I own neither Rango nor Gravity Falls. I hope you enjoy.

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"Alright, now everyone just CALM DOWN!" The mob of townsfolk stopped, and Mabel gave the police officers who had joined in the madness, a dirty look.

He, Mabel, and Wendy were standing on the porch of the Mystery Shack. Soos had left to check on his aunt after they had revived him, and Stan was busy discussing things with his brother. Wendy had come over as soon as the anti-gravity wave had ended, quickly figuring out that the twins were somehow involved. Dipper had barely been given time to explain, when the townsfolk (who it seemed, did not like blasts of anti-gravity) came storming towards them, armed with torches and pitchforks. "IT'S THE PINES FAULT!" yelled Toby Determined. "There responsible for this!" yelled Manly Dan, who received a scowling look from his daughter moments after saying it.

"String 'em up!" Dipper turned in the direction of the shrill voice, and saw McGucket swinging a raccoon around a weapon. The pre-teen sighed and stepped off the wreckage of the porch, towards the amnesiac. "You too McGucket?" The inventor avoided eye contact, "Your great uncle he…he done destroyed most of the trees. He blew up half the valley. And now everything is so strange…we…we ain't got nothin' to believe in." He turned back to Dipper and the young investigator saw the anxiety in his eyes.

Glancing at Mabel, who as well was realizing how afraid their neighbors were. Clearing his throat, Dipper stepped onto a pile of boards, and spoke as loudly as possible. We had never been required to give a speech before, but doing pretty well in his own opinion. "Listen I know that some of you aren't the biggest fans of my great uncle…" Bud Gleeful spoke up, "I think I speak for the collective community, when I suggest that…WE HATE HIS GUTS!" there was a general consensus and Wendy had to whistle to get the attention of the throng. She nodded and he smiled, before mouthing a "thank you" to her before continuing.

"As I was saying…I don't like Stan's methods any more then you do, but he was trying to save a life. Now no one died…so I think we should all just calm down." A few of the townsfolk agreed, but the mass was still quite angry. "And I know things are scary…but remember, I have these!" He picked up the three journals and revealed them to the crowd, the golden hand on each cover glimmering slightly in the dusk light. A few people were impressed, but Lazy Susan called out "What do they do?" Dipper sighed, and tried to explain himself. "These books, they were written, a long time ago, by a man who studied the mysteries of this town. They contain everything we'll need to know. And I believe that with these books…we can repair this town, and build a better one!" The crowd cheered, and Dipper noticed his sister and crush smiling at him.

He turned towards McGucket, and smiled. "So if you all want something to believe in Fiddleford, then believe in me. Believe in the power of these books, because as long as we have this knowledge…we can defeat ANYTHING!" He held the books into the air, for emphasis, and the town began to rally behind his message of hope.

Then a blast of blue energy slammed into the books and they began to burn.

Dipper worked quickly to extinguish the flames, but found that the books were quite charred and barely in readable condition. Turning he caught sight of what everyone was gawking at.

A giant yellow snake slithered towards them, an orb of blue fire hovering above its tail. It took Dipper a moment to realize that the RV sized serpent was his nemesis, Bill Cipher. The snake's head was triangular, yellow just like the rest of the body, and had one huge eye in the center. A top hat resided on the demon's head, and he held a cane in one of his two tiny arms. One of the most disturbing things about Bill's transformation however, was his mouth. Up until now the dream demon had lacked one, but now he had a huge oval mouth, which revealed a host of gnarly teeth with every cackle he gave.

Dipper's eyes widened even further as he saw who was watching the festivities for ma safe distance. Gideon Gleeful was smiling, and sitting in a wheelchair, pushed by two huge brutes, who were most likely allies from prison. Smiling, the nine year old gave him a smug look and giggled when Manly Dan practically cowered in front of the disturbing monster. Glancing over at Mabel and Wendy he saw that they were just as scared (Wendy more so, simply because she had no experience with Bill and seeing her father afraid of something was terrifying).

Bill slid right up to the porch, smiling the whole way. "Hello, PineTree." He slid up around the tween, and Wendy looked ready to move, but thought better of it when Bill grinned at her. "Long time, no see…PineTree. How ya' been keepin'?" The pre-teen tried to regain his composure but was only able to get out a couple sentences, before Bill laughed harshly and snapped at him, causing Dipper to scream shrilly and fall backwards, hitting his head on the hardwood.

