There's a burning question on Akko's mind.
She stands in the centre of the classroom, her professor (and childhood idol) stood before her with a gentle smile as she congratulates her for her progress in today's session before giving permission for her to leave. Akko frowns, her eyebrows knitting together, her cheeks slightly puffed as she considers intently. She doesn't move, and Professor Ursula's smile fades into an expression of mild concern.
"Akko, is there something wrong?" she asks, her voice soft, lilting, and just slightly confused.
Akko scrunches up her face a bit more before casting her reservations to the metaphorical wind. In true Akko fashion, she speaks before her brain has a chance to reconsider if it should stop her.
"Professor Ursula, how did you become friends with Professor Croix?"
The change in her teacher's face is instantaneous. A cluster of emotions wobble in her bright red eyes, shock being a dominant one, sadness another. Akko fidgets uncomfortably, not having meant to bring up bad memories for her mentor, but the question has been on her mind for quite some time and her resistance had finally crumbled.
"I-I mean, uh," the girl interjects hastily, hoping to spare Ursula further discomfort, "you don't have to say. Or anything. Uh. I was just, curious."
The professor bites her lip and fumbles a bit with the tip of her ponytail, finding it hard to look directly into Akko's eyes for the moment. Just the name, her name, renders her thoughts briefly into a mess. There's a lot of emotions tied to that name. Complicated emotions. Bitter and sweet memories that come with them.
Ursula Callistis, Chariot Du Nord, inhales and thinks she ought to get a hold of herself. Akko is still staring at her blankly, waiting uncertainly for her response.
"Akko," she begins, deciding that her student's name was a safe and simple place to start. "Is there any reason in particular you're asking me this now?"
"Well…"
Akko hums, struggling to put her thoughts to her voice. It takes a few seconds before she slowly starts to speak, her words selected with uncharacteristic care.
"Uh… No particular reason, I guess. Just that, you and Professor Croix seemed to be pretty good friends once, right? I saw that photo you sometimes look at. She looked… a lot different."
She ends her explanation with a nervous grin and a shrug of her shoulders, knowing that it wasn't a very great one. Ursula purses her lips and thinks quietly for a few seconds before she sighs. There's a definite pain floating in her eyes, but also a warmer, subdued sense of nostalgia.
"She was," Chariot murmurs quietly. Her voice is quiet, almost reverent. She glances down at Akko, who now watches her enraptured, clearly expecting further elaboration. Her heart tugs, for this is a familiar sight to her now, albeit before for different reasons. But keeping secrets of her past from the girl hadn't turned out well last time, and, well, she supposes there isn't any harm in this. Save for perhaps, towards her own emotional state.
"Well, hmm, let me see… I guess it would be best to start with…" Chariot frowns, then to Akko's surprise, her teacher's contemplative expression changes into that of a slightly embarrassed smile.
"A-ah, that's right, you probably already know that I did rather poorly in my time at Luna Nova, correct?"
Akko grins and bobs her head down excitedly, tact forgotten, as was typical for her. "Oh! Yeah, the fountain showed me!"
"D-did it now…" Chariot represses a small grimace as she silently curses that particular piece of magical architecture. Of all the things to show to Akko, that was what it decided on? "W-well anyways, since you already know all about that, I won't elaborate on that."
She pretends not to see Akko's mild pout of disappointment.
"But, well… as I think you can imagine, it had all been very disheartening to me. I recall you once asked me, what I had wanted to become when I was a child?"
Akko sits up straighter, her eyes wide and practically glittering at the memory. Her student nods, and Chariot can't help but marvel a bit at how long ago it feels. How different a time it had been, when Akko had still remained in the dark to her secret identity, when every reverent compliment of Shiny Chariot that came out the girl's mouth shaped itself into another stake to be hammered into Ursula's heart.
