It was times like these when he wasn't sure if he wanted to be empty again or if the feeling was good for him. At this moment, he was trying his best to numb himself with various bottles of alcohol that had ended up scattered around his apartment as he sat on the ground, his back leaning against the wall.

The memories were coming back now, all the way from the beginning. From overseas, to his friend taking a bullet meant for him, to being kidnapped and tortured, to seeing another friend get shot and killed in front of him on a routine money transfer. Recent events hit him hard, probably because the emotional trauma brought on by the memories were too new for him, where the others he'd at least had time to rehearse the memories in his head a little longer which made them a little more manageable. He imagines his bullet tearing through that little girl, how scared she must've been, how she'd probably gotten up that morning, asking her mother to pack her lunch... a lunch she'd never get to eat. Everything that had happened after that. Everything that had just begun to pile up on his already staggering pile of issues.

He heard his phone buzz next to him and he jumped slightly. He reached for it but paused when he heard a banging at hit door and he jumped once again. Suddenly he noticed his heart beating uncontrollably and if he hadn't had the constant knocking to keep him in his apartment, he would be back in Afghanistan. Tunnel vision plagued his sight and darkness closed around his peripheral vision and his heart continued beating out of his chest. He made his way to the banging and reached for a gun that wasn't there at his waist. He tripped over something, something that had glass on it because the crash was loud and his ears were ringing and his breathing was forced and irregular. His panic attacks were becoming more and more frequent and were becoming more sensitive to the slightest startle. He got up quickly and looked down to the ground where glass was shattered and the confusion and panic made even the tiniest coherent thought impossible. A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his daze and he flinched, grabbing the arm of whoever was standing behind him and turning around quickly, ready to strike.

"Jay!" She yelled firmly and he stopped, quickly dropping his fist and looking at who was in front of him. She pulled her arm out of his grip and he blinked, letting out a breath and straightening his posture.

"Hailey..." he said, taking a step back from her.

"You good?" She asked, eyeing him carefully.

"Why'd you sneak up on me like that? I could've hurt you. Why didn't you knock?" He asked, raising his voice slightly.

"I did knock. I heard something break and I got worried..." she said, looking behind him at the pile of glass on the floor. He turned around as well, looking at the mess on the floor and sighed.

"Yeah... yeah, I... tripped. Knocked the glass off the table." He said and she raised a brow, obviously not sure that was the whole story.

"Look... I just, I wanted to check on you. Make sure you were good. If you need to talk..."

"I don't need to talk, Hailey. I'm fine." He said quickly and she stared at him for a moment.

"Jay... I talked to her, and she's not going to say anything about your... relationship... with her. So you don't have to worry about that coming back to bite you or the unit. But that whole situation was pretty messed up, and someone who's 'fine' wouldn't have gotten themselves into that kind of situation." She said.

"Hailey. I already told you..."

"Jay. Seriously. Faking your identity? Carrying out an undercover op so you could sleep with her? I know you know what's wrong with that. But I see you... and I don't know what exactly is going on... I know you're not 'fine'. So if you need someone to talk to... I'm here, Hank is here, Ruzek, everyone. Call Erin if that's really what you need to..."

"Hailey!" He said more sternly, the mention of Erin striking a nerve. "I said I'm fine... so I'm fine. Thanks for your concern, but... I can take care of myself." He said, leaving no room for discussion. She pursed her lips and looked away from him, nodding slightly and leaving, upset that he couldn't talk to her. She shut the door behind her and he stood in the same spot for a few moments before sighing and rubbing his face in frustration.