PROLOGUE

My girlfriend Samantha Uley breaks up with me, and starts fucking my cousin Emil Young. How fucked up is that? Pretty majorly fucked up if you ask me! Emil had evidently forgotten every man's honor codex: Bros before hoes.

How could he do this to me? How could she?

What sucked even more was that Samantha wasn't just any girl, I was in love. L-O-V-E. And now being in love, that's a big thing to admit for a guy like me.

I'm Lee Clearwater, captain of the football team, a pretty popular guy at school (I'm not saying this to show off, this is just how it is, you know I have a lot of friends, people like my company, girls seem to think I'm something, I get good grades without having to study much, yeah, my life's pretty good if you asked me), and I'm not one to fall in love easily.

Samantha was and is every boys dream. She's the rose of La Push. Her looks?, you might ask. Let's just say she is hot, but not in the slutty kind of way, no she looks very natural, you know the girl next door kind of type. To top it off, she was a year older than me too, and she was cheer captain. Sure, it might sound like cliché, but I don't care. I loved watching her cheering me at the games and afterwards see her wrapped up in my jacket. She was mine and I loved to show it (some might claim that it was more like I was hers, like for instance my father, who thought I let Samantha rule our relationship).

We had been dating for three years, and that's a long time. I had kissed a couple of girls before her, but I never had a serious relationship prior to Samantha. Of course not, I was a freshman when we got together. She was my first real girlfriend. She was my first in a lot of senses. Like most importantly the first girl I had sex with, and it was great! I wasn't her first though, but I didn't care. She was perfect for me, I was perfect for her, we were perfect together. At least that's what I thought.

I watched all those lame TV-shows with her she liked without complaining (I've seen every episode of Sex and the city), took her shopping, took her out on well planned dates, you know a nice restaurant, a movie (and I chose films she liked, instead of going to the once that appealed me), a picnic on the beach, and so on. To be honest, Samantha was a bit high maintenance but she was so worth it, or at least that's what I thought. I talked a lot with my mom Harriette and asked her for advice, and her advice worked very well on Samantha. I didn't ask my dad, Sully, since his idea for the perfect date is probably sitting hidden in a bush with a rifle in your hand waiting for a moose to appear. He's your typical macho man, so talking about emotions isn't something he does. When he heard I was dating Samantha Uley he took my out hunting and then told me not to spend all my money on her, not to knock her up and then gave me like ten boxes of condoms and told me to buy new ones when I run out.

I asked her to marry me, because that's what she wanted to, she told me she wanted a nice engagement ring on her finger when she went to college. It suited me fine, because, let's be honest, I was a little worried what might happen when she went to U-dub and I still had a year left at the tribal high school. I had heard a lot of stories of college girls from one of my best friends Romulus Black (yes, that's his real name, apparently his mother Wilhelmina Back, or Billie as she likes to be called, had this thing for wolves and myths of wolves, thus naming his sons after the creators of Rome. She probably thought of herself as the wolf mother that fed two mythological boys here on our rez) had told me everything about his first year at college and of all the wild frat parties he went to and about the girls on these parties. His brother Remus had moved to Hawaii with some surfer chick, to Billies great dismay, but he could confirm all these stories of good girls going bad at college since he took some classes at a community college in Hawaii. I didn't want my Samantha to go crazy like that. I didn't mind if she wanted to go out with her girlfriends and party and whatever, I did trust her, just as long as she remembered that she had me back home and that ring would be a nice reminder, also telling other boys to back off.

Samantha got me to buy her not only a ring with a real diamond, but earrings and a matching bracelet to go with it as well. I swear that girl just ate money. Tthe things you do when your in love. All my savings and all the hours I worked at the gas station was spent on Samantha.

I made Samantha a traditional bracelet at first, carved a wolf and all, but she just laughed at it and told me it's a kid's bracelet and suggested that I would give it to my friends Romulus and Remus Black's little sister Jackie instead, which I did. That kind of hurt my feelings, her laughing at it like that, because I really put a lot of work into it, not to mention emotions. Of course I knew better than to show how it hurt.

Then this strange thing happened. First she disappeared for weeks without an explanation, then coming back hotter than ever, and I mean literally hotter in every sense of the word. Not only did her breast fill out and her ass get rounder and thighs get thicker (which seriously made me drool all over her, she didn't seem to mind though, actually she became pretty wild in bed after that), it felt like she was constantly running a fever too. She refused to go see a doctor. I said the name Dr Cullen and she got all insane, started shaking and shit. Her eyes went completely black, she seriously looked like she was possessed. Honestly it kind a scared me seeing her like that.

