Step #9: Making Direct Amends, Part 1

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction. The 12 Steps of AA was utilized within.

A/N: So a good buddy was kind enough to explain what a tumblr is and give me some info to poke around. I liked this prompt and my muse ran with it but didn't forget her Shandy loving side. I'm always happy to hear comments. Hope you enjoy! Respect for humanity and civility in words always wins out. Today is life!

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Step #9: Making Direct Amends: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Before one gets to step nine, they must first go through each step before. Jack learned the hard way there's no skipping around and getting back to the difficult or taxing ones. That had been hard on Jack. He knew the steps, had worked on them before, and had hit the wall so many times he couldn't count but this time he planned on staying sober. It was the least he could do for his wife Sharon, though at this point that'd be ex-wife Sharon; he kept forgetting that ex part.

Step four: made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. What alcoholic really wants to look at themselves? Isn't that the whole point of drinking themselves into oblivion? But he had done it and damn it wasn't a pretty picture. Rusty's comments kept coming back to him. "You had it all, Jack. You had a wife and kids…" That kid turned out to be pretty smart and a good match for Sharon. He realized they were both so similar. He also sadly realized that addicts had made them that way.

In accordance with step five, he had finally admitted the exact nature of his wrongs to himself and then again to his sponsor. The hard part would be admitting them to Sharon in such a way that she'd believe him this time, really believe him because this time he truly realized what he'd lost and damnit if that kid wasn't right. He'd lost it all this time and there was no coming back home for him, not to Sharon anyway.

Step eight was hard, he had to admit. It was the damn list and he hated that damn list! But he did it and showed it to his sponsor who thought he'd done a much more thorough job this time than his previous two drafts. He'd decided now was the time to make amends to the people on that damn list and Sharon was going to be the first one. She's the most difficult and if he could get her to believe him this time, their kids would fall in line and he wasn't really worried about anyone beyond that. He'd get there once his family was in better shape.

Yes, he had some problems with three of the steps but had successfully completed them enough to get him where he was today, on his way to see Sharon, his ex-wife he reminded himself.

Sharon knew who was coming into the Murder Room just by the look on Andy's face. Yes, they were friends; if she were a bit more honest with herself she'd admit they were well on their way to becoming so much more than that. The sexual tension between them lately could practically spark enough electricity to power her condo for an entire day. She knew they'd talk about it; they had no choice really as it was almost painful at times. She also knew they'd act on it when the time was right. But she had to close one door before she could open another.

Andy's jealousy was nothing new. It's actually how she realized he considered her such a really good friend. Back then she didn't know it was because he already had feelings for her.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she noticed Jack was already in her office, staring at her as she sat lost in thought staring at Andy. "Jack, what brings you here?" she asked as she stood, hoping he'd skip the commentary on his observation.

"Uh, actually, I came to invite you out to dinner, Sharon."

"That's very nice of you but I'll have to pass. Thank you for the invitation though." She smiled at him, hoping he'd gotten the point.

"Uh, look, Sharon," he began nervously, "things haven't been the same with us since the divorce and," he shuffled his feet as he looked down, "and since I made that awful mistake of going to your place drunk."

"Since you made the awful mistake of letting yourself into my home," she corrected. "I believe things are just fine between us, Jack," she white lied. "The children are old enough to make their own decisions and we handle our professional interactions quite well."

"It's our personal interactions I'm here about."

"We don't have any." She sighed inwardly; this was going to take longer than she had hoped.

"That's what I mean, Sharon, and we should, you know, for the kids," he said sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Our children are mature adults, Jack; they don't need their parents spending time together to ensure they're emotionally healthy."

He looked down, "Plus you already did that, right."

A look of sadness briefly crossed her face. "Yes," she said softly, "I've already done that."

"Look, I've said your name enough times that you know I'm sober. I'm in AA like I told you I would be. I'm following the steps."

When he hesitated, she filled in the rest for him. "You're up to the step where you make amends to the people you've hurt." She was a kind person so she didn't add the word again.

"Yes, and there is nobody that I've hurt more than you, Sharon. Just give me one dinner, please. If you don't want to be seen in a restaurant with me, I can stop by your place and cook dinner for us. It'll be like old times."

