the love we deserve
.
sometimes you think you are but a
porcelain doll
covered in too bright ink
to hide the c/r/i/s/s-c\r\o\s\s map
of [scars] beneath
(one day you'll crack
and who will be there to catch you then?)
.
you smile oh-so-prettily
to keep your mouth from screaming
and redred lips leave
traces of crimson in the air
(guilt and hate and fucked-up emptiness
cause you don't know who you are,
don't you, child?)
.
everyone knows you, though,
you're the daughter of the chosen one,
didn't you know
hero and saviour
(and br/ok\en child)
you see him smiling at the
[cupboard under the stairs]
he turns and says
all is well
(and you wonder what else he is lying about)
.
jamie promises it doesn't matter
you've got him and al
and no one else is
~important~
enough for you to care
(still he comes home drunk and desperate)
((and when he falls into your arms
you don't tell him sweet [lies],
you just count another crack))
.
al laughs about you
(bloody gryffindors, he drawls)
your paint is fading
go and get whole again
before the world sees who we are
(he never had problems with masks, had he?
slytherin taught him well,
or maybe it was your parents,
never being whole themselves)
.
remember that diary your mother burned?
(you heard her ~screaming~ that night
and you never dared to ask
what she dreamed about)
part of you turned to b.i.t.t.e.r ash with it
but you were glad
(because no one can find your secrets
when they're [dead] and gone)
.
and you started burning all the things
you cared about
(that necklace from aunt luna, to keep the nargles at bay,
that photo of teddy and you, smiling innocently,
that first broom, that let you feel free)
it didn't help at all, did it
darling girl?
.
that's when jamie introduces you to
firewhiskey
you gotta burn the [roots], after all,
to keep the weeds from returning
(you ask if it helps,
he laughs
whatever does?)
.
potter
(that's a curse
you'll never escape from)
you will never be just lily
the girl with the flaming hair
and killing-curse-green eyes
(you hated how they had a free place for you
at the gryffindor table
before you were even sorted,
cause, surely, there wouldn't be another
[mistake]
like al)
.
you never thought you were b.r.a.v.e
but reckless,
oh dear
(ms. potter, the forest is ~forbidden~ for a reason;
that broom isn't made for such stunts;
sneaking out of school to get drunk;
midnight duels)
stupidrashreckless
then you wear your most
[innocent] smile
and flash your name at them
(and all is well)
.
your mum is ever so disappointed
(but she shakes her head and keeps up her strained smiles)
and your dad is clue/less
(but he loves you so much and that's more important than anything else)
and uncle ron thinks it's hilarious
(but he's secretly glad hugo and rose aren't as fucked up)
and aunt hermione always offers to talk
(as if talking has ever made anything better)
.
teddy holds you at arm's length
taking in the [shadows] under your eyes
and the half-ripped clothes
and – is that a tattoo on your shoulder-blade?
(he sighs and smiles and hugs you tightly
and he doesn't say a word)
he understands
(and goes back to hiding behind his own masks)
.
somehow you manage to get through school
and stand before the great
[nothing]
that is your life
(and you don't bother anymore,
you just wink at the reporters
and order a new bottle of odgen's finest)
.
in the mornings
when jamie reads the new
title story of
chosen children wasting away
potter kids going dark
snickering and already done with another couple of glasses
you grin and think
[all is well]
.
and your are but a porcelain doll
so very ~fragile~
and covered in cracks
one day it will be too much
and you will shatter into a
million little pieces
(and isn't that what you were waiting for
all along?)
Review please? Thanks for reading!