I had been worried sick when she was gone. I had looked everywhere, the entire rez was looking for her, and her father was crazy with worry. I'm a pretty good tracker, but there was no trace of her. I did find some of her clothes torn in the woods and that just nearly killed me. I thought the worst, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I searched day and night, I prayed, I even cried – hate to admit it – but what would you do if the love of your life disappeared and most likely was a victim of some heinous crime?! That's right you would go out of your mind too. I called police chief Charlene Swan so often that she was becoming my new best friend. Then Samantha just reappeared under my window one night – naked (under normal circumstances this would be such a turn on, but not when you think your girl has been through a nightmare it's not) - looking terrified. For me this of course confirmed that something terrible had happened to her, like she had been raped, but she wouldn't let me call Charlene Swan and laughed my concerns off saying it was not what I thought. I didn't know what to think since she wouldn't give any explanation either. These odd disappearings just kept happening. Suddenly she also became an honored member of the council, just like that, and started calling herself a protector. She decided not to go to college after all, not that I minded, since that would mean that I wouldn't have to worry about her finding someone else, but it was all very odd.

I thought we were getting back to normal, even though she kept secrets and kept disappearing at night, but I was happy to have her in my arms and in my bed every now and then, when she all of a sudden tells me that we are over. She gave me the classic "It's not you, it's me"- speech. Hate to admit it, but I begged, I plead. What had I done wrong? What did she want me to do to fix it, I'll do anything. She said there was nothing I could do and gave me no reasons, just acted really cold. I had to fight not to be weak and cry in front of her.

My dad Sully has always thought me that a real man is a fighter, so the next day I decided I wouldn't give up that easily. I forced my little sister Sandy to bake chocolate muffins since Samantha has a thing for them and then picked (yes I fucking picked) flowers for her before I walked over to her little house, the one that I saw myself living in together with her in a couple of years. I was going to talk with her, and show her that I, Lee Clearwater, was the guy for her. Let me just say, those muffins never made it inside, and those flowers were left to wither and die on her drive way, because who do you think I spy fucking her against the kitchen counter, if not my cousin, closer to me than any brother could be, Emil.

I went crazy! I was going to kill him, he was fucking MY girl!

I'm 6'5 and all muscle. Emil, he is just a little short of 6 feet and never done much sports (and I don't think captain of the chess club counts) so it was obvious he would get his ass kicked, if not Samantha had thrown herself in the middle. I could never hurt a woman, so I didn't get the chance to beat my dear cousin, that traitor, to pulp like he deserved.

After that I refused to speak with either of them, or listen to Emil's pathetic whiny apologies. He kept calling and sending me texts and trying to come up to me and explain. My mom Harriette she is such a softie so she thought I should try to forgive him. My mom siding with the traitor, that made me furious! At least my dad Sully understood, he told me no woman was worth loosing your self respect and pride over.

I did go an visit Emil when he got mauled by a bear a couple of weeks later. Half of his face was ripped off. I felt bad for him, but that's what happens when you go wandering around in the woods not being careful. I never would've been mauled, because ever since I've been little my father Sully has trained me to hunt, track and basic survival skills needed in the forest. Everyone knows that a bear only attacks to protect it's cubs. If you are stupid enough to get between a mother bear and it's cubs you can't run, but you have to lay still and play dead. Knowing Emil I guess he didn't have the balls to lay still as the bear mother got close, thus ending up with half his face scarred. Luckily Samantha was there to save him. She knows a thing or two about the woods and wildlife, since I've made my dad to take her along with us and teach her as well. Dad never liked Samantha much, but he let me take her along just as long as she didn't bother him.

After all of this drama I of course needed comfort. Finding a new girlfriend wasn't hard. Geraldine's a very quiet girl, but I chose her because she is Samantha's cousin. An eye for an eye, cousin for a cousin. You know what I mean. I hoped Samantha would be jealous and come begging me to take her back when she heard Geraldine talk about how amazing I was as a boyfriend.

I took Geraldine to the things I knew Samantha had loved, and I was very affectionate and everything, you know doing and saying the things girls like you to. That girl though didn't let me go further than to third base, but that's alright, I just wished we would've gone all the way so she could've told Samantha how good I was at pleasing her, you know, bring up good memories for Samantha so she would miss me and regret what she had lost.

Sometimes I wondered if Emil is better in bed than me. He couldn't be, could he? I knew exactly what Samantha liked, and I know for a fact that Emil just comes a lot smaller than me, if you know what I mean. I just didn't understand what Samantha saw in Emil. What did he have that I didn't?

Well, things were going pretty good with Geraldine, it wasn't love or anything like that, but she was a great distraction and good company.

