Hitomebore

By Fruitful Action

Summary: A young Naruto wants to know what Love is. He begins to learn from a very unlikely source.

AN: This started out as a 'How Naruto got his Healing Powers from Kyuubi' story. Obviously, the two weren't very interested in that. This is really supposed to be a one shot, but... if enough people like it, I might be convinced to add more to it. No real warnings, except for general young!Naruto angst. Translations are at the bottom of the page. And if you spot any mistakes, please let me know!

Hitomebore means 'to be taken with someone at first sight'. It's similar to 'love at first sight' but not as strong. This is not a KyuuNaru fic! (more like brother!kyuubi) but I suppose you could take it that way...

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Kyuubi-no-Kitsune was a creature of legend. A god and a demon. A mighty beast wielding tremendous power. One whose nine tails were painstakingly earned and nurtured and developed over the course of a thousand years. He was a being of fire: a flesh and blood embodiment of the most destructive element in nature. He was strength, and life, and survival! He was invincible in the most terrifying and permanent of ways.

And he was stuck.

He was stuck behind gates of gold that flashed and winked at him in a manner that reminded him of that obscenely obstinate human who had put him there. In a cage that did nothing to alleviate the feel of cool, slimey, 36 degree temperatures. A cage that felt like an insulting attempt at recreating a den—as if humans could conceive of all the warmth and earth and air and life that went into the making of any respectable den. This was a place of smooth, sloping walls: a nearly perfect sphere interrupted only by a flat floor that didn't allow any nooks for stretching or dips for curling in. There was not much light to speak of either, unless he provided it for himself; but that only encouraged the twinkling of those blasted bars.

He hated those bars.

The gates were structured in such a human fashion. So symmetrical and aligned and ordered and unnatural! They were an eyesore that he would prefer to turn his back on. Unfortunately, no amount of shoulder ramming, head butting, or chewing could dent the monstrosities. And he had discovered early on that trying to burn his way out only wasted his energy. Time had not taken pity on him; the sealing was powerful and as his living cage aged, it also strengthened.

So, resigning himself to his fate, he had settled himself into the uncomfortable niche of a child's soul, drawing his energies back jealously in preparation for a long, long, sleep.

The fates curse him should he ever provide help for any prideful human...

-... - ... - ... - ... - ... -

And the great beast slept, doing his best to ignore the turmoil that had already begun to warp and strangle the gentle casing of a pure soul.

-... - ... - ... - ... - ... -

Six year old Uzumaki Naruto knew he was different from other kids. Other kids his age had Mommies and Daddies. A pair of adults that would hug them and kiss their boo-boos better. A woman who smiles and laughs and tells them how much she loves them. A man who picks them up and gives them piggy-back rides and tells them how proud he is of them. A lot of kids his age had older Brothers and Sisters who would play with them, and share secrets with them, and show them all the best hiding places for a game of hide-and-seek. And all the other kids his age had friends. They were all friends with each other, and played those games that their Brothers and Sisters taught them and pretended to be just like their Moms or Dads.

But little six year old Naruto was different. He didn't have a Mommy. Or a Daddy. He didn't have a Brother or a Sister. Some days he thought he had friends. He'd go out to the playground and meet someone new. They would smile at him and he would ask them to play. A lot of the times it was great fun, but then someone would notice. Usually it was the Mommy that ran over and scooped up Naruto's new friends. It was frightening whenever a Daddy came to take them away. But sometimes, someone neither Naruto nor his new friend knew would march over and scold them for talking to him.

He didn't really think he was allowed to have friends.

After a while, he had stopped approaching the other kids. Instead, he would watch them. He would watch them play their games, and sometimes—like today, as he sat on his lonely swing—he would close his eyes and pretend he was playing right along with them. But he didn't do that often. Because when he opened his eyes again, his chest would feel tight, and his eyeswouldsting,and it got hardtobreathe.Breathe!

He gasped and choked a little. Tiny shoulders shook and Little Naruto squeezed his eyes shut again to ward off the hot, stinging tears just behind his lids. It didn't work very well.

He had always known that he was missing something. Watching all the other kids his age always reminded him that he was different.

He didn't really mind that he didn't have a Mommy, or a Daddy, or any Brothers or Sisters. He was pretty sure he could live without friends. (He had made it this far with only his mean old Nannies, right? And even they didn't always come around to see him.) But... there was something. He knew there was something else that those other kids had. Something he couldn't see. Slowly, he rocked his swing back and forth with his toes.

