They're collapsed on the bed, smooth light-brown and alabaster bodies entwined, creating such a contrast to the red, satin sheets clasping around their naked waists tightly, keeping them from moving away. Not a single atom can sliver through their fronts pressed together so tightly. The brunette won't allow it at all.
A night like this always ends just this way: they'll argue or drink too much, then they'll have sex for a few hours and lay in bed holding onto another even longer. Then on some occasions, they'll be lying on the couch and just make love the way real couples would and sometimes, Jade would stay the night. Sometimes.
Hell, Jade hates when Tori gets like this (or maybe—just maybe—she loves it too much). Just the way those pale, brown eyes are looking at her. It's too much. It makes her tingle all over and sends her heart lodged in her raw throat (from all the lovemaking noises that the girl reduced her to).
Their skin is covered with a sheen of sweat despite the cold weather outside of Tori's apartment in New York.
Yeah, she doesn't know how they got here, either. Tori's pursuing her music and Jade, Broadway. They're nowhere near where they want to be in their career, but they found this along the way. Tori reminds her nearly every time, that this is worth every struggle—that this is all she needs. But that scares Jade, entirely.
Tori will say it's love, but Jade won't even think of the word, although, she can say it's unlike anything she's ever felt, and she can also say that something like Tori will only come around maybe never again. She's terrified of her.
Especially when the girl starts to hum, her fingertips absently embedding her touches beneath her skin as they run down the ridges of her spine to the itty-bitty dimples on her lower back.
She knows this tune. Hell, she knows Tori's album by heart, especially because the girl gave her a copy and asked for her opinion. This is the one she kept on repeat.
Tori's stopped asking her a long time ago. What they were; if she's through seeing Beck on the side; and what this all meant to her. She was compliant and too damn sweet for her own good. It made it too easy for people to use her. Especially Jade. But it wasn't like that. She really lo—gives a shit about Tori.
Jade was grateful, but she knew Tori wanted an answer. She didn't speak verbally, just through body language. The questioning look in her hazel, doe-y eyes, the faint brush of her hand when they're in public—just pleading for her to take a hold of her hand, and the way she traces her stupid name on the small of her back over and over again with her legs locked around hers, keeping Jade from leaving.
But eventually she does. And then she finds herself at Beck's, trying to fuck Tori off of her, but it doesn't work because Tori's found a way to latch and thread herself onto Jade all over; her ribcage, her veins, all of it.
Now Tori's doing this thing she hates to admit that she really, really loves. The little Latina's presses little kisses down her throat to her chest, seeping the melody into her. They're lazy and tired, but what she's conveying is never any less.
Jade finds herself singing along in her head:
Rare is this love, keep it covered
I need you to run to me, run to me, lover
Run until you feel your lungs bleeding
But in this world
There is one lover worthy of her
With as many souls claimed as she.
She needs to get away. And quickly, she does. She pulls away from Tori's warmth, even though her body clearly doesn't want to, but like always, Tori lets her go. Not because she wants to, but because she knows forcing Jade to do anything will make her run the other way, faster.
And Jade hates her. She hates how understanding she is, she hates her stupid popsicle toes that brushes against her when they're cuddling in bed, she hates how loving and adorable she is. She absolutely hates feeling the same way about Tori.
Then there's Tori staring at the space in her bed where Jade's body has made a home there. Her chest is heavy and aching like it usually does and she's berating herself from taking it too far again. She'll never learn to be detached like Jade, or rather, from her.
She watches her dress as quick as she can. She knows it too well, so she sits up and hugs the covers to her body like Jade's never seen her bare at every angle. She's tired of the uncertainty. She's tired of guessing if Jade will ever come back again. So she gives it this once, this ultimatum. "I hate not knowing if you're going over to Beck's or someone else's to keep you company tonight. Or along the way, you'll stumble into the person you'll love for the rest of your life. So, I'm saying this once... The next time you come around, you're either going to tell me you're done with whatever arrangement we have or that you'll at least try this out with me. I know you don't like commitment or maybe you just don't want it with me, but there's a reason you keep finding me. Figure out why that is because I can't keep doing this when I'm not the only person you're seeing, Jade. You owe me that."
