know?" she questioned from behind me but I didn't dare to move even when her hot breath moved in closer to my neck. It's not the best feeling having a vampire so close to my neck but I still didn't move. Her cold fingers grabbed the locks of my hair and pulled them back to expose my neck more but still... I didn't move…although my breathing did accelerate as did my heartbeat.
"H-he le-left" Clenching my fists by my side, and squeezing my eyes shut, I mentally berated myself for the involuntary stuttering.
Thankfully she didn't comment on it as she continued to circle me before stopping in front of me. "Aw...my heart bleeds for you" her heavy sarcasm flared my anger which mingled with the fear that crept up knowing my life was in her very capable hands. "Well...what to do now?"
'You could let me go' I wanted to say but I knew that would be useless so I gulped and forced the sternness into my words, "What do you mean?"
She crossed her arms, a small crease between her brows as she calculated something, "Well I was hoping that he'd be here to watch his mate die" she admitted.
Instead of fear taking over me, I felt the anger swoop in making me clench my jaw, "He wasn't my mate" I spat out with fierce anger although I knew it was a defence mechanism, "He never loved me" the words brought tears to my eyes that now broke the tough exterior I'd worked so hard on putting on.
Reason I kept turning to anger was because it was easier that dealing with the bullshit heartache and I-I j – I just couldn't do that.
Victoria, oblivious to my inner turmoil, stared off into the distance in her own thoughts, "That does change things..." she muttered, the crease now more profound on her forehead and for a second I prayed that she would let me go.
Without another word, she simply turned around and began to walk away from me and I stared in disbelief after her. Blinking to clear my sight, it didn't change the scene as she continued down the deserted road, the clacking of her heels fading...
The weight of the situation hit me so I ran to my truck before she changed her mind. However, before I could enter the truck, I heard her voice clear as day as she snarled. "Although I am starving" which was then accompanied, the feel of her sharp teeth digging into my neck, halting the readied scream that now gurgled in my throat. Blood was being drained from my system and I felt as the muscles constrict as my body weakened under her vice grip.
Memories flashed in my mind as she continued to drink. Charlie, Renee, Jacob, the pack, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Edward….
When he saved me…In our meadow…In the ballet studio…In hospital…As he held me to sleep…Playing the piano...Dancing with him...Whispering sweet nothings in my ear...Kissing me...Holding me...Edward. I had loved him with ever fibre of my being and I'd been willing to give up my human life just to be with his family.
Now that I was on the brink of death – I could only feel anger, that I had wasted half my life pining for someone that disappointed me with promises of forever. Anger for someone that made me believe in something as ridiculous as love.
The burning hate was the last thing I remembered before succumbing to the awaiting darkness that held my death...
A/N: What do you think? Please review for more...