Something he didn't have...

"What is it...?" he wondered.

Love, Ienakiko(1)... You are thinking about Love.

Naruto closed his eyes again and started to swing for real. That Voice was back. He wasn't sure when it first started talking to him, but it never sounded happy to be around. Usually it sounded like old Shunkan-babaa(2) (his latest nanny) whenever he accidentally woke her up. It was always funny to little Naruto—because the Voice was deep and rumbly and silly when he pictured it coming out of the old woman's thin lips—but he never dared laugh. His Voice was the closest thing to a friend he had; while it didn't speak to him a lot, and definitely didn't like him, it was a constant, and that was good enough for Naruto.

"Love?" he questioned.

Whenever his Voice woke up, Naruto ended up learning something. His Voice reminded him often that the only reason it explained things was to inform him of his stupidity. But Naruto always had to ask—his Voice didn't volunteer answers, and most of the time it wouldn't answer his questions right anyway.

Yes.

"What's that?"

He hoped his Voice would be a little nicer today; he really wanted to know what it was the other kids had. Was there a way for him to get it too? This Love? Was it some kind of food?

His Voice scoffed. It is not food, Ienakiko.

Naruto smiled a little. His Voice always seemed to know what he was thinking.

"If it's not food, then what is it?"

He waited for a while. His Voice was silent. Naruto wasn't worried though. Sometimes his Voice would go away after he asked a question and come back later with a weird answer. Naruto liked to pretend that his Voice had to leave to find the answer first. Someplace like the big library he passed everyday on his way to school. Maybe there were other invisible people like his, and there was a whole other world filled with Voices who helped people. Naruto liked to think that his Voice went out of its way to find the answers to his questions. That he was special enough for His Voice to get help from other Voices. That's right! His Voice would leave for a while, and go to a big invisible library. It would be so big that his Voice would have to get other Voices to help it find just the right answer for Naruto. Because the library for invisible people would have the answers to everything! So it would take a while to find the right answer for his question.

Naruto giggled a little. Swinging had dried the few tears that had escaped not so long ago, and he felt much better now. It was nearly summer, so the day was bright and warm—perfect for a kid like him who absolutely hated staying inside. There was no reason to be unhappy, he told himself. He could have fun by himself, and with his Voice, when it came back.

-... - ... - ... - ... - ... -

There was no sign of his Voice's return until much later, after Shunkan-babaa had scolded him for making her wait and coming home dirty. Naruto had thought about asking her what Love was, but the nasty look she sent him when he opened his mouth convinced him otherwise. She had stayed in the kitchen as he got ready for bed, and as soon as he announced that he was finished, she was gone.

So it was, that little Naruto had to fix his own dinner (milk and the last of the cold, sticky rice from a small cooker a mystery person had left him not so long ago) and go to bed. There was no one to tuck him in, or tell him a story, or simply wish him good night and sweet dreams. But Naruto didn't miss these things, because he didn't know that they existed. He just knew that something was still missing as he climbed underneath the covers, and he had a feeling that it had everything to do with the Love-thing that his Voice had mentioned.

The reminder of Love disturbed Naruto. His Voice hadn't returned at all today. It had been many hours since he had first asked his questions; much much longer than it usually took his Voice to come back. Had he made it angry? Was it awful of him to ask about Love? Naruto had been yelled at before for asking 'rude' questions. Had he done that again?

Naruto curled around his pillow and mournfully stared at the paint peeling from the wall.

"Kogoetchi..."

Ienakiko.

But Naruto was sure he had imagined that. Once a friend left, they never came back—this he knew for certain. And his Voice; his Kogoetchi(3) had definitely left.

"I'm sorry..." he whimpered. He hadn't meant to anger his Kogoetchi. He knew he was stupid, and said things he shouldn't, and caused everyone a lot of problems. He knew that he didn't know when to shut up, and that he didn't know how to keep a friend, but... But... "Please don't be angry with me. I'm sorry." He certainly hadn't expected to get a response.

What in the name of Oinari-sama are you babbling about?

He was almost afraid to respond—terrified that if he did, Kogoetchi would leave again.

Ienakiko... You are so stupid.