Then all of a sudden Geraldine disappears too. She doesn't come to school for two weeks and her parents claims she has the flu, so I go over with chicken soup (I didn't cook it myself, but made my little sister Sandy cook it for me, but hey it's the thought that counts, and honestly how often does your boyfriend bring you chicken soup when you have the flu?), and her parents act all odd and refuse to let me in and then I see her walking out the woods in very little clothing together with Samantha. Needless to say, that was the last I saw of her, because she then joined Samantha's little club 'The protectors' and to top it off she got together with this geek Kyle who is in our class, who, I swear, she up until that day did not know the name of. How can she pick Kyle over me – Lee Clearwater? Girls are a mystery, who can understand them...

Pauline was my next diversion. She was a cheerleader too, known for her passionate hate of Samantha, based on years of rivalry. Pauline is a bitch, that's for sure, but she has herself a damn fine body. As so many of us I had wondered of it was all natural, all of her, but let me just say this. Nothing on Paul's body was the result of surgery, no it was all Mother Nature being good on that girl! And she put out, like I didn't even have to take her out on a date or anything. The drive through and then have a quickie in the back seat, that was good enough for her. Not that I'm complaining, but hey, that's not the kind of girl I'm looking to marry any time soon. In fact ever. But she was a looker and she was... well that's pretty much what she was, she never was known for her brain capacity or nice manners or anything else. She got into a lot of fights so it was tiering to always have to listen to her shouting about this or that on me or someone else. Truthfully I was a little relieved when she joined Samantha's club as well (although it came as a complete surprise since they used to hate each other) because this gave me a good reason to break up with her.

But what was it with this Protectors club? It pissed me off. Especially since everyone on the council (and yes my mom Harriette is on the council) were talking of Samantha like she was some kind of goddess. But there were of course those on the rez who thought they were up to no good, walking around half naked in the woods. There were rumors. Were they smuggling drugs? Had they joined an escort service?

Anyways after Pauline I was a little exhausted and took a short break from girls, but hey, I'm a popular guy and I don't do well being alone for a length of time so I started seriously considering another relationship. I was getting really tired of these needy girls and our rez isn't that large, I couldn't think of anyone in my year or even among the juniors to date. There isn't much to choose from in this area. The girls in Forks, like that Michaela Newton are these typical whiny girls that nobody in their right mind would want either.

So I widened my horizon a little. Some of the freshmen and sophomores at my school were pretty hot.

Jacqueline, Jackie Black, that is one gorgeous girl for you, but she is my best friends little sister, and three years my junior. Her being my friends little sister means that I can't look at her like that, but she sure is beautiful. You know, I've always had an eye on her, even before Samantha, but the Black twins are seriously overprotective (and they have practiced martial arts all their lives, and I'm not suicidal) and to top it off, their mom owns a shotgun and I swear to god she would use it too if she knew what I'm thinking of her little girl. So Jackie has always been pretty much of limits, which is a shame, because she is not only good looking, she is a lot of fun and adventurous too. She does sports (and not cheerleading, but real sports like volleyball, basketball and softball) and she likes cars (a hobby she has picked up from her brothers), she's an awesome hunter and fisher (I know, she has tagged along with her brothers and me when we have gone hunting), she is easy to talk to (I used to talk to her all the time when the twins still lived at home), she doesn't care much for shopping or other girlie stuff either. Actually she is pretty much the perfect girl for me, even more so than Samantha ever was. But she is so young, just a little too young still, and as I said my friends little sister. You don't lust after your friends baby sister, that's another rule I'm sure my cousin Emil never heard of, and even if he had, i bet he wouldn't honor it.

Jackie hangs in this girl trio that consists of her fine little self, Quillie (don't ask what kind of name that is, it's a family name) and Embrie (yeah, that's a name straight from some soap). Now Quillie, she's a lot of fun, but not much of a looker and she talks a little too much nothing for my taste. Embrie, is the other way around, she looks cute and has these beautiful eyes and sweet smile. She is really shy and never says more than two words to anyone, but that's a nice change with a girl who doesn't make your ears bleed with all kinds of nonsense and drama, and she is a year older than Jackie too, thus young but not too young. So I asked her out and she of course blushes furiously. It's very sweet, don't you think? Made me want to protect her and shit like that. So we went on this date and she's so fucking adorable that I don't even try anything more than hold her hand and give her a very tender and light good night kiss at the door. She acts like she is amazed that I asked her out, and that kind of makes me start to develop a little crush on her. She is like a little kitten, needing me to look after her. I like that! A lot!

But then the same thing happens as with every other girl I've ever dated. She had told me that she doesn't like Samantha at all, but all of the sudden, she gets the two week flu and afterwards she is running with Samantha's crowd, avoiding me at all costs. It's like I'm cursed or something, and Samantha's the devil trying to fuck up my life. Embrie's mom doesn't like what's happening to her daughter one bit either, because believe me I go and talk to her, trying to find out what happened to this shy little rosebud I took out the other Friday, and her mom is crying about how Embrie now sneaks out at night and probably does drugs or worse, is seeing boys in the woods at night, and I get so mad at Samantha for ruining sweet innocent girls like Embrie and making her mom cry.

