Notes: Chapter1- "Don't"
By Katrina Donovan
I do not own Stargate, it's Characters, actors, or story lines. (If I did, well I would be a lot happier that's all I have to say!) I do not own Kelly Clarkson or the lyrics to her song "Don't"
Spoilers: This does take place after "Affinity"...anything that happens after that timetable in this series is pure want and speculation on my part. Maybe TPTB should read it and take some notes!
Don't
Yes...She said yes...and I can't help but think "What have I done?!?" Nothing, that's what I have done. And look where it has gotten me! No where. I am still an old, battered and beaten soldier who is alone. I am not with out love. God do I love her...but she, well she seems to have found someone else. And honestly I don't know if I can take just having a friendship with her. There is just too much history there. We know too much about the other for us to just "remain friends". I'll do it because I love her and I want her to be happy...but it's gonna hurt like hell. But I would do anything for her, and she knows that.
I haven't really talked to her since she made the announcement. I haven't really found a way to think about her marrying another man with out breakin' down into sobs, let alone talking about it. I have to remain strong. She is going to need me. I am her friend...that's what I am supposed to do. But I have to tell her how I feel...lord knows I can't do it verbally...but we need to talk. So I am going to leave a note on her lab door. She is in Danny's lab right now, and the base is pretty dead.
I am walkin' down the hall to her lab clutching the note like it's my last life line. In some sense it is. It's my last chance to let her know how I really feel without coming across as weak. Blame the Air Force for that...but at least this way she knows. I take the note and tape it to her door. Then I make my way top side; never looking back.
Lt. Col. Sam Carter makes her way back to her lab. She and Danny had been discussing Gen. Jack O'Neill's odd behavior as of late. Neither one could figure out why...but he seemed withdrawn...yet eerily mellow. They couldn't quite pin point why or when the change began. As she got to her lab door she noticed a piece of while note paper taped to it. She pulled it off and read it...
Sam-
Don't say I love you, don't say you need me
Don't say I trust you, my heart can't take it
Don't say you want me, don't say you miss me
Don't hurt me, don't say you love me
I have tried my best to rid my thought of you and I.
It's so hard. When you come to me I fall
Back on my knees. I have learned to hate love.
I love you so much...but you don't see me
-Jack