Naruto nodded into his pillow. Yes, he was very stupid. It was stupid of him to ask about love and make Kogoetchi angry, and he resolved never to ask about it again.

Oh, for the love of—I am not angry with you.

Not angry?

No.

Then why...?

There was silence for a little while. Naruto was about to apologize again, when his Voice spoke again.

That word... you have called me that before. Why?

He sat up a little bit, so he could breathe. He didn't dare look away from the wall, because it was dark now and if he looked out into his room he would get frightened, and big boys weren't supposed to be afraid of the dark.

"Called you what before?"

More silence. Accusing this time.

"Kogoetchi?"

Naruto thought hard about the question. He hadn't really noticed when he started calling his Voice 'Kogoetchi', but he supposed it was because he didn't know his friend's real name.

You would not be able to pronounce it. Kogoetchi declared firmly. Naruto believed it.

"Then you will be my Kogoetchi, ne?" Naruto was happy that his friend wasn't too upset over it.

I cannot be your voice, Ienakiko. You have your own.

Naruto wasn't sure if his Voice was joking or not, but he decided against that, as Kogoetchi had never joked before. "I know that," he said "but you're a voice that only I can hear. So you're my Kogoetchi."

It was a child's logic, and 'Kogoetchi' couldn't argue with it. So it was silent again.

Naruto got himself comfortable, cheered that his friend wasn't angry with him. He was so happy about it, that he felt a little more courage than usual around the Voice, and decided to ask his questions again.

"Ne, Kogoetchi..." he waited to see if he would be snapped at. It had happened once before when he tried to talk to his Voice late one night.

There was an irritated grunt in return, which was as much incentive as the child was going to get.

"Can- can you tell me about Love now?"

His eyes were closed, but Naruto could swear he felt fingers comb through his hair. These phantom feelings were a fairly recent occurrence, but they had stopped startling him. The way he figured, if it was dangerous, Kogoetchi would call him stupid and tell him to stop relaxing into it.

Ko-chan...(4)

Naruto wrinkled his nose. Like any self-respecting six-year-old, he was quite sure that he wasn't a child.

Love is... complicated.

He pouted. This was going to be one of those not-answers that only confused him more. He knew it. Naruto felt a sharp little rap over his head that he knew came from Kogoetchi, and smiled a little in apology. He giggled at the haughty sniff he received for his troubles.

It is not food. Kogoetchi said with amusement. It is an emotion, like happiness and anger.

Naruto 'ohh'ed in an appropriate expression of pretend understanding.

Kogoetchi sighed. It is what kits like you feel for their parents.

This saddened Naruto. He didn't have parents to feel... Love... for. Did that mean he was doomed to never feel it?

No. You are so stupid, Ienakiko. There are different kinds of love.

"Different kinds?" he whispered.

Mm-hmm. Naruto felt a ghostly weight settle on his blanket-covered shoulder. There is love for family. Love for friends. Love for pets. Love for items. Love for activities. Love for... well. You do not need to worry about that kind of love yet.

Naruto thought over this very seriously. There were so many different kinds. His Kogoetchi was so smart to know all this...

"What," he ventured, "what does Love feel like?"

His Voice was silent for a while. But he knew it wasn't gone, because the weight was still there.

When Kogoetchi spoke again, it was with an odd kind of hesitance. Ko-chan... Love Is not something that can be... described. But...

Naruto waited patiently. His Voice had never sounded like that before. It was a very curious thing, and it made him feel a little anxious.

I could... show you. I could show you what love feels like. If you would let me.

-... - ... - ... - ... - ... -

The smile that spread across Naruto's face could light up the night faster than the sunrise, and 'Kogoetchi' knew he wouldn't regret his decision.

-... - ... - ... - ... - ... -

Extra Notes:

(1) Ienakiko - archaic word meaning 'homeless child'. Kyuubi isn't exactly complimentary, but Naruto doesn't know what the name means anyway.

(2) Shunkan - cold weather in early spring. -babaa - old woman; hag. A fitting name for the nasty old woman.

(3) Kogoetchi - 'Kogoe' means voice. The ending 'tchi' is an alternate romanization that comes from the informal (and very cutesy) suffix -chii

(4) Ko-chan - 'ko', when used here, means 'child'- as in the young of an animal. Naruto is essentially being called 'Kit'.