An anonymous Slytherin's descent into madness.
There was plenty about him worth knowing. There was little else, in his opinion, because he was undoubtedly a fascinating young man. But occasionally it paid to withhold information.
Most of the time, the secrets he kept simply added to his air of mystery. For example, the presence of a large collection of hidden dark objects in Cellar # 1232 at his mansion. You just weren't Slytherin enough without them. Or the number of girls he had slept with (the very foundation of a man's reputation). It was a question widely discussed and debated, though a true consensus had never been reached.
Then there were the more embarrassing ones. The first was this: his favourite subject was not, as he told the world, Potions - it was History of Magic. He thrived on every ghastly, mundane detail the students were fed in the miserable, (usually stifling) classroom.
The second was that his Patronus was a Puffskein. He didn't like to talk about it.
The third and final one was certainly the worst, and by far. One could just imagine the uproar that would ensue, if this particular fact became public knowledge.
He had what could only be described as an obsessive crush on the quintessential Hufflepuff sweetheart.
It wasn't until sixth year that he noticed her.
Then suddenly, she was everywhere. A single table away during meals, never a tiny enough speck at Quidditch games (the furthest she could go was the opposite end of the stadium, and this was not nearly far enough - curse his perfect vision…and his Omnioculars), in the corridors, sashaying around with her gaggle of girlfriends – it was revolting.
This was, of course, a rather silly complaint; in a school of no more than two hundred and fifty students, there was nothing remarkable about seeing someone multiple times in a day.
But what was remarkable was that he was looking. She had gone from being another nobody (and a Hufflepuff at that) in his peripheral vision, to someone he looked at - someone he couldn't stop looking at, truth be told – nearly every moment of the day.
Like this one, for instance. There he was, an asset to the Pureblood community if there ever was one, innocently perched at his desk, (or rather, ensconced in his usual mysterious manner at his desk), and foolish Pomona Berkins could not be more noticeable. How was he to concentrate on what might well have been Professor Binns's finest lecture to date while she sat diagonally to his left, with her perky brown ponytail and obscenely yellow tie? If only she would stop passing little slips of paper back and forth with such enthusiasm. As if her tiny cerebrum could truly be the birthplace of such vital information that the entire class had to be aware of her need to convey it.
Well, the entire class except him, it seemed. Not that he could be bothered. Why, the very thought was ridiculous. He had his most bone-chilling glare prepared for any fool who tried to pass him notes. His father was in with the Dark Lord, you know.
It was just that…no one did try it. It was a rather good glare too, with his eyebrows involved and everything. It had taken the better part of an hour to come up with, and he hadn't really had an opportunity to use it. Was he such a social outcast that his finest glare wasn't worth a knut? He had hoped it would go down well with Pomona…
The lass in question chose that moment to not-so-stealthily toss a note onto her friend's desk, and her ponytail gave an especially alluring swish. The friend, on reading the note, let out a snort that would have put Gregory Goyle to shame. He casually wondered what the joke was.
Hmm...must've been rather funny. But then, no Hufflepuff could come up with anything too hilarious. He, on the other hand, had quite a few racy limericks worth mentioning. Went down quite well at his mother's garden parties…
Not that he frequented these. His blood was basically orange-tinted firewhiskey, and his bedpost threatened collapse, what with all the notches that had been dug into it.
Well listen to that. Wasn't that a hilarious joke? Surely it was good enough for these morons. Then why wasn't he in on theirs (inferior though it might be)? Why was she still ignoring him? Was he looking average, or – he shuddered at the very idea – ugly? Was his hair unappealingly glued to his forehead? Did he have enormous sweat stains around his armpits?
(Well, that couldn't be it, he thought, as he stole a glance at a love-struck Milicent Bulstrode, sending her into a tizzy. He was having a sexy day, after all.)
He wanted to shout at Pomona, seizing her shoulders and turning her towards him, "Can't you appreciate these fine, aristocratic features? This delightful sense of humour? HUH! It's not like Cedric-Dunderhead-Diggory had any wit to speak of!"
But this would inevitably put him in her bad books, since that fool of a pretty boy was dead and all...really, these Hufflepuffs were just too sensitive.
Actually, the thought of seizing her by the shoulders was getting him rather excited. Perhaps there would be no shouting at all - perhaps she would entwine her fingers in his hair and pull him closer…
Oh God. Oh, good God. This would not do at all.
