Author´s Note: I changed the structure of the story as I outlined pretty much of it. For the few who already have started reading and actually want to stick with me: Thank you and the first three chapters became the prologue, while the former 4th chapter will be the first real one. Sorry for the disorientation, it´s my first fiction and still needs a lot of work. That´s why of course I would appreciate any feed back very much!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling, you did an awsome job, now you are done and we´re left without new books. The characters are all yours; I just borrow them for a while. I don´t make money out of it, so please don´t sue me!

Prologue

Being lost and loosing yourself

Eva Blythe was not a happy person. Her friends, colleagues and students would consider her to be one, though. Only she would know that the perfect young woman she appeared to be in her daily life, wasn´t the real Eva.

But who was this real Eva? That exactly happened to be the problem, Eva didn´t know. She was almost 25 years old and still hadn´t figured out who she was, where her place in this life lied and which path she had to take. But again, the people surrounding her wouldn´t agree with Eva thinking like that. They saw the admirable Spanish teacher of St.Louis High School in Utah, Salt Lake City, a young woman, who had traveled the world widely, who was both witty and literate, even wise for her age. They saw the energetic, warm-hearted, kind and over all strong woman, not the girl behind those honey-brown eyes, who was simply utterly lost in her depth of despair.

Nobody had ever visited her at home though, if they would have, they would have to reconsider their opinion about Seniorita Eva and she would loose the little affection some people – her students and their parents mostly, had for her in this huge, frightening world.

Those thoughts haunted Eva every day, when she entered her small, but cozy flat on the top flour of the old building just around the corner from her school, where she was living since she had graduated from university and taken this job almost two years ago. Every day she thought about changing her life, getting back on track finally and starting to live the life she wanted to live, but every day – she failed.

Tears shot into her eyes and yet she knew, she wouldn´t cry. She hadn´t cried in all those years and even if she wished to do so, she simply couldn´t. So she did what she always did. She tossed her school bag in the corner nearby her door, dropped her jacket carelessly on the floor, stripped off her shoes and stepped over all the trash, old newspapers, books, piles of clothes, bags into the kitchen, where she opened the fridge to take out some chocolate ice cream hidden between moldy vegetables and bread.

Although she had sworn yesterday she wouldn´t eat in bed anymore, she would tidy up, go for a walk, or at least cook herself a meal, all she could do was to crawl under her covers, take one of the books which were tossed on the floor beside her bed and loose herself, forget herself and the person she didn´t know how to define. She was safe now, she didn´t have to think about loosing another day, another battle. She wasn´t even aware anymore that she had lost, because she was not in her flat anymore, but in a magical world – she had gone directly into the world of Hogwarts, Harry Potter and most importantly Hermione Granger. She could understand this world better than the one she was living in, she felt she truly fitted into it. And with that she got lost in the 6th book, right jumping into the Golden trio discussing what Draco Malfoy was up to this time. Nothing good could come out of that arrogant ferret, that Eva knew for sure.

To loose and how to get lost

Marco Daniels wasn´t a happy man either. His friends, colleagues and the people he dealt with at work would consider him to be one, though. Only he would know that the perfect man he appeared to be in his daily life, this Marco Daniels, wasn´t really Marco.

But who was Marco really? The problem happened to be, he exactly knew who he was and he could never ever forget who he was, as much as he wanted. It haunted him, day and night, for the 9 years now that he had not officially been him. Him, that was Draco Malfoy. Malfoy, as he called himself, was an utterly bad person, he had gone as bad as a person could go, he had no heart, and always the wrong opinions and he was an arrogant arse. But again, the the people surrounding him wouldn´t agree with Marco thinking like that. They saw the admirable attaché of the US embassy cultural relationships department in Santiago de Chile, a young man, who had traveled the world widely, who was both witty and literate, even wise for his age. They saw the energetic, cool-minded, determined and over all strong man, not the man behind those grey eyes, who was simply utterly lost in his depth of regret.

Nobody knew of his true identity though, if they would have, they would have to reconsider their opinion about Senior Daniels and she would loose the little respect some people – his co-workers and the other diplomats mostly, had for him in this huge, unforgiving world.

