Note:
This is just meant to be humor and not to upset the "Potter-Natics" or the author herself.
Have Fun reading!
Defense of the Dark Arts 1001
How your wand selects the owner.
The screeching of the chalk continued to make the students cringe as Prof Moody wrote their first lesson on the black board. It Read The three forbidden curses.
"Now then the 3 forbidden curses", he emphasized.
Pick up your wands all of you. You three come here, you will demonstrate these curses on this leech just so you know why you are never and I repeat NEVER use them.
You! You and You! his fake eye twitched as he gestured for them to come over.
Pick up your wands and begin.
Imperio:
First up, what is your name young man?
Uhhh...Myself Harmesh Kumar..sir coming from Karnataka, India.
Ok Armesh what curse will you demonstrate?
I will demonstrate the imberio curse zir.
With a wave of his wand and what seemed to be a never ending duration of 5 minutes of warm up excercises Harmesh swished his wand and uttered the first curse.
Imberio...
Nothing happened.. He uttered again Imberio..
Still nothing.
Prof Moody smacked his palm on his face...Lose the accent he said.
Its Imperio..not imberio..
A shaky Harmesh nodded and tried again Eemberrio he wailed scared and the wand rebounded.
Give me that..prof Moody snatched it away from Harmesh.
Observe.
Imperio Moody screamed pointing the wand at the leech.
Still nothing
Imperio Moody tried again with the same results.
His face went red with rage.
A hand from the audience shot up.
Yes he glared at the hand with his fake eye.
Might I give it a try mate...err professor.
With bewilderment and renewed exhaustion, Moody said go ahead.
The red haired kid with the australian accent said calmly Imeprio Mate
The leech grew in size.
Moody snatched the wand away and tried again..it didnt work.
Why is it working for you alone?
You see mate the wands made outta australyan coral, you can smell it see.
Moody scowled and told Harmesh Kumar to go sit in his place.
Crucio:
All right wise guy whats ur name?
Dewy Stevens fromm Queensland Australia mate nice to meetchya.
Yeah yeah You're up..Which curse..
Well mate im gonna try the crucio curse.
Moody too exasperated just handed him the wand.
With a twist of his neck Dewy Stevens raised his wand and uttered the second curse.
"Cruscio Mate"
Nothing
"Come on mate, cruscio!"
Again, nothing.
Moody took the wand and said dont add mate just say ""Cruscio" and he waved the wand at the leech.
Nothing happened.
The timid shaky hand of Harmesh Kumar shot up. Moody gawked at him and with an exhausted yawn waved him over.
Harmesh Kumar waved the wand with confidence and yelled "Cruzio"
Almost immediately the leech started to twitch and turn as if it were being tortured.
Moody smacked his forehead again.
Let me guess, the wand's made in India.
Not only Yindia zir, Its myade with the cheapest sandalwood from the trees of myzore.
See you can smell itt from ere.
Moody mumbled something like
Avada Kadavra:
A healthy hunk walked upto the table and took the only wand left
Wait let me try this wand out first...
Moody yelled out "Avada Kadavra"
It didnt work
Letzme try.
I am Vladimir Potlivski and I shall demonztrate zis curze for zyu.
Vladimir raised his wand an wailed out
Avaza Kazavra!
The Leech died in front of everyone's eyes.
Moody smacked his head and put his face in his palms and mumbled, ofcourse the wand was russian.
Made zfrom zhe finest russian muskrat hair.
Ok so this ends our first lesson. We all have time to take in the lessons we learnt today.
The next day...
But Prof Moody I am very alarmed when you ask us not to take in foreign exchange students in Hogwarts.
What I am asking you is to continue buying wands from where the students used to buy them and get damn accent translators.!
I will see what I can do Prof Moody.
Thank you
ZEE ENDD Myate!
