Maya burst into the class, as happy as can be. "I'VE DONE IT!" She cried, right as she climbed on Riley's table and did a little dance.
"DAD IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" Riley cried out, fearing for her life.
Cory laughed. "Alright Maya, settle down. What's the occasion?"
Maya grinned as she climbed down. "You remember how I was picked to write this year's school play?"
"Yeah you said you wouldn't do it in a million years." Lucas said.
"Well I ACTUALLY DID IT! I wrote a three-act play that's guaranteed to knock the audience's collective socks off at this year's school Drama Festival! Check it!" She fished out a document from her backpack and waved it in front of everyone.
"That's awesome Maya!" Riley said. "Can I read it?"
"I would be honoured!" Maya exclaimed melodramatically as she handed the paper over to Riley.
Riley cleared her throat and began to read.
Girl Meets Everything
Act 1
We open up on a street. Two young girls exit their houses and walk to school together.
Narrator: This is the story of a young, optimistic girl named Miley Ratthews and her best friend Haya Mart.
Miley: Hi! I'm Miley! I love puppies and rainbows and dandelions! Isn't it A BEAUTIFUL DAY?!
Haya: Hi I'm Haya. I have a very poor family life.
Miley: I also like kittens, unicorns, stuffed animals and puppies! Wait, I already said puppies...
Haya: The world is dark and cruel and I lay before it, a fleshy stick of meat ready for ravenous consumption
Miley: La la la la! I love school!
Haya: This is a cry for help.
Act 2
We open to a school full of children.
Miley: Why if it isn't our good friend Frucas Liar!
Frucas: Howdy pardner I'm from Texas giddyup yeehaw
Miley: And hello our friend Markle Finkus! Is there something different about you?
Markle: Hi Miley! As you can see, I've replaced my former human neck with a TURTLE neck!
Miley: ...
Markle: TURTLENECK!
Frucas: ...
Markle: TURT-
Haya: Get the fuck out of here Markle go die in a hole
Miley: You seem extra grumpy today Haya!
Haya: I'm going through some difficult emotional issues.
Miley: Hey everyone! Let's help Haya resolve her issues in the span of 22 minutes!
Markle: A turtlen-
Haya: Markle I swear to FUCKING GOD-
Act 3
We cut to the two girls sitting in front of their bay window, casually chatting about life when suddenly the window opens
Markle: *coming through the window* WOMEN!
Haya: Why the fuck is that window always open god damn it Miley get some barbed wire or some shit
Miley: Butterflies!
Haya: MILEY FOR FUCK'S SAKE-
Act 4
We cut to minutes later at the same bay window, only Markle is gone.
Haya: Miley I pushed Markle off the balcony does that make me a murderer
Miley: Whatever happens, you'll always be my best friend!
Haya: ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU BITCH
Act 5
We cut to the same place minutes later. Haya has packed her suitcase and is wearing a thick winter coat.
Haya: Goodbye Miley. The "United" States is no place for my violent tendencies. I am going to the only place where my kind is tolerated - the deep web.
Miley: But you're like a sister to me! I can't live without you!
Haya: Then go die or some shit I don't fucking care I'll send you a postcard or a sniper depending on my mood hasta la vista ma sista
Haya leaves, leaving Miley to sulk alone in her room as the scene fades to black.
Epilogue
Haya: By the way I'm taking your uncle.
THE END
"Well?" Maya asked eagerly. "Whattaya think?"
There was a long silence as the class tried to properly register what they had just heard.
Farkle raised his hand. "I thought you said this was a three act play?"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE FARKLE GO DIE IN A HOLE"
