It was dark that night. Stormy gray cloud scuttled across the sky, blocking out the moon and his ancestors. You could hardly see your own paws let alone anyone else. Even the lake, which seemed to glow and sparkle even on a new moon, was dark. Its crashing waves pitch black as they slammed into the pebbly shore and receded back.
A gray tom listened to the their roaring sound, mildly noting that the waves were being kicked up higher and were hitting farther up the beach tonight than they usually did.
He shook his head, he wasn't stupid. He knew he shouldn't be there. He should've been in his nest, fast asleep like his other clanmates. Resting up for the strenuous work that came from being a warrior. Yet he had come. His paws had leaded him there with minds of their own, stumbling over rabbit holes and slick mud, but they were persistent, leading him to this place that was far away from curious eyes.
He stood up, giving himself a shake. He shouldn't be here. His paws turned and began to trudge forwards, following the shore until it veered roughly. He had reached the mouth of the stream.
Leaves rustled noisily and the tom flattened his ears distastefully against the scratchy sound. He couldn't understand how anyone could stand living their lives in the shadows of trees and foliage. The musty stench clung to the cats that lived there, giving them the most awful smell. Only once had he ever found that scent flattering and it had been mixed with the sweet scent that only came when one worked with herbs. Usually he found the smell much too sweet and it caused him to gag slightly whenever he had to go to the medicine cat's den to be treated. But the overly sweet smell had been mellowed down by the dark scent of the forest. Two scents he despised, when combined he found the most flattering and intoxicating smell he'd ever come across.
The grass whished quietly as he crept through it. He squinted his eyes, just barely making out the dark path of the stream he was following. The waterway bent just slightly before returning to its straight and narrow line and the tom paused at the bend, staring at it. He couldn't believe he had actually come all this way.
Memories instantly flooded him. Memories he'd been trying block.
"Can I help?"
"I don't need help from ThunderClan, thanks."
"I'm sorry. I only thought-"
"What do you think you're doing?"
"I've come to help! Morningflower and Darkfoot are ill. I've brought herbs for them."
"What have you done to her? She's getting worse!"
"Stop!"
"She shouldn't be here."
"Let's just concentrate on helping Morningflower."
"Are they getting better?"
"I think so."
"Come on. I'll only get into trouble if I don't go with you."
"Thanks for bringing me back."
"Have you really found a place to speak with StarClan?"
"She said, 'Tell him not to grieve.' It will be many moons before you can be together again. She told you not to be blinded to the living."
"There'll never be another cat like Feathertail. I don't care how long I have to wait to see her. If she can wait, so can I!"
"Crowfeather, help me!"
"I did it, I saved you."
"I must be the last cat you would want to save."
"How can I love you too?"
"Me? But-"
"You walk in my dreams, Leafpool."
"Crowfeather! You scared me out of my fur!"
"Leafpool, do you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Clans, traditions, all the rules and boundaries… I want to get away from all of it!"
"Escape? Do you mean-go away?"
"When you've gone? Leafpool, does that mean…?"
"Yes. I'll come with you."
"I know, I feel the same way. We have to go and help our Clans."
"But what about you?"
"Your heart lies here. Not with me. It was never truly with me."
"Good-bye, Crowfeather. We… we'd better not see each other again."
"You're right. It would never have worked. I will never mean enough to you."
"You mean more to me than you will ever know."
"I'll never forget you."
The gray-black tom hissed, swiping furiously at the water with unsheathed claws. It had all been for nothing. First Feathertail then Leafpool. A cold rage swept through his body, filling him up from ears to tail tip. He'd never love again. StarClan had forsaken him the moment he'd be born and his Clan mates refused to let him forget. He'd fail them and they weren't quick to forgive. Neither were the other Clans. News of his betrayal had somehow swept like wildfire through the Clans even though his own Clan had only found out yesterday. Already RiverClan was getting cockier about the borders, taunting WindClan border patrols.
"Crowfeather."
The tom whipped around, fur bristling, teeth bared. He tensed when he realized he still couldn't see. He narrowed his blue eyes, trying to find the one who'd spoken. His ears strained to catch to slightest sound but the wind was picking up, howling angrily at his battered ears and strengthening the rustling sound the trees behind him were making.
"Crowfeather, what are you doing here?"
He could tell the voice was coming from a she-cat. It was a familiar voice but he couldn't put his paw on whose it was exactly.
