This author does not own "The Big Guy and Rusty", and this vignette was written for this author's own personal amusement.
Budget Hearing
Senate Subcommittee on Defense
"So… line item number 176: The BGY-11 Service Life Extension Program, Year 2. Budget request: 20 million dollars for "operations and maintenance and Block VII avionics and sensor upgrades.""
"Twenty million dollars? You could maintain a destroyer for that kind of money!"
"Well, we can hardly deny this line item funding. The Big Guy is a pretty popular program – a national icon, even – and, considering the frequency of its operational deployments, it seems like a pretty cost-effective one."
"National icon or no, I will not stand by and allow this ridiculous waste to go unquestioned. I propose an inquiry into the program, to be held at a later date. Who's in charge of the program?"
"Uhhh… Lieutenant General Thornton, US Army. He heads the BGY Commission."
"I thought the Big Guy was an Air Force program! Says here the Big Guy's chief mechanic and mission operations director is an Air Force Lieutenant, Dwayne Hunter. Look! Here's a picture of him next to one of the Air Force's big bombers."
"No, no… the Big Guy is a Navy Program. The robot operates off the USS Independence, an aircraft carrier, and the maintenance team is typical Navy. Or are those Marine Corps uniforms?"
"For an inter-service compromise this convoluted, there must have been quite a turf war over who would get the big shiny robot back when the program got started…"
"This is ludicrous! An Army General in charge of an Air Force Lieutenant operating a fancy drone off a Navy ship? No wonder taxpayer dollars are going down the drain!"
"Uhhh… not quite. The biggest budget item appears to be reactor maintenance. The BGY-11, apparently, uses a compact Thorium breeder reactor core, which cannot be refueled and needs to be completely replaced every half-year or so."
"You're kidding me. Even those SNAP space reactors we use can run for a decade! And commercial jets flying nuclear turbofans don't cost ten million dollars a year to run!"
"Well, the compact Thorium breeder has a much higher power density than even your average commercial nuclear turbofan, and 'burns' through its supply of fuel – and more importantly, accumulates neutron poisons – much faster. In fact, its design is very similar to the nuclear thermal rockets the Space Administration uses to shuttle people to the moon. Those units burn out after 10-12 flights."
"Why on Earth would the Big Guy need as much power as a nuclear shuttle?"
"To power its nuclear turbofans, of course. It's a nuclear-gas-guzzler in flight mode, since it needs the turbofans for lift as well as forward thrust."
"You mean the Big Guy doesn't fly as much as hover on a plume of reactor-heated jet exhaust?"
"Pretty much. The designers tried to make it a lifting body, but according to this, the Big Guy's the aerodynamic equivalent of a brick."
"How's reactor containment?"
"Industry standard for space nuclear thermal rockets. Individually secured thorium fuel pellets, each capable of surviving reentry or a pad explosion."
"Can we please get back to the budget, gentlemen?"
"Of course. All in favor of a hearing?"
"…"
END