Stealing a quick glance at Andy, "I'd prefer not to act like old times, Jack, and I have already told you there is no reason for you to come to my home. We are divorced." She sighed and silently berated herself for not closing the blinds.

As if he read her thoughts, "Look, I know you and Andy got something going on whether you have figured it out or not. I'm not asking you for a date. Hell, I'm not looking to kiss you at the end of the night," his eyes lit up, "though if you wanted -."

"I won't be, Jack."

"So then what's the problem, Sharon? Are you afraid to be alone with your old charming ex-husband? C'mon, Sharon, thirty-five years together, there's gotta be something left." His natural charm was slipping out.

"Just because we were married thirty-five years doesn't mean we were together for thirty-five years, Jack," she pointed out.

"That's why I would really like you to spend a little time with me, preferably over a meal, and just let me make amends to you for everything I did," he scratched his head, "or didn't do, uh, to and for you. C'mon, Sharon, you know how important this step is to my recovery."

"I also know I've heard it all before, several times in fact. I've also read it several times. Jack, really, I don't think a discussion over dinner is necessary. Just tell me once again how sorry you are and inform your sponsor that you've made amends with your ex-wife so you can check that off your list and move on to your children."

"Look I deserve this and more, Sharon, I deserve everything you've got in your arsenal to throw at me. But, please, I'm begging you and I don't beg, Sharon, please do this one last thing for me. It doesn't matter how indifferent you want to look or how angry you want to sound, I can see the hurt even now. Sharon, we both need this. Please just go somewhere with me. Give me a couple of hours and I won't ask for your time ever again."

"Okay, Jack, two hours tonight. I won't have dinner with you in a restaurant or at my place though."

"Where do you want to go then? You wanna do this at Andy's place? I bet he'd love that!" he chuckled.

"Of course I don't want to meet you at Andy's home." She thought quickly. "How about we meet at the beach? Do you remember the place I'd go off to alone so I could think things through in peace?"

"Yeah, I do. I can pick you up if you -."

"We'll take separate cars, and we'll meet there at 9pm. If this case keeps me later and I am unable to make it, I'll call you."

"Uh, okay, I'll bring a picnic basket with a few things just to have something on our stomachs as we talk."

"That would be much appreciated. Thank you, Jack."

"Uh, good, so it's a date, uh, a meeting then. I'll see you there at 9pm sharp, Sharon, and thank you for doing this. I really mean it, thank you."

"It's not a problem, Jack, you're welcome. I'll see you there," she said as she sat back at her desk.

As he turned to leave, "Oh, and Jack, I will be the one mentioning this to Andy, not you. Are we clear?"

"Uh yeah, of course, I won't say a thing, Sharon."

Looking confused he left her office throwing a general "Good-bye, all," to her team members. There was no way he could miss the scowl on Andy's face so he just plastered on a smile as he approached him and said, "Take care, Andy," as he passed his desk.

"You too, Jack," he heard Flynn mutter angrily back at him.


When she cancelled their dinner non-date, Sharon had decided not to mention the meeting to Andy. It was bad enough she had to deal with Jack, she didn't have enough energy to deal with both men in one day if Andy had the expected reaction he usually did when it came to her spending any kind of time with her ex-husband.

Thinking of the irony of the situation, she slowly sipped her glass of wine while convincing herself to be emotionally open to the amends Jack was trying to make with her. She needed to close that door with him to be able to honestly, emotionally open the door with Andy. So yes, she thought of the ironies of needing an alcoholic beverage to help get her through her ex-husband's AA step number nine yet again.

Her belief that this all ended when the Judge signed the divorce papers was obviously erroneous. A business suit and heels weren't exactly beach attire so she changed to jeans, a pullover sweater and sneakers. A jacket would be necessary for later if he kept true to his two-hour amends-making time slot.

On the drive over, the butterflies in her stomach became as hyperactive as kittens on too much catnip. The travel mug filled with chamomile tea was, at the moment, offering no relief.

As she parked, she fought the desire to text Andy her location and with whom she was sharing a picnic dinner. Instead she text Rusty the information to ensure someone knew where she was other than her companion for the evening.

Saying a silent prayer along with the Serenity Prayer she had learned during one of Jack's previous forays into sobriety, she felt herself calming down. The butterflies were acting like regular playful kittens once again.

[TBC]