Calista,
I do not know if my name will mean anything to you in the years to come. It is my hope though that our war will not become forgotten so quickly, and that we shall be victorious. I am leader of the Frumentarii in Caesar's Legion, and one of his most trusted men.
My skills have never gone unnoticed by mighty Caesar. He has said that the urge to fight and seek victory by any means necessary is in my blood. That is why he sought to use me for the creation of many more of his soldiers. I was hesitant at first, but I will always be true to Caesar, and it was his command.
There was nothing at could have prepared me for a daughter. It was something I hadn't thought of, an oversight. I am not sure what I will do if it happens again.
Caesar had been instructing me with my newest orders, to go to Zion and report back on the status of the tribes, when your mother went into labor. He said that I should stay for the birth, and then carry out my mission after naming my child. The honor of naming a child with a Latin name at birth was too great to resist, and so I stayed.
Girl children are of little use to us in the camp. They only inspire trouble, and our women do not have time to teach girls the ways of the world. It seems cruel that they are disposed of, but after your birth I realized that it is a far kinder fate than keeping them here. I hope you will understand this.
I was the one to deliver you, held you as you squirmed your way into this world. I had never seen such a young child before, a newborn; not even an infant. You were tiny. Something about your infinite smallness changed me that day. The way you stared into my eyes, not wailing or screaming like children do, but with strength I could not have anticipated, reminded me of something that the Legion had never understood or accepted: women are born with strength too.
This was why I offered to be the one to dispose of you. It reaffirmed in Caesar's eyes my loyalty to his cause; he agreed. After spending only hours in your mother's arms, I took you from her. I could not tell her that I wanted to save you; it would have made me look weak, which could not be afforded. Her cries have chilled my cold heart like no other.
I packed my things, leaving just enough room to keep you in my bag. A harsh way to carry such a delicate thing, but practical. You slept as I drew the drawstring shut and slung it over my shoulder.
I was torn between my personal feelings and my orders. When I reached the cliff I had settled on to cast you off to death, I stared at it for a long time, and at you for even longer. Your lazy eyes opened, and you did not cry. You were strong. You were of my own blood.
I used your blanket to tie you close to my chest, and walked away.
I can never leave Caesar's Legion; it is the way that I am and have lived for many years. Nothing will change that. But this one time I will disobey.
Someday I should like to see you, to know what life you have chosen. Whatever becomes of you, I know you will be strong. This world requires strength to survive, and you were born filled with it.
With this letter, I leave you a necklace. It is the Mark of Caesar: a rare gift that will allow you to pass freely through Legion encampments. If you ever wish to meet me, bring it to Fortification Hill and present it at the gates, and ask for me by name. Do not say who you are, if asked, only that you are expected.
This is the most I can do for you. I hope it will be enough.
Your father,
Vulpes Inculta
A/N: Also, just going to confirm that: yes, I am posting simultaneously now to both FF & AO3. Putting this on all three accounts so no one has a kerfuffle over it.
