Disclaimer: The Hobbit, all characters, places, and related terms are the sole property of J. R. R. Tolkien's estate, and Warner Brothers, New Line Cinema, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and WingNut Films.

Author's Note: Fill for a prompt on the hobbit-kink meme.


Love Story

She approaches Ori because he seems the logical choice – knowledgeable, won't give her a hard time.

"Charm?" he echoes, blinking owlishly at her.

"Yes…," she responds. "How do dwarves charm one another, flirt?" She flushes. Farewell respectful Baggins, hello foolish Took!

"Flirt?!" now the scribe sounds scandalized while he rises from his desk. "Why, Bilbo, you needn't worry about that! No!"

Against her will, the hobbit's heart starts to beat harder. Hope creeps into her voice, "Oh?"

"Naturally!" Her friend beams broadly at her. "You two are way past that point," he chuckles. "Truly!" he adds when the lass simply stares at him.

"You know… We are? But he hasn't—" she splutters, surprised and confused.

The dwarf nods understandingly. "He actually is quite shy about such matters (though you'd never guess); hence his lack of verbal declarations. And we – the company, I mean to say – have known for ages how you feel about him; how you grew close to him, stood by him."

Shyly ducking her head, Bilbo quietly confesses, "He is worthy of trust and loyalty…of love."

Ori sighs dreamily. "Indeed! Your actions spoke for you: saving him time after time, comforting him, urging him not to lose hope, taking the Arkenstone to keep him safe. So romantic!" His hands flutter to rest on his chest.

The hobbit sighs with him, a smile spreading across her face. And he seemingly knows, accepts

"And the whole mountain knows about your epic love story!" the scribe gushes.

"Everyone! I don't understand why," Bilbo says hesitantly.

The dwarf waves away her concerns. "Word travels. Especially when it is epic," Ori replies, puffing up. "Don't worry. None will think of intruding on your love story."

"That's…a relief."


Despite her resolution Bilbo loses her nerve and ends up going to the next best person.

"Are all dwarven love stories considered epic?"

Dwalin huffs, a knowing glint shining in his eye. "Hardly, lass. Otherwise so many epic love tales would be viewed as dull."

Bilbo hums, her gaze following the captain of the guard's across the room to where his brother and cousin are talking in low tones. "So then…a dwarf and a hobbit," she mutters, watching the two.

"It makes for the most unique of love stories in dwarven memory. Your story will be remembered for countless generations, Miss Baggins."

Distracted and suppressing a dreamy grin, it takes her a second to properly focus on the tattooed dwarf and ask, "Why?"

He smiles behind his beard, but before he can reply Thorin calls for him. Bilbo can't hold back a sigh of disappointment at the interruption. Dwalin lingers for an instant.

"Many see your story as of love conquering all – cultural differences, dangers, betrayal, gold sickness, war… You and Thorin inspire hope. It shall be a pleasure to call you 'cousin.'"

Then he hurries to answer his king's summons, missing how Bilbo's jaw drops to the floor.


"So, everyone believes I'm in love with Thorin?" Bilbo asks not for the first time.

Gloin's eyebrows lift. Taking a deep breath, he answers as before: "The entire mountain knows you are head over heels for him, burglar."

Oh, bother!

"How? Why?" she demands, helplessly waves her hands in the air, looking as stunned and uncomprehending as when she first tracked down the redhead.

"True love conquers all," he proclaims as though it explains everything.

"But I didn't know—"

"Now you do," Gloin cuts in primly. "It adds to the epic-ness of your story, oblivious to your true feelings until now, happy ending."

"That is not wha—"

"And I shall simply say, since now you know where you are about: break Thorin's heart and you shall regret it."

Bilbo promptly swallows the words on the tip of her tongue. She is not in the mood to try his patience further by sharing her personal feelings about her place in this "epic story."


"Aye, here we are!" Bofur declares with a proud beam, stopping before a packed bookshelf.

"Impressive," the hobbit mutters with a nod. She then requests, pointing, "Would you be as kind as to get those books down for me, please?"

Within seconds Bofur pulls three large tomes off the high shelf and sets them on the table directed by his friend. He cocks his head as he reads the spines. "What do ye need those for, Bilbo? Books on courtship, love?"

She sits down and opens one book. "I need to know how to court, properly express my affections."

It has been over a week since her talk with Gloin, and the lass's self-restraint (holding her tongue, being polite, silently pining) she fears is nearing the breaking point. She's just about had enough of all this.

"Properly? But yer affections is well known, acknowledged, admired!"

"I know," she mumbles grumpily. "All the same, I wish to learn your customs and follow them."