"None of your business," he hissed, whipping his head wildly around as he tried to find out where the voice was coming from.
"You can't see that ThunderClan she-cat anymore. You promised you wouldn't. Or are you so eager to betray your Clan again?"
Crowfeather growled deep in his throat. "Do you see anyone else here besides me? I'm not seeing any ThunderClan cat."
"But you want to," the voice snarled, causing the tom to flinch. "You want to see that filthy medicine cat. You want to curl up beside her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. What a disgusting traitor you are. Do you think your actions have no effect on Clan life? Do you?"
The gray-black tom didn't answer. For once his infamous vicious tongue was tied as this unknown cat grated across raw wounds with the salt-laden truth. He looked at the ground, feeling himself succumb to the vicious beating.
"Well you're wrong if you think so. The other Clans already know about you and that little wretch and your Clan is already suffering for it. Day by day RiverClan is getting cockier and cockier about hunting around the borders. If you don't shape up fast your past is never going to be lived down. Not by you Clan mates. Not by the other Clans. Not by you."
"Well what do you expect me to do about?" Crowfeather snapped, guilt making him defensive. "Ask a StarClan warrior to come down and tell everyone what a great and loyal warrior I am? I don't think so."
"No, because no StarClan warrior would dream of lying to every cat in the Clans."
He flattened his ears and felt his lips being drawn back, flashing his thorn sharp fangs at the blackness.
"The only way to prove your complete loyalty to WindClan is to prove to every cat that you're over that medicine cat. And there's only one complete and sure way to it that leaves not a single trace of doubt in any cat."
"And what's that?" Crowfeather growled warily.
"To take up a mate, a WindClan mate, and have kits. Otherwise a shadow of doubt will always be there in every cat's mind."
"Well sucks for me then doesn't it," the tom snarled. "Because no WindClan she-cat would ever dream of taking me as a mate. Not after everything I've done."
"She would if it was for the safety of her Clan," the voice whisper and Crowfeather jumped, not expecting the sudden closeness. Warm breath tickled his ear and he could distinctly hear breathing right next to him. A sharp scent wavered into his nose and Crowfeather finally recognized the half-way familiar voice.
"Nightcloud."
"Yes, Nightcloud," she hissed. "Nightcloud, who'll do anything to keep her Clan's reputation out of the dirt, Our Clan has been looked down upon enough by the other Clans without your stupid actions. If this keeps up we really will be known as the weakest Clan. Weaker, even, than those half-witted kittypets who call themselves ThunderClan."
Crowfeather felt the hair on his back rise but a warning hiss from the she-cat made him bite back the angry retort he was about to make.
"Crowfeather, do you want WindClan's good name to be ripped to shreds?"
"Of course not!"
"Then become my mate."
The gray-black tom took a step back, startled. The she-cat continued irritably, "Don't take it like that, mouse-brain! I don't feel anything towards your fox-hearted self and I don't want you to feel anything like that towards me. But if we publicly announce that we're mates and have kits together, there'll be little to no doubt about where your loyalties lie. Yes, the gossip about you and your idiotic mistakes will continue, probably past your lifetime what you did was so wrong. But where your loyalty is now won't be in question as much if you have a good, dedicated warrior as your mate and that you yourself are a good, dedicated warrior."
Thoughts flashed rapidly through Crowfeather's mind as Nightcloud's words started to come together and make sense. "Finally starting to understand?" Nightcloud hissed scornfully.
The tom shut his eyes tight, heart trembling from what he was about to do. He'd have a WindClan mate and full-blooded WindClan kits. He'd have no favoritism towards anyone in any Clan besides his own. He would be strong and loyal to no one else but his leader and Clan mates.
"Are you sure?" the smoky gray tom whispered, almost praying that she would suddenly back out of the idea and tell him that he was on his own.
"Yes," her answer was hard and cold but it was confident and Crowfeather found himself nodding. "Okay," he meowed, forcing the words not to catch in his throat. "I'll… I'll be your mate."
The she-cat didn't say anything. No words were needed, each knew the price they were paying for this and they both had agreed to the terms. Just like when an apprentice is being made into a warrior and he's swearing his life away to protecting the Clan, the two of them had sworn their lives away for the very same reason. Because in Clan life, loyalty was everything and without it there was nothing.