"My dream…" the teacher pauses, her eyes and voice trembling with a feeling that's both nostalgic and sorrowful, "My dream… for the longest time, it was to become a witch who could bring joy to the world. I wanted to become a performer who could dazzle my audience, inspire them, lift them up. To give them a grand and exciting time, and to show them how wonderful magic could be…"
"And you did!" Akko interjects, practically standing up in her seat as she leans forward in excitement. Stars all but shine in her eyes, the characteristic gleam they gained whenever she was reminded of her childhood idol. "You became Shiny Chariot!"
Ursula smiles, a tinge of sadness to her gaze. Akko's reverence of her past self is no longer a constant dagger to her heart, but her guilt has never completely faded and she doubts it ever will.
"Yes…" she agrees quietly, and takes a deep breath as she prepares for what will come next.
"But, I don't think…"
Her breath catches despite herself, and her voice stops. A familiar pain cradles her heart, one she's grown unpleasantly accustomed to over the past decade. A sweet memory that now sat heavily in the back of her mind, tainted with grief, clung to it a wish for simpler times long ago. She forces herself to continue before Akko notices.
"I don't think… I could have made that dream into a reality if it… if it wasn't for Croix."
Chariot almost flinches when the name leaves the tip of her tongue. It's as though she physically tastes the bitter sweetness. Akko, merely stares, not quite registering, before her eyes widen in visible surprise.
"…Really?" The girl's voice is taut with confusion. Chariot cracks a small smile when she tilts her head, evidently not noticing that she was doing so.
"I… well," the professor takes off her hat and runs her hand through her fiery red hair, "I think you can imagine that the teachers certainly didn't approve of my vision. They still don't, really. My grades certainly didn't help to convince them. And although I had quite a number of friends who were sympathetic to my plight, I don't think any of them really took me seriously in that regard either. It was hard… to have faith in myself, when it seemed no one else did."
Akko visibly slumps, looking very sympathetic.
"Yeah… know how that feels…" she mutters quietly, eyes downcast. Chariot feels an almost maternal urge to comfort her, but decides that continuing with her story would very quickly divert her student's attention anyhow.
"However, not too long after I enrolled into Luna Nova was when I first met Croix." She states, relieved when Akko raises her head again, unhappiness replaced with a flicker of curiosity. Chariot inhales deeply, again. Memories that she'd locked away creep their way back in, and she's almost surprised that she can't stop the affectionate, nostalgic smile that begins to grow on her face.
"She was such a grump back then, most people had a hard time approaching her." The professor recalls, her smile becoming ever fonder. Her eyes all but glow with unlidded emotion. "But, she was actually so very kind. She never looked down on me. And of all people, she was the first to tell me that my dream wasn't worthless. That… I had to believe."
Suddenly it feels as though the world has grown much quieter. Akko's presence fades as she loses herself in the memory of a time long past.
"Could you imagine that?" she asks, more to herself than the girl listening to her in wonder.
"The star student of Luna Nova believed in me when no one else did. Her faith meant everything to me at the time. It felt as though… as long as she believed in me, then it didn't matter if everyone else didn't."
Chariot laughs in spite of herself, even though she can feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. The memory of Croix is sharp in her mind, as if no time has passed since then at all. The thick frames that obscured her lovely emerald eyes, the corners of her mouth turned down into the grouchy frown that was her default expression. The surprise that filled her so long ago when she first saw that stern gaze turn gentle and her expression soften. A flood of memories engulf her, sweet ones that are tender and almost break her heart as ruthlessly as they did ten years ago, but Akko's voice brings her back to the present before she succumbs to the raw emotion of merely remembering kinder times.
"Professor Croix… really? Professor Croix helped you follow your dream?"
At last, Chariot is shaken out of her reverie and recomposes herself, although she takes a brief moment to rub her eyes under her glasses. Her expression grows solemn, wistful.
"I told you, she was… very different once. I know you don't have a great impression of her, and well, that's only reasonable. She hasn't done anything to deserve otherwise. But… it's hard for me to forget. It meant so much to me. I-In a way, it still does. It led to so much more."
