ou took my body
And tore it in half.
Skin slapped skin, screams of pain echoed throughout the room. You entered me forcefully, not stopping no matter how hard I pleaded. You smiled menacingly. I was scared to death, not able to move, no matter how desperately I wanted to. I wished I had the strength to push you off me, maybe slap you before gathering my clothes and running away. But I couldn't even move my hand. A tear ran down my face as you thrust harder, and harder. I cried as you came. Then you got up, dressed and left. You left me lying on that bed, crying, still too scared to move. Finally I gathered myself enough to get dressed and leave.
You took my childhood,
My heart and my laugh.
The next day I lay in my bed and thought about what happened. I thought about how scared I was. I didn't want to go to school the next day. I was scared of seeing you. I know that I was being silly, that you wouldn't be at Degrassi, but I couldn't help but worry. My mom was worried about me. I didn't get out of bed all day. She brought food up for me and tried to talk to me, but I would ignore her. I didn't eat anything. I was sick to my stomach. I wanted to die. I contemplated taking my own life. I felt dirty, disgusting, soiled. I thought it was my fault. I led you on. I dressed like a slut and made you believe that I wanted it.
You took everything,
I kept to myself.
On Monday, I told Hazel what happened. She told me it wasn't my fault, no matter how much I tried to convince her that it was. She said that you had raped me. Rape. I cried at that word. How could you do something as heartless as rape? I was a virgin, and I liked being a virgin. Then you took that away from me. The one thing I was able to give away when I wanted to, was ripped away from me. By you. I thought you liked me, wanted me. But you only wanted my body, which I wasn't willing to give to you.
And now you're gone.
I'm not your poor thing.
I sung at the band competition. You were there. I thought I couldn't do it, but when I did, I felt so good. I felt powerful, triumphant. After that, I talked to Ms. Souve. She helped me press charges against you. When the judge pronounced you innocent, I felt like I had accomplished nothing. You were free. You were able to do it again. But then I realized that even though you won the lawsuit, I was the real winner. Because I had stopped blaming myself for what happened. And even though you were free in a physical sense, I knew you weren't free mentally. I knew you would have the memory of my screams of pain, and my tears as you raped me. I knew that I had made a mistake going upstairs with you that night. But Dean, you made a choice. That was enough to satisfy me.
