Cold. It was so bitterly cold. Saelyn had lived through bitter winters before; snug in her Aravel with furs surrounding her and books to read by the waning light. Using frost magic kept the worst of the cold at bay most times and she was one of the few of the Lavellan clan who could withstand hunting in even the most extreme colds. But this, this was much more bitter than she could ever have possibly imagined. The wind tore through her flimsy leather robes as though she were wearing nothing but silk, biting at her flesh until it felt like the cold was in her bones. Tears tracked down her cheeks for a time and snot continued to creep from her nose; now she could no longer feel her cheeks- covered in frozen tear tracks and her nose had stopped running. She wondered if it was a blessing, but since she could no longer feel her nose, among her ears, her fingers, her toes, she didn't care.
Onward she trudged, constantly shivering, hands tucked in her armpits to try and keep the wind from knawing them off. Step. Step. Step. She had to remind herself to continue to put one foot in front of the other, to not give up, even though she didn't really know where she was going.
Step. Step. Step.
She wondered if the refugees from Haven got out before Corypheus destroyed the Chantry. While Chancellor Roderick had never been friendly to her, she was grateful that he was able to swallow his pride enough to help, even if it did take a lyrium crusted darkspawn to spur him to action.
Step. Step. Step.
Her mind wandered now, thinking of friends, of family. Elantra, her sister in spirit, who could make her laugh whenever she got too gloomy and introspective. Aranul, her second, who was as interested in magic theory as she was and never told the Keeper when she bought human books on magic, though he refused to read them himself. Keeper Isthmorial who was strict but fair and enjoyed Saelyn's inquisitive mind. Solas, the apostate mage who kept her alive when the mark on her hand threatened to kill her, and whose wisdom she admired greatly.
Step. Step. Step.
Cassandra, the Seeker who, in spite of disagreeing with Saelyn's opinions, respected her enough to at least listen. Varric, the dwarf who was friend to everyone. Leliana, who would be happy to die for Saelyn, something Saelyn would never allow after watching once. Josephine, who treated her as though she were a sister, and was warm, friendly and caring. Cullen, the Templar who was as devoted to her as the others and didn't once deem her unworthy, even as a mage. Funny how she was remembering the humans now as her mind grew darker. Funny how she was referring to them in her head as 'human' rather than 'shemlen'. How they wormed their way into her heart in such a short time, she couldn't fathom.
Step. Step. Step.
The others she had just met- Dorian, Sera, The Iron Bull, Vivienne, Blackwall. She was sorry she wouldn't get to know them further.
Step. Step.
Blackwall. She could see his image now; that beard that could nearly pass for a dwarf's, slate blue eyes that were always haunted and sad, even when he smiled. How she secretly wanted to massage away the worry she saw there, to ease the , whenever she was able to chase the dark clouds from his eyes when he smiled at her, she felt her body warm in response.
Step. Step.
Blackwall had been quite responsive to her flirting, attempting to flirt back at times. She wondered if he flirted with her because, like Dorian, it was fun, or whether it was something more. And how it scared her and thrilled her when she thought it could be.
Step.
Tired. So very tired. She should sleep now.
Step.
As she fell to the ground, pillowed in the soft snow, her last thought was regret that she would never find out.