Tori looks at Jade, or rather, her back since the girl's done changing into her clothes. She's at least got Jade to listen, but she wonders if Jade will come back at all after this.
Jade doesn't know either, so she grabs her bag and opens the French doors to leave Tori in her bed again.
Lucy, Tori's stupid black and white lab, greets her at the door excitedly, jumping onto Jade as she pants, wanting to play, but she pushes her way before kneeling to scratch behind her ear. She came with when Tori rescued her, but now she's pretty big. "You know what to do," She whispers to the dog before she laps at her face and runs off to join Tori in bed, where her usual spot is. Then she's out the door in the freezing cold.
She doesn't know where she's going, but she keeps at it until her legs are tired.
Xx
Tori's lounging on her couch with Lucy on a stormy night, watching a film, but her mind is elsewhere. She thinks it's been about two months since she's last seen Jade or heard from her. Well, two months, two weeks and six days, but who's counting, right? It's the longest she and Jade have ever gone without seeing each other since they first reconnected three years ago.
Sure, it pains her (so much that she can hardly function most days), but it's for the best. Jade can go off wherever she likes with whomever she wants.
She was bitter for a long time, but now she only wishes Jade the best, since well, being with Tori wasn't what she wanted.
It's for the best.
She's fine. Completely fine.
Then there's a little knock at the door that she barely hears over the thunder, but she grabs her money for the Chinese delivery person and opens the barrier.
She's completely surprised with what she finds instead; a soaked, tired Jade leaning against the door frame, looking up at her with hooded, swollen eyes. She's drenched entirely, her clothes clinging onto her tiny form. Tori doesn't know what to say, but she does step aside to let the girl in. Like always.
Wordlessly, she walks to her bedroom to grab a pair of nightwear and a towel. She comes back with Jade absently petting a happy Lucy who's missed her companion.
Tori then strips Jade completely of her wet clothes, drying her off all the way and it's totally innocent. It worries her, kind of, because Jade's all kinds of limp and stumbling, so she helps her in dry clothes before laying her down by the fireplace, which does her well.
"Jade, you have a fever," Tori says, reprimanding the girl in a tone that's also worrying. She grabs a blanket and then another as she wraps it around the paler one, bundling her up in it. "Jesus, Jade." Tori sighs, hesitantly moving behind her to cover her up in body warmth. She's shivering and sniffling. "Why are you even here? It's been storming and you walked through the torrential downpour whilst sick."
Jade would roll her eyes if her body wasn't aching so much, but she probably did anyway. Her teeth are chattering too much to utter a word, so Tori walks into her kitchen to make Jade tea before grabbing medicine from the cabinet. It takes a bit for Jade to down the medicine, especially when she's feverish and grumpy(er), but Tori manages. Her fever has gone down, but it's still pretty high.
"You know why I'm here," It's a low, raspy voice and it nearly scared Tori because Jade has been quiet for so long, she thought the girl fell asleep.
She wishes Jade was asleep. That way they wouldn't have to have this conversation now. It already sounds awful. "Jade, please... We can talk about th—"
"—it's over," Jade finishes with a thick cough, trembling as she huddles closer to the fire. And then there's Tori pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose when it slides down from looking to the floor. Of course it hurts, even when she expected it. "It has been for a while."
At this point she regrets even giving Jade the option to come and tell her she's calling it quits. She'd kind of hoped Jade wouldn't come around at all. Her throat tightens a little and she nods, though Jade can't see since she's facing the fireplace. "Yeah..." She says, eyes brimming with thick tears. "Okay... We're done. I'm... Happy for you and Beck. I mean, it's been a long time coming, but it's meant to be, right? The whole breaking up and getting back together in high school. I get it. S-Sometimes you need other people to see what you've wanted was there all along. I... Yeah. Okay, Jade. We're over. I mean, it's over. "We're" kind of implies that we were something, but that's not..." Tori takes a deep breath, stopping herself from rambling, but it was the only way to keep herself from crumbling.