The wistfulness doesn't leave her face, but her eyes visibly light up as she recalls a memory very dear to her. A memory that Akko would have particular interest in.
"Did you know?" she shoots a bit of a wry grin in her student's direction. "That catchphrase I always had, 'A Believing Heart is your Magic'? I didn't come up with that. Croix was the one who first said it to me. I was feeling down and she wanted to cheer me up, and, I guess it inspired me so much, I thought it was something that everyone deserved to be told."
Chariot waits for the inevitable explosion with practiced patience. Akko doesn't fail to deliver.
"…Whaaaat!?" the girl all but shrieks, practically shooting out of her chair at the revelation. Strands of brown hair fly about in a chaotic frenzy to match the intensity of her shock. "So, all this time, Shiny Chariot's catchphrase was actually Professor Croix's catchphrase!?"
"I-I wouldn't go so far as to call that her c-catchphrase." Chariot stutters, albeit with some amusement at Akko's volatile reaction. "She only really said it a couple of times to me. But, you could say she was its… originator?"
Her student's disbelief starts to fade just a little as she slides back down into her chair and places both her hands on her head, her eyes boring holes into the wooden table. She still looks as though the world had dropped away beneath her feet.
"W-wow… I can't even imagine her saying something like that… it didn't seem like…" Akko frowns and puffs her cheeks, struggling for the right words to justify her outburst. "It seemed like the opposite of what she believed in."
The professor sighs, and it's a hefty, weighted sound. She removes her glasses, an action uncharacteristic of her despite no longer holding her identity a secret from her young admirer, and stares quietly into the fading sunset.
"No, you're right. The Croix you knew had long forgotten that. Still…"
The sky is a lovely myriad of colours at this hour of the day. The lilac hues make her heart ache for what they remind her of as she continues, slowly and hesitantly.
"When you and Diana released the magic of the Grand Triskellion across the globe, I think maybe she finally remembered. I think… I hope her views have changed… If so, maybe it's possible she can change too…"
The scenic view begins to blur and Chariot has to steel herself. Thinking of the future was frightening, as was hope itself. She doesn't think she could bear the devastation of heartbreak a second time.
"Professor…" Akko mumbles, shifting uncomfortably at the sight of her idol clearly on the verge of tears. Chariot recovers, just barely, and the pressure never leaves her eyes.
"…Croix was the one to have faith in me so long ago. I've always been grateful, but now it's my turn to believe in her. I know she can be a good person. I just… hope that she can see that too."
She tears her gaze away from the sky to smile at an unusually solemn-looking Akko, and despite the wobble in the corners of her mouth, it's a genuine one. The final admission, despite how difficult it was to put to words, makes her feel lighter. It's a little easier to breathe.
A silence settles over them. Chariot feels as though there is nothing left she is comfortable to admit. Akko has too much on her mind and can't decide what she wants to say first.
"…I never knew. After everything it's… it's kind of weird knowing what she used to be like. She was so… nice?"
And Akko really did mean it. She was completely blindsided by the revelations of her former professor's past self.
"Yeah… She really was…" Chariot murmurs, slipping her glasses back on.
"…You and Professor Croix… wow, she was… you used to be really close then, huh?"
It had never quite hit her, up to this point, just the extent of how complicated her professors' pasts could have been. She'd had a vague idea after watching Professor Ursula and Professor Croix's interactions, she wasn't that oblivious, but all this had been… somewhat overwhelming.
Her mentor looks away once more. There's an expression of deep pain on her face.
"She once… meant the whole world to me. I wish that never had to change. If… if only the Claiomh Solais hadn't…"
The voice that had once upon a time in Akko's childhood filled her with wonder and bedazzlement and pure awe now sounded so very… miserable. Chariot wipes her eyes with a sleeve, and it becomes clear even to Akko that if the conversation continued any longer that her mentor would no longer be able to hold back tears.