He silently thanked Madam Malkin for making such loose robes, and followed it up with a gory visual of dead puppies. It did the trick.
Phew. His heartbeat slowly returned to normal.
He casually flicked his dark locks, hoping to appear indifferent to his surroundings. Milicent Bulstrode gave a loud sigh (of surprising femininity, given her otherwise manly appearance), but Pomona Berkins remained disturbingly unaffected.
He was just contemplating asking her for an extra quill when the class ended, snapping him out of his daze. What was he doing, fantasising about her? She was juvenile! She was a Mudblood and a Hufflepuff! She wasn't even that pretty, for God's sake! She was…
…looking right at him.
Huh.
Well she was incredibly attractive, in actuality. Who was he fooling?
He realised he was staring up at her from his seat, frozen in a half-leaning position towards his bag. He combed his considerable mind for something witty to say.
"May I... help you?" Too generic. He liked the pause though. It added certain oomph to an otherwise bland sentence.
"Is there... a problem?" He wanted to impress her, not piss her off!
"Whatchoo... lookin' at?" What was that, his inner Filch?
But before he could come up with something that would suffice, she had opened her perfect, pink little mouth and spoken.
"D'you have an extra A History of Magic? It's just that I seem to have lost my copy, and someone might've picked it up by mistake…"
He called upon the creator of Life, the Universe, and Everything to supply him with words.
The creator responded.
"Uh, yes, sure!" Wait, what? "...I mean, no I don't have it…but maybe you'd like my notes?" He pulled them out of his bag and held them out to her.
She smiled. Ah blessed, blessed, beautiful, holy day! "Oh, thanks! Wow, that's quite a lot, isn't it? You must love the subject." She laughed, and he cocked his head to one side, marvelling at the sight. "I know I couldn't survive without Professor Binns' daily dose of wisdom."
Warmth swept over him. She was perfect.
"Oh, absolutely," he gushed, excited at having found the only other human being in the world to share his opinion, not to mention thrilled at having re-discovered the gift of verbosity, "isn't he brilliant? You know, I checked out this book on Grover the Grumpy the other day, and I really feel…"
He launched into a lengthy explanation of the book's merits, particularly when compared to the autobiography of Meryl the Morose, whose name, he thought, "really lacked the same alliterative effect."
After a while, he paused for breath, hardly noticing the class had emptied around them, and not-at-all noticing that the grin on Pomona's face had become somewhat frozen.
She took the moment to cut in. "Right, well…er, wow! That's really…anyway…I'd best be off then! Or I'll be late for my, um…free period."
She took off at a hurried pace, hair swishing in a manner that set his heart aflutter, and exited the classroom; leaving him sitting alone at his desk, the sound of children's laughter coming in through the windows.
He stared down at the table, his brow slightly furrowed, pondering this embarrassment. So was she being sarcastic about loving the subject, then?
Huh. He supposed she was.
Oh, so she thought him an idiot? Well, wasn't that just dandy?
He'd show her he was worthy…come on, he was incredibly intelligent! He could hex like nobody's business! His nose was perfection itself! He…
He was losing his mind. He looked down at his chest, upon which rested his green tie. He looked at the silver serpent crest on his pocket. His eyes narrowed. He felt the blood that was as old as his family name running through his veins. So the family was a little inbred, and Aunt Helena had been born with the extra elbow or whatever it was, but the blood, the blood was pure! And that moronic little Hufflepuff thought that she could…with her stupid ponytail…
It was disgusting! Everyone knew yellow was a wimpy colour! How ever would they raise the children…the very thought…
He sat there till darkness fell (luckily there were no more History of Magic classes set for the day) (less luckily, he missed every other class, including Transfiguration, and duly suffered the consequences), pondering over his own loss of Slytherin-pride. He thought it might be a good time to say something dramatic, such as "Forgive me Salazar, for I have failed thee!" but then rejected the thought. He didn't want Pomona to walk in and witness it, much too embarrassing. No, no, he'd just sit there thinking about…
Oh, for the love of all things vicious and snakelike. He was at it again! Had he no control over himself?
He scowled into the night.
"Stupid Hufflepuff."
The idea for the title came from a line from the story: "How ever would they raise the children?". Would they be evil masterminds with an infectious giggle? Fond of puppies but with an evil plan to rule the world? Which house would they go to? Confusion follows suit, and a catchy title is born.
Thanks for reading! Please please do review, it's a tiny bit of effort for you and a lot of useful input for me!