Then I hear some even more disturbing news. A) Jackie is having a crush on Charlene's son Brian, who is my age and her mom Billie seems to support it. One look at this Brian character tells me he is so not right for her. The boy is obviously using her as rebound since his girlfriend Edwina Cullen dumped him. Apparently Brian went into some depression after this and now Jackie is trying to help him back on his feet. Everything about the boys appearance and acting screams suicidal emo. He is dressed in all black, is pale as chalk, talks about death all the time and does the most idiotic stunts, getting Jackie to do them too, and he seems completely disregard her feelings just leading her on. He listens to lame music and reads poetry and romance novels. I don't get what Jackie sees in him. B) I talk with Jackie about Embrie and she is worried and scared and hates Samantha for a lot of reasons (reasons she refused to tell me) and then all of a sudden she too joins Samantha's little gang and her mom Billie seems to think it's the best thing ever.

I of course called Remus and Romulus to update them on this Brian situation and her running around with Samantha. It got Romulus worried enough, so he decided that he will come home for the summer instead of going to Hawaii to visit Remus. That's good, he might talk some sense into her! And he certainly can make sure that Brian Swan knows to keep his hands off Jackie.

Quillie of course joined the Samantha club as well, bet he couldn't handle being without her friends even though I tried to tell her that she just had to stay strong and not fall for peer pressure. Little good did that do.

And this leads me to the situation at hand. I'm furious, furious at everything and everyone. I went to confront Samantha, she just brushed me off. Emil, that annoying little fucker (who now spends all his days cooking and cleaning and doing all kinds of handyman shit for Samantha) started to bitch and whine about us becoming friends again (like that would ever happen) and tried to invite me for this poker game night with him and Kyle. Then I go home to blow off some steam and my mom starts defending Samantha, talking about all the wonderful things she is doing for the rez, but is unable to name one good thing she has done, well except getting that drug dealer off the rez. To top it off Sandy is annoying the hell out of me, begging me to take her to the mall and hang out with her since Jackie, Embrie and Quille never want to hang out with her anymore, and next starts complaining that it was my turn to do the dishes and then I just explode. I mean literally explode. I feel the most excruciating pain in my life and all of a sudden I am a gigantic beast and I hear fucking voices in my head and my little sister starts to shake too and soon she is a furry motherfucking wolf too. My mother clutches her chest and collapses and everything is so totally fucked up.

Turns out all the legends of our tribe are true. And turns out I'm not just a freak, I'm the freak among the freaks, since I'm the only male shape shifter known in the history of our tribe. My mother dies of the shock of me turning into a protector when everyone except my wolf genes seem to know that it's the duty of the women of the tribe to be wolf warriors, not the men, making me my mothers murderer. How's that for reasons to become depressed and suicidal? But I don't turn emo like that idiot Brian who it turns out wishes to be turned into a vampire (guess that's no much of a surprise he wants something like that), no I become this raging angry bull – pardon me – wolf. To make matters worse, my ex Samantha Uley is the Alpha of the pack and she can hear all of my thoughts and I have to listen to her thoughts about how awesome her imprint (yes, got to hate that word!) Emil is, how he gives her multiple orgasms and makes her feel a love she never felt with me, although sometimes I catch her thinking of me too, missing my body, my kisses, my way of moving and touching and shit, but not missing me as a person – and let me say that sucks even more.

Since I'm constantly furious I keep exploding out of my clothes pretty much all the time thinking about all the crap in my life. Did you think that teenage boys are the ones with dirty minds? Let me tell you this, the mind of a teenage boy is nothing, nothing compared to the minds of a bunch of hormonal female werewolves.

Seems I'm not much fun to be around according to the girls, but that doesn't stop them from looking at me in a certain way or certain parts of my body when I accidentally phase (which happens all the time). Then they go around and think about this in their wolf forms, not even bothering to hiding their thoughts, just laughing at me when I get upset. Only time when they don't do this is when my sister Sandy is phased too. What does this tell you? That's right, they take her feelings into account, not mine. Why can't they see that I'm a real person with emotions, I'm not just a hot body with an eight pack, no scratch that, a ten-pack. Why can't anyone see that?! I'm not a fucking piece of meat. I have feelings too!

My life seriously sucks!



AN: So I was tired after wading in snow all day (I seriously have to emigrate somewhere without any winter, believe me a white Christmas is SOOOOO overrated) and now I have decided to not leave my house until the weather changes or the sun reappears, which is going to be some time in March probably. So wallowing in my "I hate winter"-depression I got this idea. What do you think? Is it worth continuing?

Disclaimer: don't own any characters.