"Why are we even here, Raven? If I tried to pronounce the grades on my last few report cards I'd be stuck stutterin' FFFFFFFFFFFFF all day long," Eddie said, trying desperately to plead with Raven as they were guided through the halls of Pacific Coast Academy. "I can't get into PCA."

Chelsea nodded absently beside him. "Yeah, Ray, I'm not doin' so hot in that department either. In fact, I'm pretty much ice cold."

Raven hung back and let the rest of the tour group move forward so she could talk to her friends more privately. "Guys, trust me. We can do this. Or do you want to be stuck in some stuffy room for hours on end? It's beautiful out here." As they continued, an attractive male student may have glanced at Raven. "Beautiful."

"Actually, Ray, how do you plan on getting in?" Chelsea asked. "Last time I checked, you could see the future, not control it."

"I had a vision, guys, trust me, it'll all work out. Just listen to the dumb tour guide, okay?"

The group of possible new students quieted down as their guide began to speak. "Hey, everybody, I'm Michael and I'll be your dumb tour guide for the day," he said as he ran his hand along his close-cropped hair. Raven hid her face in embarrassment.

"Hey, Ray, he's kind of cute," Chelsea decided. "Right, Eddie?"

"Man, how am I supposed to know? He is one of the few people here that's our shade, so he's got that goin' for him, I guess."

Michael continued, "I'm just here 'cause the Dean's a bit tied up right now."

He is cute, Raven thought as he spoke. In a goofy kind of way.

A guy standing with a blonde girl near Michael chimed in. "He's a busy man."

"I know, right?" Michael agreed, before doing a double-take. "Wait, do you two even go here?"

"Not yet, but we will soon," said the blonde as she thrust he hand forward. "I'm Lily, and this is my friend Oliver."

Michael smiled awkwardly and shook it. "Well, I'm sure PCA will be very happy to have you, if you make it in."

"When we make it in," Lily said, not letting go.

Oliver stepped between them. "I'm her friend."

Lily leaned into Oliver and whispered, "You have to be super confident at these things," as if she was imparting some great wisdom onto him.

Michael then noticed Dean Rivers walking down the steps toward them. "Looks like you're doing a good job here, Michael, although I would have preferred you move them past the entrance to the school."

"Sorry, sir, I got distracted. So... can I go now?"

The Dean waved him off. "Sure, sure, go play with your technology and your color televisions and what-have-you."

Michael bolted away, but not before throwing a wink at Raven.

"Let's continue, or should I say 'start,' the tour."


"Have you ever noticed that they put the word tomato before ketchup on ketchup bottles?" Robbie said.

Beck stared at him blankly. "Terrible."

Robbie sighed loudly. "Oh come on, that was a good one!"

"Listen, Robbie, you're never going to get a girl interested in you by talking about condiments."

Rex's head swiveled on Robbie's arm. "Yeah, maybe you should bring out the big guns; utensils."

Beck and Robbie were sitting in the popular restaurant Nozu. It was near lunch time, but the patrons were few. When a girl walked over to their table, Beck figured it was a waitress. "Yeah, I'll have two Alaska Rolls and a Wahoo Punch in a can, please."

"I'm not a waitress."

"She probably came over here to talk to me," Robbie whispered to Rex.

"Psh," Rex began, "We may as well have stuck a fork in you years ago, you don't got no play, mop-head."

"I don't care what you say, I'm gonna take a spoonful of courage and talk to her."

"All this utensil banter is making me feel more uncool by the second."

Beck turned back to them. "You know we can hear you, right? We've literally been waiting for you to stop talking."

"Oh, sorry..."

The girl smiled. "I actually did come over to talk to you."

"Really?"

"Yes, silly! My name's Quinn."

"I'm Robbie."

"I gathered that."

"I'm Rex, his better half."

Quinn pulled Rex from Robbie's arm and flung him to the side, which ended up putting him on a path for the girl's restroom. "Vulgar puppets disturb me." One of her hands still held Robbie's arm. She looked at his fingernails and then brought them closer to her face until Robbie was stretched over the table. "What amazing cuticles!"

"Thanks, I spent all yesterday at the nail salon."

Beck shook his head. "Of course you did."

"Do you think I could examine you?" Quinn asked excitedly.

"Yes... yes you could." Robbie said and lifted himself up. "Let me just go get Rex." Robbie placed his hands over his eyes before blindly walking into the girl's room.

A few moments later there was a scream and a girl yelled, "Get your hands off me!"

"I'm sorry! Your skin's just so dry, like a puppet's. It confused me!"

Slap.


Dustin Brooks sat in his seat and gazed at the other students. I shouldn't even be here, he thought. If only PCA hadn't gotten rid of the lower grades so they could let in more high school students. This is so lame.

"Okay everyone, if you'd please take your seats. Welcome to West Hollywood Middle School." Dustin forgot to pay attention as the woman in the front of the class told them her name and tried to outline what they'd be doing that year. The other kids were definitely making it difficult for her.

A girl with black hair who was sitting in the front row raised her hand.

"Yes...?" The teacher checked her seating chart. "Megan?"

Megan stood as she answered. "How long do you think you'll last?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how long do you think you'll last teaching in this classroom?" She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "Keeping in mind that I've booby trapped the top drawer of your desk."

The teacher cocked her head to the side and backed up to her desk. "Well, someone certainly has an overactive imagination." Her brow furrowed as she slowly slid the top drawer of her desk open. "Whew. I plan," she began and sat down. "To 'last' the entire..." She trailed off as her eyes began to roll and she collapsed to the floor.

"And by 'top drawer of your desk,'" said Megan, "I meant 'seat of your chair.'" Megan moved to the front of the room and stood atop the teacher's desk. "I am the Queen of this public middle school classroom! You are my subjects."

A blond boy near the back raised his hand. Megan called on him, first mimicking the teacher by checking the seating chart. "Yes, Zack?" She then ripped the chart in half.

"Since my brother Cody and I are twins, can he pull double subject-duty for the both of us? I would much rather sit back here and play videogames."

Another blond boy, near the front and obviously Zack's brother, turned to face him. "Zack, shut up! Like you even have the higher brain functions necessary to turn a videogame on."

"Stop your bickering!" Megan commanded. "Now, who has an offering for their Queen?" She lowered herself until she sat on the desk, her feet dangling over the edge. "I'm waiting."

A black boy came up to her and shakily handed her a handful of bills. "I'm Cory. Nice to meet you."

Megan smiled at him as she took the money and counted it. "Cool. You get the esteemed reward of being my Number Two."

"Ha, Number Two," said a kid with a chuckle as he pointed at Cory.

"Be quiet, Guppy."