Jane casually sat back in Abbott's office chair, folding his hands neatly in his lap and staring down his boss. Abbott crossed his arms and leaned back, amused.
"Do you know why I called you in here, Jane?"
"No idea," he lied.
"Liar."
"I'm rubbing off on you, eh?"
"Undoubtedly."
Jane ignored his sarcasm. "Just say it, Abbott."
"I want you to say it."
Jane rolled his eyes. "This is what you called me in here for? Fifth grade banter? Because frankly–"
"Okay, fine." Abbott rubbed his forehead impatiently. "I called you in here because of Lisbon. But surely you knew that already."
"What about Lisbon?"
"For God's sake, Jane, you know exactly what about Lisbon."
Jane shrugged and starting ticking facts off of his fingers. "She's originally from Chicago, both of her parents are dead, she has three brothers–"
"Anything on her relationship status?" Abbott asked slyly.
"Why? You interested?"
"Why? You jealous?"
"If I'm here because I've done something wrong, please just get on with it."
"You've done nothing wrong, Jane. Not yet."
Jane narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean 'not yet'?"
Abbott sighed. He glanced behind Jane out into the hallway, to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. "Lisbon is a spectacular agent. The FBI can't lose her."
"I completely agree."
"Now, there's no rule against an agent and a consultant within the same unit conducting a relationship, but–"
"But what, Abbott?" Jane snapped uncharacteristically. "You think I'm going to mess this up?"
"So, you admit that there is a relationship?"
"What? Uh, no. I don't know what it is yet, okay?"
Abbott leaned forward, placing his folded hands onto the tabletop. "There is no need to be defensive, Jane," he said softly. "I'm not trying to express any disapproval. If I'm being quite honest, I'm happy for you two. But there are risks to this, and I wanted to clear a few things up."
Jane stared at him. "Okay…"
"I have no problem with this," he began, "but if something bad were to happen between you two, I would expect you to keep it out of the office and not let it affect your work."
"Lisbon would never act unprofessionally in this setting."
"I am well aware of that." Abbott eyed him suspiciously.
"Oh, you were referring to me?!"
"Yes."
"What do you mean?"
"You are a flight risk, Jane," Abbott said wryly. "You and Lisbon are both valuable assets to this unit… and… well…"
Jane touched his heart. "Oh, Abbott," he mocked, "are you getting soft?"
Abbott looked Jane dead in the eyes, and said, "Do not fuck this up, is all I am saying."
Patrick gaped in surprise, and then chuckled. "Wouldn't dream of it."
"I mean it, Jane."
"Abbott, I love her," he blurted.
Abbott's lips twitched. "Exactly." Then, he stood, nodding at Jane. "Back to work."
Jane walked back to the bullpen, feeling dazed. He passed Lisbon, who gave him a warm smile to which he reciprocated. He collapsed into a chair, sighing.
"What was that about?" asked Lisbon.
Jane brushed off her question. "Lisbon, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"
Lisbon flinched, taken aback. They had never been on an official date before. Not since he had gotten on that plane to stop her from going to D.C. She had assumed that he wasn't the typical dating type. "Sure," she replied softly.
Jane beamed at her. "I'll pick you up at seven."
A/N: 100% pointless.
Perhaps I'll add a sequel?