"I'm sorry Akko, I'm not sure if I can-"
"I-It's okay professor" Akko all but screeches, waving her hands in front of her guiltily. "Please don't apologize! I was the one being nosy! Don't cry!"
Chariot laughs a little at that, feeling somewhat abashed at just who it was that felt the need to comfort her right now.
"It's alright Akko. That would be most unbecoming of me. It's getting late either way, you don't want to be punished for breaking curfew again no?"
"A-Ah! You're right!" At this, Akko practically tumbles out of her seat, nearly tipping over the chair and narrowly avoiding a stumble down the steps. She stands ramrod straight in front of her mentor and swiftly bows.
"Thank you for everything today Professor Ursula! Especially telling me all that stuff when you didn't have to!"
Chariot giggles lightly at Akko's show of formality and gives her a gentle pat on the head.
"Akko, I told you it's alright. I chose to tell you after all. But if that's everything, you really should be on your way."
The girl straightens and nods, a grin on her face, but her eyes are thoughtful. Contemplative. Almost, determined? A mild concern presses at the back of Chariot's mind. That's a sight normally only present when Akko's about to be up to one of her hare-brained schemes, but before she can comment on that, her student all but charges out of the classroom as she hurls a farewell over her shoulder.
"Yes, Professor Ursula! Goodnight!"
Chariot waves cordially, and decides that it probably isn't something she needs to worry about.
She begins to gather her books and papers, but finds her mind wandering back to the topic of their conversation. She tries to pry her focus away. It's something she tends to vehemently prevent herself from thinking about, and with years of practice she's become quite good at it. But now that Akko had unearthed… everything that she had tried to bury deep within herself, she finds herself rather unprepared to cope with the raw emotions that had sprung forth.
A tear falls onto one of her books before she realizes what's going on. She freezes for a few moments before moving away from the desk. Now that Akko has left, there is no one to see, no one to maintain the façade for. And isn't she so very practiced in that regard?
The room feels very large. The sunset has disappeared for the most part, and with it the familiar warm, purple hues.
The room feels very empty.
She thinks of warm emerald eyes gazing into her own, a quiet voice telling her to dry her tears. She all but feels the warm hand gently resting atop her head to ruffle her short, scruffy hair.
A believing heart is magic.
The feelings are as raw and painful as when they'd first cut into her ten years ago.
It's so, very lonely.
Clutching her hands to her chest, as though wrapped around that precious memory, Chariot du Nord cries quietly into the night.
"R-Really? Professor Ursula told you all this? A-All that stuff about Professor Croix?"
Akko nods, somewhat glumly, as she sits on her bed fiddling with her hands. Lotte occupies the nearby chair, still reeling from what she'd just heard from her roommate, a closed copy of Night Fall clasped in between her hands.
"Hmm… wouldn't have figured." A dry voice weaves its way over from where Sucy is sat at her desk, staring at her potions. Her expression is impassive as always, but she's ceased her experiment for the moment to listen to Akko's tale.
"It's so… weird, what could have happened to change her so much?" Akko laments as she throws herself backwards onto her bed, arms crossed behind her head. "How does that even happen?"
"More easily than you might think," Sucy mutters, picking up one of her vials and gazing absently at the bright purple liquid sloshing inside. Despite the customary nonchalance in her raspy voice, she looks at least a little bit thoughtful.
"Did Professor Ursula say?" Lotte asks hesitantly. Akko shakes her head.
"No, not really." A long sigh. "All I know is that it had to do with the Shiny Rod. I don't think she wanted to talk about it."
"It sounds like it would be hard to talk about…" Lotte murmurs, the sadness in her eyes an honest display of her natural empathy.
Half-heartedly nodding her agreement, Akko gazes upwards into the bunk bed above with a frown. She's not quite sure what to make of everything she's learned in the past hour. It certainly hadn't been quite what she was expecting, for after all, the Professor Croix she had known hardly resembled the gentle, thoughtful person her idol spoke about so fondly. It seems impossible to reconcile the two images as the same being.