"Ah!" Bofur grins with delight. "To declare yerself twice over! And silence any who might disapprove, ye are a genius, lassie!" His braids and the flaps of his furry hat bounce as he nods.

Somehow the Halfling resists the temptation to hit her head against the table and simply replies, "Thank you, Bofur."

"Yer and Thorin's love will be even more treasured by the dwarves because of that. Yer story shall be chronicled and remembered for centuries. Poets will write about it, songs shall be composed, and our craftsmen will recreate the epic of Thorin Oakenshield and Bilbo Baggins in the rock and gems of the mountain. And I shall make carvings of ye two!" he promises, swiftly leaving the library.

Silently Bilbo shakes her head, and then focuses back on the book. It is decided here and now: she is on a mission.


Five days later the lass's intent studying is interrupted by Fili, Kili, and Ori.

"Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo!" the younger prince loudly hails her.

She greets them, weary, "Hello, Kili, Ori, Fili."

"Guess what we are doing!" Fili says breathlessly.

"What?" she asks suspiciously.

"No need to look at us like that," Kili objects before grinning. "We are writing the 'Ballard of King Thorin Oakenshield and His Queen Bilbo Baggins.'"

A strange noise escapes the hobbit and her eyes widen as she clasps her hands to her mouth.

"We haven't gotten very far with it yet," Ori puts in. "But we wanted to share what we have with you!"

"Th-that is very thoughtful of you," the lass answers, an odd note in her voice. "However, there is no need for it."

"But your epic—"

Eyes slightly wild, Bilbo bursts out loudly, "There is no epic love story! I'm sorry! I am not in love with Thorin Oakenshield!"

The lads are flabbergasted.

"When you asked me about how dwarves flirt, I thought you meant Thorin!" Ori whispers.

"No! I had someone very different in mind."

Fili shakes his head. "Everything you did for uncle, it was obvious you loved him!"

"I did it all in friendship, nothing more. I had no idea whom you all believed I loved until recently. And…no. I do not desire for an epic love story, to be remembered for all time."

Her voice grows more high-pitched, long suppressed frustration in every word, "I am aware this is a shock. I ought to think how I'll break the news to everyone. Likely it will end up in pandemonium and awkwardness at the very least. Perhaps I'll be banished again. However, all I keep wondering about in the middle of this mess – have been for months – is whether or not Balin's beard is as soft as it looks! And I'll never be able to find out!"

The tense silence between the four (the dwarves gaping, the Halfling glaring) is broken by a throat clearing loudly. They whip their heads in time to see Balin appear from around a bookcase.

At the sight of the white-haired advisor all the frustration, annoyance, and disappointment drains out of Bilbo, leaving behind mortification and apprehension. What must Balin think, being twice insulted by her outburst!? (First, rejecting the match of herself and his cousin. Second, and far worse, by admitting she wishes to touch his beard (a huge no-no for non-family).) More importantly, what will he do?

Visibly the hobbit wilts as the dwarf draws near the table. While his expression is hard to read, a bright flush covers his face. Bilbo wishes the floor will swallow her up. Maybe he will let her down gently instead of turning all injured and furious. But that will not lessen the heartache…

"Well now," Balin begins to say, coming to stand beside and Halfling. (And she takes this as her cue to bore a hole into the table with her gaze, fighting back tears). "Aye, it is true we dwarves are very particular regarding our beards – how, when, and who touches them. But that is to say, my dear Bilbo, you never need to ask."

It is the unexpected endearment which causes the lass to jerk her head up and stare at the advisor. Next it takes several moments for the rest of his words to register, and then fear, awe, anxiety, half-frightened hope flash in her face. There is no hint of anger or jest in the look he gives her, steadily holding her gaze. Instead there is the infinite kindness, gentleness, and something like relief.

Oh, so then – oh.

"May I?" she says in a bare whisper.

His tone matches her, "Please."

Bilbo's hand trembles as she slowly reaches up, fingers (finally!) brushing through long fluffy white hair. It is unbelievably soft and light, she pets the beard again and again, awed delight glowing in her face. The lass blushes when she looks up and discovers Balin's fond, bashful expression, he melting under her touch. The dwarf wraps one arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side.

"So adorable!"

Kili's hushed words remind Bilbo and Balin they are not alone. The princes are observing them with bright smiles while Ori is sketching furiously. The advisor tightens his arm around the Halfling, an aura of possessiveness in the gesture, and she buries her red face in his chest with a squeak .

"My dear Bilbo," Balin whispers into her curls.

She grins. This ending she will take.

THE END