She scoots back a little away from Jade. It hurts touching her and it's just something she's not allowed to do anymore. Then she sees Jade rolling around to face her.
She looks away when Jade keeps those damn heavenly blue-green eyes on her. She's not that strong. She'll crumble in seconds. Watch.
"Friends?" Tori croaks out, looking at the fire crackling against the burnt wood.
Jade answers with a shake of her head and Tori's heart drops even further. "It's over. Between Beck and me. For a long time, you dork—" Jade finishes with the quick roll of her eyes. "You didn't let me finish. It's been over since we've started doing... Whatever we were doing. I only went back to him once when we first had sex. Then there was no one else but you, Vega."
"Oh..."
"You just... Ruined it for me. You ruined everyone else for me. Beck, the people I'd try to meet to get over you. You ruined it, you know?" Tori looks down, but Jade catches her chin with her cold hand, bringing their eyes to meet again. "There's no one else I want to see when I think ahead, Tori. I want those annoying cuddles in the kitchen, arguments in parking lots, sex on your ugly couch, pizza in the bathtub with you and even your stupid, smelly dog." Jade rolls her eyes for the third time when Lucy lets out a whine, but she's still perched on top of her and Tori like she thinks she's still a puppy.
Then there's Tori who's smiling like a buffoon, feeling her heart swell.
"It's you, Popsicle Toes," Jade says with a clogged up nose, sniffling a bit. Tori thinks she's still hallucinating, but it has to be true, right? "And I know I have plenty to prove to you, but I hope you let me. Is that alright? Can I love you again?"
Tori's eyebrows spike up slowly in surprise. Love? She thought she would be the one to say it first. Technically, Jade didn't say it, say it, but it's implied. "I... How do I know you'll do this when you're not talking from the high fever?"
Jade sighs, hugging Tori's tiny middle tightly as she rests her head on her chest. "Trust me. I'll remember. I've been thinking about it for a while. I was just terrified of all of this, but you were right all along. There's nothing like this. That leaping-off-a-cliff love, you know? And I'm not so scared anymore when I think about us together," Jade plays with the nimble fingers laced between hers as she plays with the girl's palm. "It won't be easy, but I promise you, I'm going to try all my might to show you how serious I am. Like super duper serious."
Tori laughs and it's a sight to Jade, the way her nose wrinkles and her eyes scrunches closed. It's always been there. Tori's always been there. It's been her all along. "Yeah, alright. If you're super duper serious, then we're going for it. I won't make it easy on you, West," Tori says, pointing her finger at Jade playfully and it's a breath of fresh air. They're at least trying to make something out of this. That's all she wanted, even if down the line it won't work. At least they tried. They can say that in the end.
Jade shakes her head, moving up to look at Tori, the very tip of their noses brushing. "Don't make it easy on me. I deserve that. 'M gonna show you how much I love you, Popsicle Toes," Jade mumbles sleepily, the medicine kicking in as her feet bumps against Tori's freezing one. Jesus, even when she's wearing socks, they're like icicles.
Tori's smiling, too wide for Jade's liking as she tries to lean in to kiss Jade, but the latter pulls away. "Uh-uh," She says. "You're gonna get sick and then I'd have to watch you," She says grumpily, her hands moving to cup Tori's hips.
"Shh, I'll take my chances. Don't fight it, Jade'ems."
"Vega."
"Shush, West," Tori smiles against Jade's lips, her fingers getting lost in dark black, damp tresses before she closes the tiny distance with a kiss. They lay like that on the living room floor by the fire with Lucy splayed on top of them for the rest of the night, even ignoring the Chinese food delivery guy.