"Dipper!" Wendy had to pull Mabel away to prevent the tween from joining her brother beside the serpentine demon. "Apparently you've been telling these poor folks, that you know how to fix their problems. That you can defeat "anything."" He made air quotes in the air, and slithered over to the paralyzed mob. "All these folks seem to trust you. They think you're a hero. It would seem, that these poor folks think you're gonna save their little town…" He shot back up to the porch, preventing Wendy and Mabel from reaching their fallen comrade.

Dipper leapt to his feet, and tried to speak but the intimidating monster pushed back against him, causing him to fall back to his knees. "It's as if, these folks think you're gonna SAVE their little SOULS…" He squeezed tightly around the two girls, forcing them to gasp for air. Bill leaned close to Wendy, seeming to sniff her despite not having a nose. Then he glanced over at Dipper, before smirking and letting a strange purple tongue slip out from his mouth. The demon ran it up the side of her cheek, causing the redhead to cringe and whimper pathetically.

Bill sniggered as Dipper continued to stare, feeling drown in desperation and helplessness. The demon turned back to him, uncoiling himself from his loved ones, and handing Dipper something with his right hand. Dipper looked down at it and realized that it was a gun. "So why don'tcha show these guys just what you're made of, eh PineTree? Why don'tcha become the town hero…by slaying the dragon." Bill raised a hand into the air, and caused five bullets to remove themselves from the barrel of the gun.

"Of course you won't need all of these, because any good demonologist knows to shoot a dream demon in the eye. You'll save the town, you'll get the answers you consider so precious, and you'll get the girl. So come on PineTree…shoot me." He pushed Dipper's hands into the air, causing the tip of the weapon to rest against the cyclops' eye. Dipper's hands shook and he placed his finger over the trigger. Why can't I do it? If anyone deserves to die, then it's Bill. Despite this rationale, Dipper found himself unable. He was staring deep into the eye of a demon, able to see a raging orange in Bill's new eye. Just staring into the head sized pupil, Dipper found himself unable to move or speak.

The reptilian pupil focus on him, and he saw the destruction of a thousand suns in the orange, yellow and deep red of the iris. "What's the matter PineTree? I thought that you were going to protect these people? I thought you wanted to be treated like an adult? Or are you not what you say?" Dipper couldn't even muster anger at the moment for Bill putting him in this position. He felt empty, or more appropriately dead, inside. He could feel them all staring at him, with anger and disappointment. Not only had he let down his sister, who he had spent all summer trying to protect, only to fail when it really mattered. But he had also let down the girl of his dreams. No longer was he "her little hero" rather he deserved the title of "her little coward."

"All you've done is lie to these good folks, isn't that right?" He nodded, "And I bet they don't know about our little deal…" Dipper's vision shot up, and he saw Bill smiling menacingly. "Tell them PineTree…tell them how you made a deal with me just to get some measly answers. Tell them how the book you oh so cherish, was almost destroyed when you let yours truly inhabit your body. Isn't that what happened, Kiddo?" Dipper nodded slowly and mumbled confirmation. "Oh I don't think these good folks can hear you, PineTree…SPEAK UP!"

Rattled by the demand, Dipper stumbled over his words, and continued to avoid eye contact with anyone other than his tormentor. "Y-yes…that-that's what happened…"

Bill darted forward, and wrapped himself around the young detective, practically squeezing the life force out of him. "This is MY town now, you see PineTree? It always has been, always will be. And if I ever see your sorry-hide again, and I will be watching, I'm gonna drag you straight to the pits of hell…DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" The upside down Dipper was unable to do anything except nod once again, and gasp for air like a fish out of water.

Bill uncoiled himself, and watched Dipper fall to the ground in a heap. The boy pushed himself to his feet, and brushed tears from his eyes, walking past the villagers, towards the darkening forest. Gideon continued to smile silently, watching every tired step that the older boy took. On the edge of the forest, he glanced back towards the porch, and his heart caved at the sight Wendy's face. He knew exactly what she was thinking; Who are you? All her trust in him, it had all evaporated in this encounter.

As he stepped into the forest, he heard Stan and his brother exit the Shack, but dared not look back as sounds of Bill entrapping them reached his ears.


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I hope Bill isn't too Rattlesnake Jake-esque, I still wanted him to retain some of his old slime. Drop a review, and if you have any ideas for one-shot parodies like this one, then feel free to share them.