Those thoughts haunted Marco every day, when he entered his wide, stylish loft just around the Plaza Mayor in Santiago, where he was living since he took the offer to take this position in the cultural department instead of the one in the economics he had worked on in Nepal until two years ago. Every day he thought about being honest, about forgiving himself and even about apologizing, but every day – he failed.

There were no tears left in Marco and Draco had never cried one in his whole life. Both had nothing left except for emptiness and loneliness. So after storing away his briefcase, taking off his shoes, cleaning after himself, folding his work clothes neatly and changing into a relaxing jumper, Marco poured himself a glass of wine and as every evening went out to his roof-deck to sit there in silence.

Marco didn´t swear that he would change his life though, that he wouldn´t stay away from everybody anymore, because Draco was still a wizard and as hard as Marco tried to forget that, he knew exactly what happened when wizards made oaths, and that was something he never ever wanted to do again. He sighed as he knew he was walking on thin ice at thought for a moment about loosing another evening, another battle to the past. But he was aware that he had already lost, he wasn´t at his loft anymore – he had gone directly into the Room of Requirement, Hogwarts, into a world that was full of evil. He didn´t understand that world anymore and he didn´t fit into either. Still there he was, in the Room of Requirement, trying to find a plan to kill Albus Dumbledore. How could he do that? He scowled; nothing good could come out of him, that arrogant ferret, that Marco knew for sure.

Having lost somebody

Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley were not happy people either. Their friends, co-aurors and their family didn´t consider them to be so either. Everybody knew that the perfect boys they had been once were mere shallows of themselves.

But how did the boy-who-lived-and-defeated-you-know-who and the-man-who-always-stood-by-Harry-Potter become like that? The problem happened to be, the first didn´t care that he lived or whom he defeated and the second knew that this was his fault, because he hadn´t stood by him. They both had lost the girl they loved most in this world, Hermione Granger. Since then nothing had been the same again, even if they had defeated Voldemort together, graduated from Hogwarts a later, got into the Auror´s apprenticeship and even made a career there. It didn´t matter to them and even if the people surround them wouldn´t agree with that attitude, they couldn´t change that. They only saw Hermione and their own failure. After the summer they became of age, they had left for the final conquest to destroy Voldemort together, for the Horcrux hunt. Ron had left in the long winter to go home, snipping at her, Harry hadn´t known what to do then, he had so much on his own mind. And then, one day she was simply gone. She only went to collect some mushrooms and never came back again. Ron did though, but what did that help? Hermione was gone, Harry had seen her in his dreams that night saying "I will always love you, both of you. You will defeat Voldemort, I´m sorry, I failed you, I can´t help anymore, my life is over." So Harry Potters and Ron Weasleys life was over even if they lifed and all the wizarding world could see were two men in their mid-twenties, bitter, lost and utterly alone, still mourning for the girl they both loved – and loosing themselves in a dreamworld, where she still lived.

These words and their own guilt haunted the two men every day when they returned home to the Burrow, where they both lived. Arthur and Molly Weasley had lost so much in the war and taken them in, Harry as well as their own son. Now they wished often they could make the two of them take an oath to start living again – but they knew that they couldn´t ask something the boys couldn´t vow. Everyday they hoped they would start living again, crying, loving, doing anything beside hunting dark wizwards though, but everyday – they were failed.

The boys didn´t even cry, they never had. Every night or morning when they returned to the Burrow they would eat in silence and then go up to Ron´s room to stare into the darkness, side by side. Sometimes they would fight, whose fault it was, but even that didn´t happen anymore. They would just sit and stare and think of Hermione. Hermione, who they both loved and lost. To the rest of Hogwarts, even to Draco Malfoy, that arrogant ferret, they were oblivious most of the time. Little did they know of anything, but Draco Malfoy, even dead as he was, still was an arrogant ferret, that Harry and Ron knew for sure… as sure as they knew that their Hermione was gone, too.

Author´s Note: This is my first fic, so please don´t be to hard on me, especially with language issues – English is not my first language, so if you´re available for beta-reading,I´ll be more than glad to have you.

The chapters will always be short, but I hope I will be able to develop the plot like that to an adequate novella-length story. Constructive reviews are of course always appreciated!

Also as for AU: This story is canon until a point in DH, when Hermione goes to look for wild mushrooms soon after Ron left. The rest of DH and the epilogue is not taken into consideration. More I will not say.