Her frown deepens further. She doesn't even know what to think of her former teacher anymore. Professor Ursula had sat her down some time after the madness died down to inform her exactly the extent to which Croix had gone to hurt her specifically. It had been very devastating to learn, of course. The woman she trusted, downright admired, had turned out to be manipulating her all along, stringing her like a puppet merely for the sake of getting back at her dear mentor. Her machinations had been just shy of causing an outbreak of war. And, even if unintentionally, her creations had slipped from her control and endangered countless lives, a threat that had only been dispelled in part through Akko's own efforts alongside that of her closest friends.
But then Akko remembers the expression on Ursula's face as she recounted childhood memories, and she thinks that it can't be anything other than love she sees in her mentor's sorrowful eyes.
What kind of person did Professor Croix have to be for Chariot to still care so much, even after everything that she'd done?
It's becoming very confusing for Akko to continue this train of thought and she groans, bringing her hands to her head and digging her fingers into the strands of her long brown hair.
"A-Akko, are you okay?" Lotte, ever concerned, peers over at her nervously. Sucy returns to her experiment, nonplussed.
"Gah… It's so complicated and weird… and I know that I don't know a lot of stuff that must have happened, but, I just can't accept it!"
Akko sits up straight in bed and pouts, eyebrows arching downwards in frustration. "It's so awful that it all would have turned out this way! It's horrible!"
Sucy shrugs over from her desk as she prepares a small pipette.
"It can't be helped. People are complicated."
"But…"
Akko trails off, looking down at her hands. She feels a stab of discomfort as she remembers her mentor's expression near the end of their conversation.
"Professor Ursula… I think she really misses her. Professor Croix, that is." Akko clenches at the bedsheets, feeling very helpless. "She looked like she was going to cry."
Neither Lotte nor Sucy looked as though they had anything to say to that. A solemn silence settles over them, broken only intermittently by the clinking of Sucy's glassware.
In the midst of Akko's troubled thoughts, she wonders if Professor Croix thought of Professor Ursula -well, Chariot- as fondly as her idol did of her. Did Professor Croix regret what became of their relationship too? Did she regret anything about the mess that occurred as a result of it?
She didn't get to talk with Professor Croix really after the revelation of her mentor's true identity, that devastating night on the building rooftops where she'd been forcefully confronted with the possibility that her whole life was spent chasing a nothing that was forever out of reach. And even though she had technically seen and worked together with the former professor in the Arcturus forest to absolve the whole missile threat debacle, there hadn't really been the time to discuss anything other than their plan to stop the pointless slaughter of millions. And after that was over, Croix had been carted off to prison before Akko could have even considered talking to her about all that had happened.
In the middle of that train of thought, Akko furrowed her eyebrows. An idea suddenly took root in her mind, blooming with each passing second as her eyes widened in excitement.
She practically leaps off the bed, adrenaline rushing through her veins and an enormous grin stretches from ear to ear. Lotte comes close to shrieking in surprise, but has grown accustomed enough to her roommate's spontaneous behavior to refrain herself from doing so. Sucy hardly even blinks, but turns away from the tube she's holding to stare blankly at her friend all the same.
"I've got it!" Akko exclaims, her voice just barely short of shouting.
"You've got it?" Lotte repeats, evidently confused, but there's already a wariness beginning to spread across her soft facial features. A similar expression, albeit subtler, grows on the pale witch sitting next to her. They wait, almost nervously, for whatever outrageous, possibly stupid idea that's about to spring forth from the creative whirlwind of Akko's imagination.
They would not be disappointed.
Standing tall, feet planted firmly, and hands placed upon her hips, Akko stares forward intently with determined, fiery eyes as she loudly announces her mind.
"I'm going to visit Professor Croix!"
This is a little idea I've had for a while, and I'm not sure entirely where I'll be going with it, but it's something I'd like to experiment a bit with. Probably won't be very ship heavy, but there's definitely going to be some lingering feelings (old and new) between our favourite gay witch profs.
